1 00:00:07,178 --> 00:00:08,548 PREVIOUSLY ON "MELISSA & JOEY..." 2 00:00:08,549 --> 00:00:09,679 A SECRET DAUGHTER? 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,052 THEN THAT WOULD MAKE YOU MY DAD? 4 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:13,133 IT WOULD. 5 00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:15,095 HOW DO I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU? 6 00:00:15,096 --> 00:00:17,597 YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT TRUSTING ME ANYMORE. WE'RE DONE. 7 00:00:17,598 --> 00:00:20,019 DANI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 8 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:21,942 LIKE I WAS GONNA MISS MY DAD'S WEDDING. 9 00:00:23,604 --> 00:00:27,147 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 10 00:00:27,148 --> 00:00:29,069 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M MORE ANGRY ABOUT. 11 00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:31,451 THE FACT THAT YOU RAN AWAY FROM HOME WITHOUT TELLING YOUR MOTHER 12 00:00:31,452 --> 00:00:33,953 OR THAT YOU JUST STUCK ME WITH A $400 CAB FAIR. 13 00:00:33,954 --> 00:00:35,785 IN MY DEFENSE, I TRIED TO PAY 14 00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,247 WITH THESE EARRINGS. 15 00:00:37,248 --> 00:00:38,828 THEY'RE REAL GOLD. 16 00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:40,660 AWW, JOE, THAT'S SO SWEET. 17 00:00:40,661 --> 00:00:43,463 DANI WAS GONNA GIVE UP HER EARRINGS TO SEE HER DAD. 18 00:00:43,464 --> 00:00:47,627 - OH, THESE AREN'T MINE. THESE ARE MY MOM'S. - YOU STOLE THEM?! 19 00:00:47,628 --> 00:00:50,049 WHAT?! I'M GONNA GET THEM WHEN SHE DIES. 20 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,592 OKAY, LOOK, THAT'S NOT SO BAD. 21 00:00:52,593 --> 00:00:54,554 WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, I TRIED TO PAY A CAB DRIVER 22 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,055 - BY GIVING HIM A... - MEL! 23 00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,937 ...BORROWED CREDIT CARD FROM MY DAD! 24 00:00:57,938 --> 00:00:59,349 WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA SAY? 25 00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,441 DO ME A FAVOR, JOE. 26 00:01:01,442 --> 00:01:02,942 JUST DON'T CALL MY MOM, OKAY? 27 00:01:02,943 --> 00:01:06,186 OH MY GOD, YOU BROUGHT HER BACK. 28 00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:08,488 OH-OH! GIVE ME HUG, 29 00:01:08,489 --> 00:01:10,860 MY LITTLE ILLEGITIMATE GRANDDAUGHTER. 30 00:01:10,861 --> 00:01:15,695 OH, I AM SO HAPPY TO MEET YOU. 31 00:01:15,696 --> 00:01:18,998 ( muffled ) NICE TO MEET YOU TOO, LADY. 32 00:01:18,999 --> 00:01:20,370 DON'T GO GETTING TOO ATTACHED, MOM. 33 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,122 SHE'S GOING BACK FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING. 34 00:01:22,123 --> 00:01:24,084 WHAT IS SHE, A SHELTER DOG? 35 00:01:24,965 --> 00:01:26,126 WHEN DID YOU EAT LAST? 36 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:28,468 YOU LOOK LIKE A TWIG WITH EYES. 37 00:01:28,469 --> 00:01:30,049 GRANDMA WILL FIX THAT. 38 00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:32,512 OH, YEAH, LET HER HAVE ANYTHING SHE WANTS. 39 00:01:32,513 --> 00:01:34,304 MY DAUGHTER IS BASICALLY A RUNAWAY JEWEL THIEF, 40 00:01:34,305 --> 00:01:35,555 AND YOU'RE MAKING ALL NICE. 41 00:01:35,556 --> 00:01:36,716 WELL, I JUST WANT HER TO FEEL WELCOME HERE. 42 00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:38,428 YEAH, WELL, FELICIA GOES ON TOUR TOMORROW. 43 00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:40,310 SO SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO COME BACK UP HERE TONIGHT AND GET DANI. 44 00:01:40,311 --> 00:01:41,681 OH, COME ON, LET HER STAY FOR THE WEDDING. 45 00:01:41,682 --> 00:01:43,143 OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, HER MOTHER WOULD FREAK OUT. 46 00:01:43,144 --> 00:01:45,145 ALL RIGHT? SECONDLY, LETTING HER STAY HERE, 47 00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:46,936 WOULDN'T THAT BE REWARDING THAT TERRIBLE BEHAVIOR? 48 00:01:46,937 --> 00:01:49,108 SO WE'LL TELL HER, "NO CAKE." 49 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,991 CALL FELICIA AND TELL HER WE'LL SORT EVERYTHING OUT IN THE MORNING. 50 00:01:51,992 --> 00:01:54,033 AND YOU KNOW, TRY TO LIGHTEN UP. 51 00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:56,446 TOMORROW'S OUR WEDDING DAY, TAKE TWO. 52 00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:59,079 AND I'M GONNA VOW YOUR BRAINS OUT. 53 00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:01,741 ( theme music plays ) 54 00:02:01,742 --> 00:02:06,837 ♪ I GUESS YOUR STUCK WITH ME ♪ 55 00:02:13,964 --> 00:02:16,015 I'M SORRY. I'LL GET OUT OF YOUR WAY. 56 00:02:16,016 --> 00:02:17,597 NO, I DON'T CARE. 57 00:02:17,598 --> 00:02:19,559 STAY, GO... IT DOESN'T MATTER. 58 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,601 I TAKE IT THE RECONCILIATION 59 00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:23,102 WITH THE ARTIST DIDN'T GO SO WELL. 60 00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:24,974 YEAH, ZANDER SLEPT WITH HIS ROOMMATE. 61 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:26,065 OOPH. 62 00:02:26,066 --> 00:02:29,399 HIS ROOMMATE'S A GIRL, RIGHT? 63 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,111 WHAT IS IT WITH YOU MEN? ARE YOU ALL JUST HORRIBLE? 64 00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:34,324 GRANDMA SOPHIA USED TO SAY, 65 00:02:34,325 --> 00:02:38,037 "IF YOU HAVE ONE, YOU ARE ONE." 66 00:02:38,038 --> 00:02:40,159 A LOT OF DEEP THINKERS IN JERSEY. 67 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,581 YOU KNOW WHAT? 68 00:02:41,582 --> 00:02:43,583 I GOT TO APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT I DID EARLIER. 69 00:02:43,584 --> 00:02:47,247 I WAS A JERK TO SHOW ZANDER THOSE PICTURES OF US. 70 00:02:47,248 --> 00:02:49,289 NO, ZANDER'S THE JERK. 71 00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:50,960 IF HE CAN GO OFF WITH SOMEONE ELSE, 72 00:02:50,961 --> 00:02:53,092 THEN YOU KNOW WHAT? SO CAN I. 73 00:02:53,093 --> 00:02:54,254 - LET'S DO THIS. - HEY! 74 00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:56,556 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I'M KISSING YOU. 75 00:02:56,557 --> 00:02:58,298 HEY, HEY, HEY, UH, AS MUCH AS 76 00:02:58,299 --> 00:03:01,221 PORTIONS OF ME ARE VERY INTERESTED IN THIS PROPOSAL, 77 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,223 IT SEEMS LIKE YOU MIGHT BE COMING ON TO ME 78 00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,604 OUT OF REVENGE. 79 00:03:04,605 --> 00:03:06,266 SO? WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? 80 00:03:06,267 --> 00:03:09,360 I'M SORRY. I'M NOT A PIECE OF MEAT. 81 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,022 OH, SO YOU RUIN MY RELATIONSHIP 82 00:03:13,023 --> 00:03:15,445 AND THEN YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO HELP ME MOVE ON? 83 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,157 THANKS A LOT. 84 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:24,455 SORRY, BUDDY, IT'S NOT YOUR NIGHT. 85 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:32,252 OH, LOOK, ♪ HERE COMES THE BRIDE.. ♪ 86 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,963 WHO HASN'T HAD SOLID FOOD IN A WEEK! 87 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:36,095 YOU'RE STILL ON THAT LITTLE JUICE FAST? 88 00:03:36,096 --> 00:03:39,008 I'M SO HUNGRY, I BIT THE INSIDE OF MY CHEEK THIS MORNING 89 00:03:39,009 --> 00:03:40,261 AND JUST KEPT CHEWING. 90 00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:44,053 DON'T WORRY, EVERYTHING'S ON TRACK 91 00:03:44,054 --> 00:03:45,305 FOR THE WEDDING THIS AFTERNOON. 92 00:03:45,306 --> 00:03:47,016 DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT THE JUDGE YET? 93 00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:49,349 - WHAT? WHAT ABOUT HIM?! - THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL... 94 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:51,401 EXCEPT HE CAN'T MAKE IT. 95 00:03:51,402 --> 00:03:52,852 WHAT?! WHERE ARE ARE WE GONNA FIND 96 00:03:52,853 --> 00:03:54,904 SOMEONE TO MARRY US ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE? 97 00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:56,816 I COULD DO IT. HERE, CHECK THIS OUT. 98 00:03:56,817 --> 00:03:59,949 THIS WEBSITE... I CAN BE A FULLY ORDAINED MINISTER 99 00:03:59,950 --> 00:04:01,070 IN LIKE 10 MINUTES. 100 00:04:01,071 --> 00:04:02,492 OH, YEAH, HE'S RIGHT. IT SAYS, 101 00:04:02,493 --> 00:04:04,163 YOU JUST HAVE TO BE 16 YEARS OR OLDER 102 00:04:04,164 --> 00:04:05,705 AND HAVE ACCESS TO A CREDIT CARD. 103 00:04:05,706 --> 00:04:08,708 - IT'S A VERY ACCEPTING CHURCH. - I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS. 104 00:04:08,709 --> 00:04:10,420 PLEASE, AUNT MEL, COME ON, 105 00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:11,831 LET ME GIVE YOU THIS AS MY WEDDING GIFT, 106 00:04:11,832 --> 00:04:15,214 BECAUSE I DIDN'T BUY YOU GUYS ANYTHING. 107 00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:17,136 OH, ALL RIGHT, IF I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. 108 00:04:17,137 --> 00:04:18,257 YES! 109 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,090 CAN I GET AN AMEN? 110 00:04:24,054 --> 00:04:26,015 WELL, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO TELL JOEY 111 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,767 ABOUT THE RIGHT REVEREND RYDER. 112 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:28,768 WELL, MAYBE LATER. 113 00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,099 DANI'S MOM IS HERE RIGHT NOW. 114 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,561 AND JOE'S HELPING SMOOTH EVERYTHING OVER. 115 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,983 Dani: I HAVE THE WORST MOM IN THE WHOLE WORLD! 116 00:04:33,984 --> 00:04:35,104 YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?! 117 00:04:35,105 --> 00:04:37,397 AND IT COULD TAKE A WHILE. 118 00:04:37,398 --> 00:04:38,948 I'M NOT GOING ON ANOTHER 119 00:04:38,949 --> 00:04:40,780 LAME OLD-GUY ROCK TOUR WITH YOU. 120 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,704 THE BUS ALWAYS SMELLS LIKE MARIJUANA AND ROGAINE! 121 00:04:45,165 --> 00:04:47,327 UNFORTUNATELY, THE TOUR LEAVES THIS AFTERNOON 122 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:49,579 AND YOU'RE COMING WITH ME NOW. 123 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,461 BUT I WANT TO STAY FOR JOE'S WEDDING. 124 00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:53,963 AND YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? THAT IS A VERY SWEET GESTURE, 125 00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:55,375 BUT I THINK IN THIS CASE, YOUR MOM IS RIGHT. 126 00:04:55,376 --> 00:04:57,337 YOU SHOULD PROBABLY, YOU KNOW, GO WITH HER. 127 00:04:57,338 --> 00:04:59,339 - WHAT IF I STAY WITH YOU? - HE JUST MET YOU. 128 00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,010 HE DOESN'T WANT YOU MOVING IN WITH HIM. 129 00:05:01,011 --> 00:05:03,262 I DIDN'T SAY THAT. NOW, DON'T GO PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH. 130 00:05:03,263 --> 00:05:05,555 LOOK, YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER. IF YOU WANT TO STAY HERE, 131 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,848 - YOU CAN STAY HERE. - YOU MEAN THAT? 132 00:05:11,191 --> 00:05:13,062 ABSOLUTELY, YEAH. 133 00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:15,985 YEAH, I MEAN THAT. YOU COULD STAY HERE. 134 00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:17,527 WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY HERE? 135 00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:19,649 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GO STICK YOUR NEEDLES 136 00:05:19,650 --> 00:05:21,781 IN CHEAP TRICK'S ARTHRITIC KNEES 137 00:05:21,782 --> 00:05:23,403 AND, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE DONE, 138 00:05:23,404 --> 00:05:24,404 IN A COUPLE WEEKS, YOU COME BACK 139 00:05:24,405 --> 00:05:25,405 AND YOU PICK UP DANI. 140 00:05:25,406 --> 00:05:27,076 IT'S A NATION-WIDE TOUR. 141 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,038 WE'RE GONE FOR SIX MONTHS. 142 00:05:28,039 --> 00:05:29,999 SIX MONTHS?! 143 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,331 ( calmly ) I MEAN, SIX MONTHS. 144 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,955 IT'S, UH... IT MAY NOT BE ENOUGH TIME. 145 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,129 - SO CAN I? - ( sighs ) 146 00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:41,461 FINE. 147 00:05:41,462 --> 00:05:42,962 BUT I'M GONNA MISS YOU, HONEY. 148 00:05:42,963 --> 00:05:45,515 JOE, WHAT'S YOUR NEW WIFE GONNA THINK 149 00:05:45,516 --> 00:05:46,886 ABOUT THE NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY? 150 00:05:46,887 --> 00:05:48,678 OH, I GUARANTEE YOU. SHE... SHE IS GONNA BE 151 00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:50,019 SURPRISED AND DELIGHTED. 152 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:51,641 ( chuckles ) 153 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,353 AND SURPRISED. 154 00:05:59,029 --> 00:06:00,650 ( knocking ) 155 00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,071 HEY, HOW YOU DOING? 156 00:06:02,072 --> 00:06:03,362 OH, I'M JUST ENJOYING 157 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,074 A DELIGHTFUL GLASS OF KALE JUICE. 158 00:06:05,075 --> 00:06:08,367 MM-HMM, IT'S NOT VERY TASTY, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, 159 00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,369 IT'S DISGUSTING. 160 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,291 I CANNOT WAIT TILL THE END OF THIS DAY. 161 00:06:12,292 --> 00:06:13,703 TILL WE'RE HUSBAND AND WIFE? 162 00:06:13,704 --> 00:06:15,254 TILL I CAN LOOK AT YOU 163 00:06:15,255 --> 00:06:17,126 AND NOT SEE A BARBECUED CHICKEN WHERE YOUR HEAD SHOULD BE. 164 00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,668 ( chuckles ) 165 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:21,461 SO, UM, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF DANI? 166 00:06:21,462 --> 00:06:24,343 - UGH, SHE'S GREAT. - I KNOW. SHE IS, ISN'T SHE? 167 00:06:24,344 --> 00:06:25,675 HM-HMM, YEAH, BUT I GOT TO SAY, 168 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:27,717 THE RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME, STEALING FROM HER MOM, 169 00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:29,218 ALL THAT DEFIANCE, UGH! 170 00:06:29,219 --> 00:06:30,930 SHE REMINDS ME OF ME AT THAT AGE... 171 00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:33,182 ONLY WORSE. SHE'S GOT YOUR MOUTH. 172 00:06:33,183 --> 00:06:36,225 ( chuckles ) YEAH, SHE'S A HANDFUL. 173 00:06:36,226 --> 00:06:37,276 YEAH, I GOT TO TELL YOU, 174 00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:38,438 I WOULD NOT TRADE PLACES WITH FELICIA 175 00:06:38,439 --> 00:06:40,359 FOR ALL THE MERLOT IN AISLE FOUR 176 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,481 AT DISCOUNT WINE BARN. 177 00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:43,903 ( chuckles ) WHAT IF YOU DID? 178 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:44,944 YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T. 179 00:06:44,945 --> 00:06:47,697 YEAH, YOU KIND OF DID. 180 00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:51,160 YOU SEE, UM, HONEY, I... I... I... 181 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,952 I SORT OF TOLD DANI THAT, UH... 182 00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:56,295 THAT... THAT SHE COULD STAY WITH US FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 183 00:06:56,296 --> 00:06:57,747 HOW LITTLE? 184 00:06:57,748 --> 00:07:00,089 - SIX MONTHS. - SIX MONTHS?! 185 00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:03,132 YEAH, OH, IT'S... IT'S JUST GONNA FLY RIGHT BY. 186 00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,134 - ( chuckles ) - WAIT, JOE, 187 00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:08,548 YOU MADE THIS HUGE LIFE-ALTERING DECISION 188 00:07:08,549 --> 00:07:10,680 WITHOUT CONSULTING ME FIRST? 189 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:12,311 NOW?! 190 00:07:12,312 --> 00:07:15,054 WHEN I CAN'T EVEN EAT MY FEELINGS AWAY?! 191 00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:16,516 I HAD NO CHOICE, ALL RIGHT? 192 00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:18,147 HER MOTHER LEAVES TO GO ON TOUR TOMORROW FOR SIX MONTHS. 193 00:07:18,148 --> 00:07:19,689 I MEAN, I CAN'T JUST ABANDON DANI. 194 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:20,940 WELL, LOOK, I'M NOT A LAWYER, 195 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,021 BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S CALLED ABANDONMENT 196 00:07:22,022 --> 00:07:23,323 WHEN YOU LEAVE A CHILD WITH HER MOTHER! 197 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:26,065 OKAY, I AM NOT UPSET 198 00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:27,487 THAT DANI IS GONNA STAY HERE. 199 00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,030 I'M UPSET THAT YOU MADE THIS DECISION ON YOUR OWN. 200 00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:32,371 MARRIAGE MEANS WE'RE A TEAM. 201 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:33,784 WE ARE A TEAM... 202 00:07:34,995 --> 00:07:36,876 STARTING NOW. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 203 00:07:36,877 --> 00:07:38,918 WE ARE GONNA BE THE BEST FRICKIN' TEAM 204 00:07:38,919 --> 00:07:41,130 SINCE SIEGFRIED AND ROY. 205 00:07:41,131 --> 00:07:42,963 I DON'T KNOW WHY I JUST PICKED THAT TEAM. 206 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,928 ARE YOU OKAY? 207 00:07:48,929 --> 00:07:51,220 I KIND OF NEED TO BE ALONE RIGHT NOW. 208 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:54,263 UM, I NEED TO THINK ABOUT ALL THIS. 209 00:07:54,264 --> 00:07:56,185 ABOUT DANI? 210 00:07:56,186 --> 00:07:58,057 ABOUT ALL OF IT. 211 00:07:58,058 --> 00:08:00,399 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 212 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,982 HEY, LOOK, THIS IS... THIS IS ALL GONNA WORK OUT. 213 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,193 ALL RIGHT? I PROMISE YOU. 214 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:06,606 MEL, THIS... 215 00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:08,107 THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. 216 00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:10,660 THIS IS ALL A DISASTER. 217 00:08:10,661 --> 00:08:13,372 YOU TOLD MEL YOUR SURPRISE DAUGHTER 218 00:08:13,373 --> 00:08:14,784 IS MOVING IN! 219 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,455 YOU DON'T DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT 220 00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:18,247 ON THE BRIDE RIGHT BEFORE HER WEDDING. 221 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:19,709 WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, MOM?! 222 00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,711 WAIT UNTIL AFTER YOU GET MARRIED. 223 00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:25,254 THEN YOU'RE STUCK TOGETHER AND THE UGLY TRUTH CAN COME OUT. 224 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,256 I DID THE RIGHT THING AND YOU KNOW IT. 225 00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,888 DIDN'T I? 226 00:08:28,889 --> 00:08:30,339 HEY, YOU GUYS GET IT, RIGHT? 227 00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:31,340 HOW LONG IS SHE STAYING 228 00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:32,592 AND AM I SHARING A BATHROOM? 229 00:08:32,593 --> 00:08:34,684 RYDER, THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF QUESTION 230 00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:37,226 YOU SHOULD BE ASKING AT A TIME LIKE THIS? 231 00:08:37,227 --> 00:08:38,898 BUT SERIOUSLY WHERE IS SHE SLEEPING? 232 00:08:38,899 --> 00:08:40,479 NOT IN MY ROOM, THAT'S FOR SURE. 233 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,941 HEY, JOE, ARE THERE MORE KIDS COMING? 234 00:08:41,942 --> 00:08:43,192 IS THIS GONNA BECOME LIKE JOE LONGO'S 235 00:08:43,193 --> 00:08:45,775 GROUP HOME FOR SECRET CHILDREN? 236 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:47,446 YOU KNOW, I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT MY FAMILY 237 00:08:47,447 --> 00:08:49,699 AND MY ALMOST FAMILY IS REACTING LIKE THIS. 238 00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:51,450 WELL, YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED 239 00:08:51,451 --> 00:08:53,202 ABOUT HOW YOUR ALMOST BRIDE 240 00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:54,994 IS REACTING. 241 00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:56,365 WHAT DID MEL SAY? 242 00:08:56,366 --> 00:08:58,077 SHE SAID SHE NEEDED SOME TIME ALONE 243 00:08:58,078 --> 00:09:00,289 TO THINK ABOUT ALL OF IT. 244 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,751 "ALL OF IT"? 245 00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:03,422 OH-OH, THAT'S BAD. 246 00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:05,795 SHE MIGHT NOT WANT TO MARRY YOU NOW, JOEY. 247 00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,007 - OH. - THE POOR WOMAN ALREADY GOT STUCK 248 00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:09,720 RAISING TWO KIDS SHE DIDN'T WANT. 249 00:09:11,221 --> 00:09:13,973 EXCUSE ME, "TWO KIDS SHE DIDN'T WANT"? 250 00:09:13,974 --> 00:09:15,554 OH! I WAS KIDDING. ( laughs ) 251 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,848 DON'T TAKE THINGS SO LITERALLY. 252 00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:24,774 SO, AM I OFFICIATING A CEREMONY THIS AFTERNOON OR NOT? 253 00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:27,146 IT ISN'T ALL ABOUT YOU, DEAR. 254 00:09:27,147 --> 00:09:30,190 I CAN'T BELIEVE I BOUGHT THIS DRESS FOR NOTHING. 255 00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:37,246 GRANDMA'S IRONING MY SHIRT. 256 00:09:37,247 --> 00:09:41,580 SO, UH, LISTEN, ABOUT LAST NIGHT, 257 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,163 I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR BEING SUCH A GENTLEMAN 258 00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:46,165 AND NOT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME 259 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:50,089 WHEN I WAS KIND OF... DRUNK ON RAGE. 260 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,631 IT WASN'T EASY. 261 00:09:51,632 --> 00:09:54,343 YOU'RE REALLY HOT WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY. 262 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,384 ( laughs ) 263 00:09:55,385 --> 00:09:57,216 BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SCREW THINGS UP, 264 00:09:57,217 --> 00:09:59,058 BECAUSE I LIKE YOU 265 00:09:59,059 --> 00:10:01,181 AND I REALLY RESPECT YOU. 266 00:10:03,393 --> 00:10:05,725 YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT A LOT MORE GOING ON 267 00:10:05,726 --> 00:10:07,526 UNDER THE SURFACE THAN I FIRST THOUGHT. 268 00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:10,230 YEAH, I GOT A LOT OF LAYERS. 269 00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:13,653 - I'M LIKE A LASAGNA. - ( snickers ) 270 00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,364 I LIKE LASAGNA. 271 00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,617 ( both chuckle ) 272 00:10:21,161 --> 00:10:23,162 MEL. 273 00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:24,453 HEY, HONEY, IT'S ME. LISTEN, I... 274 00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:27,296 I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I'M... THAT I'M SORRY. 275 00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:29,209 MEL? 276 00:10:31,341 --> 00:10:32,342 MEL? 277 00:10:33,213 --> 00:10:35,135 HONEY? 278 00:10:38,759 --> 00:10:40,519 OH MY GOD. 279 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,183 RUNAWAY BRIDE. 280 00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:48,107 MEL IS GONE! 281 00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:50,529 OH, RELAX, DRAMA QUEEN. SHE'S RIGHT HERE. 282 00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:53,532 OH, HEY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE 283 00:10:53,533 --> 00:10:55,484 SO UPSET WITH ME THAT YOU WEREN'T GONNA MARRY ME. 284 00:10:55,485 --> 00:10:57,987 WELL, YEAH, IT WAS TOTALLY OFF, 285 00:10:57,988 --> 00:10:59,278 BUT THEN I HAD SOLID FOOD 286 00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:01,871 AND I WASN'T HOMICIDAL ANYMORE. 287 00:11:01,872 --> 00:11:03,372 YEAH, WE HAVE A SAYING IN MY FAMILY. 288 00:11:03,373 --> 00:11:04,744 "PROSCIUTTO FIXES EVERYTHING." 289 00:11:04,745 --> 00:11:06,125 WE HAVE THE SAME SAYING IN MY FAMILY, 290 00:11:06,126 --> 00:11:08,047 BUT WITH ALCOHOL. 291 00:11:08,048 --> 00:11:10,750 SO HOW YOU FEELING ABOUT THE WHOLE DANI SITUATION? 292 00:11:10,751 --> 00:11:12,842 WELL, YOU KNOW, DANI'S YOUR DAUGHTER. 293 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:15,294 AND IF I LOVE YOU, I'M GONNA LOVE HER. 294 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,425 WE'LL WORK IT OUT. 295 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,007 HEY, HEY! 296 00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:20,469 DON'T STOP. I CAN TALK AND EAT. 297 00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:22,061 SHE'S GONE. 298 00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,263 NAW, MOM, SHE'S RIGHT HERE. SHE JUST NEEDED A SANDWICH. 299 00:11:24,264 --> 00:11:27,356 NOT HER... DANI. I FOUND THIS NOTE. 300 00:11:27,357 --> 00:11:28,728 WHAT? 301 00:11:28,729 --> 00:11:30,399 "I'M SORRY I MESSED EVERYTHING UP, JOE. 302 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:31,610 DON'T WORRY, MEL WON'T HAVE TO RAISE 303 00:11:31,611 --> 00:11:33,442 ANOTHER KID SHE DOESN'T WANT. 304 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,074 I'M TAKING OFF." 305 00:11:35,075 --> 00:11:37,276 - OH MY GOD. - WE HAVE TO FIND HER. 306 00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:39,158 EVERYBODY, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR JEWELRY. 307 00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:41,240 SHE'S A KNOWN THIEF. 308 00:11:41,241 --> 00:11:42,702 SHE DID THAT ONCE, MOM... 309 00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:45,034 THAT WE KNOW OF. 310 00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,166 ALL RIGHT, IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T HURT TO CHECK. 311 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:53,542 HEY, MARCO! ARE YOU IN THERE? 312 00:11:53,543 --> 00:11:55,755 HUH? UH... 313 00:11:55,756 --> 00:11:58,097 - ( shuffling ) - YEAH, YEAH, UH, SURE. 314 00:11:58,098 --> 00:11:59,598 COME IN. 315 00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:01,260 HEY. 316 00:12:01,261 --> 00:12:04,764 I WAS, UH, JUST GETTING DRESSED FOR THE WEDDING. 317 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:08,227 WHAT'S UP? 318 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,558 DANI RAN AWAY, ALL RIGHT? SO I NEED YOU 319 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:10,980 TO PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GO AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD 320 00:12:10,981 --> 00:12:11,981 AND HELP ME LOOK FOR HER. 321 00:12:11,982 --> 00:12:13,443 OF COURSE, UNCLE JOE. 322 00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:15,655 HE'S GONE. 323 00:12:17,657 --> 00:12:19,448 I DON'T THINK HE SUSPECTED ANYTHING. 324 00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:21,410 IF HE DID, I DON'T THINK YOUR HEAD 325 00:12:21,411 --> 00:12:22,741 WOULD STILL BE ATTACHED TO YOUR BODY. 326 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,574 WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTH IT. 327 00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:29,418 WELL, THE POLICE SAID THEY'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT. 328 00:12:29,419 --> 00:12:31,580 AND I JUST GAVE DANI'S DESCRIPTION TO THE MALL COPS. 329 00:12:31,581 --> 00:12:34,373 WHY WOULD SHE GO TO THE MALL AT A TIME LIKE THIS? 330 00:12:34,374 --> 00:12:36,465 WELL, WOMEN DO LIKE TO SHOP WHEN THEY'RE UPSET, RIGHT? 331 00:12:36,466 --> 00:12:38,878 THAT IS SUCH A SEXIST STEREOTYPE. 332 00:12:38,879 --> 00:12:41,590 - WELL, I WOULD DO THAT. - WELL, ACTUALLY I LOVE TO. 333 00:12:41,591 --> 00:12:43,302 ONCE, WHEN I GUY BROKE UP WITH ME, 334 00:12:43,303 --> 00:12:45,305 I BOUGHT A CANOE. 335 00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:47,436 I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THIS, 336 00:12:47,437 --> 00:12:48,938 BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL FELICIA 337 00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:50,099 AND TELL HER THAT I LOST OUR DAUGHTER, 338 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,190 DAY ONE. 339 00:12:51,191 --> 00:12:52,892 HEY, UNCLE JOE. 340 00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:54,193 I GOT NEWS. 341 00:12:54,194 --> 00:12:57,396 I THINK YOUR LITTLE SECRET GIRL IS UP THERE. 342 00:12:57,397 --> 00:12:58,899 OH MY GOD, SHE'S DEAD? 343 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:01,821 NO, SHE'S ON THE ROOF. 344 00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:04,113 THE ROOF, OF COURSE, 345 00:13:04,114 --> 00:13:05,744 WHERE THE TEENAGE GIRLS IN THIS HOUSE 346 00:13:05,745 --> 00:13:07,406 TRADITIONALLY RUN AWAY TO. 347 00:13:07,407 --> 00:13:09,368 JOE, MAYBE I SHOULD GO. 348 00:13:09,369 --> 00:13:10,369 YOU KNOW, SHE THINKS I'M THE ONE 349 00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:11,832 THAT DOESN'T WANT HER HERE. 350 00:13:15,335 --> 00:13:17,756 DANI, UGH! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE SAFE... 351 00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:21,340 UP HERE ON THE ROOF TWO STORIES ABOVE THE GROUND. 352 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:22,721 WE THOUGHT YOU RAN AWAY. 353 00:13:22,722 --> 00:13:25,514 I TRIED, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO RUN TO. 354 00:13:25,515 --> 00:13:27,887 I FIGURED UP HERE, I'D BE OUT OF YOUR WAY. 355 00:13:27,888 --> 00:13:30,559 I CAN TELL WHEN I'M NOT WANTED. 356 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,432 NO, YOU'RE LIKE AMERICA'S MOST WANTED... 357 00:13:33,433 --> 00:13:35,734 SURPRISE KID. 358 00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:37,396 YOU AREN'T GONNA MARRY JOE BECAUSE OF ME. 359 00:13:37,397 --> 00:13:39,818 NO, NO, NO, NO. THAT WAS JUST THE JUICE FAST TALKING. 360 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,941 I BUT I HEARD GLORIA SAY THAT YOU'RE ALREADY RAISING 361 00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:43,362 KIDS THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT. 362 00:13:43,363 --> 00:13:45,905 LOOK, I FEEL I CAN BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU, 363 00:13:45,906 --> 00:13:47,867 BECAUSE YOU'RE A VERY MATURE KID 364 00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,370 AND I HAD A XANAX A LITTLE WHILE AGO. 365 00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:54,543 SOMETIMES THE UNIVERSE THROWS UNEXPECTED THINGS AT YOU, 366 00:13:54,544 --> 00:13:57,836 AND LATER ON, YOU FIND OUT THAT THEY ARE A WONDERFUL GIFT. 367 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,129 YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT 'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO. 368 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,171 NO, LOOK, LENNOX AND RYDER ARE AWESOME. 369 00:14:02,172 --> 00:14:03,462 AND IF THEY HADN'T COME INTO MY LIFE, 370 00:14:03,463 --> 00:14:05,384 THEN JOE WOULDN'T HAVE COME INTO MY LIFE. 371 00:14:05,385 --> 00:14:07,016 AND I LOVE JOE. 372 00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,387 YOU'RE GONNA LOVE HIM, TOO. 373 00:14:08,388 --> 00:14:09,929 I KNOW HE TAKES A LITTLE GETTING USED TO. 374 00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:11,891 I LIKE HIM FINE. 375 00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,973 YOU'RE THE ONE I'M NOT SURE ABOUT. 376 00:14:13,974 --> 00:14:16,025 WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME, 377 00:14:16,026 --> 00:14:17,477 BECAUSE I AM DELIGHTFUL. 378 00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:20,400 IT'S TRUE. TRUST ME. 379 00:14:22,322 --> 00:14:23,612 AND, DANI, JUST SO YOU KNOW, 380 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,746 MEL AND I... WE'RE A PACKAGE DEAL, HERE. 381 00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:30,329 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 382 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:32,581 WOULD YOU BUY ME A CAR? 383 00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:33,622 - YES. - NO. 384 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:34,623 SHE'S 13. 385 00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:37,046 I'M TRYING TO MAKE A SALE HERE. 386 00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:38,707 LEAVE THE SELLING TO ME, ALL RIGHT? 387 00:14:38,708 --> 00:14:42,922 LISTEN, WE ARE BOTH VERY HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HERE. 388 00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:44,303 AND I THINK 389 00:14:44,304 --> 00:14:47,766 THAT IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT YOU TWO LADIES GET DRESSED. 390 00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:49,508 OOH, YEAH, WE GOT A DREAM WEDDING TO GET TO. 391 00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,561 YES, WE DO. SO? 392 00:14:52,562 --> 00:14:54,813 - LET'S DO IT. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT. 393 00:14:54,814 --> 00:14:56,895 I WAS STARTING TO THINK THIS WEDDING WAS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. 394 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,317 - YEAH. - OH, LOOK, A LUCKY PENNY. 395 00:14:58,318 --> 00:14:59,358 THAT'S A GOOD SIGN... 396 00:14:59,359 --> 00:15:00,819 - ( screams ) - OH, OH! 397 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,111 ( crashing ) 398 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:03,362 I'M OKAY. 399 00:15:03,363 --> 00:15:05,404 I BET YOU'RE GLAD I DIDN'T SWITCH OUT 400 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,527 THOSE SHRUBS FOR ROSES, HUH, HONEY? 401 00:15:12,492 --> 00:15:15,294 SO, LOOK, NO PRESSURE HERE, DOC, 402 00:15:15,295 --> 00:15:18,667 BUT, UM, WE ARE SCHEDULED TO... 403 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:22,501 GET MARRIED IN 16 MINUTES. 404 00:15:22,502 --> 00:15:24,423 YEAH, I'M AFRAID SHE CAN'T WALK DOWN THE AISLE 405 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,714 FOR FOUR TO SIX WEEKS. 406 00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,467 FOUR TO... 407 00:15:28,468 --> 00:15:31,720 SORRY, EVERYBODY, WEDDING IS OFF. 408 00:15:31,721 --> 00:15:34,353 AGAIN? YOU CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS TO PEOPLE. 409 00:15:34,354 --> 00:15:36,435 I'M WEARING TWO PAIRS OF SPANX. 410 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,648 NO, WE'RE GETTING MARRIED RIGHT NOW. 411 00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:42,061 - ARE YOU SERIOUS? - I AM. 412 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:43,822 THAT'S THE BURKE SPIRIT. 413 00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:45,904 DON'T LET LITTLE BUMPS KEEP YOU FROM YOUR GOALS, 414 00:15:45,905 --> 00:15:49,868 WHETHER IT'S A BROKEN LEG OR AN ESCORTS-FOR-VOTES SCANDAL. 415 00:15:49,869 --> 00:15:52,781 I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE. 416 00:15:52,782 --> 00:15:54,333 OH, OF COURSE NOT. 417 00:15:54,334 --> 00:15:56,335 WOULD THESE EYES LIE? 418 00:15:56,336 --> 00:15:58,457 WOULD THEY DO ANYTHING ELSE? 419 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:00,879 OKAY, BUT, WAIT, WE'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT TO THE ARBORETUM, 420 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:02,421 SO WHERE ARE WE GONNA DO THE CEREMONY? 421 00:16:02,422 --> 00:16:04,253 HERE. WE'VE GOT THE WHOLE FAMILY. 422 00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:05,464 WE'VE GOT OUR MINISTER. 423 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,886 HEY, I CAN HAVE YOU TWO HITCHED IN NO TIME. 424 00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:10,349 AND I CAN GO NEXT DOOR AND STEAL SOME FLOWERS. 425 00:16:10,350 --> 00:16:13,052 - WH... - BORROW SOME FLOWERS. 426 00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:16,305 OH, LIKE THE GUY IN THE COMA'S GONNA NOTICE. 427 00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:18,227 YEAH, ALL I NEED IS A DRESS. 428 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,519 LENNOX, GO HOME, DIG THROUGH MY CLOSET, 429 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,311 AND FIND SOMETHING THAT GOES WITH A CAST. 430 00:16:22,312 --> 00:16:25,154 YOU REALLY NEED A DRESS? OF COURSE YOU NEED A DRESS. 431 00:16:25,155 --> 00:16:26,275 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. 432 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,776 - GET A DRESS, WOULD YOU? - OKAY. 433 00:16:27,777 --> 00:16:29,318 I WILL BE RIGHT BACK. DON'T GO ANYWHERE. 434 00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,111 REALLY? 435 00:16:33,073 --> 00:16:34,953 LENNOX, LISTEN, UM... 436 00:16:34,954 --> 00:16:37,036 I JUST WANTED TO KNOW WHEN WE WE'RE GONNA TELL EVERYBODY 437 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:39,288 THE BIG NEWS THAT WE'RE AN OFFICIAL COUPLE? 438 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,420 OH! UM, I... I... 439 00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:44,333 I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD STEAL MEL AND JOE'S THUNDER. 440 00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:46,295 TODAY'S KIND OF THEIR BIG DAY. 441 00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,257 FAIR ENOUGH. BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW, 442 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,718 I CANCELLED MY RETURN FLIGHT. 443 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,051 TO NEW JERSEY? 444 00:16:52,052 --> 00:16:54,303 WHERE YOU LIVE? 445 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,845 WE DON'T HAVE TO RUSH TO GET OUR OWN APARTMENT OR ANYTHING. 446 00:16:56,846 --> 00:16:58,267 - NOT RIGHT AWAY. - OH! ( laughs ) 447 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,478 OKAY, THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW. 448 00:16:59,479 --> 00:17:00,689 WELL, I GOT TO GO GET MEL'S DRESS. 449 00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:02,851 - DO YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH... - NO! 450 00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:05,564 THIS IS A JOB FOR BRIDESMAIDS ONLY. 451 00:17:05,565 --> 00:17:07,236 OKAY, WHEN YOU GET BACK, 452 00:17:07,237 --> 00:17:08,407 YOU'LL TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU LIKE BEST. 453 00:17:08,408 --> 00:17:10,779 - LEFT OR RIGHT? - FOR WHAT? 454 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,451 YOUR NAME. 455 00:17:12,452 --> 00:17:14,453 LEFT OR RIGHT? 456 00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:16,535 TAKE YOUR TIME. 457 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,958 YOU DON'T WANT TO MAKE A RASH DECISION ON A TATTOO. 458 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:26,295 - ZANDER? - OH, HI, LENNOX. 459 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,508 UM, RYDER POSTED ABOUT MEL'S ACCIDENT ONLINE, 460 00:17:29,509 --> 00:17:30,969 SO I GOT HER THIS. 461 00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:32,511 OH, AND THIS IS FOR YOU. IT'S HAND SANITIZER 462 00:17:32,512 --> 00:17:34,473 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET A STAFF INFECTION AND DIE, 463 00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:36,475 YOU KNOW, BECAUSE YOU MEAN A LOT TO... 464 00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:39,438 EVERYBODY. AND MAYBE SOMEDAY, YOU'LL FORGIVE ME 465 00:17:39,439 --> 00:17:41,311 AND WE CAN GET BACK TOGETHER OR SOMETHING. OKAY, BYE. 466 00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,986 WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? 467 00:17:51,651 --> 00:17:52,821 IS EVERYBODY READY? 468 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,653 OH, YES, WE ARE READY. 469 00:17:54,654 --> 00:17:56,865 ALL RIGHT, LADIES, READY? AND GO. 470 00:17:56,866 --> 00:17:59,408 ♪ DA DA DA DUM ♪ 471 00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,370 ♪ DA DA DA DUM ♪ 472 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:05,504 ♪ DA-DUM-DA, DA-DA-DA-DA.. ♪ 473 00:18:05,505 --> 00:18:08,167 - ( continues wedding march ) - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 474 00:18:08,168 --> 00:18:09,589 THANK YOU, DADDY. 475 00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:13,343 FRIENDS, RELATIVES... 476 00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,305 MEDICAL PERSONNEL, 477 00:18:16,306 --> 00:18:18,847 WE ARE UNEXPECTEDLY GATHERED HERE TODAY 478 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,219 IN THIS STERILE ENVIRONMENT 479 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,892 TO JOIN MEL BURKE AND JOE LONGO IN MARRIAGE. 480 00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:25,314 YOU KNOW, A LOT OF THINGS ABOUT 481 00:18:25,315 --> 00:18:28,487 MEL AND JOE'S RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN UNEXPECTED. 482 00:18:28,488 --> 00:18:31,029 ACTUALLY, ALL OF IT HAS BEEN KIND OF UNEXPECTED. 483 00:18:31,030 --> 00:18:32,231 EXCUSE ME, FOLKS, I HAVE TO 484 00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:33,282 GIVE THE BRIDE SOMETHING. 485 00:18:33,283 --> 00:18:34,613 OOH, MY FIRST WEDDING PRESENT. 486 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,155 IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MORPHINE INJECTION. 487 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:37,616 OOH! MY FAVORITE WEDDING PRESENT! 488 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,998 THIS WILL PROBABLY MAKE YOU FEEL A LITTLE WOOZY AT FIRST, 489 00:18:39,999 --> 00:18:41,910 AND THEN YOU'RE GONNA GET PRETTY SLEEPY, OKAY? 490 00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:44,373 WOW, THAT WORKS FAST. 491 00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,376 MAMA LIKEY. 492 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,547 YOU BETTER PICK UP THE PACE HERE, PAL. 493 00:18:48,548 --> 00:18:49,878 YEAH, GOT IT, YEAH, OKAY. 494 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:51,170 UM, SO BASICALLY, MEL AND JOE 495 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,381 WERE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, ALL RIGHT. 496 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,052 THEY GO TOGETHER LIKE PEACHES AND CREAM, 497 00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:56,425 LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY, LIKE HAM AND EGGS. 498 00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:59,468 GOD, I REALLY SHOULD HAVE EATEN BEFORE WE STARTED THIS. 499 00:18:59,469 --> 00:19:02,140 I AGREE, PRESIDENT LINCOLN. 500 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,183 YOU MIGHT WANT TO JUMP IN WITH YOUR VOWS, JOSEPH. 501 00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:05,314 WE'RE LOSING HER FAST. 502 00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:06,565 COPY THAT, SENATOR. 503 00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,357 MEL, HONEY, LISTEN. 504 00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:10,359 I TAKE YOU TO BE MY PARTNER, 505 00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,770 MY BEST FRIEND, 506 00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:13,772 AND I PROMISE TO LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY 507 00:19:13,773 --> 00:19:15,865 NO MATTER WHAT ADVENTURES LIFE BRINGS OUR WAY. 508 00:19:17,237 --> 00:19:18,367 KIND OF LIKE TODAY. 509 00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:19,738 ( chuckles ) 510 00:19:19,739 --> 00:19:21,870 THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. 511 00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:23,702 - OKAY, IT'S MY TURN NOW. - YUP. 512 00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:25,704 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - ( all screaming ) 513 00:19:25,705 --> 00:19:27,287 I GOT IT! I GOT IT. 514 00:19:28,788 --> 00:19:30,419 JOE... 515 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,343 WHEN YOU PROPOSED AND I AGREED TO MARRY YOU... 516 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,347 I HAVE TO ADMIT, AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID. 517 00:19:38,348 --> 00:19:41,099 ( sighs ) I WAS PETRIFIED. 518 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:45,304 I KEPT THINKING I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU BY MY SIDE. 519 00:19:45,305 --> 00:19:46,395 ARE YOU OKAY, SWEETIE? 520 00:19:46,396 --> 00:19:47,806 BUT THEN I SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS 521 00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:49,398 THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG. 522 00:19:49,399 --> 00:19:50,649 THAT'S A SONG ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP 523 00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:52,981 - THAT DIDN'T WORK OUT. - AND I GREW STRONG! 524 00:19:52,982 --> 00:19:55,314 ♪ AND I LEARNED HOW TO GET ALONG.. ♪ 525 00:19:55,315 --> 00:19:56,365 LADIES, BACK ME UP. 526 00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:58,577 Both: ♪ OH, NO, NOT I ♪ 527 00:19:58,578 --> 00:20:00,579 Women: ♪ I WILL SURVIVE ♪ 528 00:20:00,580 --> 00:20:02,491 - ♪ AS LONG AS I KNOW.. ♪ - RUSSELL, HELP, PLEASE. 529 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:03,822 Women and Russell: ♪ ...HOW TO LOVE ♪ 530 00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:06,034 - ♪ I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE.. ♪ - HEY, GUYS? 531 00:20:06,035 --> 00:20:08,206 - OH, HEY, GUYS? - ♪ I GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE ♪ 532 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:09,288 ♪ AND I GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE.. ♪ 533 00:20:09,289 --> 00:20:10,709 THIS IS NOT A WEDDING SONG, PEOPLE! 534 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,170 ♪ I WILL SURVIVE.. ♪ 535 00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:14,383 - OH, WHAT THE HELL. - All: ♪ I WILL SURVIVE ♪ 536 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,794 ♪ HEY, HEY.. ♪ 537 00:20:15,795 --> 00:20:17,596 - ONE MORE TIME! - WHAT? 538 00:20:17,597 --> 00:20:19,928 ♪ I GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE ♪ 539 00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:22,140 ♪ I GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE ♪ 540 00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:24,303 - ♪ I WILL SURVIVE.. ♪ - Lennox: WHOO! 541 00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:26,104 - ♪ I WILL SURVIVE.. ♪ - Russell: YEAH! 542 00:20:26,105 --> 00:20:28,347 - ♪ I WILL SURVIVE... ♪ - ( mutters ) 543 00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:29,979 ♪ HEY, HEY ♪ 544 00:20:31,401 --> 00:20:32,731 DO YOU, JOE LONGO, 545 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,942 TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE? 546 00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:34,983 - I DO, I DO. - ALL RIGHT. 547 00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:36,485 AND DO YOU, MEL BURKE... ( snaps ) 548 00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:37,946 HEY, MEL BURKE, DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN 549 00:20:37,947 --> 00:20:39,778 TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND? 550 00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:43,121 HMM, I SURE AS HELL DOOBY-DOOBY DO. 551 00:20:43,122 --> 00:20:44,202 OH MY GOD, HURRY UP, PLEASE, 552 00:20:44,203 --> 00:20:45,534 BEFORE SHE BREAKS INTO ANOTHER SONG. 553 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:47,366 OKAY, BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME 554 00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:49,498 BY THE UNIVERSAL RAINBOW CHURCH OF THE INTERWEBS, 555 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,500 I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. 556 00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:52,541 YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE. 557 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,833 - HALLELUJAH! - ( cheers ) 558 00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:56,675 DONE DEAL. 559 00:20:56,676 --> 00:20:58,427 HERE WE GO. 560 00:20:58,428 --> 00:21:00,469 - ( snores ) - UH... 561 00:21:00,470 --> 00:21:01,970 YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK I'M JUST GONNA WAIT 562 00:21:01,971 --> 00:21:03,432 UNTIL SHE CAN KISS ME BACK. 563 00:21:03,433 --> 00:21:05,804 YEAH, ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY GATHER IN FOR A PICTURE. 564 00:21:05,805 --> 00:21:09,057 WITHOUT EVIDENCE, MEL MIGHT NOT REMEMBER ANY OF THIS EVER HAPPENED. 565 00:21:09,058 --> 00:21:11,099 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. THIS IS NOT RIGHT. 566 00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,731 DANI, COME ON IN HERE. 567 00:21:12,732 --> 00:21:14,483 Joe: COME ON. 568 00:21:14,484 --> 00:21:16,695 - ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON. - OKAY. 569 00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:18,066 HOLD ON, LET ME GET THIS RIGHT THERE. 570 00:21:18,067 --> 00:21:20,659 ALL RIGHT, OKAY! ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY SMILE 571 00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:21,571 AND SAY, "FINALLY." 572 00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,201 Joe and Ryder: OKAY. 573 00:21:23,202 --> 00:21:24,743 FINALLY. 574 00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:26,245 ( camera shutter clicks )