1 00:00:08,389 --> 00:00:09,589 OKAY, SWEETIE. OKAY, HERE WE GO. 2 00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,511 ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? 3 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,343 WOULD YOU RELAX, PLEASE? I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A QUICK JERK, 4 00:00:13,344 --> 00:00:15,014 AND I'M GONNA PUT YOUR VERTEBRAE BACK INTO ALIGNMENT. 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,896 OKAY, LOOK, LOOK, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T TRUST YOU... 6 00:00:16,897 --> 00:00:18,728 I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT WHILE YOUR ARM IS AROUND MY NECK... 7 00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,310 BUT IT'S JUST THAT I DON'T WANT TO SPEND 8 00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,851 THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH A HELPER MONKEY. 9 00:00:21,852 --> 00:00:24,904 WOULD YOU RELAX, PLEASE? YOUR NECK IS VERY TENSE. 10 00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:27,697 OKAY, HERE WE GO. WE'RE GONNA DO IT ON THREE. READY? 11 00:00:27,698 --> 00:00:29,819 ONE, TWO... 12 00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:31,491 - OH, LOOK, LENNOX IS HERE! - HEY! 13 00:00:31,492 --> 00:00:34,574 - OH, HURRAY! - THIS IS NOT OVER, ALL RIGHT? 14 00:00:34,575 --> 00:00:37,917 - I WILL CRACK YOU. -WHAT ARE YOU DOING HOME SO LATE, HONEY? 15 00:00:37,918 --> 00:00:39,659 OH, EVITA'S CLASS RAN LONG. 16 00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:42,332 SHE WAS DONE WITH HER LECTURE, BUT WE WOULDN'T LET HER LEAVE. 17 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,003 EVERYBODY JUST WANTED MORE. 18 00:00:44,004 --> 00:00:45,835 SHE'S SUCH A BRILLIANT PROFESSOR. 19 00:00:45,836 --> 00:00:47,587 THAT REMINDS ME OF WHEN I WAS IN BUSINESS SCHOOL. 20 00:00:47,588 --> 00:00:49,379 WE HAD THIS AMAZING PROFESSOR THERE, 21 00:00:49,380 --> 00:00:51,381 AND ONE DAY... 22 00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:54,224 HE ACTUALLY GOT SICK, AND HE ASKED ME TO TAKE OVER THE CLASS FOR HIM. 23 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:57,597 AND THE OTHER STUDENTS, THEY WOULD JUST NOT LET ME STOP TALKING. 24 00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:59,939 THEY WERE LIKE, "GIVE US MORE, GIVE US MORE." 25 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,060 SO... (chuckles) 26 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,893 IT WAS THE SAME THING. 27 00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,606 YEAH, THAT'S DEFINITELY THE SAME THING, 28 00:01:06,607 --> 00:01:08,858 EXCEPT EVITA FREEMAN IS 29 00:01:08,859 --> 00:01:11,030 ONE OF THE UP-AND-COMING SOCIOLOGISTS 30 00:01:11,031 --> 00:01:11,992 IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. 31 00:01:11,993 --> 00:01:14,364 TODAY'S LECTURE WAS GENIUS. PRIVATE PROPERTY: 32 00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,995 AMERICA'S GREATEST EVIL. 33 00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:19,039 OOH, AMERICA'S GREATEST EVIL. IS HOWIE MANDEL STILL HOSTING THAT SHOW? 34 00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:23,333 OKAY, I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T GET IT. 35 00:01:23,334 --> 00:01:25,795 IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE YOU WERE IN COLLEGE. 36 00:01:25,796 --> 00:01:27,877 IT'S A WORLD OF EXCITING NEW IDEAS. 37 00:01:27,878 --> 00:01:29,339 YEAH, I JUST WORK IN CITY GOVERNMENT, 38 00:01:29,340 --> 00:01:30,880 THE WORLD OF ACTUALLY DOING STUFF. 39 00:01:30,881 --> 00:01:34,134 LADIES, LADIES, COME ON. THERE'S NO REASON TO PICK ONE OVER THE OTHER. 40 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,516 BOTH GOVERNMENT AND A LIBERAL ARTS EDUCATION... 41 00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:37,808 DON'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING. 42 00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:40,980 AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE A SOCIOLOGY CLASS ANYWAY? 43 00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:43,983 YOU'RE A GOVERNMENT MAJOR, INSPIRED BY YOUR DISTINGUISHED AUNT. 44 00:01:43,984 --> 00:01:46,486 OH NO, I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE CLASS. I CHOSE TO. 45 00:01:46,487 --> 00:01:49,489 WELL, THOSE GOVERNMENT CLASSES CAN BE A LITTLE DRY, 46 00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,361 BUT THEY DO HELP ME CATCH UP ON MY SLEEP. 47 00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:53,863 (laughs) 48 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:54,945 I WAS LAUGHING AT SOMETHING ELSE. 49 00:01:55,906 --> 00:01:57,827 OKAY, WELL, ANYWAY, I'VE GOT SO MUCH READING TO DO 50 00:01:57,828 --> 00:01:59,910 FOR EVITA'S CLASS. IT'S ALL SO FASCINATING. 51 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,955 YUP, THERE IT IS. LOOKS LIKES LENNOX HAS FOUND HER SUPER PROF. 52 00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:08,248 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - YOU KNOW, AT SOME POINT 53 00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:09,669 IN EVERY COLLEGE STUDENT'S LIFE, 54 00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,751 THEY MEET THAT PROFESSOR THAT BLOWS THEIR MIND. 55 00:02:11,752 --> 00:02:13,593 YOU KNOW, LIGHTS UP THEIR WORLD. 56 00:02:13,594 --> 00:02:16,676 PLEASE. SHE PROBABLY HAS A BIG BOWL OF CANDY AT HER DESK. 57 00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:18,888 WAIT A MINUTE NOW. IS SOMEONE... 58 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,561 MAYBE A LITTLE THREATENED BY LENNOX'S PROFESSOR? 59 00:02:21,562 --> 00:02:23,523 MAYBE A LITTLE. 60 00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:24,854 BUT IT'S HARD, JOE. 61 00:02:24,855 --> 00:02:27,267 YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE PUT UP ON A PEDESTAL. 62 00:02:27,268 --> 00:02:30,149 - YOU NEVER WANT TO COME DOWN. - MMM. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 63 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,862 I'M SURE THIS INFATUATION WITH HER PROFESSOR IS ONLY TEMPORARY. 64 00:02:32,863 --> 00:02:36,656 IT'S REALLY AS TRADITIONAL AS FRAT GUYS DUCT-TAPING A BUNCH OF FRESHMEN TOGETHER 65 00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,619 AND LEAVING THEM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE QUAD. 66 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,332 NOT THAT I EVER DID THAT. 67 00:02:42,453 --> 00:02:45,124 YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. LENNOX IS STILL A GOVERNMENT MAJOR. 68 00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:47,917 YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT SHE'S NOT 69 00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:51,211 HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ONE OF HER MARRIED PROFESSORS. (laughs) 70 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,633 NOT THAT I EVER DID THAT. 71 00:02:53,634 --> 00:02:54,714 (theme music playing) 72 00:02:54,715 --> 00:02:56,886 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 73 00:02:56,887 --> 00:02:58,508 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 74 00:02:58,509 --> 00:03:00,059 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 75 00:03:00,060 --> 00:03:02,101 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE ♪ 76 00:03:02,102 --> 00:03:04,224 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD ♪ - ♪ All good ♪ 77 00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,935 - ♪ IT'S OKAY ♪ - ♪ Okay ♪ 78 00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:07,807 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 79 00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:10,900 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 80 00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:13,113 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 81 00:03:17,618 --> 00:03:19,489 (sighs) HEY THERE. 82 00:03:19,490 --> 00:03:21,081 HEY, I HEAR THE FISH ARE BITING IN THE LIVING ROOM. 83 00:03:22,323 --> 00:03:24,123 (Southern accent) LEGEND HAS IT THERE'S AN 80-LB TROUT 84 00:03:24,124 --> 00:03:27,126 CALLED KING NASTY WHAT LIVES UNDER THE STAIRS. 85 00:03:27,127 --> 00:03:29,289 THAT IS SO FUNNY. NO, ALL THIS GEAR IS 86 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,130 FOR MY FATHER-DAUGHTER BONDING TRIP WITH DANI. 87 00:03:31,131 --> 00:03:33,092 WE'RE GONNA BE GOING WHITE-WATER RAFTING 88 00:03:33,093 --> 00:03:34,834 CAMPING UNDERNEATH THE STARS, 89 00:03:34,835 --> 00:03:36,546 EATING FISH THAT WE CAUGHT OURSELVES... 90 00:03:36,547 --> 00:03:38,177 (chuckles) OR... 91 00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:40,550 ENERGY BARS THAT WE BOUGHT OURSELVES. 92 00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:42,892 THAT SOUNDS FUN. I STILL DON'T HAVE TO GO, RIGHT? 93 00:03:42,893 --> 00:03:44,894 NO, HONEY, YOU MADE IT VERY CLEAR 94 00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:46,846 THAT UNTIL NATURE COMES UP WITH A QUILTED, TWO-PLY LEAF, 95 00:03:46,847 --> 00:03:48,808 THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE REPORTING FOR CAMPING DUTY. 96 00:03:48,809 --> 00:03:52,522 SEE WHAT I DID THERE WITH THE "DUTY"? "DOO"... 97 00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:54,023 NO, LOOK, DON'T GET ME WRONG. 98 00:03:54,024 --> 00:03:56,065 I LOVE NATURE. THE FOUR SEASONS... 99 00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:58,027 ESPECIALLY THE ONE IN CHICAGO. THEY PUT THE SALTY 100 00:03:58,028 --> 00:03:59,779 LITTLE CARAMELS ON YOUR PILLOW. 101 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,361 YEAH, WELL, THIS TRIP IS ACTUALLY VERY IMPORTANT 102 00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:03,533 FOR MY RELATIONSHIP WITH DANI, BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN HERE 103 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:04,824 TWO MONTHS AND SHE STILL CALLS ME "JOE." 104 00:04:04,825 --> 00:04:06,826 SHE HAS NOT CALLED ME "DAD," NOT EVEN ONCE. 105 00:04:06,827 --> 00:04:09,369 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST ASK HER TO CALL YOU "DAD"? 106 00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:11,871 NO, IT DOESN'T COUNT IF YOU HAVE TO ASK SOMEBODY. 107 00:04:11,872 --> 00:04:14,334 THAT'S LIKE ASKING SOMEONE TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU," 108 00:04:14,335 --> 00:04:15,375 OR ASKING SOMEONE TO TELL YOU 109 00:04:15,376 --> 00:04:17,006 HOW GREAT THE CHICKEN PARM WAS YOU MADE LAST NIGHT. 110 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,298 OH YEAH, THAT REMINDS ME, 111 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,341 THE CHICKEN PARM LAST NIGHT WAS DELICIOUS! 112 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,763 YEAH, YOU SEE? THAT WAS MEANINGLESS. 113 00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:25,345 MY POINT IS I'M JUST HOPING THIS 114 00:04:25,346 --> 00:04:27,687 WILDERNESS TRIP WILL BE THE RIGHT SETTING FOR US TO BOND 115 00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:30,440 AND FOR HER TO JUST SPONTANEOUSLY CALL ME "DAD." 116 00:04:30,441 --> 00:04:32,021 I CAN SEE THAT HAPPENING. 117 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,104 "THERE'S A BEAR CHASING ME! HELP! DAD!" 118 00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:36,357 FINGERS CROSSED. 119 00:04:38,399 --> 00:04:40,069 HEY! HONEY. 120 00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,901 MY BAROLO TRAVATO? 121 00:04:41,902 --> 00:04:43,783 COME ON, I WAS SAVING THIS FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY. 122 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,864 IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK, WOULD YOU JUST 123 00:04:44,865 --> 00:04:46,536 CHOOSE SOMETHING LESS EXPENSIVE, PLEASE, 124 00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:47,827 LIKE THAT "$3 HOLLER"? 125 00:04:47,828 --> 00:04:50,079 OH, SO ANY TIME THERE'S AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF WINE LAYING AROUND, 126 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:51,210 YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME IT'S... 127 00:04:51,211 --> 00:04:52,672 OKAY, FAIR ENOUGH. 128 00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:54,335 BUT THIS ONE WASN'T ME. 129 00:04:55,416 --> 00:04:57,797 W... LENNOX! 130 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:59,969 I THOUGHT SHE KNEW BETTER THAN THAT. 131 00:04:59,970 --> 00:05:01,921 WHAT'S UP? I'M BUSY. 132 00:05:01,922 --> 00:05:04,974 EVITA NEEDS ME TO READ HER GALLEY PROOFS FOR HER NEW BOOK. 133 00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:07,306 IT'S CALLED THE CULTURAL SHAME OF MONEY. 134 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,559 YEAH, I'M GONNA WAIT FOR THE MOVIE ON THAT ONE. 135 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,191 LISTEN, WE HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. 136 00:05:12,192 --> 00:05:15,355 YEAH, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE YOUR COLLEGE FRIENDS OVER HERE AND DRINK OUR WINE, 137 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:17,937 NEXT TIME, CAN YOU PLEASE CHOOSE THE CHEAP STUFF? 138 00:05:17,938 --> 00:05:21,781 NONE OF MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN OVER, AND BESIDES, WE ONLY DRINK CRAFT BEER. 139 00:05:21,782 --> 00:05:24,864 I MEAN IF WE WERE TO DRINK SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE 140 00:05:24,865 --> 00:05:26,867 WHEN WE WERE ALL 21 YEARS OF AGE. 141 00:05:27,948 --> 00:05:30,370 WELL, IF IT WASN'T YOU AND IT WASN'T JOE, 142 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,832 AND I CERTAINLY HAVEN'T BEEN SLEEP-DRINKING AGAIN... 143 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,584 AWESOME! IS THIS ALL FOR OUR TRIP? 144 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:36,717 OH WAIT, DID YOU REMEMBER TO GET THE BUG REPELLENT BRACELETS? 145 00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:44,263 WHAT? WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME LIKE I DID SOMETHING? 146 00:05:44,264 --> 00:05:46,557 THAT'S AN INTERESTING QUESTION. 147 00:05:47,968 --> 00:05:49,019 DID YOU DO SOMETHING? 148 00:05:50,811 --> 00:05:54,734 UM, I STARTED DOING MY MATH HOMEWORK, 149 00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:56,896 WHICH, COME TO THINK OF IT, 150 00:05:56,897 --> 00:05:59,899 I SHOULD START DOING IT AGAIN. BYE. 151 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,481 WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD ON. 152 00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:03,112 I HAVE A LITTLE MATH QUESTION FOR YOU. 153 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,904 A 13-YEARD-OLD GIRL 154 00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:07,076 SNUCK A BOTTLE OF HER DAD'S WINE, AND DRANK IT. 155 00:06:07,077 --> 00:06:09,489 HOW LONG WOULD SHE BE GROUNDED? "A," TWO WEEKS; 156 00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:12,912 "B," TWO MONTHS; OR "C," UNTIL PLANET EARTH CRASHES INTO THE SUN. 157 00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:15,665 OH! OH! I PRETEND TO HEAR MY PHONE RINGING, 158 00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,799 IN MY ROOM UPSTAIRS, AWAY FROM THIS UNPLEASANT-TO-BE-IN AREA. 159 00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,422 SORRY, KID. 160 00:06:22,963 --> 00:06:24,925 ALL I'M LOOKING FOR IS HONESTY. IT'S THAT SIMPLE. 161 00:06:25,926 --> 00:06:27,808 SO, IF I'M HONEST... 162 00:06:28,809 --> 00:06:31,512 - YOU'LL BE COOL ABOUT THIS? - I'LL BE COOL AS ICE. 163 00:06:34,815 --> 00:06:36,687 TRUST ME, IT'S NOT YOU SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT. 164 00:06:38,569 --> 00:06:41,070 LISTEN, I CANNOT GUARANTEE YOU THE TEMPERATURE OF MY COOLNESS, 165 00:06:41,071 --> 00:06:43,984 BUT IF YOU LIE TO ME, I PROMISE YOU THIS... YOU WILL FEEL THE HEAT. 166 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:49,239 DANI. WHAT HAPPENED? 167 00:06:52,292 --> 00:06:54,664 THERE WAS A COUPLE OF POPULAR GIRLS IN THE EIGHTH GRADE 168 00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,876 THAT WERE LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HANG OUT. 169 00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:58,207 THERE WAS NOBODY HOME THAT DAY, 170 00:06:58,208 --> 00:07:00,249 SO I THOUGHT I'D LET THEM HANG OUT HERE. 171 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:02,962 I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE GONNA DRINK YOUR WINE. 172 00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:05,885 - HOW MUCH DID YOU DRINK? - NONE! NONE, I SWEAR. 173 00:07:05,886 --> 00:07:07,807 - IT WAS JUST THE EIGHTH GRADE GIRLS. - WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES? 174 00:07:07,808 --> 00:07:10,511 - NO, NO, NO! I CAN'T TELL ON THEM! - SHE'S GOT A POINT. 175 00:07:11,552 --> 00:07:12,973 NOT A GOOD ONE. 176 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,106 I JUST WANTED TO BE, LIKE, SEMI-POPULAR, 177 00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:19,358 BUT I MADE A MISTAKE, OKAY? 178 00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:21,821 I PROMISE VANESSA WILL NEVER COME OVER AGAIN. 179 00:07:21,822 --> 00:07:24,113 VANESSA. OKAY, I'M TALKING TO VANESSA'S PARENTS. 180 00:07:24,114 --> 00:07:25,775 OH, NO, NO, NO, PLEASE DON'T. 181 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,066 I'LL BE SUCH AN OUTCAST! 182 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,990 EVEN THE ALLERGY KIDS WON'T LET ME HAVE LUNCH AT THEIR TABLE. 183 00:07:30,991 --> 00:07:32,121 LISTEN TO ME. THE IMPORTANT THING HERE 184 00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,704 IS THAT YOU WERE JUST HONEST WITH ME, OKAY? 185 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,626 NOW MEL AND I NEED TO DISCUSS YOUR CONSEQUENCES, 186 00:07:36,627 --> 00:07:38,999 SO HEAD UPSTAIRS AND WORK ON YOUR HOMEWORK. 187 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,797 YOU KNOW, I DON'T SAY THIS VERY OFTEN, BUT... 188 00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:50,801 I'M PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH MYSELF. 189 00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,093 YEAH, YOU SAY THAT ALL THE TIME. 190 00:07:54,765 --> 00:07:58,357 AND BY THE WAY, DANI JUST PLAYED YOU LIKE A UKULELE. 191 00:07:58,358 --> 00:08:00,560 - OF COURSE SHE DRANK. - WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE? 192 00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:02,441 EVERYONE IN THIS KITCHEN WHO WAS A 13-YEAR-OLD GIRL 193 00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:04,403 SURROUNDED BY PEER PRESSURE, RAISE YOUR HAND. 194 00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:06,816 NO. NO, I LOOKED RIGHT IN HER EYE, ALL RIGHT? 195 00:08:06,817 --> 00:08:09,198 SHE TOLD ME THE TRUTH. DANI DIDN'T DRINK, ALL RIGHT? 196 00:08:09,199 --> 00:08:11,070 AND TOMORROW I'M GONNA TALK TO THIS VANESSA GIRL'S PARENTS 197 00:08:11,071 --> 00:08:12,912 AND I'M GONNA TELL THEM WHAT THEIR DAUGHTER'S BEEN DOING. 198 00:08:12,913 --> 00:08:14,994 SO YOU CAN TELL IF SOMEONE'S BEING HONEST 199 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,206 JUST BY LOOKING THEM IN THE EYE? WOW. THAT'S SOME LIE DETECTOR. 200 00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:18,378 LET'S TEST IT OUT RIGHT NOW. 201 00:08:19,379 --> 00:08:21,922 I HAVE THE SMARTEST HUSBAND IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 202 00:08:23,463 --> 00:08:25,545 SEE, NOW THAT'S AN ODD ONE, BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE LYING, 203 00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,547 BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY TELLING THE TRUTH. 204 00:08:27,548 --> 00:08:29,590 IT'S OKAY, THOUGH. GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE. 205 00:08:37,688 --> 00:08:38,768 - HEY. - HEY. 206 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,519 SO I JUST GOT A TEXT FROM EVITA. 207 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,022 OH, MORE BRILLIANCE FROM YOUR BRILLIANT PROFESSOR? 208 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,524 OH, I'M SO GLAD YOU FOUND SOMEONE SO BRILLIANT. 209 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,948 OH, GO LIKE THAT. YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE SARCASM. 210 00:08:48,949 --> 00:08:51,490 - SORRY. - ANYWAY, 211 00:08:51,491 --> 00:08:53,913 EVITA WOULD LIKE TO INTERVIEW YOU. 212 00:08:53,914 --> 00:08:56,826 REALLY? SHE ACTUALLY WANTS TO INTERVIEW SOMEBODY FROM THE REAL WORLD? 213 00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,659 YEAH, SHE KNOWS YOU'RE THIS REALLY IMPORTANT LOCAL POLITICIAN. 214 00:08:59,660 --> 00:09:02,372 - SHE DOES? - WELL, OF COURSE SHE DOES. 215 00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:04,755 (whispers) OF COURSE SHE DOES. 216 00:09:05,966 --> 00:09:07,837 BUT YEAH, SHE THINKS THAT YOU COULD CONTRIBUTE 217 00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,009 SOME SPECIAL INSIGHT THAT WOULD BENEFIT HER LATEST RESEARCH PAPER, 218 00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:13,382 IT'S SOMETHING ABOUT WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE ARE DRAWN INTO PUBLIC SERVICE. 219 00:09:13,383 --> 00:09:15,935 DUH! THE BEST KIND. 220 00:09:15,936 --> 00:09:18,888 - SO YOU'LL MEET WITH HER? - LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE. 221 00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:20,940 I CAN'T BE NEGLECTING IMPORTANT GOVERNMENT BUSINESS 222 00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:22,852 - JUST TO TALK WITH SOME... - OH, SHE CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE. 223 00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:23,854 OH, LOOK AT THAT. I'M FREE. 224 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,397 (chattering) 225 00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:34,283 - HELLO, EVERYBODY! - SHH! SHE'S ON THE PHONE... 226 00:09:34,284 --> 00:09:36,285 -(whispers) WITH OPRAH. -(gasps) 227 00:09:36,286 --> 00:09:37,997 (whispers) TELL HER I LOVE HER. 228 00:09:37,998 --> 00:09:41,000 I... I DON'T NEED THE PUBLICITY. 229 00:09:41,001 --> 00:09:44,583 IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MANY PEOPLE READ MY BOOK, IT'S ABOUT WHO READS IT. 230 00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,876 (scoffs) OH, OPRAH. 231 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:49,800 DON'T PLAY THE SISTER CARD. IT'S BENEATH YOU. 232 00:09:51,051 --> 00:09:53,342 NO, YES, YOU'RE STILL MY FRIEND. 233 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:56,386 (chuckles) NO, YOU GET A CAR. 234 00:09:57,888 --> 00:10:00,179 YOU MUST BE MEL BURKE. I'M EVITA FREEMAN. 235 00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,891 - NICE TO MEET YOU. - PLEASE, HAVE A SEAT. 236 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,773 JUST PUT THOSE AWARDS ANYWHERE. 237 00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:05,855 OH YEAH, I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. 238 00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:08,438 LENNOX ONCE GAVE ME ONE THAT SAID, "I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH." 239 00:10:11,992 --> 00:10:14,153 BEFORE WE GET STARTED, DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS? 240 00:10:14,154 --> 00:10:16,826 YEAH. HOW DO YOU KNOW OPRAH? 241 00:10:16,827 --> 00:10:19,949 (laughs) HOW DON'T I KNOW OPRAH? 242 00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:22,742 SO NICE OF YOU TO... HELP US OUT. 243 00:10:22,743 --> 00:10:25,044 SHALL WE DIVE RIGHT IN? MY TIME IS PRECIOUS. 244 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,836 I'M SURE YOURS IS, TOO. 245 00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:28,838 - (polite chuckle) - ISN'T SHE GREAT? 246 00:10:28,839 --> 00:10:31,801 ALL RIGHT, FIRST QUESTION: WOULD YOU VOTE YOUR CONSCIENCE 247 00:10:31,802 --> 00:10:35,594 IF YOU KNEW YOUR CONSTITUENTS WERE OVERWHELMINGLY OPPOSED TO YOUR POINT OF VIEW? 248 00:10:35,595 --> 00:10:38,018 WELL, THE PEOPLE ELECTED ME, BECAUSE OF MY INTELLIGENCE... 249 00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,892 I MEAN, I SORT OF KNOW BETTER THAN THEY DO. 250 00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:46,566 I'M WISER. I... I KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE SYSTEM. 251 00:10:47,858 --> 00:10:49,188 NO, NOT "PLAY," LIKE IT'S A GAME, 252 00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:51,481 'CAUSE THE GOVERNMENT IS DEFINITELY NOT A GAME. NO. NO, SIRREE. 253 00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:55,034 JUST THAT... WHEN YOU ELECT SOMEONE, IT'S BECAUSE OF THEIR INTELLIGENCE, 254 00:10:55,035 --> 00:10:57,156 NOT BECAUSE THEY'RE SOMEONE YOU WANT TO HAVE A BEER WITH, RIGHT? 255 00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,781 I MEAN, DO YOU WANT A BEER? 'CAUSE I COULD REALLY USE A BEER RIGHT NOW. 256 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,043 - HOW ABOUT WE JUST GO TO THE NEXT QUESTION? -THANK YOU. 257 00:11:04,044 --> 00:11:07,496 CAN A POLITICIAN DO AN EFFECTIVE JOB WITHOUT EVER LYING? 258 00:11:07,497 --> 00:11:08,789 YES. 259 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,793 WOULD YOU CARE TO ELABORATE? 260 00:11:13,794 --> 00:11:15,425 NOPE. 261 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,098 - I SUGGEST YOU ELABORATE. - (mutters) DAMN IT. 262 00:11:19,099 --> 00:11:22,972 (clears throat) BECAUSE WHEN YOU LIE, YOU BREAK THE BOND OF TRUST 263 00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,473 BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR CONSTITUENTS. 264 00:11:24,474 --> 00:11:27,858 AND THAT BOND, ONCE BROKEN, CAN NEVER BE MADE WHOLE AGAIN. 265 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,360 NAILED IT. 266 00:11:32,402 --> 00:11:34,613 YOU'RE ON AN AIRPLANE WITH YOUR POLITICAL OPPONENT. 267 00:11:34,614 --> 00:11:36,655 THE PLANE IS GOING DOWN. THERE'S ONLY ONE PARACHUTE. 268 00:11:36,656 --> 00:11:38,868 - WHO GETS THE PARACHUTE? - ME. 269 00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:40,740 WAIT. THAT WAS A JOKE. 270 00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:42,201 DON'T YOU WANT MY REAL ANSWER? 271 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,083 ALL ANSWERS ARE REAL ANSWERS. 272 00:11:44,084 --> 00:11:46,035 THIS HAS BEEN INCREDIBLY HELPFUL. 273 00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:47,917 OH. WELL, THAT WENT BY FAST. 274 00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:49,668 WHO KNEW I COULD TALK ABOUT MYSELF FOR A WHOLE HOUR? 275 00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:50,670 I DID. 276 00:11:51,671 --> 00:11:53,502 YOU'VE GIVEN ME MUCH MORE THAN I COULD'VE HOPED FOR. 277 00:11:53,503 --> 00:11:55,885 YOU EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS, MEL BURKE, 278 00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:58,758 - WELL, IF YOU EVER WANNA COME DOWN TO CITY HALL... -OH GOD, NO. 279 00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:01,430 LOOK AT THE TIME. I'M LATE FOR A LUNCHEON. 280 00:12:01,431 --> 00:12:04,103 BUT OF COURSE THEY CAN'T START WITHOUT THE GUEST OF HONOR. 281 00:12:04,104 --> 00:12:07,436 - SHOW THE COUNCILWOMAN OUT FOR ME. - SURE THING. 282 00:12:07,437 --> 00:12:10,900 - DON'T YOU LOVE HER? -WELL, I CAN SEE WHY YOU'RE SO IMPRESSED. 283 00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,611 BY THE WAY, WHERE IS THIS GONNA APPEAR? 284 00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:15,154 IN SOME SORT OF A REALLY SMART JOURNAL OR QUARTERLY OR SOMETHING? 285 00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:16,735 OH NO, IT'S FOR HER NEXT BOOK, 286 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,910 WHAT DRAWS THE SOCIOPATHIC, NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY TO POLITICS? 287 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,244 SAW WHAT NOW? 288 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,536 WELL, YEAH, EVITA'S TRYING TO DETERMINE IF POLITICIANS 289 00:12:27,537 --> 00:12:30,830 ARE REALLY TRYING TO HELP PEOPLE OR IF THEY'RE MERELY DELUSIONAL SOCIOPATHS 290 00:12:30,831 --> 00:12:32,711 FEEDING THEIR OWN GOD COMPLEXES. 291 00:12:32,712 --> 00:12:35,965 YOU KNOW, IT SORTA SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S MADE UP HER MIND. 292 00:12:35,966 --> 00:12:39,840 - WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? - I DON'T KNOW, THE TITLE? 293 00:12:45,725 --> 00:12:48,148 WELL, APPARENTLY, YOU MARRIED A SOCIOPATH. 294 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,482 - HUH? -NO, NO, NO, NO, A NARCISSISTIC SOCIOPATH. 295 00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:55,985 EVITA IS WRITING THIS COMPLETELY BIASED PAPER, 296 00:12:55,986 --> 00:12:59,819 AND MY SWEET, LITTLE NIECE IS BLIND TO THE WHOLE EVIL SCHEME. 297 00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:02,952 - (sighs) -I'M SORRY, BABE. I WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU. 298 00:13:02,953 --> 00:13:04,904 I HAD A PRETTY TOUGH AFTERNOON MYSELF. 299 00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:06,906 OH, I DIDN'T KNOW. 300 00:13:06,907 --> 00:13:09,038 - WHAT HAPPENED? - NO, IT'S OKAY. 301 00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,251 - YOU WERE ON A ROLL. KEEP ON GOING. - NO, NO, NO, JOE. I WANNA HEAR. 302 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,126 - SO I GO OVER TO VANESSA'S... -WHEN SOMEONE CALLS YOU A NARCISSIST, 303 00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:19,338 IT PUTS A CRIMP IN YOUR WHOLE DAY. 304 00:13:19,339 --> 00:13:21,341 I'M SORRY. YOU WERE SAYING? 305 00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:26,425 - SO I WENT OVER TO... - EVITA IS SO DEVIOUS! 306 00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:28,597 (grunts, clears throat) 307 00:13:28,598 --> 00:13:30,891 SORRY. GO ON. 308 00:13:34,734 --> 00:13:38,438 SSS... 309 00:13:39,609 --> 00:13:41,901 SO I GO OVER TO VANESSA'S HOUSE, 310 00:13:41,902 --> 00:13:45,034 AND... AND IT DIDN'T GO WELL. 311 00:13:45,035 --> 00:13:46,705 WELL, OF COURSE NOT, SWEETIE. 312 00:13:46,706 --> 00:13:48,948 NOBODY WANTS TO BE TOLD THAT THEIR TEENAGE DAUGHTER IS DRINKING. 313 00:13:48,949 --> 00:13:52,501 YEAH, WELL, I TRIED TO BREAK IT TO THEM AS GENTLY AS POSSIBLE 314 00:13:52,502 --> 00:13:54,213 THAT THEIR PRECIOUS VANESSA WAS DRINKING, 315 00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:57,046 AND I JUST SAID, "THANK GOODNESS MY DAUGHTER WAS SO RESPONSIBLE," 316 00:13:57,047 --> 00:14:02,091 AT WHICH POINT THEY SHOWED ME A PICTURE FROM VANESSA'S PHONE OF MY DAUGHTER DRINKING. 317 00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:04,513 WOW. THAT'S TERRIBLE. 318 00:14:04,514 --> 00:14:07,096 I MEAN, I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING. 319 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,848 YEAH, YOU DID. YOU TOTALLY DID. 320 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,810 I KNOW. I WAS BEING NICE. 321 00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:14,393 (gasps) SEE? I'M NOT A NARCISSIST. 322 00:14:14,394 --> 00:14:16,186 I'M A NICE-ISSIST. 323 00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:25,194 WELL, NOW THAT DANI DRANK, WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE GOING ON THAT CAMPING TRIP, 324 00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:27,246 WHICH MEANS THERE GOES OUR FATHER-DAUGHTER BONDING TIME, 325 00:14:27,247 --> 00:14:28,697 SO NOW SHE'S NEVER GONNA CALL ME "DAD." 326 00:14:28,698 --> 00:14:30,159 DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO CANCEL THE TRIP? 327 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:32,751 OF COURSE, HONEY, THERE HAS TO BE SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT. 328 00:14:32,752 --> 00:14:34,833 ISN'T CAMPING IN THE WOODS PUNISHMENT ENOUGH? 329 00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:37,046 LOOK, DANI IS A GOOD GIRL. 330 00:14:37,047 --> 00:14:40,000 IT'S HER SO-CALLED FRIEND EVITA THAT THE BAD INFLUENCE. 331 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,133 EVITA? WHAT DOES LENNOX'S PROFESSOR HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS? 332 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:47,136 I DIDN'T SAY "EVITA." WHAT, DO YOU THINK I'M OBSESSED WITH EVITA? 333 00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:49,098 I SAID "EVITA." DAMN IT! 334 00:14:49,099 --> 00:14:50,639 I MEAN "VANESSA." 335 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,272 THEY'RE BOTH BAD INFLUENCES ON GOOD PEOPLE. 336 00:14:53,273 --> 00:14:55,894 YOU'RE MAKING WAY TOO MUCH OUT OF THIS WHOLE THING WITH EVITA, ALL RIGHT? 337 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,356 YOU AND LENNOX HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP, 338 00:14:57,357 --> 00:14:59,068 YOU JUST NEED TO FIND SOME WAY TO REMIND HER OF THAT. 339 00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:02,281 - YOU GUYS SHOULD DO SOMETHING TOGETHER. - MMM. THAT'S A GREAT IDEA. 340 00:15:02,282 --> 00:15:03,943 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD BE FUN? 341 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,824 IF LENNOX AND I KILLED EVITA 342 00:15:05,825 --> 00:15:07,287 AND THEN DUMPED HER BODY IN THE LAKE. 343 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,330 OR... 344 00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:13,833 THANK YOU FOR SAYING "OR." 345 00:15:18,628 --> 00:15:20,879 OH, LENNOX, I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 346 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,802 DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TRIP WE TOOK TO DOLLYWOOD WHEN YOU WERE 16, 347 00:15:23,803 --> 00:15:26,755 AND YOU REMEMBER THOSE PICTURES WE GOT? WELL, I FOUND THEM, 348 00:15:26,756 --> 00:15:28,097 AND I HAD THESE MADE. 349 00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,600 LOOKS, WE CAN BE T-SHIRT TWINS. 350 00:15:32,262 --> 00:15:34,393 OH MY GOD, I DO REMEMBER THAT. 351 00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:37,016 - I GOT SO SICK AFTER THAT RIDE. - YEAH, I REMEMBER. 352 00:15:37,017 --> 00:15:38,817 I HELD YOUR WIG BACK IN THE LADIES' ROOM. 353 00:15:38,818 --> 00:15:41,981 - GOOD TIMES. - SO GOOD. 354 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,153 I'M LIKE YOUR FRIEND AND YOUR AUNT. 355 00:15:44,154 --> 00:15:45,655 I'M YOUR FRANT. 356 00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:49,828 YEAH. SO ANYWAY, I HAVE SOME NEWS I WANNA SHARE WITH YOU. 357 00:15:49,829 --> 00:15:52,411 IT'S REALLY BIG NEWS, AND IT COMES IN THREE PARTS. 358 00:15:52,412 --> 00:15:53,413 OOH! LIKE A LITTLE PLAY! 359 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:57,576 OKAY, SO I KNOW YOU THINK I'M TOO IMPRESSIONABLE, 360 00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:59,918 BUT I THOUGHT A LOT ABOUT THIS, AND THAT'S WHY I'M DOING IT. 361 00:15:59,919 --> 00:16:03,922 - DOING WHAT? -I'M CHANGING MY MAJOR FROM GOVERNMENT TO SOCIOLOGY. 362 00:16:03,923 --> 00:16:06,715 OH. OH! 363 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,638 SOCIOLOGY. YOU MEAN LIKE... 364 00:16:09,639 --> 00:16:11,011 (strains) EVITA? 365 00:16:12,592 --> 00:16:15,724 YEAH, EXACTLY. THAT WAY SHE CAN BE MY ACADEMIC ADVISOR. 366 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,096 OH YEAH, SHE CAN DO THAT, TOO. 367 00:16:17,097 --> 00:16:19,729 SHE'S JUST SO GREAT, THAT EVITA. 368 00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:24,233 - ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT UPSET? - NO. WHY WOULD I BE UPSET? 369 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,276 I MEAN, THAT IS A PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE NON-GOVERNMENT MAJOR, 370 00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:31,740 SOCIOLOGY. I MEAN, THAT IS YOUR GO-TO OCCUPATION IN A TOUGH ECONOMY. 371 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,993 WELL, HERE'S THE LAST AND BEST PART. 372 00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,786 NEXT SEMESTER, EVITA IS TRAVELING TO COLOMBIA 373 00:16:37,787 --> 00:16:39,038 TO DO SOME RESEARCH ON HER THESIS 374 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,830 ABOUT THE STABILIZING BENEFITS OF THE NARCO-GOVERNMENT. 375 00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:45,924 HOLD ON. SHE'S SIDING WITH THE DRUG LORDS? 376 00:16:45,925 --> 00:16:48,547 OKAY, WELL, TO BE FAIR, 377 00:16:48,548 --> 00:16:52,302 THEY PROVIDE BETTER SERVICES FOR THE CITIZENS THAN THEIR ELECTED OFFICIALS EVER HAVE. 378 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,684 WELL, GOOD LUCK TO HER. I TRULY BELIEVE 379 00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:58,937 HANGING OUT IN THE JUNGLE WITH THE DRUG LORDS IS THE RIGHT PLACE FOR EVITA. 380 00:16:58,938 --> 00:17:01,900 YEAH, BUT THAT'S NOT THE BIG NEWS. 381 00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:03,852 THE BIG NEWS IS... 382 00:17:03,853 --> 00:17:05,235 I'M GOING WITH HER. 383 00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:08,738 TO THE DRUG LORD JUNGLE? 384 00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:11,820 YEAH, SHE'S TAKING ME AS HER ASSISTANT. 385 00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:15,954 - SHE'S TAKING YOU TO DIE! -OKAY, AUNT MEL, DON'T OVERREACT. 386 00:17:15,955 --> 00:17:17,916 WE SHOULDN'T ASSUME THAT THEY'RE ALL BAD PEOPLE 387 00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:19,999 JUST BECAUSE THEY SELL ILLEGAL NARCOTICS. 388 00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:23,252 YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SURE THEY CALL 389 00:17:23,253 --> 00:17:25,755 THEIR MOTHERS ON THEIR BIRTHDAY RIGHT BEFORE THEY GO MURDER PEOPLE! 390 00:17:26,876 --> 00:17:28,046 EVITA SAID YOU'D REACT THIS WAY. 391 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:31,471 THIS IS A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF THE PATRIARCHAL, ANGLO-CENTRIC XENOPHOBIA. 392 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:33,843 DON'T TALK DOWN TO ME. 393 00:17:34,884 --> 00:17:36,766 I KNOW WHAT MOST OF THOSE WORDS MEAN! 394 00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:41,480 - HEY. - HEY THERE! 395 00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:43,232 - (door closes) - PERFECT TIMING. 396 00:17:43,233 --> 00:17:46,355 GUESS WHAT I JUST MADE... YOUR FAVORITE SNACK, MY FAMOUS GUACAMOLE. 397 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,818 ACTUALLY, MY FAVORITE SNACK IS FRENCH FRIES. 398 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,821 I MADE GUACAMOLE. 399 00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:55,114 SIT DOWN. (sighs) 400 00:17:55,115 --> 00:17:58,037 YOU KNOW, HONEY, I SPOKE TO VANESSA'S PARENTS THIS AFTERNOON. 401 00:17:59,909 --> 00:18:01,000 UH-HUH. 402 00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:04,833 YEAH, YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW UPSET HER PARENTS WERE 403 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:07,005 BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD TRUST THEIR DAUGHTER, 404 00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:09,418 AND WHEN THEY FOUND OUT THEY COULDN'T, THEIR HEARTS WERE JUST BROKEN. 405 00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:11,840 YEAH, THAT'S REALLY SAD. 406 00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:14,133 YEAH. YEAH. SO THERE'S NOTHING ELSE 407 00:18:14,134 --> 00:18:16,054 YOU WANNA TELL ME ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THAT AFTERNOON? 408 00:18:16,055 --> 00:18:17,347 LET ME THINK. 409 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,929 - NOPE. - GOOD, GOOD. ALL RIGHT. 410 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,312 WELL, NOW THAT WE'VE GOT THIS WHOLE SITUATION BEHIND US, 411 00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:25,484 WE CAN NOW GO ON THAT FATHER-DAUGHTER CAMPING TRIP 412 00:18:25,485 --> 00:18:27,146 WE'VE BEEN SO LOOKING FORWARD TO. 413 00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:28,608 GREAT. 414 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,441 YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY NOT THAT HUNGRY ANYMORE. 415 00:18:32,442 --> 00:18:35,574 OH. ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY? 416 00:18:35,575 --> 00:18:36,826 I JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 417 00:18:38,698 --> 00:18:41,200 I'M JUST SO HAPPY THAT WE HAVE THIS HONESTY BETWEEN US. 418 00:18:41,201 --> 00:18:43,702 THINK ABOUT THIS. FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, 419 00:18:43,703 --> 00:18:45,374 YOU ARE GONNA KNOW YOU WERE HONEST WITH ME. 420 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,705 AND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, 421 00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:49,838 I'M GONNA KNOW THAT I CAN TRUST YOU. AND THAT'S... 422 00:18:49,839 --> 00:18:51,300 THAT IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF. 423 00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:54,384 I MEAN, AREN'T YOU PROUD? 424 00:18:57,217 --> 00:18:58,967 (hesitantly) UH-HUH. 425 00:18:58,968 --> 00:19:00,969 WELL, I DIDN'T MEAN TO KEEP YOU. 426 00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:02,811 GO UP THERE AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK. 427 00:19:02,812 --> 00:19:04,224 (chuckles) 428 00:19:05,225 --> 00:19:06,766 I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE. 429 00:19:11,731 --> 00:19:13,482 ALL RIGHT, I DRANK! 430 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:15,694 I LIED! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCUSE ME 431 00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:18,367 LIKE A NORMAL PARENT INSTEAD OF MESSING WITH MY HEAD? 432 00:19:18,368 --> 00:19:21,870 - HOW DID YOU LET THIS HAPPEN? -EVERYONE WAS DOING IT, SO I DID IT TOO. 433 00:19:21,871 --> 00:19:24,283 I KNOW IT'S THE STUPIDEST REASON IN THE WORLD TO EVER... 434 00:19:24,284 --> 00:19:26,746 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! BACK UP. DON'T YOU TAKE MY LINES. 435 00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,629 THAT IS THE STUPIDEST REASON IN THE WHOLE WORLD TO EVER DO ANYTHING! 436 00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:33,422 OKAY, I GET IT. CAN WE JUST MOVE PAST IT 437 00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,173 AND NOT TALK ABOUT IT ON OUR RAFTING TRIP? 438 00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,675 YEAH, YEAH, WE CAN MOVE PAST IT. 439 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,637 YOU KNOW WHY? WE'RE NOT GOING ON THAT RAFTING TRIP. 440 00:19:38,638 --> 00:19:39,888 BUT... BUT THAT WAS OUR SPECIAL TRIP, 441 00:19:39,889 --> 00:19:41,800 WHERE YOU SAID WE WERE GONNA GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER. 442 00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,682 YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE GETTING-TO-KNOW-ME EXPERIENCE 443 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,013 IS GONNA BE LEARNING THAT WHEN YOU LIE TO ME 444 00:19:45,014 --> 00:19:46,645 AND YOU DRINK, YOU GET PUNISHED. 445 00:19:46,646 --> 00:19:48,767 GET TO KNOW ME. 446 00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:50,359 BUT I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH. 447 00:19:50,360 --> 00:19:51,810 EVENTUALLY. EVENTUALLY YOU DID, 448 00:19:51,811 --> 00:19:53,862 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? EVENTUALLY WE WILL GO ON THAT CAMPING TRIP, 449 00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,864 BUT NOT RIGHT NOW. YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO THIS WEEKEND? 450 00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:58,657 YOU AND ME, WE'RE GOING UPSTAIRS, AND WE'RE GONNA CLEAN OUT THE ATTIC. 451 00:19:58,658 --> 00:20:00,529 I HOPE YOU LIKE RATS. 452 00:20:00,530 --> 00:20:03,162 OH MY GOD, DAD, YOU'RE SO UNFAIR! 453 00:20:06,286 --> 00:20:09,167 YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS. LENNOX IS SHIPPING OFF WITH HER INSANE PROFESSOR 454 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:11,291 TO THE JUNGLES OF COLOMBIA. 455 00:20:14,674 --> 00:20:16,636 DANI JUST CALLED ME "DAD." 456 00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:22,971 HOLY CRAP. THIS IS TERRIBLE! 457 00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,605 COLOMBIA IS LIKE A CRACK HOUSE WITH A NATIONAL ANTHEM! 458 00:20:26,806 --> 00:20:29,938 WILL YOU STOP GOOGLING? YOU'RE ONLY GONNA FIND NEGATIVE STUFF OUT THERE! 459 00:20:29,939 --> 00:20:31,650 THAT'S NOT TRUE. I ALSO LEARNED COLOMBIA 460 00:20:31,651 --> 00:20:33,852 IS THE BIRTHPLACE OF GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ, 461 00:20:33,853 --> 00:20:36,945 AND IT HAS A THRIVING ROLLERSKATING COMMUNITY. SO THERE. 462 00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:40,238 OOH! OH WAIT, THIS COULD SOLVE EVERYTHING. 463 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,160 HERE'S A NEWS STORY ABOUT AN AMERICAN TOURIST 464 00:20:42,161 --> 00:20:44,823 WHO GOT ARRESTED IN MEDELLIN FOR WEARING KHAKI PANTS. 465 00:20:44,824 --> 00:20:47,786 BECAUSE KHAKI IS THE OFFICIAL ACTIVEWEAR OF THE CARTEL GOONS. 466 00:20:47,787 --> 00:20:49,077 WHEN LENNOX FINDS OUT 467 00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:50,289 THERE'S A DRESS CODE IN COLOMBIA, 468 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,330 SHE WON'T WANNA GO THERE. 469 00:20:51,331 --> 00:20:52,371 I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT. 470 00:20:52,372 --> 00:20:54,132 REMEMBER IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN THEY HAD THAT DRESS CODE 471 00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:55,173 AND OUTLAWED THE CROP TOPS? 472 00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:56,835 SHE WORE ONE EVERY DAY IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY 473 00:20:56,836 --> 00:20:58,927 IN PROTEST. HER BELLYBUTTON TURNED BLUE. 474 00:20:58,928 --> 00:21:00,759 NOW, THAT... THAT DRESS CODE THING 475 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,221 MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE HER WANT TO GO EVEN MORE. 476 00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:05,685 YOU COULDN'T LET ME HAVE FALSE HOPE FOR TWO MINUTES? 477 00:21:06,886 --> 00:21:09,849 OH, HONEY. MMM. 478 00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,441 (cracks) YEAH! 479 00:21:12,442 --> 00:21:15,023 - GOT YOU! (chuckles) - MY NECK! 480 00:21:15,024 --> 00:21:16,816 - MY NECK! (sobs) - OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY? 481 00:21:17,987 --> 00:21:19,198 GOTCHA!