1 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,759 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,800 ( cheering, whistle tweeting on TV ) 3 00:00:10,801 --> 00:00:12,011 - OH, THREE-POINTER! WE GOT IT! - YES! 4 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,933 WE'RE UP BY SIX NOW. WE'RE UNSTOPPABLE! 5 00:00:13,934 --> 00:00:15,685 WHY DO GUYS SAY "WE" WHEN THEY WATCH SPORTS? 6 00:00:15,686 --> 00:00:17,687 I MEAN, WOMEN DON'T WATCH THE CHEERLEADERS AND SAY, 7 00:00:17,688 --> 00:00:20,690 "UH, WE ARE SUCH AWESOME DANCERS." 8 00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,692 SPEAKING OF AWESOME DANCERS... 9 00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:24,814 CHECK OUT THE POM-POMS ON THAT ONE. 10 00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:27,608 OH MY GOD, DUDE, SHE IS SO... 11 00:00:28,819 --> 00:00:29,780 NOT MY TYPE. 12 00:00:30,911 --> 00:00:33,533 OH, MAN, IT IS SO NICE I CAN ADMIT 13 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,034 THAT I FIND OTHER WOMEN ATTRACTIVE AGAIN. 14 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,826 - ( slightly chuckles ) - IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU'RE MARRIED, 15 00:00:36,827 --> 00:00:39,419 YOU HAVE TO PRETEND THAT YOUR SEX DRIVE DIED... 16 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:41,791 ALONG WITH ALL YOUR OPINIONS. 17 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,793 GEE, CHARLIE, 18 00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:46,005 IT IS SUCH A MYSTERY HOW YOUR MARRIAGE DIDN'T SURVIVE. 19 00:00:46,006 --> 00:00:47,507 I'M TELLING YOU, MAN, 20 00:00:47,508 --> 00:00:50,430 GETTING DIVORCED WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. 21 00:00:50,431 --> 00:00:52,262 DIVORCE WAS PRETTY GOOD FOR ME TOO, BUDDY. 22 00:00:52,263 --> 00:00:53,264 ( chuckles ) 23 00:00:54,885 --> 00:00:56,976 OTHERWISE, I NEVER WOULD HAVE MET YOU, RIGHT, HONEY? 24 00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:58,888 RIGHT... 25 00:00:58,889 --> 00:01:00,850 HEY, MEL, YOU KNOW, BACK IN BUSINESS SCHOOL, 26 00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:03,233 JOE HERE USED TO HAVE, LIKE, A DIFFERENT CHICK EVERY NIGHT. 27 00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:05,235 - WELL... ( chuckles ) - HIS BUSINESS WAS BOOMING. 28 00:01:05,236 --> 00:01:07,026 - RIGHT? - YEAH. 29 00:01:07,027 --> 00:01:08,238 I'M SURPRISED HE GAVE THAT UP. 30 00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:10,110 WELL, YOU KNOW, BEING WITH ME IS LIKE 31 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:11,491 BEING WITH A DIFFERENT WOMAN EVERY NIGHT. 32 00:01:11,492 --> 00:01:14,655 OH, YEAH. HORMONAL THING, RIGHT? 33 00:01:15,956 --> 00:01:19,999 IT SO LUCKY FOR US WOMEN THAT YOU ARE BACK ON THE MARKET. 34 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,701 ( theme music playing ) 35 00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:23,082 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 36 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,874 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 37 00:01:24,875 --> 00:01:26,626 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 38 00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,508 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 39 00:01:28,509 --> 00:01:29,969 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 40 00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:32,262 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 41 00:01:32,263 --> 00:01:33,803 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 42 00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:36,596 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 43 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:39,600 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 44 00:01:41,932 --> 00:01:42,853 HEY. 45 00:01:42,854 --> 00:01:44,484 MORNING, JOE. 46 00:01:44,485 --> 00:01:46,276 MORNING, MEL. OH, HEY, UM... 47 00:01:46,277 --> 00:01:49,489 SO, LOOK, SINCE YOU'RE GONNA BE GOING TO THIS MUSEUM WORK THING TONIGHT, 48 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,110 I THINK I'M GONNA GO HIT UP A COUPLE OF BARS WITH CHARLIE. 49 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,942 OHH, SO YOU'RE GOING BAR-HOPPING 50 00:01:52,943 --> 00:01:54,234 WITH YOUR HORNDOG PAL. 51 00:01:54,235 --> 00:01:56,536 ARE YOU GONNA GET THERE IN TIME FOR SLEAZY HOUR 52 00:01:56,537 --> 00:01:58,328 OR IS THAT JUST WHAT THEY CALL IT WHEN CHARLIE GETS THERE? 53 00:01:58,329 --> 00:02:00,580 I'M TRYING TO BE A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND HERE, HONEY. 54 00:02:00,581 --> 00:02:02,081 HE ASKED ME TO BE HIS WINGMAN, I'M GONNA GO. 55 00:02:02,082 --> 00:02:03,793 TALK HIM UP TO THE LADIES, YOU KNOW, MAKE HIM LOOK GOOD. 56 00:02:03,794 --> 00:02:06,005 THAT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT OF TALKING. 57 00:02:06,006 --> 00:02:07,207 YOU REALLY WANNA DO THIS? 58 00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:08,668 WHAT'S THE MATTER? HUH? 59 00:02:08,669 --> 00:02:09,839 YOU DON'T TRUST ME AT A BAR? 60 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,461 OF COURSE I TRUST YOU. 61 00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,052 I JUST DON'T TRUST CHARLIE. 62 00:02:13,053 --> 00:02:15,014 BUT, YOU KNOW... FINE, YOU CAN GO. 63 00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:17,387 OH, SO I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION? 64 00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:19,809 WELL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE, SWEETIE. 65 00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:22,892 BECAUSE AS WE BOTH KNOW, I TRUST YOU. 66 00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,354 THANK YOU. MWAH. 67 00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:25,395 - HAVE FUN. - ( laughs ) 68 00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:26,396 BUT YOU DON'T MEAN THAT, DO YOU? 69 00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:27,898 - NOT AT ALL. - OKAY. 70 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,982 THEN SIMONE DE BEAUVOIR TELLS CASSANDRA THAT 71 00:02:32,983 --> 00:02:35,074 HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE MERELY JUST 72 00:02:35,075 --> 00:02:38,278 A SOCIETAL CONSTRUCT OF THE PATRIARCHY. 73 00:02:38,279 --> 00:02:39,950 SURE, I CAN ANIMATE THAT. 74 00:02:40,781 --> 00:02:41,911 SPEAKING OF HETEROSEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS, 75 00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,203 HOW'S YOURS GOING? 76 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,874 YOU, UH, HANGING OUT WITH EMERSON THIS WEEKEND? 77 00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:45,786 WE BROKE UP. 78 00:02:45,787 --> 00:02:47,587 ( gasps ) 79 00:02:47,588 --> 00:02:48,788 DON'T LOOK SURPRISED. 80 00:02:48,789 --> 00:02:50,420 RYDER TOLD ME THAT HE TOLD YOU. 81 00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,793 OH, YEAH, IT'S ALL COMING BACK TO ME NOW. 82 00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:55,715 THERE IT IS! ANYHOO... 83 00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:58,508 ORIGINALLY, WE BROKE UP 'CAUSE OF THE WHOLE LONG-DISTANCE THING, 84 00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,930 BUT WE'RE SHORT-DISTANCE NOW... 85 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:01,852 LIKE TWO FEET. 86 00:03:03,894 --> 00:03:05,515 - SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS? - OKAY. 87 00:03:05,516 --> 00:03:07,016 ZANDER, NO. 88 00:03:07,017 --> 00:03:08,808 I'M JUST NOT FOCUSED ON BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP 89 00:03:08,809 --> 00:03:09,899 RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW? 90 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,731 I NEED TO WIDEN MY HORIZONS, 91 00:03:11,732 --> 00:03:13,022 AND YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME. 92 00:03:13,023 --> 00:03:14,314 EXPAND YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS 93 00:03:14,315 --> 00:03:16,816 BEYOND, YOU KNOW, ME. 94 00:03:16,817 --> 00:03:18,948 FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I AM EXPANDING MY CIRCLE. 95 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,661 I'M SEEING A HOUSE-SHARE ON EMMYLOU'S LIST TOMORROW. 96 00:03:21,662 --> 00:03:22,782 TWO STUDENTS NEED A THIRD ROOMMATE, 97 00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:25,376 AND THAT WOULD EXPAND MY CIRCLE BY TWO. 98 00:03:26,537 --> 00:03:28,498 EMMYLOU'S LIST? ISN'T THAT THAT SITE 99 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,290 THAT HAD THE SERIAL CANNIBAL MURDERER 100 00:03:30,291 --> 00:03:31,671 EATING EVERYBODY? 101 00:03:31,672 --> 00:03:34,043 NAH, THAT'S AN URBAN LEGEND. 102 00:03:34,044 --> 00:03:35,795 NO. NO, IT'S NOT. 103 00:03:35,796 --> 00:03:39,008 THIS GUY WOULD POST THAT HE NEEDED ROOMMATES, RIGHT? 104 00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:41,180 AND WHEN THE FRESH-FACED STUDENT SHOWED UP FOR THE INTERVIEW, 105 00:03:41,181 --> 00:03:44,054 HE'D EAT THEIR FRESH FACES. 106 00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,306 GOOD LUCK APARTMENT-HUNTING. 107 00:03:46,307 --> 00:03:47,727 - RYDER! - HEY! OKAY! 108 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,228 I'M SORRY. I'M SURE NOT EVERYONE 109 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,523 WHO HAS A ROOM FOR RENT WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE. 110 00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:55,985 SO ABOUT THAT THING TOMORROW... 111 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,947 IT'S MORE OF LIKE AN INTERVIEW, SO MAYBE, 112 00:03:57,948 --> 00:03:58,859 YOU WANNA COME WITH ME. 113 00:03:58,860 --> 00:04:01,070 YOU KNOW? TALK ME UP, MAKE ME LOOK GOOD. 114 00:04:01,071 --> 00:04:03,454 AND CALL THE POLICE IF SOMEONE TRIES TO BAKE YOU IN A PIE. 115 00:04:04,825 --> 00:04:05,955 NO, THAT'S SILLY... 116 00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,418 YOU'RE COMING, THOUGH, RIGHT? 117 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,962 ( dance music playing ) 118 00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:15,796 THE POND IS WELL STOCKED TONIGHT. 119 00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:20,430 WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HER? 120 00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:21,801 SHE WAS LOOKING AT YOU. 121 00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:23,883 IN FACT, EVERY WOMAN WHO'S HERE BY HERSELF 122 00:04:23,884 --> 00:04:25,054 IS JUST GONNA WANT TO TALK TO YOU. 123 00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:27,647 - ( sighs ) - YOU'RE TOO DAMN GOOD LOOKING. 124 00:04:27,648 --> 00:04:30,229 IT CAN BE A CURSE. 125 00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:31,651 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 126 00:04:31,652 --> 00:04:32,982 THE TWO-ON-ONE IS NOT GONNA WORK. 127 00:04:32,983 --> 00:04:33,814 NEW STRATEGY. 128 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,986 WE TRY THE PICK-OFF, ALL RIGHT? 129 00:04:36,987 --> 00:04:38,738 UM... LOOK AT THOSE TWO. 130 00:04:38,739 --> 00:04:40,530 I TAKE THE BRUNETTE, YOU TAKE THE REDHEAD. 131 00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,821 DIVIDE AND CONQUER. 132 00:04:41,822 --> 00:04:43,202 WAIT WAIT WAIT. 133 00:04:43,203 --> 00:04:44,784 I'M JUST REALLY HERE TO TALK YOU UP TO THE LADIES. 134 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,616 I'M NOT HERE TO CONQUER ANYTHING MYSELF. 135 00:04:46,617 --> 00:04:47,867 NO, AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 136 00:04:47,868 --> 00:04:49,999 JUST PEEL THAT ONE AWAY SO I CAN TALK TO THE BRUNETTE. 137 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,461 YEAH, BUT WHAT IF SHE GETS TOO INTERESTED? 138 00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:53,623 WHEN LADIES START TALKING TO THIS... 139 00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,174 IT HAPPENS. 140 00:04:55,175 --> 00:04:56,966 COME ON. IT'S JUST FLIRTING. 141 00:04:56,967 --> 00:04:59,218 CATCH AND RELEASE, MAN. YOU KNOW. 142 00:04:59,219 --> 00:05:02,972 REEL HER IN AND THEN SET THAT GUPPY FREE. THAT'S IT. 143 00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:06,806 OH, AND DON'T MENTION YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, ALL RIGHT? 144 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,689 APPARENTLY, THAT'S A TURN-OFF FOR SOME WOMEN. 145 00:05:09,690 --> 00:05:11,811 - I DON'T KNOW, CHARLIE. - FOR ME, JOE. COME ON. 146 00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,603 DO THIS ONE FOR ME, PLEASE? 147 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,234 I GOT A GOOD GIRL AT HOME, MAN. 148 00:05:15,235 --> 00:05:16,486 I DON'T WANT TO PARTAKE IN ANYTHING THAT COULD 149 00:05:16,487 --> 00:05:17,777 - GET SKETCHY. - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 150 00:05:17,778 --> 00:05:20,199 OKAY, I SEE. YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO IT ANYMORE, RIGHT? 151 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,781 IS THAT IT? YOU THINK YOU'VE LOST YOUR GAME? 152 00:05:21,782 --> 00:05:23,783 WAIT A SECOND. BACK UP, DUDE. 153 00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:27,827 FIRST OF ALL, I CREATED GAME. 154 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:31,120 I COULD GET THE NUMBER OF ALL THESE WOMEN IN HERE IF I WANTED TO, ALL RIGHT? 155 00:05:31,121 --> 00:05:33,953 HALF THE GUYS IF I WAS SO INCLINED. 156 00:05:33,954 --> 00:05:35,044 WATCH AND LEARN. 157 00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:37,627 LADIES, GOOD EVENING. 158 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:38,958 - HI. - ALL RIGHT, LOOK. 159 00:05:38,959 --> 00:05:40,630 LET'S JUST CUT TO THE CHASE. 160 00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,882 ARE WE THE FOUR HOTTEST PEOPLE IN HERE TONIGHT, OR WHAT? 161 00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:44,884 YOU TWO PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT, AND CHARLIE AND I 162 00:05:44,885 --> 00:05:46,265 MAY LET YOU HANG OUT WITH US. 163 00:05:46,266 --> 00:05:48,177 OH, LUCKY US. 164 00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:49,389 ( chuckles ) 165 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,270 I'M DARCY. AND YOU ARE? 166 00:05:51,271 --> 00:05:52,892 BUY ME A DRINK AND I'LL TELL YOU. 167 00:05:52,893 --> 00:05:53,973 OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE WORTH A DRINK? 168 00:05:53,974 --> 00:05:56,477 SEVERAL. AND ALL TOP SHELF. 169 00:05:57,778 --> 00:05:59,358 COME ON, LET'S LEAVE THESE TWO ALONE. 170 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,981 THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO HIT IT OFF AS WELL AS WE ARE. 171 00:06:01,982 --> 00:06:03,783 OH, YOU'RE PRETTY CONFIDENT. 172 00:06:03,784 --> 00:06:05,364 WELL, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU. 173 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,367 YOU'RE JUST BRINGING ME OUT OF MY SHELL. 174 00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:17,166 OH, HEY, MAN. 175 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,628 HEY. 176 00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:20,880 ( tires squeal, car crashes through computer ) 177 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,381 WOW. 178 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,673 YOU'RE HITTING A LOT OF CARS THERE. 179 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,214 YEAH, YEAH. IT'S PART OF THE GAME. 180 00:06:25,215 --> 00:06:28,267 IT'S CALLED "ANGRY VALET." 181 00:06:28,268 --> 00:06:30,931 AND I JUST WON. ( chuckles ) 182 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,604 ( sighs ) SO WHAT ARE THESE? 183 00:06:34,605 --> 00:06:36,105 WHAT ARE WHAT? OH, THOSE... 184 00:06:36,106 --> 00:06:38,818 "ANGIE, LISA, 185 00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:40,780 TESSA..." 186 00:06:40,781 --> 00:06:42,281 WHAT, GIRLS NUMBERS ON NAPKINS? 187 00:06:42,282 --> 00:06:45,485 WHAT ARE THESE, FOSSILS FROM THE '80s OR SOMETHING? 188 00:06:45,486 --> 00:06:49,118 NO, NO, I JUST DIDN'T WANT ANY EVIDENCE ON MY PHONE. 189 00:06:49,119 --> 00:06:50,700 - EVIDENCE? - DID I JUST SAY "EVIDENCE"? 190 00:06:50,701 --> 00:06:53,533 I DIDN'T MEAN EVIDENCE. I MEANT EXTRANEOUS INFORMATION. 191 00:06:53,534 --> 00:06:56,205 I WAS OUT TONIGHT HITTING A COUPLE BARS WITH CHARLIE. 192 00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,877 YOU KNOW, HELPING HIM TO MEET THE LADIES. 193 00:06:57,878 --> 00:06:59,499 HOW COME YOU HAVE ALL THE PHONE NUMBERS THEN? 194 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:02,632 I HAVE THE PHONE NUMBERS BECAUSE I WAS THE WINGMAN. 195 00:07:02,633 --> 00:07:04,804 SO IT WAS MY JOB TO TAKE ONE OF THE GIRLS AWAY 196 00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:06,305 SO HE COULD SWOOP IN AND WORK HIS MAGIC. 197 00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:07,426 IT WAS TOTALLY INNOCENT. 198 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,308 JOE, ARE YOU SWEATING? 199 00:07:09,309 --> 00:07:11,220 AM I... NO, NO, DUDE. I'M NOT... NO. 200 00:07:11,221 --> 00:07:13,392 I'M NOT SWEATING. I'M NOT SWEATING. 201 00:07:13,393 --> 00:07:14,854 NO NO NO. 202 00:07:14,855 --> 00:07:16,896 AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'M NOT GONNA BE CALLING 203 00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:18,648 ANY ONE OF THESE EIGHT OR NINE GIRLS. 204 00:07:18,649 --> 00:07:21,110 NOT EVEN, UH... NOT EVEN CYNTHIA, 205 00:07:21,111 --> 00:07:23,442 WHO WAS... OH MY GOD, DUDE. 206 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:26,616 SEE, IT'S CALLED CATCH AND RELEASE, PAL. 207 00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:27,907 YOU GET THE GIRL ON THE HOOK AND THEN YOU THROW HER BACK IN. 208 00:07:27,908 --> 00:07:29,158 TOTALLY INNOCENT. 209 00:07:29,159 --> 00:07:30,780 - WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING THAT? - BECAUSE IT'S TRUE! 210 00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:32,201 ALL RIGHT? 211 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,372 IT WAS ACTUALLY... YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS? 212 00:07:33,373 --> 00:07:34,624 IT WAS AN ACT OF CHARITY. 213 00:07:34,625 --> 00:07:36,996 THAT YOU WOULD RATHER AUNT MEL NOT KNOW ABOUT. 214 00:07:36,997 --> 00:07:38,788 WELL, YEAH. DUDE... 215 00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:41,841 YOU DON'T DO CHARITY WORK AND THEN BRAG ABOUT IT. 216 00:07:41,842 --> 00:07:43,793 I'M THROWING THESE NUMBERS AWAY RIGHT NOW. 217 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,384 HOLD UP. THOSE NUMBERS, 218 00:07:45,385 --> 00:07:47,887 THEY'RE OF AVAILABLE WOMEN WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH SOMEONE 219 00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:49,008 THEY HARDLY KNOW, RIGHT? 220 00:07:49,009 --> 00:07:51,470 - PRETTY MUCH. - CAN I HAVE ONE? 221 00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,222 RYDER, COME ON. 222 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:54,804 YOU KNOW THE OLD EXPRESSION. ( chuckles ) 223 00:07:54,805 --> 00:07:57,017 NOPE. 224 00:07:58,809 --> 00:08:00,810 - OH, HEY. - HEY. 225 00:08:00,811 --> 00:08:02,942 SO HOW DID IT GO LAST NIGHT, MIGHTY WINGMAN? 226 00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:04,363 GOOD. 227 00:08:04,364 --> 00:08:06,866 NOT GREAT THOUGH. DEFINITELY NOT GREAT. 228 00:08:06,867 --> 00:08:08,988 YEAH, WELL I WAS WRONG NOT TO TRUST YOU. 229 00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,821 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU SAID YOU TRUSTED ME COMPLETELY. 230 00:08:11,822 --> 00:08:13,913 YEAH... I DIDN'T. 231 00:08:13,914 --> 00:08:16,115 BUT YOU KNOW, THIS FEELS SO MUCH BETTER, 232 00:08:16,116 --> 00:08:18,708 BEING TOTALLY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER. 233 00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:21,040 HEY, WHAT'S THIS? "MEGAN 653"... 234 00:08:21,041 --> 00:08:23,002 OOH, THAT'S MINE. 235 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,294 OH, YEAH. YEAH THAT'S THE NUMBER 236 00:08:25,295 --> 00:08:27,296 OF THAT GIRL THAT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GONNA CALL, RIGHT? 237 00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:28,838 UH-HUH, UH-HUH. 238 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:30,129 WAIT, YOU GOT A GIRL'S NUMBER 239 00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:32,632 AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA CALL HER? 240 00:08:32,633 --> 00:08:34,934 YES, APPARENTLY THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. 241 00:08:34,935 --> 00:08:37,226 THAT'S TERRIBLE. I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ONE OF THESE GUYS 242 00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:38,978 THAT GETS A GIRL'S NUMBER THEN JUST FORGETS ABOUT HER. 243 00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:41,941 THIS GIRL IS A HUMAN BEING. SHE IS WAITING FOR THAT CALL. 244 00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:44,814 ( scoffs ) YEAH, RYDER. 245 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,777 YOU REALLY DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH, DID YOU, PAL? 246 00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,909 OOH, NO, I DID NOT. 247 00:08:49,910 --> 00:08:51,781 OH, JOE, IT'S SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE 248 00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:54,614 SO YOU CAN IMPART THESE VALUABLE LESSONS ONTO ME. 249 00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:58,958 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE THE WINGMAN IN MY LIFE, YOU KNOW? 250 00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:01,831 I LIKE TO HELP THE YOUNG PEOPLE. 251 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,963 WELL, JOE, YOU GOT THIS. 252 00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:06,046 ( chuckles ) I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT, HONEY. 253 00:09:09,219 --> 00:09:10,720 YOU KNOW, FOR CANNIBALS, 254 00:09:10,721 --> 00:09:12,381 THESE GUYS HAVE BEAUTIFUL PLANTS. 255 00:09:12,382 --> 00:09:15,845 I WONDER WHAT THEY USE FOR FERTILIZER? 256 00:09:15,846 --> 00:09:17,226 YES. ( chuckles ) 257 00:09:17,227 --> 00:09:19,178 A FUNNY JOKE ABOUT ME BEING MURDERED. 258 00:09:19,179 --> 00:09:20,270 - ( chuckles ) - ( door opens ) 259 00:09:21,642 --> 00:09:23,312 HI. YOU MUST BE ZANDER. 260 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,313 I'M CHRIS. 261 00:09:24,314 --> 00:09:25,985 OH, YOU'RE A GIRL. 262 00:09:25,986 --> 00:09:28,237 HOW ABOUT THAT? CHRIS IS A GIRL. 263 00:09:28,238 --> 00:09:29,568 I SAW. 264 00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,991 AND I'M JORDAN. 265 00:09:31,992 --> 00:09:33,993 JORDAN'S A GIRL TOO. 266 00:09:33,994 --> 00:09:35,865 COME IN. BUT PLEASE TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES. 267 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,406 WE KICK IT ASIAN STYLE. 268 00:09:37,407 --> 00:09:38,909 I LOVE ASIAN STYLE. 269 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,701 AND KICKIN' IT. 270 00:09:41,702 --> 00:09:43,963 UM, OKAY. 271 00:09:43,964 --> 00:09:45,204 IT'S FINE. 272 00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:46,626 DON'T WAIT FOR ME! 273 00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:47,628 - OOH! - ( clatters ) 274 00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:50,880 I'M DOING A "CREATE YOUR OWN MAJOR"... 275 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,803 THE IMPACT OF IMPERIALISM ON FEMALE SEXUALITY... 276 00:09:53,804 --> 00:09:55,385 AND JORDAN STUDIES DANCE. 277 00:09:57,427 --> 00:09:59,218 WOW, YOU CAN KICK THAT HIGH. 278 00:09:59,219 --> 00:10:01,600 DID YOU SEE THAT? 279 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,142 WHAT THAT GIANT STEP BACK FOR FEMINISM? 280 00:10:03,143 --> 00:10:05,524 YES, I DID. 281 00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:08,728 ANYHOW, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO'S CHILL. 282 00:10:08,729 --> 00:10:11,190 OH, I'M CHILL. SO CHILL. 283 00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:13,492 ALMOST FROZEN. 284 00:10:13,493 --> 00:10:14,784 WE'RE NOT UPTIGHT HERE. 285 00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:17,196 YOU CAN WALK AROUND IN YOUR UNDERWEAR IF YOU WANT. 286 00:10:17,197 --> 00:10:19,118 WE DO IT ALL THE TIME. 287 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,741 I'LL KEEP AN OPEN MIND ABOUT THAT. 288 00:10:21,742 --> 00:10:23,202 SO IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 289 00:10:23,203 --> 00:10:26,205 NO. UH-UH. NO NO. 290 00:10:26,206 --> 00:10:27,797 NO, WE'RE JUST FRIENDS. 291 00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,008 NO, I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. 292 00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:30,379 ME NEITHER. 293 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,630 OR A BOYFRIEND. 294 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:32,802 OR WHATEVER. 295 00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:35,134 ( both chuckle ) 296 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,346 SO, ZANDER, I HAVE TO CONFESS. 297 00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:39,759 WE LOOKED YOU UP ONLINE. 298 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,221 WE LOVE YOUR "CASSANDRA" WEB SERIES. 299 00:10:42,222 --> 00:10:45,224 - SUCH GREAT STORIES. - THANK YOU. 300 00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:48,607 ACTUALLY, THE SERIES IS BASED ON MY SHORT STORIES. 301 00:10:48,608 --> 00:10:50,189 THAT ARE MINE. 302 00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:52,071 WRITTEN BY ME. 303 00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:53,943 GREAT. 304 00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,404 THE ROOM THAT'S AVAILABLE ISN'T THAT BIG. 305 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:57,867 BUT BONUS, WE DO HAVE A HOT TUB. 306 00:10:57,868 --> 00:11:00,619 IT'S SMALL, BUT IT FITS THREE IF YOU DON'T MIND GETTING COZY. 307 00:11:00,620 --> 00:11:01,782 COME SEE. 308 00:11:03,623 --> 00:11:04,874 YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN CARE 309 00:11:04,875 --> 00:11:06,546 IF THEY TURN OUT TO BE CANNIBALS. 310 00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:12,922 IT'S BEEN HOURS. 311 00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,794 IS IT WEIRD THAT I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK YET? 312 00:11:14,795 --> 00:11:16,215 IT'LL BE SUCH A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE. 313 00:11:16,216 --> 00:11:18,387 I DON'T THINK SO. IT WAS CRAMPED, 314 00:11:18,388 --> 00:11:21,010 AND THERE WAS THIS REALLY ODD SMELL IN THE KITCHEN. 315 00:11:21,011 --> 00:11:22,853 THE GIRLS WERE BAKING COOKIES. 316 00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:25,895 HOLD UP. YOU'RE LIVING WITH GIRLS? 317 00:11:25,896 --> 00:11:27,606 IF THINGS WORK OUT, YEAH. 318 00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:29,608 CHRIS AND JORDAN. HERE THEY ARE. 319 00:11:29,609 --> 00:11:31,190 OH MY GOD. 320 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,772 HOT GIRLS WHO BAKE COOKIES. 321 00:11:32,773 --> 00:11:34,814 YOU NEED TO LIVE THERE. 322 00:11:34,815 --> 00:11:36,986 UH, WHY DO YOU HAVE A PICTURE OF THEM ON YOUR PHONE? 323 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,118 OH, I WAS TAKING A PICTURE OF WHAT COULD BE MY BEDROOM 324 00:11:39,119 --> 00:11:41,450 AND THEY PHOTO BOMBED THE SHOT. 325 00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:42,872 HERE'S ANOTHER ONE. 326 00:11:42,873 --> 00:11:43,824 THEY'RE JUMPING ON MY BED. 327 00:11:43,825 --> 00:11:45,034 WOW. 328 00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,917 SHE IS SUPER FLEXIBLE. 329 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:49,749 - COULD YOU EMAIL THAT TO ME? - YES. 330 00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:51,881 OKAY, STOP THAT. PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY. 331 00:11:51,882 --> 00:11:53,883 LOOK, I JUST... SERIOUSLY, 332 00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:55,795 I THINK IT'S IN A REALLY SKETCHY NEIGHBORHOOD, 333 00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:57,887 AND I FOUND A PLACE THAT'S A LOT BETTER. 334 00:11:57,888 --> 00:11:59,218 HERE, CHECK THIS OUT. 335 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,841 LOOK, NO ROOMMATES TO BOTHER YOU, 336 00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:03,803 LOTS OF SPACE, FRESH AIR. 337 00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:06,806 UH-HUH. IT'S ON A FARM... 338 00:12:06,807 --> 00:12:09,810 AND I'D HAVE TO SHOVEL MANURE. 339 00:12:11,191 --> 00:12:13,442 YEAH, BUT DID YOU SEE THE PRICE? 340 00:12:13,443 --> 00:12:14,523 IT'S A REALLY GOOD DEAL. 341 00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:17,987 AND... THERE'S GOATS. 342 00:12:17,988 --> 00:12:19,528 I'D STILL GO WITH GIRLS... 343 00:12:19,529 --> 00:12:20,620 AND I LOVE GOATS. 344 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:26,866 SO WHY ARE YOU SO AGAINST THIS? 345 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,287 WAIT, HOLD... ( gasps ) 346 00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:29,959 ARE YOU JEALOUS? 347 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,500 WHAT? NO. 348 00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,292 THAT'S... THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 349 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,044 THAT'S LIKE SCIENCE FICTION 350 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,677 OF STRANGE WORLDS THAT COULD NEVER BE. 351 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:40,009 DOESN'T MATTER. 352 00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:40,801 IT'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY. 353 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,551 I'M NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR THEM. 354 00:12:42,552 --> 00:12:43,722 ( cellphone rings ) 355 00:12:43,723 --> 00:12:45,644 ( gasps ) HOLY CRAP, I AM COOL ENOUGH! 356 00:12:45,645 --> 00:12:47,386 CHRIS SAYS I CAN MOVE IN RIGHT AWAY, 357 00:12:47,387 --> 00:12:49,558 AND THERE'S A HOT TUB PARTY TONIGHT TO CELEBRATE. 358 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:51,350 ( gasps ) 359 00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:54,604 THERE'S A MIDNIGHT SHEEP SHEARING AT THE FARM. 360 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:02,361 SO, NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE COMING TO YOUR WORK FUNCTIONS WITH YOU, 361 00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:03,823 BUT HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO STAY HERE? 362 00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,825 AT LEAST UNTIL I CAN FIND THE NEW DEVELOPMENT DIRECTOR OF THE MUSEUM. 363 00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,246 I'VE GOT TO GO SAY "HI." 364 00:13:07,247 --> 00:13:09,118 WELL, I'LL HELP YOU FIND HER. WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE? 365 00:13:09,119 --> 00:13:11,040 - OH, THAT'S HER OVER THERE. - OH, GOOD. LET'S GO SAY HI, 366 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,711 'CAUSE THE SOONER WE SAY HI, THE SOONER WE CAN GET... 367 00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,293 OH... ( clears throat ) 368 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,755 YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SAY HI TO HER, 369 00:13:16,756 --> 00:13:18,878 BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE A BORING SUIT TO ME. 370 00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:21,630 THERE'S SO MANY COOLER PEOPLE HERE THAT WE COULD BE TALKING TO. 371 00:13:21,631 --> 00:13:25,054 LIKE... OH, WHAT ABOUT THAT GUY IN THE ASCOT? HE LOOKS... 372 00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:27,386 VERY INTERESTING. 373 00:13:27,387 --> 00:13:29,929 I BET HE LIVES ON A YACHT. 374 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:31,520 NO, OKAY LOOK. COME WITH ME. 375 00:13:31,521 --> 00:13:33,352 I CAN'T REMEMBER HER NAME, SO YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF. 376 00:13:33,353 --> 00:13:35,604 SHE'LL SAY HER NAME AND THEN I WON'T LOOK LIKE SOME DIVA 377 00:13:35,605 --> 00:13:37,356 WHO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO LEARN ANYONE'S NAME. 378 00:13:37,357 --> 00:13:39,198 - IT'S DARCY. - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 379 00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:40,900 ( stammering ) HOW DO I... BECAUSE... 380 00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:44,823 BECAUSE I'VE... I READ HER NAME TAG. 381 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,785 WHAT NAME TAG? 382 00:13:46,786 --> 00:13:48,617 OH, IT'S... MUST HAVE FALLEN OFF. 383 00:13:48,618 --> 00:13:50,369 HONEY, YOU'RE GETTING CAUGHT UP IN THE DETAILS HERE. 384 00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:51,911 COME ON, WE'RE AT A PARTY. 385 00:13:51,912 --> 00:13:54,793 - HELLO, COUNCILWOMAN. - OH, HI. 386 00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:56,755 HEY. OH. 387 00:13:56,756 --> 00:13:58,837 WELL, I DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE YOU HERE, DAMIEN. 388 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,960 NO, THIS ISN'T DAMIEN. THIS IS JOE. 389 00:14:00,961 --> 00:14:03,303 NO, THIS IS DAMIEN DEL MARCO. 390 00:14:04,674 --> 00:14:07,677 SPECIAL AGENT DAMIEN DEL MARCO, RIGHT? 391 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,392 THERE SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE CONFUSION HERE. 392 00:14:13,393 --> 00:14:14,643 ( gasps ) 393 00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:16,476 SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO BLOW YOUR COVER. 394 00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:20,029 BUT I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AGAIN. 395 00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:21,440 WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED ME? 396 00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:22,942 YEAH. 397 00:14:22,943 --> 00:14:24,114 WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED HER? 398 00:14:26,196 --> 00:14:27,786 HOLD ON. 399 00:14:27,787 --> 00:14:29,488 IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND? 400 00:14:29,489 --> 00:14:33,202 YES. 401 00:14:33,203 --> 00:14:36,835 MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND. 402 00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:40,049 THEN WHY WERE YOU IN A BAR HITTING ON ME? 403 00:14:40,050 --> 00:14:42,461 UM, WAIT A MINUTE NOW. IN ALL FAIRNESS, 404 00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:43,923 I DON'T THINK I WAS HITTING ON YOU. 405 00:14:43,924 --> 00:14:47,346 YOU SAID YOU AND I WERE THE BEST LOOKING PEOPLE IN THE BAR. 406 00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:49,929 AND HOW IS THAT HITTING ON SOMEBODY? 407 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:50,890 YOU GAVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER. 408 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,811 I GAVE YOU MY... ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? 409 00:14:52,812 --> 00:14:54,603 I DON'T REALLY... I DON'T THINK I GAVE HER MY... 410 00:14:54,604 --> 00:14:56,185 I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, OKAY? 411 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:57,186 AND WE DON'T... OH, HONEY. LOOK AT THAT. 412 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,777 LITTLE CHEESEBURGERS. COME ON. 413 00:14:58,778 --> 00:15:00,189 I'LL TELL YOU, THEY JUST MAKE 'EM 414 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,781 LITTLER AND LITTLER EVERY YEAR, DON'T THEY? 415 00:15:03,483 --> 00:15:05,524 ( cellphone rings ) 416 00:15:05,525 --> 00:15:08,197 THAT'S NOT YOUR PHONE? IS THAT MY PHONE? 417 00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,619 - ( ringing ) - IT'S MY PHONE. 418 00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:11,790 WHO'S CALLING ME? 419 00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,203 ( ringing continues ) 420 00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:17,206 YOU GONNA GET THAT... 421 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:18,708 DAMIEN? 422 00:15:23,543 --> 00:15:24,964 IT'S CALLED CATCH AND RELEASE, HONEY. IT'S HARMLESS. 423 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,545 WOULD YOU KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN? I WORK WITH THESE PEOPLE. 424 00:15:26,546 --> 00:15:28,547 I SWEAR, OKAY? NOTHING HAPPENED. 425 00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:31,100 I EXCHANGED PHONE NUMBERS WITH SIX OTHER WOMEN THAT NIGHT, TOO. 426 00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:33,392 GREAT! OH, THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER. 427 00:15:33,393 --> 00:15:35,434 HEY HEY HEY. YOU WANT TO BE MAD AT SOMEBODY, 428 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,855 BE MAD AT CHARLIE, ALL RIGHT? THIS IS HIS FAULT. 429 00:15:36,856 --> 00:15:38,357 IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. HE MADE ME DO IT. 430 00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:39,688 OH, HE MADE YOU? IS THIS THE SAME CHARLIE 431 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:41,360 YOU SAID WAS SUCH A GREAT GUY? 432 00:15:41,361 --> 00:15:43,522 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M STARTING TO COME AROUND TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING ON THAT. 433 00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:45,365 I THINK CHARLIE MAY HAVE SOME SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAWS. 434 00:15:46,366 --> 00:15:50,280 IS THAT YOUR PROFESSIONAL OPINION AS A SECRET AGENT? 435 00:15:57,377 --> 00:15:59,208 HEY, LEN. WHAT YOU DOING HERE? 436 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,960 UM, I JUST HAPPENED TO BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD 437 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,382 AND SAW THAT "THE BIG LEBOWSKI" 438 00:16:03,383 --> 00:16:04,963 IS PLAYING AT THE $2 THEATER, 439 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,545 AND SINCE IT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE, 440 00:16:06,546 --> 00:16:08,387 I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D WANT TO GO SEE IT? 441 00:16:08,388 --> 00:16:10,889 OH, YOU KNOW, I JUST SAW IT LAST NIGHT WITH CHRIS AND JORDAN. 442 00:16:10,890 --> 00:16:12,801 CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY'VE NEVER SEEN IT? 443 00:16:12,802 --> 00:16:15,514 I'VE GOT SO MUCH TO TEACH THESE GIRLS. 444 00:16:15,515 --> 00:16:16,935 NO DOUBT. 445 00:16:16,936 --> 00:16:19,018 WELL, YOU KNOW, SINCE I'M HERE 446 00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,770 IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD COINCIDENTALLY... 447 00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:23,942 DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE TONIGHT? 448 00:16:23,943 --> 00:16:25,364 OH, I WISH I COULD, 449 00:16:25,365 --> 00:16:26,445 BUT WE KIND OF ALREADY HAVE PLANS. 450 00:16:26,446 --> 00:16:28,367 OH. WE WHO? 451 00:16:28,368 --> 00:16:30,699 OH, SOME PEOPLE FROM JORDAN'S DANCE CLASS ARE COMING OVER. 452 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:32,951 IT'S POLYNESIAN NIGHT. 453 00:16:32,952 --> 00:16:34,573 BUT HEY, YOU COULD PROBABLY JOIN US FOR DINNER IF YOU WANT. 454 00:16:34,574 --> 00:16:35,954 OH, NAH. 455 00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:37,997 I HAD POLYNESIAN FOR LUNCH. 456 00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:40,789 HEY, Z. 457 00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,421 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WATCHING THE MUNG BEANS. 458 00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:43,962 I'M ON IT. 459 00:16:43,963 --> 00:16:45,124 THEY CALL ME Z. 460 00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,386 AND IT'S MY JOB TO WATCH THE MUNG BEANS. 461 00:16:47,387 --> 00:16:50,389 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE WALKING AROUND IN THAT. 462 00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:52,551 THAT'S MY KIMONO. 463 00:16:52,552 --> 00:16:53,722 OH, RIGHT. 464 00:16:53,723 --> 00:16:55,135 ( both chuckle ) 465 00:16:56,596 --> 00:16:57,727 IT'S LIKE THIS ALL DAY. 466 00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:01,019 YEAH, WELL, UH... 467 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,231 I SHOULD GO. 468 00:17:02,232 --> 00:17:04,693 WELL, IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, JUST TEXT ME. 469 00:17:04,694 --> 00:17:06,315 ALOHA. 470 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:09,109 WHICH IN HAWAIIAN MEANS HELLO AND GOODBYE. 471 00:17:12,202 --> 00:17:13,362 YEAH. 472 00:17:13,363 --> 00:17:14,534 ALOHA, Z. 473 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,919 I TORE UP ALL THE PHONE NUMBERS AS SOON AS I GOT HOME. 474 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,461 YES, BUT YOU TOOK THEM. 475 00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:24,373 I WAS DOING MY JOB AS THE WINGMAN. 476 00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:25,964 IT WAS MY DUTY! ALL RIGHT, WHATEVER. 477 00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:27,376 MAYBE I TOOK IT A LITTLE TOO FAR. 478 00:17:27,377 --> 00:17:29,548 I DO FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT. I WANT TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 479 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,130 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 480 00:17:31,131 --> 00:17:32,971 I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE TRUTH, JOE. 481 00:17:32,972 --> 00:17:35,474 I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH. CHARLIE MADE ME. 482 00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:37,346 OH, SO WHAT ARE YOU, A PUPPET? 483 00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,937 DID HE STICK HIS HAND UP YOUR BUTT 484 00:17:38,938 --> 00:17:40,309 AND PARADE YOU AROUND THE BAR? 485 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:43,442 I SAID I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THE TRUTH. 486 00:17:43,443 --> 00:17:45,184 SOME PART OF YOU MUST HAVE WANTED TO DO WHAT YOU DID, 487 00:17:45,185 --> 00:17:46,315 OR YOU WOULD HAVE SAID NO. 488 00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,188 - SO YOU WANT TOTAL HONESTY? - YES. 489 00:17:49,189 --> 00:17:51,190 I MEAN, OUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE A SAFE ZONE 490 00:17:51,191 --> 00:17:52,531 WHERE YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER YOU FEEL. 491 00:17:52,532 --> 00:17:54,193 FINE. 492 00:17:54,194 --> 00:17:55,955 THE TRUTH IS... 493 00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:00,199 ( sighs ) 494 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,790 YEAH. 495 00:18:01,791 --> 00:18:03,792 A LITTLE PART OF ME LIKED IT. 496 00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:07,206 YOU KNOW, IT WAS EXCITING KNOWING THAT I STILL GOT IT. 497 00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:09,208 I MEAN, YOU'RE AT THE BAR, 498 00:18:09,209 --> 00:18:10,799 AND YOU'RE TALKING TO SOME BEAUTIFUL WOMAN 499 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:11,970 AND SHE'S LOOKING AT YOU IN THE EYES 500 00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:13,132 AND YOU KNOW THAT SHE WANTS YOU. 501 00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:14,134 IT'S LIKE A RUSH. 502 00:18:16,556 --> 00:18:19,178 WOW. 503 00:18:19,179 --> 00:18:21,560 THAT IS SO AWESOME TO BE HONEST LIKE THAT. 504 00:18:21,561 --> 00:18:23,142 THAT WAS AMAZING. 505 00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,773 HONEY, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING. 506 00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:27,987 I HAVE NEVER FELT SO SAFE IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE. 507 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:30,609 YOU PIG. 508 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,322 I'M NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?! 509 00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:34,533 WHAT?! WAIT A MINUTE. 510 00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:36,325 YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED ME TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH! 511 00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:37,576 YEAH, BUT NOT THAT TRUTH! 512 00:18:37,577 --> 00:18:39,117 WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA SAY?! 513 00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,369 I DON'T KNOW. SOMETHING LIKE THAT. 514 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,410 BUT I THOUGHT YOU'D AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE ASHAMED! 515 00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,202 I MEAN, THE WAY YOU SAID IT, 516 00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:45,123 YOU WERE JUST SO HAPPY. 517 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,166 IT WAS ALL THEORETICAL. 518 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,627 COME ON. YES, I COULD HAVE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE, 519 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,129 - BUT I CHOSE YOU. - OH, LUCKY LUCKY ME. 520 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,711 WHAT... THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT. 521 00:18:52,712 --> 00:18:53,802 COME ON. I DON'T GET IT. 522 00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:55,214 YOU TOLD ME TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. 523 00:18:55,215 --> 00:18:57,055 OKAY, THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING HONEST 524 00:18:57,056 --> 00:18:58,757 AND BEING CRUEL. SOME THINGS YOU JUST DON'T SAY. 525 00:18:58,758 --> 00:18:59,968 - ( sighs ) - LIKE YOU DON'T TELL SOMEONE 526 00:18:59,969 --> 00:19:01,180 THAT YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE 527 00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,262 WHILE YOU'RE MAKING LOVE TO THEM. 528 00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:08,357 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU... 529 00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:10,979 YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE WHEN WE MAKE LOVE? 530 00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:13,692 NO, I SAID SOMEONE FANTASIZES ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE. 531 00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:15,364 YOU DO IT? 532 00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:17,536 NO! SOMETIMES. 533 00:19:17,537 --> 00:19:19,368 HERE AND THERE. LOOK, AS LONG AS I DON'T ACT ON IT. 534 00:19:19,369 --> 00:19:21,990 IT'S OKAY TO THINK THINGS. IT'S OKAY TO HAVE FANTASIES. 535 00:19:21,991 --> 00:19:23,622 FANTASIES. EXACTLY RIGHT. 536 00:19:23,623 --> 00:19:25,374 THAT'S ALL I WAS DOING. I WAS FANTASIZING. 537 00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:27,376 ONLY DIFFERENCE IS YOU ROLE-PLAY UP HERE, 538 00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:29,087 I WAS ROLE-PLAYING AT A BAR. IT'S THE SAME THING. 539 00:19:29,088 --> 00:19:30,839 NO NO NO. IT'S NOT THE SAME THING, JOE. 540 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,211 YES, IT IS. 541 00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:33,382 YOU KNOW WHAT? ALL RIGHT FINE. WHATEVER. 542 00:19:33,383 --> 00:19:34,633 - I'M 10% MORE GUILTY THAN YOU. - 50. 543 00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,054 - 25. - 30. 544 00:19:36,055 --> 00:19:37,557 FINAL OFFER. 545 00:19:39,299 --> 00:19:41,471 ( chuckles ) 546 00:19:43,353 --> 00:19:45,064 WHO DO YOU FANTASIZE ABOUT? 547 00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:47,516 - ( sighs ) - HMM? 548 00:19:47,517 --> 00:19:51,189 IS IT ANTONIO BANDERAS? 549 00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,361 IS IT? 550 00:19:52,362 --> 00:19:55,193 BECAUSE... 551 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,777 ( Spanish accent ) I CAN BE ANTONIO BANDERAS. 552 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,371 OH, YEAH? 553 00:20:02,372 --> 00:20:04,663 WELL, CAN YOU BE BRAD PITT? 554 00:20:04,664 --> 00:20:06,204 ( chuckles ) 555 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,587 IF YOU CAN BE ANGELINA JOLIE. 556 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:10,208 NOT A PROBLEM THERE. 557 00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,460 I'M HOT, I'M MYSTERIOUS, 558 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:14,043 AND I'M RAISING KIDS THAT DIDN'T COME OUT OF ME. 559 00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:20,469 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE. 560 00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:21,800 ARE YOU STILL MAD AT ME? 561 00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:23,342 SHH. BRAD, DON'T TALK. 562 00:20:23,343 --> 00:20:25,475 TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE. 563 00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:31,810 ( dance music playing ) 564 00:20:31,811 --> 00:20:34,773 I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU ALL NIGHT FROM ACROSS THE ROOM, 565 00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:37,356 AND YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL, I JUST WOULDN'T FORGIVE MYSELF 566 00:20:37,357 --> 00:20:38,778 IF I DIDN'T COME OVER. 567 00:20:40,780 --> 00:20:42,361 ( French accent ) YOU LOOK FAMILIAR. 568 00:20:42,362 --> 00:20:44,533 I HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE BEFORE? 569 00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:46,204 THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. 570 00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:48,206 MY IDENTITY IS HIGHLY SECRET. 571 00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:49,829 FOR THE SAFETY OF... 572 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:52,582 THE PRESIDENT. 573 00:20:53,793 --> 00:20:55,294 CAN I BUY YOU ANOTHER DRINK? 574 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:57,376 THAT DEPENDS. 575 00:20:57,377 --> 00:20:59,378 DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? 576 00:20:59,379 --> 00:21:00,799 ( chuckles ) 577 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:02,220 NO. 578 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,383 WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND? 579 00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:06,765 BUT I THOUGHT... 580 00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,347 IS THIS A TRAP, MEL? 581 00:21:08,348 --> 00:21:10,349 WHO IS THIS MEL? 582 00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:13,312 AND IS SHE AS BEAUTIFUL AS ME? 583 00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:16,945 I FEEL LIKE THERE'S NO GOOD WAY TO ANSWER THAT. 584 00:21:16,946 --> 00:21:20,359 AND WHEN THIS MEL ASKED YOU TO GO TO THE DRYCLEANER YESTERDAY, 585 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:23,572 DID THEY REALLY CLOSE EARLY? 586 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:25,575 WHOSE FANTASY IS THIS?