1 00:00:00,834 --> 00:00:04,837 [MUSIC] 2 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,216 HEH. 3 00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:12,136 SO... [SIGHS]... 4 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,305 THIS IS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO NOT BE A VIRGIN. 5 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,225 YEAH. 6 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,393 SO... 7 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:20,352 HOW ARE YOU? 8 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,854 GOOD. 9 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,105 HOW ARE YOU? 10 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,441 GOOD, GOOD. GOOD. 11 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,193 IT WAS GOOD. 12 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:33,615 RIGHT? 13 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,953 I CAN HONESTLY SAY THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD. 14 00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,707 WAS I GOOD? 15 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,667 WERE YOU GOOD? 16 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:46,462 DONNA, YOU KNOW HOW MY MOM'S ALL OVER MY BACK 17 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,380 TO WRITE THANK YOU NOTES, AND I NEVER DO? 18 00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:49,757 WELL... HEH HEH... 19 00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,426 TRUST ME. YOU'RE GETTING A THANK YOU NOTE. 20 00:00:54,512 --> 00:00:56,513 OKAY. WE'D BETTER GET BACK DOWNSTAIRS 21 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,849 BEFORE PEOPLE START WONDERING WHERE WE ARE. 22 00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:03,729 RIGHT. OH... AND WE'LL NEED A COVER STORY, SO... 23 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,606 YEAH. LET'S JUST TELL EVERYONE WE HAD SEX. 24 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,274 NO. 25 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,151 YEAH, I KNOW. I'M KIDDING. 26 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,279 UH... WE'LL SAY WE WENT OUT FOR ICE BECAUSE... 27 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:15,574 WE NEEDED TO COOL DOWN FROM HAVING SEX! 28 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:19,578 MAYBE I SHOULD DO THE TALKING. 29 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,914 YEAH, WELL, TRY TO WORK IT IN SOMEWHERE 30 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,458 THAT WE HAD SEX, IN CONVERSATION, IF IT COMES UP. 31 00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:26,627 GRACEFULLY. 32 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:29,755 ♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪ 33 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:33,550 ♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪ 34 00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:37,137 ♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪ 35 00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,682 ♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪ 36 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:44,520 ♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪ 37 00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:47,981 ♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪ 38 00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:52,486 ♪ WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT ♪ ♪ WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT ♪ 39 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,656 HELLO, WISCONSIN! 40 00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,078 YOU SEE, FEZ, 41 00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,122 YOU TAKE ALL THE PARTIALLY CONSUMED DRINKS 42 00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:09,086 AND MIX 'EM TOGETHER INTO ONE GIANT UBER-DRINK. 43 00:02:09,254 --> 00:02:13,924 IN THIS CASE... TOM WALLBANGER BLOODY SUNRISE ON THE BEACH. 44 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,388 KELSO, HAVE YOU BEEN AVOIDING ME? 45 00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,182 YOU KIDDING ME? I'M RIGHT HERE, AREN'T I? 46 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,934 IT'S JUST THAT EVER SINCE I THREATENED 47 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,477 TO TELL JACKIE ABOUT THE TWO OF US, 48 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,020 YOU'VE SEEMED DISTANT. 49 00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:28,628 LAURIE, THAT'S JUST CRAZY, ALL RIGHT? 50 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,733 YOU BLACKMAILING ME HAS JUST BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. 51 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,990 HEY THERE, KIDS. WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN? 52 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,700 GOD, DAD, CAN'T WE BE GONE FOR A MINUTE 53 00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,744 WITHOUT YOU MAKING ALL SORTS OF ACCUSATIONS? 54 00:02:42,912 --> 00:02:45,247 I MEAN, GOD, IT WAS JUST A MINUTE. 55 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:48,959 TO BE FAIR, DONNA... IT WAS A LITTLE MORE THAN A MINUTE. 56 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:58,135 DONNA, ONE OF YOUR DRUNKEN UNCLES IS TOUCHING ME. 57 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,514 OH, MY GOD. 58 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,643 OH... MY GOD. 59 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,605 WE NEED TO TALK, RIGHT NOW. 60 00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,696 WHAT? 61 00:03:28,791 --> 00:03:32,377 YAY! MY FIRST PAYCHECK FROM PRICEMART! 62 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,214 THE DARK TIMES ARE OVER, KITTY. 63 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:37,382 OH, HONEY, THOSE WEREN'T DARK TIMES. 64 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:42,679 IT WAS... AN ECONOMIC SEGUEWAY. PFFT! 65 00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:45,390 WELL, IT'S OVER. WE SHOULD CELEBRATE. 66 00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:49,561 COME ON, KITTY, LET'S GET YOU PREGNANT. 67 00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,688 I'M KIDDING. 68 00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:57,152 YOU KNOW I CAN BARELY STAND THE KIDS WE HAVE. 69 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,738 YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO? 70 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:03,742 TREAT OURSELVES TO SOMETHING NICE. 71 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:08,372 I KNOW! WE CAN TURN ON THE HEAT. 72 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:16,296 ALL RIGHT... TELL ME EVERYTHING. 73 00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,298 NO. 74 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,509 COME ON, DONNA. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS. 75 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:21,927 AREN'T WE FRIENDS? 76 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,262 WELL, YEAH. 77 00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:26,515 OKAY, THEN. SO... 78 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:30,394 WHAT'D IT LOOK LIKE? 79 00:04:30,561 --> 00:04:31,853 JACKIE! 80 00:04:32,021 --> 00:04:35,732 OKAY, WE'LL COME BACK TO THAT ONE. 81 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,360 SO, HOW WAS IT? 82 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:41,154 JACKIE, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. 83 00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,823 OH... 84 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,241 THAT BAD, HUH? 85 00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:45,534 NO! 86 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:48,745 NO, NO. IT WAS GREAT. 87 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:51,290 IT JUST WASN'T WHAT I EXPECTED. 88 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:55,085 I DON'T THINK WE DID IT RIGHT. 89 00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,006 SO ERIC'S NOT GOOD? 90 00:04:59,173 --> 00:05:02,509 IT WAS MORE LIKE... LIKE NEITHER OF US WAS GOOD. 91 00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:07,222 DONNA, IT'S NOT UP TO THE WOMAN TO BE GOOD. 92 00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,226 I DON'T KNOW, JACKIE. I MEAN, I LOVE ERIC, 93 00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,812 BUT WHEN THE MOMENT CAME, 94 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,607 IT WAS JUST, LIKE... AWKWARD AND WEIRD... 95 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:22,112 AND... I DON'T KNOW. I JUST FELT SO FAR AWAY, YOU KNOW? 96 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,699 NO. BUT GO ON. 97 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,160 DURING IT, I JUST REMEMBER THINKING, 98 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,705 THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHAT EVERYONE... 99 00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,832 EVERYONE WHAT? 100 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,419 THAT'S AS FAR AS I GOT. 101 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,381 OH. SEE, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 102 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,175 THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM. 103 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,678 OH, TRUST ME. THAT'S A PROBLEM. 104 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:48,972 OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT, JACKIE? EVERYTHING'S FINE. 105 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,932 JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS, OKAY? 106 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,310 OKAY. 107 00:05:54,645 --> 00:05:56,730 OKAY?! 108 00:05:56,898 --> 00:05:59,691 OKAY! 109 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,651 ERIC AND DONNA HAD SEX? 110 00:06:01,819 --> 00:06:03,028 YEAH, YEAH. 111 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,656 AND ERIC... WASN'T GOOD AT IT. 112 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:11,078 WOW. REALLY? 113 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,457 THAT'S GREAT! HA HA! 114 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,046 TV character: AND I WOULD'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT, TOO, 115 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:24,674 IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE DARN KIDS! 116 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:27,302 OH... 117 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,763 OH, I LOVE THIS SCOOBY DOO! 118 00:06:29,931 --> 00:06:32,682 FORMAN, WHAT THE HELL YOU GRINNING ABOUT? 119 00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:36,103 WHAT? 120 00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,688 A GUY CAN'T GRIN? 121 00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:42,692 I THINK... THAT MAYBE... 122 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:46,488 FORMAN AND DONNA FINALLY MADE THE BEAST WITH 2 BACKS. 123 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:53,203 THE BACKOSAURUS? 124 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:55,539 SO? 125 00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:59,543 WELL, HYDE, I'M NOT SAYING YES, AND I'M NOT SAYING NO, BUT... 126 00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:02,421 I'M ESPECIALLY NOT SAYING NO. 127 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,549 THANK GOD. MAN, I'M TELLING YOU, 128 00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:07,092 I COULDN'T DEAL WITH ONE MORE WEEK 129 00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:09,594 OF THAT WILL THEY- WON'T THEY? CRAP. 130 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,895 HEY. HEY. 131 00:07:19,063 --> 00:07:22,232 WHAT'S GOIN' ON? 132 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,443 DONNA MADE FORMAN A MAN. 133 00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:28,321 OKAY. YES, SHE DID. HEH. 134 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,198 REALLY? 135 00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:33,577 SO... HOW WAS IT? 136 00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,121 WELL... 137 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:40,333 BOYS... 138 00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,086 I TELL YOU, IT WAS AS IF... 139 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,505 IN THAT ONE MAGIC MOMENT... 140 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:48,884 THE TWO PEOPLE, DONNA AND ERIC, CEASED TO EXIST 141 00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:54,431 AND WERE REPLACED INSTEAD BY ONE, PERFECT BEING. 142 00:07:55,766 --> 00:08:01,563 DONRIC FORMCIOTTI. 143 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:07,861 SO... ERIC, YOU'RE SAYING IT WAS GOOD? 144 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:15,827 KELSO, WAS MICHELANGELO'S CREATION OF ADAM GOOD? 145 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,541 YES, KELSO, IT WAS GOOD! 146 00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,711 SO, WELL, MY FIRST TIME... 147 00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:29,007 JACKIE CALLED ME THE APOLLO ROCKET OF LOVE. 148 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:32,844 WHAT KIND OF ROCKET WERE YOU? 149 00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:35,263 WHERE YOU GOING WITH THIS, KELSO? 150 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,433 NOWHERE. 151 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,356 EXCEPT JACKIE SAID YOU WERE TOTALLY LAME IN THE SACK! 152 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:49,152 JACKIE SAID?! 153 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,197 YEAH. DONNA TOLD JACKIE. JACKIE TOLD ME. 154 00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,135 OH, BUT YOU CAN'T TELL JACKIE I TOLD YOU 155 00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:58,745 'CAUSE SHE'D GET PISSED. 156 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,249 IT'S OKAY, ERIC. MAYBE SEX ISN'T YOUR THING. 157 00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,262 ALL RIGHT. 158 00:09:15,429 --> 00:09:17,264 ALMOST THERE. 159 00:09:17,431 --> 00:09:19,599 OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT WE GOT. 160 00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,434 OHH... YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT. 161 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,019 ARE YOU READY? 162 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:24,187 UH-HUH! 163 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,107 ♪ TA-DA! ♪ 164 00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,820 A MOTORCYCLE? 165 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,363 DON'T YOU LOVE IT?! 166 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:37,075 OF COURSE I DO, RED. WHAT WOMAN WOULDN'T? 167 00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,702 OH, YOU HATE IT. 168 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:42,622 OF COURSE I DO, RED. WHAT WOMAN WOULDN'T?! 169 00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:47,419 RED, I THOUGHT... I THOUGHT WE WOULD GET SOMETHING 170 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:51,423 WE BOTH WOULD ENJOY, LIKE A... A NECKLACE. 171 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,885 BUT THIS IS MUCH BETTER THAN A NECKLACE. 172 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:57,470 HOW? 173 00:09:57,638 --> 00:09:59,598 WELL, IT'S... 174 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:02,475 NOT A STUPID NECKLACE. 175 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:08,148 BUT IT'S... SHINY! 176 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:18,408 HEY. 177 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:25,540 SO... 178 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,542 WHAT'S NEW? 179 00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:28,835 WELL... 180 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:30,295 TURNS OUT I'M REALLY LAME IN THE SACK. 181 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,547 WHAT'S NEW WITH YOU? 182 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,550 WHAT? 183 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,385 OH, IT'S ALL THE NEWS. 184 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:39,346 JACKIE TOLD KELSO, AND KELSO TOLD ALL OF US, 185 00:10:39,513 --> 00:10:42,682 SO... SORRY I'M LAME IN THE SACK. 186 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,810 I NEVER SAID THAT. I SAID IT FELT AWKWARD AND WEIRD. 187 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,690 OH... 188 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,692 WHAT A RELIEF. 189 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,778 YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME. 190 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,196 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 191 00:10:56,364 --> 00:10:57,530 I DON'T KNOW. HOW ABOUT, 192 00:10:57,698 --> 00:11:01,034 HEY, ERIC, YOU'RE AWKWARD AND WEIRD? 193 00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,827 YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S THE PROBLEM. 194 00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:04,204 WE DID THIS REALLY HUGE THING, 195 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,914 AND NOW I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT. 196 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:09,000 WELL, GOD KNOWS, YOU CAN TALK TO JACKIE. 197 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,420 I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN. 198 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,047 WHAT? 199 00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:16,335 I KNEW THAT ONCE WE DID THIS, EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE, 200 00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,010 AND DAMNED IF IT DIDN'T. 201 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,888 WELL... 202 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:23,456 IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, 203 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,836 MAYBE WE SHOULD NEVER DO IT AGAIN. 204 00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,017 GREAT. 205 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,561 OH... GREAT! GREAT. 206 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:33,650 OH, GREAT. 207 00:11:38,572 --> 00:11:42,826 LOOK, KITTY. LOOK HOW GOOD I LOOK ON IT. 208 00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:46,121 HEY... WE COULD GET MATCHING JACKETS. 209 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:50,208 YOU KNOW HOW YOU LOVE THINGS THAT MATCH. 210 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:53,336 RED, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? 211 00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,630 OH, COME ON, KITTY. 212 00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,091 YOU KNOW THE LAST THING I BOUGHT FOR MYSELF? 213 00:11:58,259 --> 00:12:01,010 A HOSE. 214 00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,929 WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT WE CAN'T AFFORD IT. 215 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,265 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I'M WORKING AGAIN. 216 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,058 BUT WE STILL HAVE TO GET OUT OF DEBT. 217 00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,144 AND WE HAVE TO PAY FOR ERIC'S COLLEGE, 218 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:11,354 AND WE GOT LAURIE'S WEDDING, 219 00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:14,065 AND YOU KNOW WHOEVER SHE ENDS UP WITH, 220 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:18,361 IT'S NOT GONNA BE ANY ROCKEFELLER. 221 00:12:19,363 --> 00:12:21,948 I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. 222 00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:25,493 WELL, AT LEAST, LET'S TAKE ONE RIDE ON IT... 223 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:29,080 BEFORE WE BRING IT BACK. 224 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,624 OKAY, FINE. 225 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,878 [ENGINE STARTS] 226 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,881 OH, THAT FEELS NICE. 227 00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,049 [REVS ENGINE] 228 00:12:40,217 --> 00:12:43,386 OH! THAT FEELS VERY NICE. 229 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:49,726 MICHAEL, HOW COULD YOU? WHAT'D I DO? 230 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:53,021 MICHAEL, I DIDN'T TELL YOU ABOUT ERIC'S... SAD DILEMMA 231 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,024 SO YOU COULD MAKE FUN OF HIM. 232 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:58,985 I TOLD YOU SO YOU COULD HELP HIM. 233 00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:03,990 JACKIE, I CAN'T HELP HIM AND BURN HIM AT THE SAME TIME. 234 00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:07,660 UH... I MEAN, COME ON, JACKIE. IT'S FUNNY! 235 00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,580 HE MUST'VE BEEN REALLY BAD. 236 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,832 YEAH? WELL, SO WERE YOU. 237 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:16,336 OH! ALL RIGHT, JACKIE, 238 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:18,384 I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, OKAY? 239 00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:20,089 'CAUSE YOU CALLED ME YOUR APOLLO ROCKET OF LOVE. 240 00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:23,051 RIGHT, BUT I SAID IT LIKE, 241 00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,011 [SARCASTIC] OH, MICHAEL, 242 00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:30,600 YOU'RE A REGULAR APOLLO ROCKET OF LOVE. 243 00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:34,979 OKAY, I DON'T HEAR A DIFFERENCE. 244 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,237 ERIC, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, 245 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:45,365 MICHAEL WAS REALLY BAD HIS FIRST TIME, TOO. 246 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:47,909 Kelso: OH! 247 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,869 OH. THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER? 248 00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:51,913 DOESN'T IT? 249 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,833 YEAH, A LITTLE. THANKS, JACKIE. 250 00:13:56,544 --> 00:14:00,880 FORMAN, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM WITH DONNA, 251 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:05,468 AND AFTER HOURS OF SERIOUS CONSIDERATION... 252 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:09,889 IT STILL MAKES ME LAUGH. 253 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,350 HEY, YOU LEAVE ERIC ALONE! 254 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:16,354 ALL RIGHT? HE'S OUR FRIEND, AND HE NEEDS OUR HELP 255 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:18,314 IN THIS, HIS MOST DESPERATE HOUR. 256 00:14:18,482 --> 00:14:21,776 I'M WITH YOU, BUDDY. SEMPER FI! 257 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,696 GEE, KELSO, WHY THE SUDDEN CHANGE OF HEART? 258 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,699 OH. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THE APOLLO ROCKET OF LOVE 259 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,910 BLEW UP ALL OVER THE LAUNCH PAD? 260 00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:33,955 HO HO! A MYSTERY. ONE SUITABLE 261 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:38,626 FOR SCOOBY DOO AND HIS GANG OF CARTOON TEENAGERS. 262 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:43,172 YOU KNOW, GUYS, SOMETIMES I WISH WE WERE CARTOON TEENAGERS. 263 00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:46,968 ZOINKS. THAT'D BE SUPER, FEZ. 264 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:50,013 LOOK, MAN, IF GOD HAD MEANT FOR VIRGINS 265 00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:53,433 TO LOSE IT TO OTHER VIRGINS, 266 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,977 HE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN US MIDDLE-AGED HOOKERS, MAN! 267 00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:58,187 AMEN, BROTHER! 268 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,481 BECAUSE IF THERE'S ON THING MEN LIKE US KNOW, 269 00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,526 IT'S HOW TO HAVE SEX. 270 00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,019 OH, I CANNOT LIVE WITH THIS LIE. 271 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,615 EVERYONE, PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED. 272 00:15:08,782 --> 00:15:12,744 I, FEZ, AM STILL A VIRGIN. 273 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,456 GOSH, MY... WORLD NO LONGER MAKES SENSE. 274 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,249 FINE, HYDE, BUT NOW THAT THE MIDDLE-AGED-HOOKER 275 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,877 SHIP HAS SAILED, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? 276 00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:22,712 WELL, I KNOW I GOT A LOT BETTER 277 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,214 WHEN I STARTED MAKING IT WITH YOUR SISTER. 278 00:15:25,382 --> 00:15:26,382 I GOT IT! 279 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,217 YOU SHOULD MAKE IT WITH MY SISTER! 280 00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:30,887 KELSO, MAN, I'VE SEEN YOUR SISTER. 281 00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,389 SHE'S A VIRGIN, AND SHE'S GONNA BE... 282 00:15:33,557 --> 00:15:36,559 FOR A LOOOONG TIME. 283 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:38,645 HYDE, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 284 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:42,273 I THINK HE'S SAYING... MOOOOO. 285 00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,067 OKAY, MAYBE YOU DID NOT HEAR ME. 286 00:15:44,234 --> 00:15:47,862 FEZ, THE MAN YOU ALL REVERE, 287 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:53,159 HAS STILL NOT HAD SEX. 288 00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:54,827 YEAH. HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME. 289 00:15:54,995 --> 00:15:58,289 FORMAN, YOU'VE GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG, 290 00:15:58,457 --> 00:15:59,624 MAN, AND FAST. 291 00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:02,877 YOU KNOW WHAT WOMEN CALL GUYS WHO ARE LAME IN THE SACK? 292 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:06,673 JUST FRIENDS. 293 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,320 YOU CAN'T LET THE PRESSURE GET TO YOU. 294 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,024 DON'T THINK ABOUT HOW EMBARRASSING IT'D BE 295 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,637 IF YOU TRIED AND YOU COULDN'T, 296 00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:14,845 HOW SHE'D STARE AT YOU WITH THOSE CRUEL, BLACK EYES, 297 00:16:14,848 --> 00:16:16,432 AS IF TO SAY... [IMITATING JACKIE]... 298 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,977 YOU'RE NOT REALLY A MAN, MICHAEL. 299 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,813 YOU'RE NOT A MAN AT ALL! 300 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,899 O... KAY. 301 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:28,778 WELL, THIS HAS BEEN REALLY HELPFUL, GUYS. 302 00:16:30,197 --> 00:16:31,864 ALL RIGHT, YOU CALLED MY BLUFF. 303 00:16:32,032 --> 00:16:35,660 I AM NOT REALLY A VIRGIN, HEH HEH. 304 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,787 YES, I AM. 305 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:46,587 AH, HA HA HA HA! AH, HA HA HA HA! 306 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,214 HA... HA HA! 307 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:50,049 ALL RIGHT... FUN'S FUN. 308 00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:51,384 TIME TO TAKE IT BACK. 309 00:16:51,552 --> 00:16:54,053 NO. 310 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,680 NO? 311 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,349 NO. I LIKE IT. I WANT TO KEEP IT. 312 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,561 BUT YOU SAID YOURSELF WE GOTTA SAVE MONEY FOR THE KIDS. 313 00:17:01,729 --> 00:17:03,980 OH, SCREW THE DAMN KIDS. 314 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:08,443 OH, RED, I HAVE WORKED DOUBLE SHIFTS ALL YEAR. 315 00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,862 I DESERVE THIS. I WANT MY HOG. 316 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,282 YOU KNOW... 317 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,909 LAURIE MIGHT NOT EVEN GET MARRIED. 318 00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:19,245 MAYBE ERIC WILL GET A SCHOLARSHIP TO COLLEGE. 319 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:22,915 WELL, HELL, HE MIGHT BE TOO STUPID TO EVEN GET IN COLLEGE! 320 00:17:23,083 --> 00:17:24,959 WELL, RED, WE CAN ONLY HOPE. 321 00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,836 HA HA HA! HA HA HA! 322 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:29,380 OKAY, SO JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY... NO REASON... 323 00:17:29,548 --> 00:17:31,215 WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST TIME LIKE? 324 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:35,470 OH. MY FIRST TIME WAS WITH A GUY NAMED... 325 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,972 YOUR FATHER. 326 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,808 MY FIRST TIME WAS WITH THIS GUY NAMED DARREN. 327 00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:44,062 IT WAS REALLY SPECIAL. 328 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,482 OH, NO. WAIT. IT WASN'T DARREN. IT WAS... 329 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,817 ROBERT? 330 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:52,195 I THINK ROBERT. 331 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:57,492 WELL, UM... RED AND I WAITED UNTIL AFTER WE WERE MARRIED. 332 00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:02,705 LIKE, 5 SECONDS AFTER WE WERE MARRIED. 333 00:18:02,873 --> 00:18:04,248 WE SAID, TO HECK WITH THE RECEIVING LINE, 334 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:08,836 AND HIT THE NEAREST CLOSET. HA HA HA HA! 335 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:12,924 OH, I REMEMBER RUNNING MY HANDS THROUGH HIS LONG, BLOND HAIR, 336 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:17,428 AND LISTENING TO HIS BEAUTIFUL BRITISH ACCENT. 337 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,263 YOU SEE, BECAUSE BACK THEN, YOUR FATHER 338 00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:23,059 WAS BLOND AND BRITISH. 339 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,020 NO, NO, NO. NOT ROBERT. 340 00:18:26,188 --> 00:18:30,399 THERE WAS THIS GUY... WHAT WAS HIS NAME? 341 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:35,363 OR WAS IT HIS BROTHER? 342 00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,865 IT'LL COME TO ME. 343 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,743 GOOD GOD, THAT DRESS MUST'VE HAD A HUNDRED BUTTONS 344 00:18:40,911 --> 00:18:43,830 DOWN THE BACK, BUT RED GOT IT OFF IN NO TIME. 345 00:18:43,997 --> 00:18:45,414 YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT TO LOOK AT HIM, 346 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,542 BUT RED'S GOT VERY NIMBLE FINGERS. 347 00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:51,087 NIM-BLE! 348 00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,673 I JUST REMEMBER IT WAS VERY DISAPPOINTING, 349 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:55,716 AND I NEVER SAW THAT GUY AGAIN. 350 00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,718 I MEAN, YOUR FATHER. 351 00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,638 I MEAN, YOUR FATHER WAS THE FIRST. 352 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:04,809 DON'T TELL YOUR FATHER, OKAY? 353 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,688 I WANT TO SAY BILLY... 354 00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,399 BUT THAT'S NOT RIGHT. 355 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,901 ANYWAY, I JUST REMEMBER THAT HE WASN'T VERY GOOD. 356 00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:18,865 AND IT WAS JUST WONDERFUL. 357 00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:21,993 EVENTUALLY. 358 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,122 OKAY, DONNA... 359 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:27,415 HERE'S THE DEAL. 360 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:31,752 DO YOU HAVE ANY ROLAIDS? 361 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,258 I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT WE SAID, 362 00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,720 ABOUT US NOT DOING IT AGAIN? 363 00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:44,515 AND, UH, I'VE DECIDED THAT'S JUST CRAZY TALK. 364 00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,309 BUT, ERIC, WE DID IT, AND NOW EVERYTHING'S A MESS. 365 00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:52,732 SEE, DONNA... EVERYTHING YOU AND I DO IS A MESS... 366 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,986 AT FIRST. I MEAN, FACE IT. 367 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,864 WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF GOONS HERE. 368 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,991 THE FIRST TIME WE KISSED, 369 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:03,409 THE FIRST TIME WE WENT OUT... 370 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:04,827 THE FIRST TIME I LET YOU GET TO SECOND. 371 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,413 EXACTLY. 372 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,708 WAIT. WHAT DID I DO WRONG THEN? 373 00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:14,378 GOD, IT WAS LIKE YOU WERE TUNING A RADIO. 374 00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,845 OKAY. 375 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,764 OKAY, BUT... DO I STILL DO THAT? 376 00:20:24,932 --> 00:20:26,182 NO. 377 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:27,990 AND THE KISSING... HAS THAT GOTTEN BETTER? 378 00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:29,894 YEAH, LIKE, A ZILLION TIMES BETTER. 379 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:34,023 AND, DONNA, YOU KNOW WHY THOSE THINGS GOT BETTER? 380 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:37,693 BECAUSE WE KINDA CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WE TALK... 381 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:41,781 AND WE MAKE THINGS WORK. 382 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:45,284 YEAH, BUT WHAT IF IT DOESN'T WORK? 383 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:46,812 AND THEN NOT ONLY DOES IT NOT WORK, 384 00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:48,390 BUT WE DON'T HAVE WHAT WE USED TO HAVE? 385 00:20:48,413 --> 00:20:50,665 DONNA, WE WILL. WE LOVE EACH OTHER, RIGHT? 386 00:20:50,832 --> 00:20:52,917 SO... TRUST ME. 387 00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:56,963 IT CAN ONLY GET BETTER. 388 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,803 OKAY, SO, I GUESS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS WE NEED PRACTICE. 389 00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:07,348 AND LOTS OF IT! YES! 390 00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,529 SO? 391 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:24,532 YEAH. IT WAS A LITTLE BETTER. 392 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:27,910 A LITTLE BETTER? 393 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:31,372 I AM THE KING! 394 00:21:37,671 --> 00:21:41,090 HEY, MOM, ANY MORE FRIED CHICKEN? 395 00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:44,010 WELL, MY GOODNESS, YOU'RE A HUNGRY LITTLE BEE. 396 00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:48,639 YEAH, FORMAN. WHATCHA BEEN DOING? 397 00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:52,601 EXERCISING? 398 00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:54,812 IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING. 399 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:58,107 HEY, I'M TOO SMART FOR YOU TWO IDIOTS 400 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:01,110 TO TRY INNUENDO WITH ME. 401 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:02,528 GOT IT? 402 00:22:02,696 --> 00:22:05,781 YES, SIR. 403 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,492 YOU GONNA EAT THAT, BIG BOY?