1 00:00:07,888 --> 00:00:09,629 "MELISSA AND JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,630 --> 00:00:11,511 I SAW HIM GETTING OUT OF HIS CAR, HURRY. 3 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,803 RELAX, ALL RIGHT? HE'S A MINISTER, HE'S NOT THE POPE. 4 00:00:13,804 --> 00:00:15,805 NO, HE'S NOT JUST A MINISTER. 5 00:00:15,806 --> 00:00:17,637 HE'S THE ONLY MINISTER WE COULD AGREE ON TO MARRY US. 6 00:00:17,638 --> 00:00:19,139 I DON'T WANT HIM TO KNOW WE WERE JUST... 7 00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:21,401 GETTING ALL FREAKY DEAKY? 8 00:00:21,402 --> 00:00:22,562 - YES. ( groans ) - ( doorbell rings ) 9 00:00:22,563 --> 00:00:23,693 YOU KNOW, I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN 10 00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,275 PREPARING FOR OUR INTERVIEW, INSTEAD OF... 11 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:27,357 WELL, YOU KNOW. YOU WERE THERE. 12 00:00:27,358 --> 00:00:29,989 HONEY, LISTEN, REVEREND MATTHEWS JUST WANTS TO MEET US 13 00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:32,202 SO HE CAN, YOU KNOW, GET TO KNOW US BEFORE THE CEREMONY. 14 00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:33,953 IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL. IT'S REALLY MORE OF JUST A FORMALITY. 15 00:00:33,954 --> 00:00:34,954 WE HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE. 16 00:00:34,955 --> 00:00:36,456 - NOTHING? - NO. 17 00:00:36,457 --> 00:00:37,658 WHAT? OH! 18 00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:42,122 GOOD MORNING, HAPPY COUPLE. 19 00:00:42,123 --> 00:00:43,123 UH... ( chuckles ) 20 00:00:43,124 --> 00:00:44,664 BOY... ( sniffs ) 21 00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:46,547 SMELLS LIKE YOU TWO HAVE BEEN BUSY... 22 00:00:47,968 --> 00:00:50,800 UM, MAKING BREAKFAST. 23 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,343 YEAH, I COULD SMELL THE BACON AND EGGS FROM HERE. 24 00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:55,765 - YES, BACON... - AND EGGS. 25 00:00:55,766 --> 00:00:57,557 YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANNA FORGET ABOUT THE EGGS. 26 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,980 YOU TWO JUST HAD SEX, DIDN'T YOU? 27 00:01:02,273 --> 00:01:03,484 HE'S GOOD. 28 00:01:04,895 --> 00:01:06,276 ( theme music playing ) 29 00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,148 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 30 00:01:08,149 --> 00:01:09,899 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 31 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,401 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 32 00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:13,283 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 33 00:01:13,284 --> 00:01:14,994 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 34 00:01:14,995 --> 00:01:16,956 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 35 00:01:16,957 --> 00:01:18,578 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 36 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,371 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 37 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:24,375 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 38 00:01:26,297 --> 00:01:30,089 I'D LIKE TO START WITH A QUESTION THAT I ASK ALL COUPLES: 39 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,553 CAN YOU DO BETTER? 40 00:01:33,554 --> 00:01:36,426 - WHAT? NO. - WHAT? NO, OF COURSE NOT. 41 00:01:36,427 --> 00:01:39,980 GOOD ANSWER. I LIKE TO WEED OUT THE LOSERS RIGHT AWAY. 42 00:01:41,982 --> 00:01:44,604 I HOLD THE RECORD FOR OFFICIATING THE HIGHEST RATE 43 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,436 OF SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES... 44 00:01:46,437 --> 00:01:49,068 IN OHIO. 45 00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:50,320 SO, PLEASE, 46 00:01:50,321 --> 00:01:52,282 DON'T MESS IT UP, OKAY? 47 00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,113 OH, YOU DON'T GAVE TO WORRY ABOUT US, SIR. 48 00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,736 - YEAH, WE KNOW WE BELONG TOGETHER. - REALLY? 49 00:01:56,737 --> 00:01:58,369 WAS IT LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT? 50 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,082 NOT EXACTLY. 51 00:02:04,745 --> 00:02:07,046 OH, GROSS! 52 00:02:07,047 --> 00:02:09,048 ( exasperated sigh ) 53 00:02:09,049 --> 00:02:10,510 I WAS EXPECTING MY DATE. 54 00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:12,172 I'LL BE QUICK. 55 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,923 I WAS A JACKASS DOWN AT CITY HALL, 56 00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:15,054 AND I NEVER SHOULD HAVE CRASHED YOUR MEETING 57 00:02:15,055 --> 00:02:16,256 ASKING WHERE YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW WAS. 58 00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:18,137 THAT WAS WRONG, AND I JUST WANTED TO COME HERE 59 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,890 AND SAY THAT I'M SORRY. 60 00:02:21,061 --> 00:02:22,522 ( shouts ) BOLIVIA! 61 00:02:22,523 --> 00:02:25,024 LEWIS IS IN BOLIVIA, ISN'T HE? YOU JUST FLINCHED. 62 00:02:25,025 --> 00:02:27,026 I FLINCHED BECAUSE YOU SHOUTED, "BOLIVIA." 63 00:02:27,027 --> 00:02:28,858 OKAY, PEOPLE IN BOLIVIA FLINCHED. 64 00:02:28,859 --> 00:02:30,570 LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL HE IS! 65 00:02:30,571 --> 00:02:31,821 NOW GET LOST AND LEAVE ME ALONE! 66 00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:33,072 HI, GRIFFIN, HEY. 67 00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:34,444 DON'T YOU LOOK NICE AND... ( sniffs ) 68 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,075 SMELL HANDSOME? 69 00:02:36,076 --> 00:02:37,867 - WHO'S THIS GUY? - AH, NO GUY. 70 00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:40,490 I'M A VIC... 71 00:02:40,491 --> 00:02:42,081 YOU EVER WORK WITH KIDS? 72 00:02:42,082 --> 00:02:43,082 ARE YOU KIDDING? RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE, 73 00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:44,123 I RAN A YOUTH CENTER DOWNTOWN. 74 00:02:44,124 --> 00:02:45,625 I WAS IN CHARGE OF 50 TEENAGERS. 75 00:02:45,626 --> 00:02:47,707 COOKED THEM MEALS, HELPED THEM WITH THEIR HOMEWORK. 76 00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,500 I WAS CHARLES-FRIGGIN'-IN CHARGE. 77 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,922 YEAH, YOU'RE PERFECT. 78 00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:54,754 THERE'S JUST ONE LITTLE DETAIL: 79 00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:55,966 I DON'T REALLY LIKE YOU. 80 00:02:57,057 --> 00:02:58,798 ( both laugh nervously ) 81 00:02:58,799 --> 00:03:01,180 SO, UM, BASICALLY, 82 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,103 YOU TWO CAN'T STAND EACH OTHER? 83 00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:06,476 WELL, YOU KNOW, JUST... 84 00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:07,977 JUST FOR THE FIRST COUPLE OF YEARS. 85 00:03:07,978 --> 00:03:10,480 YEAH, WE LOVE EACH OTHER NOW. 86 00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:12,442 OKAY, NEXT QUESTION. 87 00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:15,074 HOW DO YOU RESOLVE CONFLICT? 88 00:03:15,075 --> 00:03:16,486 VERY LOUDLY. 89 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,078 WHAT HE MEANS IS WE KINDA FIGHT A LOT. 90 00:03:19,079 --> 00:03:21,120 ONE OF US IS NOT REALLY TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY. 91 00:03:21,121 --> 00:03:22,492 - OH, AND THAT'S ME? - YEAH, THAT'S YOU. 92 00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,623 NOW STAND UP. WE'RE GONNA DANCE. 93 00:03:23,624 --> 00:03:25,204 - LET'S GO. - WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA. 94 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,086 I THINK I KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT: 95 00:03:27,087 --> 00:03:28,498 - CONTROL. - OH MY... 96 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:30,380 YEAH, YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE, YOU WORK FOR ME. 97 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:32,422 UH, TECHNICALLY, I AM FREELANCE. 98 00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:34,294 AH, BUP BUP BUP. LOOK... 99 00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:36,466 YOU PUT UP WITH A LOT, AND THE ONE TIME YOU'RE PUT IN A POSITION WHERE 100 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:39,138 YOU ACTUALLY KNOW SOMETHING, YOU JUST WANNA RUN THE WHOLE SHOW. 101 00:03:39,139 --> 00:03:41,641 OR MAYBE IT'S ABOUT SOMEONE WHO LIKES TO CALL THE SHOTS AT EVERYTHING, 102 00:03:41,642 --> 00:03:44,474 INCLUDING THE EXACT COLOR OF STRIPES IN OUR TOOTHPASTE! 103 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,055 AND NOW YOU'RE INVOLVED IN A SITUATION 104 00:03:46,056 --> 00:03:47,477 WHERE SOMEBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS A LITTLE BIT MORE THAN YOU DO! 105 00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,108 HEY, STRIPES ARE IMPORTANT, OKAY? 106 00:03:49,109 --> 00:03:51,111 THE GREEN FRESHENS AND THE WHITE DAZZLES. 107 00:03:53,113 --> 00:03:55,234 - CONTROL FREAK! - POWER MAD DANCE MASTER! 108 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,697 - GOOD LOOK WITH THE DANCE, BABY. - GOOD LUCK WITH THE EGO! 109 00:03:57,698 --> 00:03:59,068 WE CAN'T GO OUT ON A ROMANTIC DATE. 110 00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:00,410 WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUGE FIGHT. 111 00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:01,991 WE ARE? 112 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,202 YOU DIDN'T KNOW? 113 00:04:03,203 --> 00:04:04,704 NOBODY TOLD ME! 114 00:04:04,705 --> 00:04:06,956 CHARLOTTE SAID THAT NOBODY CAN RELAX AROUND US, 115 00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:08,748 BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE LOUD DISAGREEING. 116 00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,710 NOBODY CAN RELAX AROUND US?! THAT'S RIDIC... 117 00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:12,211 I... I AM INSANELY RELAXING. 118 00:04:12,212 --> 00:04:14,964 I'M LIKE XANAX IN HUMAN FORM! 119 00:04:14,965 --> 00:04:16,255 WELL, YOU ARE A PILL. 120 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,047 I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU SPILLED THE BEANS 121 00:04:18,048 --> 00:04:20,139 TO GILLIAN ABOUT NATE WANTING TO DUMP HER! 122 00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:22,051 YOU GAVE ME THE BEANS. WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO? 123 00:04:22,052 --> 00:04:23,383 I DON'T KNOW! CLENCH... 124 00:04:23,384 --> 00:04:27,096 LIKE A DRUG MULE ON A PLANE FROM COLUMBIA! 125 00:04:27,097 --> 00:04:29,228 THIS IS NICE. WE SHOULD DO LABELS LIKE THIS IN OUR HOUSE. 126 00:04:29,229 --> 00:04:32,231 UM, FOR INSTANCE, I WOULD BE "BEST HAIR," 127 00:04:32,232 --> 00:04:35,735 "BEST AUNT" AND "BEST PERSONALITY." 128 00:04:35,736 --> 00:04:37,857 HA! WHAT, ON OPPOSITE DAY? 129 00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,158 YEAH, WELL, YOU WOULD GET "MOST MATURE." 130 00:04:39,159 --> 00:04:41,030 NOT! 131 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:43,993 RIGHT AFTER YOU GOT "LEAST CONSISTENT ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU EVER SAY." 132 00:04:43,994 --> 00:04:45,034 EH, MEH MEH MEH MEH... 133 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,456 RYDER, DO YOU WANNA GO UPSTAIRS? 134 00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:48,328 I CANNOT DEAL WITH ONE OF THESE RIGHT NOW. 135 00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,119 ME, EITHER. 136 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:51,501 "MEH MEH MEH MEH." WHAT WAS THAT? 137 00:04:51,502 --> 00:04:52,792 WHAT ARE YOU, A ROADRUNNER OR SOMETHING? 138 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,544 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU WOULD GET "MOST ANNOYING." 139 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,215 - OH, "MOST ANNOYING"? - YEAH, "MOST ANNOYING"... 140 00:04:56,216 --> 00:04:57,837 REALLY? OKAY. WELL, FINE, I LEARNED FROM THE BEST. 141 00:04:57,838 --> 00:04:59,219 AND "MOST BALD." 142 00:05:01,091 --> 00:05:02,091 YIKES! 143 00:05:02,092 --> 00:05:04,684 BOY, ALL THIS COMBUSTION 144 00:05:04,685 --> 00:05:07,096 COULD WRECK MY SUCCESS RATE. 145 00:05:07,097 --> 00:05:08,888 COME ON, REVEREND, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS LITTLE QUIZ IS GONNA, 146 00:05:08,889 --> 00:05:10,390 YOU KNOW, KEEP YOU FROM MARRYING US. 147 00:05:10,391 --> 00:05:12,852 WELL, ACTUALLY, IT COULD. 148 00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:14,063 ( both chuckle ) 149 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,856 IT'S NOT A JOKE, FRIENDS. 150 00:05:16,857 --> 00:05:18,938 IF YOU FAIL THIS TEST, I'M NOT MARRYING YOU. 151 00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:20,490 WHAT DID YOU THINK THIS WAS, 152 00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:22,031 JUST A FORMALITY? 153 00:05:22,032 --> 00:05:23,202 DID YOU HEAR THAT, JOE? 154 00:05:23,203 --> 00:05:25,786 IT'S NOT JUST A FORMALITY. 155 00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:34,293 WHAT IF HE DECIDES NOT TO MARRY US? 156 00:05:34,294 --> 00:05:35,835 OUR WEDDING IS NEXT WEEK. 157 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,047 OKAY, WELL, LOOK, WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO TAKE A MOMENT 158 00:05:38,048 --> 00:05:39,549 AND REALLY THINK ABOUT WHAT WE SAY 159 00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:41,220 BEFORE WE JUST SAY THE FIRST THING THAT POPS INTO OUR HEADS. 160 00:05:41,221 --> 00:05:42,762 YOU MEAN, LIE? 161 00:05:42,763 --> 00:05:45,174 WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? 162 00:05:45,175 --> 00:05:47,347 YES, WE'RE DONE WITH THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH IS NOT HELPING. 163 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:50,470 ( coughs ) 164 00:05:50,471 --> 00:05:52,311 OH, WOW! 165 00:05:52,312 --> 00:05:54,313 BOY, THAT'S GOOD COFFEE. 166 00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:58,978 I'LL BE HITTING THE OL' PORCELAIN WISHING WELL IN NO TIME. 167 00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:00,780 YEP, IT'S DELICIOUS, ISN'T IT? 168 00:06:00,781 --> 00:06:05,034 THAT'S ALL JOE'S WORK. MY SWEET, WONDERFUL, INCREDIBLE JOE. 169 00:06:05,035 --> 00:06:07,447 WELL, SURELY YOU DON'T ALWAYS FEEL THAT WAY. 170 00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:09,158 ISN'T THERE ANYTHING YOU FIND 171 00:06:09,159 --> 00:06:11,161 ANNOYING ABOUT JOE? 172 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,794 OKAY, BURKE, I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH. 173 00:06:14,795 --> 00:06:16,375 IT'D JUST BE SO NICE AFTER I WORK OUT 174 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:19,378 IF I CAN MAYBE GET ONE, TWO GALLONS OF HOT WATER. 175 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:22,131 ♪ SOMEBODY NEEDS ATTENTION ♪ 176 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,713 UM, YOU GONNA HOOK ME UP WITH ARIEL? 177 00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,805 FINE, I'LL CALL HER FOR YOU, 178 00:06:25,806 --> 00:06:28,428 BUT I PREDICT THIS WHOLE THING IS GONNA BLOW UP IN YOUR FACE. 179 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,309 I MEAN, SHE MAY NOT EVEN BE INTERESTED IN YOU. 180 00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:32,722 ARE YOU KIDDING? SHE... 181 00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:35,224 SAW ME. 182 00:06:35,225 --> 00:06:37,276 THE SCANDALS... THEY WILL JUST NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. 183 00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:39,068 YOU KNOW, NEITHER WILL HOT WOMEN, 184 00:06:39,069 --> 00:06:41,110 BUT THAT'S LIKE A WHOLE 'NOTHER 45 MINUTES. 185 00:06:41,111 --> 00:06:42,692 I LEFT MY CELLPHONE IN THE GARAGE, 186 00:06:42,693 --> 00:06:43,863 AND WHEN I WENT IN THERE TO GET IT, 187 00:06:43,864 --> 00:06:45,114 THERE YOU WERE WITH LINDSAY, 188 00:06:45,115 --> 00:06:47,196 ALL PRETZELED UP ON MY YOGA MAT. 189 00:06:47,197 --> 00:06:48,367 WHOOPS. 190 00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:50,119 LOOK, LINDSAY'S MY TRAINER. 191 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,871 YOU'RE MY NANNY. IT'S LIKE I'M PAYING PEOPLE 192 00:06:51,872 --> 00:06:53,793 TO SLEEP WITH EACH OTHER. WHAT DOES THAT MAKE ME? 193 00:06:53,794 --> 00:06:56,917 BEST BOSS EVER! 194 00:06:58,539 --> 00:07:00,960 NOPE. WOULDN'T CHANGE A THING. 195 00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:02,171 HE'S A SAINT, 196 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:05,635 A TOTALLY HUMBLE AND SHREDDED SAINT. 197 00:07:05,636 --> 00:07:07,717 AND HOW ABOUT YOU, JOE? 198 00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,721 DOES MEL DO ANYTHING THAT DRIVES YOU CRAZY? 199 00:07:13,854 --> 00:07:15,314 I'M SURE YOU HAVE LOTS OF INTERESTING IDEAS 200 00:07:15,315 --> 00:07:17,436 ABOUT HOW TO IMPROVE OUR RELATIONSHIP. 201 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,519 - AND I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THEM. - YOU KNOW WHAT, I WOULD LOVE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU. 202 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,150 - GREAT, GO AHEAD. - OKAY, FIRST OFF... 203 00:07:21,151 --> 00:07:23,442 ( blender whirring ) 204 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,984 ( whirring stops ) 205 00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:27,697 - OKAY, AS I WAS SAYING... - ( blender whirring ) 206 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:31,280 - WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY... - ( whirring continues ) 207 00:07:31,281 --> 00:07:33,452 DON'T YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND? DON'T YOU WANT LOVE? 208 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,164 DON'T YOU WANT HAPPINESS? 209 00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:37,036 I JUST WANT THIS PIERCING PAIN TO STOP. 210 00:07:37,037 --> 00:07:40,040 - IN YOUR BACK? - NO, IN MY EARS. 211 00:07:41,842 --> 00:07:44,043 JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR, WHEN I SAY, "EW, NO" 212 00:07:44,044 --> 00:07:46,085 YOU HEAR, "TELL ME EVERYTHING. 213 00:07:46,086 --> 00:07:48,347 DON'T LEAVE OUT A SINGLE, GROSS DETAIL." 214 00:07:48,348 --> 00:07:50,469 MM-HMM, YEAH. BELIEVE ME, I DIDN'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING. 215 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,142 I MEAN, I LEFT OUT PLENTY OF THINGS, 216 00:07:53,143 --> 00:07:54,143 LIKE, FOR INSTANCE... 217 00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:55,394 HOLD THAT THOUGHT... 218 00:07:55,395 --> 00:07:56,807 UNTIL I GET OUT OF HERE. 219 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,150 LOOK, I KNOW THAT WAS HARD FOR YOU. 220 00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:03,062 AND IF IT'S TOO PAINFUL, WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 221 00:08:03,063 --> 00:08:05,194 NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M A BIG BOY. I CAN HANDLE IT. 222 00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,737 WELL, IN THAT CASE... 223 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,659 ♪ I WAS RIGHT ♪ 224 00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:12,612 ♪ I WAS RIGHT, I WAS RIGHT ♪ 225 00:08:12,613 --> 00:08:13,913 - OH NO. - ( mimics explosion ) 226 00:08:13,914 --> 00:08:16,075 I DON'T KNOW HOW PEOPLE... 227 00:08:16,076 --> 00:08:17,667 CAN BE FRIENDS WITH YOU. I MEAN, I DON'T... 228 00:08:17,668 --> 00:08:20,169 ( stammering ) I DON'T... 229 00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,420 I DON'T SEE THE APPEAL. 230 00:08:21,421 --> 00:08:23,423 STILL NOT SEEING IT. 231 00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:32,592 NOTHING ANNOYING COMES TO MIND. 232 00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:36,015 WELL, SEEMS LIKE YOU TWO WERE LUCKY TO FIND EACH OTHER. 233 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:39,098 UH, WERE THERE OTHER RELATIONSHIPS ALONG THE WAY? 234 00:08:39,099 --> 00:08:41,901 YOU DON'T NEED A NUMBER, DO YOU? 235 00:08:41,902 --> 00:08:43,693 ( chuckles ) OF COURSE HE DOESN'T NEED A NUMBER. 236 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:45,314 OH, OKAY. 237 00:08:45,315 --> 00:08:46,646 RIGHT? 238 00:08:46,647 --> 00:08:48,067 LET'S MAKE A BABY! 239 00:08:48,068 --> 00:08:49,860 RIGHT HERE ON OUR LUCKY COUCH! 240 00:08:51,201 --> 00:08:54,033 OOH. ( giggles ) 241 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,206 IT'S JUST NOT A GOOD IDEA TO DATE SOMEBODY THAT MUCH YOUNGER THAN YOU. 242 00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:59,248 - HEY, JOE! - HEY! 243 00:08:59,249 --> 00:09:01,832 IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS. HOT, SEXY CHRISTMAS. 244 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,425 AND I AM READY TO UNWRAP MY GIFT. 245 00:09:06,426 --> 00:09:09,088 ME TOO, 'CAUSE I'VE BEEN A GOOD GIRL THIS YEAR. 246 00:09:09,089 --> 00:09:10,469 WE'RE OVER, JOE LONGO! 247 00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:13,222 WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT, HEY! 248 00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:15,304 WHEN THE BATTER STARTS TO BUBBLE, YOU GO UNDER IT LIKE THIS 249 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:16,806 AND JUST FLIP IT OVER. 250 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,308 ( Russian accent ) YOU ARE SO GOOD AT FLIPPING THINGS OVER. 251 00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,230 ( laughs ) 252 00:09:21,231 --> 00:09:23,392 GETTING A LITTLE TEXT MESSAGE FROM YOUR, UM... 253 00:09:23,393 --> 00:09:24,604 SNEAKY, SECRET BOYFRIEND? 254 00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,895 NO. 255 00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:28,278 A TEXT MESSAGE HAS WORDS. 256 00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:32,361 WE ARE NOT PARTNERS-PARTNERS. OKAY, WE ARE... ( chuckles ) 257 00:09:32,362 --> 00:09:34,573 WE ARE PARTNER-SILENT PARTNER, 258 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:37,156 - SO, SHH. - BUT I... 259 00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:38,828 AH AH AH! I JUST SAID SILENT PARTNER. 260 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,791 OKAY, HERE, I REFER YOU TO MY PROSPECTUS. 261 00:09:41,792 --> 00:09:44,254 LET ME REFER YOU TO MY CHECK. 262 00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,086 BESIDES, I DON'T REALLY DO SILENT. 263 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,587 ASK ANY OF MY OTHER PARTNERS, 264 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,590 I MAKE A LOT OF NOISE. 265 00:09:52,172 --> 00:09:54,263 YOU KNOW, WE REALLY DIDN'T DATE THAT MUCH BEFORE WE MET. 266 00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:57,216 YEAH, WE WERE PRETTY MUCH VIRGINS UNTIL WE GOT TOGETHER. 267 00:09:57,217 --> 00:09:58,267 UH-HUH. 268 00:09:58,268 --> 00:10:00,269 YOU KNOW, FOR THIS TO WORK, 269 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:02,852 YOU HAVE TO BE TOTALLY HONEST. 270 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,313 OH, WE ARE. 271 00:10:04,314 --> 00:10:06,225 WE NEVER LIE. 272 00:10:06,226 --> 00:10:08,228 I... I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW. 273 00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:12,231 I TEXTED LENNOX THAT I HAD A BIG SURPRISE. 274 00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:14,864 YOU REMEMBER THAT GREEN DAY CONCERT THAT SOLD OUT IN SIX MINUTES? 275 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,736 WELL, GUESS WHO SCORED TWO TICKETS. 276 00:10:16,737 --> 00:10:18,577 FLOOR SEATS? HOW DID YOU SWING THAT? 277 00:10:18,578 --> 00:10:20,199 WHAT? I'M A CITY COUNCILWOMAN. 278 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,411 OKAY? I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON. 279 00:10:22,412 --> 00:10:24,294 ALL RIGHT, I'M A SEMI-IMPORTANT PERSON. 280 00:10:25,295 --> 00:10:27,127 FINE, I WON THEM ON THE RADIO. 281 00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:30,379 ALL RIGHT, ONE OF MY INTERNS WON THEM ON THE RADIO 282 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,011 AND SHE GAVE THEM TO ME. 283 00:10:32,012 --> 00:10:33,553 ALL RIGHT, I TOOK THEM FROM HER! 284 00:10:34,755 --> 00:10:36,757 ( speaking Japanese ) 285 00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:46,646 WHAT'D HE SAY? 286 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,397 UM... 287 00:10:48,398 --> 00:10:49,608 HE SAID THAT, HE, UH, 288 00:10:49,609 --> 00:10:52,982 ADMIRES YOUR CHOICE OF CHAMPAGNE TONIGHT. 289 00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:55,155 ONLY THE BEST FOR MY FRIEND FROM JAPAN. 290 00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,408 ( speaking Japanese ) 291 00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,837 BUT, YOU KNOW, I SHOULD PROBABLY GET HOME TOO. 292 00:11:07,838 --> 00:11:11,340 I'M STUFFED. I'M ALWAYS TIRED AFTER A BIG MEAL. 293 00:11:11,341 --> 00:11:14,254 ( speaking Japanese ) 294 00:11:25,265 --> 00:11:27,146 ( speaks Japanese ) 295 00:11:27,147 --> 00:11:28,068 WHAT'S GERI? 296 00:11:28,069 --> 00:11:29,688 "STUFFED," "FULL." 297 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,900 YES, GERI. 298 00:11:30,901 --> 00:11:33,153 MUCHO MUCHO GERI. 299 00:11:34,524 --> 00:11:36,485 I MEANT NEWS ABOUT YOUR FRIEND JUNIOR. 300 00:11:36,486 --> 00:11:38,447 - GEORGE? - NO, JUNIOR. 301 00:11:38,448 --> 00:11:40,659 AS IN, SEVERAL YEARS YOUR JUNIOR. 302 00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,952 OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW HE'S LITTLE YOUNG FOR ME... 303 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,283 HE'S 24, BURKE. HE TOLD ME. 304 00:11:44,284 --> 00:11:45,664 SERIOUSLY? 305 00:11:45,665 --> 00:11:46,665 YEAH. 306 00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:47,666 THAT'S A PRETTY BIG AGE GAP. 307 00:11:47,667 --> 00:11:50,880 WELL, IT'S ONLY FOUR YEARS. 308 00:11:50,881 --> 00:11:52,381 HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT? 309 00:11:52,382 --> 00:11:55,134 I TOLD HIM I WAS 28. 310 00:11:55,135 --> 00:11:57,096 YOU'RE NOT 28. 311 00:11:57,097 --> 00:11:58,297 AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. 312 00:11:58,298 --> 00:12:00,140 YEAH, WHEN YOU LIE ABOUT IT. 313 00:12:01,391 --> 00:12:03,602 LYING GOES TOTALLY AGAINST OUR NATURE. 314 00:12:03,603 --> 00:12:05,014 ( chuckling ) YEAH... 315 00:12:05,015 --> 00:12:06,015 UH-HUH. 316 00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,808 ARE YOU EVER INSULTING OR SNARKY 317 00:12:08,809 --> 00:12:09,809 TO EACH OTHER? 318 00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,440 Both: NO. 319 00:12:11,441 --> 00:12:14,443 NO, WE ALWAYS TREAT EACH OTHER WITH THE UTMOST RESPECT... 320 00:12:14,444 --> 00:12:15,655 ALL THE TIME. 321 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,199 PERSONAL QUESTION: DID YOUR HAIR GET SICK OF YOU AND LEAVE? 322 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,241 THIS IS A CHOICE! 323 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,572 YES, WE KNOW. WHEN YOU GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, 324 00:12:23,573 --> 00:12:25,705 THEY RETIRED YOUR THONG. 325 00:12:27,287 --> 00:12:29,668 - JOE! - YEAH, WHAT'S UP? 326 00:12:29,669 --> 00:12:31,290 NICE OUTFIT. 327 00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:34,044 SO, DO YOU DO THE "Y," THE "M," THE "C" OR THE "A"? 328 00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:40,339 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! 329 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:41,550 THERE, HA! 330 00:12:41,551 --> 00:12:43,973 YOU'RE MR. CLEAN. LET'S GO. 331 00:12:43,974 --> 00:12:45,144 OH MY GOSH. 332 00:12:45,145 --> 00:12:46,185 OH MY GOD! 333 00:12:46,186 --> 00:12:48,227 OH, I WANNA KEEP THIS. 334 00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:50,099 AND THIS. AND THIS! 335 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,981 WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA WEAR ANY OF THOSE. 336 00:12:51,982 --> 00:12:54,814 BUT I STILL WANT THEM. THEY'RE LIKE MUSEUM PIECES. 337 00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:57,196 WHAT MUSEUM? THE, UH, SLUT-SONIAN? 338 00:12:57,197 --> 00:12:59,989 ( Ryder laughs ) 339 00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:01,780 SO HOW ABOUT YOU? WHAT'S THE, UH... 340 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,163 MOST DEGRADING THING YOU EVER DID FOR MONEY? 341 00:13:04,164 --> 00:13:05,905 ( clicks tongue ) 342 00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:08,247 BY FAR, THIS. 343 00:13:08,248 --> 00:13:10,870 NO, SERIOUSLY. WHAT'S THE WACKIEST THING YOU EVER DID FOR THE CASH? 344 00:13:10,871 --> 00:13:12,711 YOU KNOW, YOU EVER SELL ANYTHING FROM YOUR BODY? 345 00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,914 BLOOD, HAIR... 346 00:13:14,915 --> 00:13:16,296 MALE REPRODUCTIVE STUFF? 347 00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:18,878 LET'S PLAY CHARADES. 348 00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:20,090 WHO AM I? 349 00:13:24,424 --> 00:13:25,975 OKAY, ONE LAST QUESTION. 350 00:13:25,976 --> 00:13:29,348 AND THIS COULD MAKE OR BREAK MY DECISION TO MARRY YOU. 351 00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:31,230 IT'S ABOUT FAMILY. 352 00:13:31,231 --> 00:13:32,731 OH, I LOVE MY MOM, I SWEAR! 353 00:13:32,732 --> 00:13:35,314 YEAH, I SEND HER A CARD EVERY TIME SHE HAS A FACE LIFT. 354 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:39,438 ARE YOU PLANNING TO HAVE ANY LITTLE MELS OR JOES 355 00:13:39,439 --> 00:13:41,700 - IN THE FUTURE? - YES! YES, WE ARE. 356 00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:43,112 YES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 357 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,493 SHE'S GONNA BE AN AMAZING MOTHER. 358 00:13:44,494 --> 00:13:46,155 AW, AND HE'LL MAKE AN EVEN BETTER DAD. 359 00:13:46,156 --> 00:13:48,657 SHE KNOWS ME SO WELL. 360 00:13:48,658 --> 00:13:50,119 OH, BOY. 361 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,912 SO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE FIT TO BE PARENTS. 362 00:13:52,913 --> 00:13:54,793 OH! THIS ONE WE CAN ACTUALLY ANSWER TRUTHFULLY. 363 00:13:54,794 --> 00:13:57,586 JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER ANSWERS, RIGHT, HONEY? 364 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,838 ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HOLD THAT THOUGHT, REVEREND. 365 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,220 LENNOX, RYDER! 366 00:14:01,221 --> 00:14:02,551 COULD YOU GUYS COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE? 367 00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:05,304 SO YOU ALREADY HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER 368 00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:06,515 BEFORE MARRIAGE? 369 00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:08,347 HOW VERY MODERN... 370 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,930 AND WHAT A HUGE SIN. 371 00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:13,062 NO NO NO NO NO. WE'RE RAISING MY TEENAGE NIECE AND NEPHEW 372 00:14:13,063 --> 00:14:14,523 SINCE MY SISTER'S BEEN IN PRISON. 373 00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:16,735 REVEREND MATTHEWS, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET 374 00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:18,107 LENNOX AND RYDER. 375 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,109 I'M SURE THEY'LL PAINT US IN A GOOD LIGHT. 376 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,320 - YEP. - YOU GOT IT. 377 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:23,032 GREAT, THEN TELL ME, KIDS, 378 00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:26,745 HAVE MEL AND JOE BEEN GOOD ROLE MODELS? 379 00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:29,329 THINK, GUYS, ALL RIGHT? THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU SPEAK. 380 00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:33,162 WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE AND SOMETHING LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME, 381 00:14:33,163 --> 00:14:35,374 I WOULD GRAB MY FAKE I.D., SNEAK INTO A BAR 382 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:39,378 AND DROWN MY SORROWS IN A BIG FROSTY MUG OF... 383 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,921 MILK. 384 00:14:42,092 --> 00:14:43,712 THIS IS MY NIECE LENNOX. 385 00:14:43,713 --> 00:14:45,925 SHE'S HERE FOR HER FIRST FAKE I.D. 386 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:47,806 AW, THAT'S SO SWEET. 387 00:14:47,807 --> 00:14:51,220 SHE NEED A MEDICAL MARIJUANA CARD TOO? 388 00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:54,143 I MIGHT HAVE A TOUCH OF THE GLAUCOMA. 389 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,935 YOU TALKED HER INTO GOING DOWN THERE. 390 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,186 HOW DID YOU TALK HER INTO GOING DOWN THERE? 391 00:14:57,187 --> 00:14:58,317 I PAID HER 50 BUCKS. 392 00:14:58,318 --> 00:14:59,979 A BRIBE?! 393 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,650 THAT'S TERRIBLE. NOT ONLY IS THAT WRONG, 394 00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:02,781 THAT'S HORRIBLE PARENTING. 395 00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:04,613 WELL, I'M NOT A PARENT AND NEITHER ARE YOU. 396 00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:05,734 CAN I HAVE 50 BUCKS? 397 00:15:05,735 --> 00:15:07,406 Mel and Joe: NO. 398 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,448 I DON'T THINK LENNOX IS GONNA BE TOO THRILLED WITH THE FACT 399 00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:10,789 WE JUST TALKED ABOUT HER SEX LIFE ON TV, 400 00:15:10,790 --> 00:15:12,451 SO DO YOU HAVE A PLAN? 401 00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:15,454 I AM PREPARED TO FACE HER WITH HONESTY AND HUMILITY... 402 00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:17,246 AND THIS $100 GIFT CARD. 403 00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:18,667 A BRIBE? 404 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,589 OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT PARENTING. 405 00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,301 CAN IT BE FROM BOTH OF US? 406 00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:24,093 OH, YEAH! WHO'S THE WEENIE NOW, HUH? 407 00:15:24,094 --> 00:15:25,134 NOT ME. 408 00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:27,387 MY NANNY'S TEACHING ME HOW TO FIGHT. 409 00:15:29,849 --> 00:15:32,051 LOOK, I'VE HAD MY SHARE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS. 410 00:15:32,052 --> 00:15:35,224 OKAY, AFTER COLLEGE I HAD A THREE-MONTH EURORAIL PASS. 411 00:15:35,225 --> 00:15:38,978 AND LET'S JUST SAY, MY VISA GOT PUNCHED AT A FEW DIFFERENT STOPS. 412 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,859 UGH! 413 00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:43,692 HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID TO SMOKE POT ON A SCHOOL TRIP? 414 00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:46,196 HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO ADMIT IT? 415 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:51,280 AUNT MEL AND JOE HAVE TAUGHT US SO MANY GREAT THINGS. 416 00:15:51,281 --> 00:15:52,661 AW, SO SWEET. 417 00:15:52,662 --> 00:15:54,453 THAT CALLS FOR A FAMILY HUG. 418 00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,954 - AWW... - HEY, BRING IT IN, EVERYBODY. 419 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,206 FAMILY HUG TIME. 420 00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,998 OH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH. 421 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,380 NOT ONLY DID YOU LIE TO A MINISTER, 422 00:16:01,381 --> 00:16:03,502 BUT YOU FORCED THESE CHILDREN TO LIE. 423 00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:06,345 THERE'S NO WAY I'LL SANCTIFY THIS UNION. 424 00:16:06,346 --> 00:16:08,137 BUT... BUT WE LOVE EACH OTHER. 425 00:16:08,138 --> 00:16:12,092 I DON'T GIVE A CRAP. I GOT A SUCCESS RATE TO WORRY ABOUT. 426 00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:17,976 WAIT, REVEREND MATTHEWS. 427 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,648 YOU REALLY THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP? 428 00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:20,689 OF COURSE NOT, DEAR. 429 00:16:20,690 --> 00:16:22,441 YOU'RE PERFECTLY NORMAL. 430 00:16:22,442 --> 00:16:26,155 LIKE A LOT OF PERFECTLY NORMAL COUPLES... 431 00:16:26,156 --> 00:16:28,158 YOU'RE DESTINED FOR DIVORCE. 432 00:16:29,159 --> 00:16:31,070 BYE NOW. 433 00:16:31,071 --> 00:16:32,491 ( door closes ) 434 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,284 DIVORCE?! 435 00:16:37,877 --> 00:16:38,997 THE NERVE OF THAT GUY, HUH? 436 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,209 WHO IS HE TO JUDGE US? 437 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,420 WHAT MAKES HIM A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT? 438 00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:43,712 UH, 50 YEARS OF MARRYING PEOPLE 439 00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:45,335 AND THE HIGHEST SUCCESS RATE IN THE STATE. 440 00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:48,297 HE DOESN'T REALLY KNOW YOU GUYS 441 00:16:48,298 --> 00:16:49,678 OR THE STORY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP. 442 00:16:49,679 --> 00:16:52,261 YEAH, AND IT'S SO ROMANTIC. AND THINK ABOUT IT, 443 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,513 IT CAME SO CLOSE TO NOT HAPPENING AT ALL. 444 00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,475 ALL RIGHT, ONE HAND HERE... 445 00:16:56,476 --> 00:16:58,897 - MM-HMM. - ...AND MY THUMB THERE. 446 00:16:58,898 --> 00:17:01,400 EXACTLY. AND THE MAN... 447 00:17:01,401 --> 00:17:02,771 THAT WOULD BE ME... 448 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,273 I PUT MY HAND RIGHT HERE. 449 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,604 - ( giggles ) - DON'T LAUGH. 450 00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:07,486 - WELL, DON'T TICKLE ME. - I'M NOT TICKLING YOU. 451 00:17:07,487 --> 00:17:09,408 - WELL, I'M TICKLISH THERE. - YOU'RE TICKLISH IN YOUR UPPER BACK? 452 00:17:09,409 --> 00:17:11,410 I'M TICKLISH IN A LOT OF PLACES I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT. 453 00:17:11,411 --> 00:17:13,412 IT'S LIKE GIVING AWAY LAUNCH CODES. 454 00:17:13,413 --> 00:17:16,705 WELL, I WOULDN'T WANNA ACCIDENTALLY SET YOU OFF. 455 00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,247 LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA FEEL PRESSURE AGAINST YOUR HAND, OKAY? 456 00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:19,248 AND YOU'RE GONNA GO AGAINST THAT. 457 00:17:19,249 --> 00:17:21,120 THIS IS LIKE TWO MAGNETS. 458 00:17:21,121 --> 00:17:22,661 TWO MAGNETS THAT ARE BEING REPELLED BY EACH OTHER. 459 00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:25,084 OH, SO DANCING WITH YOU IS BASED ON REPULSION? 460 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,296 I AM GONNA BE AWESOME AT THIS. 461 00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,258 YOU'RE SO CUTE, REALLY. 462 00:17:29,259 --> 00:17:30,759 YEAH, AWESOME. OKAY, YOU READY? 463 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:34,174 - MM-HMM. - I'M GONNA MOVE AND YOU'RE GONNA FOLLOW. 464 00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:38,057 POP. 465 00:17:40,770 --> 00:17:42,731 - ( chuckles ) - HOW DID THAT FEEL? 466 00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,683 GOOD. REALLY GOOD... 467 00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:47,316 I MEAN, IN A DANCING SORT OF WAY. 468 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:48,447 SEE, THE TANGO... 469 00:17:48,448 --> 00:17:50,649 IS ALL ABOUT PASSION. 470 00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:53,071 THE MAN LEADS AND THE WOMAN FOLLOWS 471 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,454 UNTIL THEY BECOME... 472 00:17:55,455 --> 00:17:57,617 ONE. 473 00:17:58,908 --> 00:18:00,749 YOU'RE SPECIAL. IT'S NOT EVERY DAY 474 00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,752 YOU FIND SOMEONE YOU CONNECT WITH, AND I CONNECT WITH YOU. 475 00:18:04,914 --> 00:18:07,466 YOU'RE SO SPECIAL, ELENA. 476 00:18:07,467 --> 00:18:09,298 I MEAN, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT YOU FIND SOMEONE THAT YOU CONNECT WITH. 477 00:18:09,299 --> 00:18:11,711 AND I... I REALLY CONNECT WITH YOU. 478 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:14,673 I... I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL JUST NOW 479 00:18:14,674 --> 00:18:16,215 HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU. 480 00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:19,138 I DIDN'T REALIZE TILL NOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU. 481 00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,141 - ( sighs ) - AND... 482 00:18:23,183 --> 00:18:24,723 AND? 483 00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:27,726 AND I'M GONNA MISS YOU WHEN YOU'RE IN RUSSIA, JOE. 484 00:18:27,727 --> 00:18:29,648 WHAT? 485 00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:32,442 I... YOU TELL HER YOU'RE GONNA MISS HER WHEN SHE'S GONE, JOE. 486 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,236 OKAY, BYE. 487 00:18:37,237 --> 00:18:38,327 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 488 00:18:38,328 --> 00:18:39,788 WHAT? I... 489 00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:41,370 I WAS JUST SAYING GOODBYE. 490 00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,122 DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL. 491 00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:47,877 WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? 492 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,420 Austin: SO... 493 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:54,012 DOCTOR SAID NONE OF THAT FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. 494 00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:55,595 IT'S TOUGH. I ALWAYS HAVE THAT LOOK AROUND YOU. 495 00:19:01,521 --> 00:19:03,222 - JOE. - YEAH? 496 00:19:03,223 --> 00:19:05,185 I LOVE YOU. 497 00:19:09,028 --> 00:19:11,360 COOL. SO LOOK, RYDER IS GONNA BE IN THE HOSPITAL LIKE TWO DAYS. 498 00:19:11,361 --> 00:19:12,651 SO YOU COULD TAKE THE FIRST NIGHT, 499 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,822 I COULD TAKE THE SECOND NIGHT. 500 00:19:13,823 --> 00:19:14,943 OR WHATEVER. I COULD TAKE THE FIRST NIGHT, 501 00:19:14,944 --> 00:19:16,275 YOU COULD TAKE THE SECOND NIGHT. 502 00:19:16,276 --> 00:19:17,406 - IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. - JOE, DID YOU HEAR ME? 503 00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,037 YEAH, YOU JUST SAID YOU LOVE ME. HEH. 504 00:19:19,038 --> 00:19:21,039 YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY? 505 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,242 RYDER THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT THE PORK, OKAY? 506 00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:25,624 BUT EVERYBODY KNOWS PORK DOESN'T CAUSE THAT KIND OF... 507 00:19:25,625 --> 00:19:27,246 ( groans ) YOU DRIVE ME NUTS! 508 00:19:27,247 --> 00:19:28,587 YOU DRIVE ME NUTS TOO, BUT WE'RE WE'RE REALLY NOT TALKING 509 00:19:28,588 --> 00:19:29,588 ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW. 510 00:19:29,589 --> 00:19:31,129 AUSTIN WANTED ME TO MARRY HIM. 511 00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:32,501 - AND I SAID NO. - THAT'S A SMART MOVE. 512 00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:34,002 I NEVER THOUGHT HE WAS RIGHT FOR YOU. 513 00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:35,093 LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT'S RIGHT FOR ME? 514 00:19:35,094 --> 00:19:36,094 NO. 515 00:19:36,095 --> 00:19:38,257 BUT, YOU KNOW... 516 00:19:38,258 --> 00:19:40,509 WHEN AM I WRONG? ( guffaws ) 517 00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:42,010 SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA STRANGLE YOU. 518 00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:44,644 OH, WOULD YOU TWO JUST STOP TALKING AND KISS?! 519 00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,863 SEE, THAT WORKS. 520 00:19:54,864 --> 00:19:57,025 YEAH, BECAUSE WHEN WE'RE KISSING, YOU'RE NOT TALKING. 521 00:19:57,026 --> 00:19:58,197 WELL, I... 522 00:20:01,581 --> 00:20:04,623 YOU KNOW, IF YOU BOTH STILL WANNA GET MARRIED AFTER ALL YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH, 523 00:20:04,624 --> 00:20:06,245 THAT SAYS SOMETHING. 524 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,536 EITHER YOU REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER 525 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:09,538 OR YOU'RE COMPLETELY NUTS. 526 00:20:09,539 --> 00:20:12,130 OR BOTH. 527 00:20:12,131 --> 00:20:15,424 WELL, I GUESS ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS IS HOW WE FEEL ABOUT OUR MARRIAGE. 528 00:20:15,425 --> 00:20:16,715 WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS? 529 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,297 YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T CARE WHO MARRIES US, HONEY, 530 00:20:18,298 --> 00:20:19,298 AS LONG AS I GET TO MARRY YOU. 531 00:20:19,299 --> 00:20:20,679 OH. 532 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,100 MMM. 533 00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:23,682 SO THERE'S NOTHING YOU WOULD CHANGE ABOUT ME? 534 00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:26,475 LET ME THINK, UM... 535 00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,437 - NOPE, NOTHING. - YOU HAD SOMETHING IN THERE. 536 00:20:28,438 --> 00:20:31,270 - UH, DEFINITELY NOTHING. - YEAH, I SAW IT IN YOUR EYES. 537 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,272 - YOU WERE THINKING SOMETHING. - ABSOLUTELY NOT. 538 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:36,525 AND THAT IS, UH... THAT'S ALMOST THE TRUTH. 539 00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:37,856 GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. 540 00:20:37,857 --> 00:20:39,068 ( quietly ) ALL RIGHT. 541 00:20:42,702 --> 00:20:44,413 LOOK, REVEREND MATTHEWS LEFT HIS LIST OF QUESTIONS. 542 00:20:44,414 --> 00:20:46,034 OH, THIS ONE'S A GOODY. 543 00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,957 "DO YOU EVER HAVE A PROBLEM EXPRESSING YOURSELF TO YOUR PARTNER? 544 00:20:48,958 --> 00:20:51,420 DO YOU HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS?" 545 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:53,632 - HA, NOT US. - NOPE. 546 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:56,045 NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER HAS TROUBLE FINDING THE RIGHT WORDS. 547 00:20:57,927 --> 00:20:59,137 - MARK. - ( beeps ) 548 00:20:59,138 --> 00:21:00,339 I HOPE ONE DAY I CAN GET OUT OF... 549 00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:01,800 ( groans ) 550 00:21:01,801 --> 00:21:03,472 - ( beeps ) - ONE DAY I CAN GET OUT OF... 551 00:21:03,473 --> 00:21:05,384 ( clears throat ) 552 00:21:05,385 --> 00:21:07,386 I HOPE ONE DAY I CAN GET OUT AS MUCH AS... 553 00:21:07,387 --> 00:21:09,348 OUT OF CABLE TV AS YOU... 554 00:21:09,349 --> 00:21:10,769 - HOLD ON. - ( beeps ) 555 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,981 ( blows raspberry, laughs ) 556 00:21:12,982 --> 00:21:14,022 ( beeps ) 557 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,273 YOU NEED TO, YOU KNOW... 558 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:16,485 WE FIGURE... FIGURE OUT 559 00:21:16,486 --> 00:21:19,448 WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO NEXT. 560 00:21:19,449 --> 00:21:20,819 - ( beeps ) - YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO 561 00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:22,110 WAIT THREE YEARS TO EAT IT. 562 00:21:22,111 --> 00:21:24,032 HIM. I... UH, MY DINNER. 563 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,495 WHAT?