1
00:00:01,376 --> 00:00:06,338
[MUSIC]

2
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,510
HEY, MOM, ARE YOU
GONNA WEAR THAT TO CHURCH,

3
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,096
OR IS IT JUST LAUNDRY DAY?
HA HA HA HA.

4
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:17,349
THINK ABOUT IT.

5
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,105
NO. THERE'S AN EMERGENCY
AT THE HOSPITAL,

6
00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:24,732
AND THEY'RE REALLY
SHORT-STAFFED.

7
00:00:24,899 --> 00:00:28,152
I'M SORRY I'M NOT GONNA
MAKE IT TO CHURCH TODAY.

8
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,737
ALL RIGHT! NO CHURCH!

9
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,697
HEY, WE CAN WATCH
THE BREWERS GAME.

10
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,657
SOUNDS GREAT!

11
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,451
LAURIE WILL COOK US UP
A COUPLE OF HOT DOGS...

12
00:00:35,618 --> 00:00:38,829
NO. NO BREWERS, NO HOT
DOGS, NO NICE DAY.

13
00:00:38,997 --> 00:00:41,707
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE SURE
THESE KIDS GET TO CHURCH.

14
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,876
WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO?

15
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,961
WELL, I HAVE A MILLION
REASONS AND NO TIME.

16
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,714
NOW, HERE'S A DOLLAR
FOR THE OFFERING.

17
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:55,596
AND YOU REMEMBER... YOU
SING LOUD, YOU SING PROUD.

18
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,975
HEY, HOW ABOUT YOU? HOW
COME YOU NEVER HAVE TO GO?

19
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,313
ERIC...

20
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:08,442
GOD AND I HAD
A HEART TO HEART...

21
00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:13,363
WHILE I WATCHED MY DESTROYER
GO DOWN IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

22
00:01:13,531 --> 00:01:16,033
WE'RE REAL GOOD.

23
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,536
YOU'RE NOT.

24
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:21,789
Red: GO.

25
00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,458
OKAY.

26
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:27,961
WELL, I'LL SEE YA.

27
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,964
I'M GONNA GO MEET SOME FRIENDS
BEHIND THE BOWLING ALLEY.

28
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:34,343
LAURIE, WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO GO TO CHURCH.

29
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:39,056
[MIMICS] OH, WE'RE SUPPOSED
TO GO TO CHURCH.

30
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:42,810
STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE GIRL
AND DO SOMETHING BAD FOR ONCE.

31
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:49,900
♪ HANGIN' OUT ♪

32
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:53,362
♪ DOWN THE STREET ♪

33
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:56,990
♪ THE SAME OLD THING ♪

34
00:01:57,158 --> 00:02:00,536
♪ WE DID LAST WEEK ♪

35
00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:04,498
♪ NOT A THING TO DO ♪

36
00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:08,043
♪ BUT TALK TO YOU ♪

37
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:12,506
♪ WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT ♪
♪ WE'RE ALL ALL RIGHT ♪

38
00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:14,800
HELLO, WISCONSIN!

39
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,891
SO, ERIC, I SEE YOU'RE
NOT IN CHURCH TODAY.

40
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:26,186
UH, NO. NOW THAT I'M NOT
A VIRGIN ANYMORE,

41
00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:29,648
THERE'S REALLY NOTHING LEFT
TO PRAY FOR.

42
00:02:33,236 --> 00:02:35,279
MAN, MY LIFE SUCKS.

43
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,906
EVER SINCE JACKIE LEFT,
I'M NO GOOD AT PINBALL.

44
00:02:38,074 --> 00:02:40,701
YOU WERE NEVER GOOD AT PINBALL.

45
00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:44,413
LET'S LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE
OF NOT HAVING JACKIE.

46
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:48,625
FIRST, NO JACKIE.

47
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:51,044
SECOND, NOW YOU CAN DO
ALL THE THINGS

48
00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,463
THAT YOU COULD NEVER DO
WHEN YOU WERE WITH HER, MAN...

49
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,424
WHICH WAS AT LAST COUNT...

50
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,802
EVERYTHING.

51
00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,388
OH, MAN... YOU'RE RIGHT.

52
00:03:01,556 --> 00:03:03,223
YOU KNOW, JACKIE NEVER
EVER WANTED ME TO, LIKE,

53
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:07,352
CHEAT ON HER, OR GROW A BEARD,

54
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,896
AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO.

55
00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:12,399
AND NOW I CAN LET THIS GROW OUT!

56
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,776
MAY I GROW ONE, TOO?

57
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,988
I DON'T KNOW, FEZ. THE TWO OF
US GROWING BEARDS TOGETHER...

58
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:23,160
ISN'T THAT KIND OF GIRLIE?

59
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:27,414
HMM, WELL, I JUST FIGURE
THE MORE THE HAIRIER.

60
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:35,631
OH, I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.

61
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:43,889
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT MAKE
OUR CHURCH PLOY WORK BETTER?

62
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:48,060
IF YOU'D BUTTON YOUR SHIRT.

63
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:54,775
OH, AND, UH... HEY, WHAT'S
THAT IN YOUR HAIR?

64
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,736
OH, A CIGARETTE BUTT.
THAT'S NICE.

65
00:03:58,529 --> 00:04:02,324
UGH. THAT'S THE LAST TIME
I MAKE OUT ON ASPHALT.

66
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,452
AH... THERE THEY ARE.

67
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:07,037
MY LITTLE ANGELS ARE HOME.

68
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:09,081
HOW WAS CHURCH, GOOD SERMON?

69
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,707
YOU KNOW, FINE.

70
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,627
JESUS SAID SOMETHING
REALLY WISE.

71
00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:17,172
PEOPLE SAID, OH, THAT JESUS.

72
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,633
AND NOW WE GO AND TRY AND
LIVE OUR LIVES THAT WAY.

73
00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:23,929
YOU MEAN, LIKE A COUPLE OF,
UH, BIG, FAT LIARS?

74
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,891
YEAH. I RAN INTO BOB
OUT IN THE DRIVEWAY,

75
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,185
AND HE TOLD ME YOU
WEREN'T AT CHURCH.

76
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:34,648
GOD! I HATE BOB!

77
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:38,402
I TRIED TO GO, DADDY, BUT ERIC
WOULDN'T GIVE ME A RIDE.

78
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:44,533
HEY, MARY MAGDALENE, THERE'S
SOME GUM ON YOUR NECK.

79
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,080
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY OWN
CHILDREN WOULD DO THIS.

80
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:52,165
MOM, I MEAN, IT'S
SUCH A NICE DAY.

81
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:54,751
AND WE WANTED TO GET
SOME OF THAT FRESH AIR

82
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:56,503
YOU'RE ALWAYS TELLING US ABOUT.

83
00:04:56,671 --> 00:05:00,590
HEY. NOBODY LIKES
A SMART-MOUTH SINNER.

84
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:02,342
YOU KNOW, THIS
WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED

85
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,012
IF SOMEONE HAD MADE SURE HIS
CHILDREN HAD GOTTEN TO CHURCH.

86
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,556
WELL, I...

87
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,976
DAMN!

88
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,224
ALL RIGHT, FROM NOW ON,
YOU KIDS ARE GOING TO CHURCH.

89
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,771
THAT'S AN ORDER.

90
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:15,939
OH, DAD...

91
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,107
OKAY, OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT.

92
00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:18,515
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO FORCE THEM.

93
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,526
THEY'RE ALMOST GROWN UP.

94
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,862
THEY CAN MAKE UP
THEIR OWN MINDS.

95
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,530
REALLY?

96
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:26,199
SURE.

97
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,868
IF YOU WANT TO TURN
YOUR BACKS ON GOD

98
00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:31,038
AND SPEND ETERNITY DOING
LAPS IN A LAKE OF FIRE,

99
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:33,874
WELL, THAT'S YOUR CHOICE!

100
00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:41,631
SO... GUYS...

101
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,885
WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE BEARD?!

102
00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:48,263
YES, IT'S NOT BAD
AFTER ONE WEEK, HUH?

103
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,140
I THINK IT'S STUPID.

104
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,934
YOU LOOK LIKE A HOBO.

105
00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:54,644
WELL, YOU'RE CRAZY.

106
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,521
WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE A HOBO.

107
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,775
CRAZY! HOBO!

108
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:02,694
YEAH, WELL, I LIKE IT.
I THINK IT LOOKS RUGGED.

109
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:05,572
LOOK HOW THICK IT'S COMING IN.

110
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,166
HELLO.

111
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,959
WELL, FEZ, THAT'S A NICE BEARD.

112
00:06:18,127 --> 00:06:22,047
IT WILL BE, ONCE IT
REALLY COMES IN.

113
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:24,508
DOESN'T MICHAEL'S LOOK STUPID?

114
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,259
I MEAN, IT'S NOT EVEN
GROWING IN RIGHT.

115
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,387
IT'S ALL PATCHY.

116
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:32,057
HA HA. POOR PATCHY.

117
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,351
ALL RIGHT, I DON'T
HAVE TO TAKE THIS.

118
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:38,021
AW, NOW WE MADE PATCHY UPSET.

119
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,358
BYE, PATCHY. SO LONG, PATCHY.

120
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:46,613
I MISS PATCHY.

121
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,990
GOD, DOESN'T MICHAEL LOOK
HOT WITH THAT BEARD?

122
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,910
I MEAN, IT'S ALL
ROUGH AND FORBIDDEN.

123
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,038
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
KELSO LOOKED STUPID.

124
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:57,207
WELL, I CAN'T
TELL HIM I LIKE IT.

125
00:06:57,375 --> 00:07:00,168
I HATE HIS GUTS!

126
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:02,921
BUT I HATE HIM EVEN MORE
NOW THAT HE'S SO HOT.

127
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:06,800
THAT HOT BEARDED JERK.

128
00:07:07,927 --> 00:07:09,386
WHAT ABOUT MY BEARD?

129
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,514
IT HAS EGG IN IT.

130
00:07:14,725 --> 00:07:16,393
LAURIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

131
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,936
CHURCH STARTS IN 10 MINUTES.

132
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,063
MOM, I'M NOT GOING!

133
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:23,316
WHAT?

134
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,610
WELL... ERIC'S NOT GOING EITHER.

135
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,821
OH, OF COURSE HE IS.

136
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,906
WELL, NO, AH, I THOUGHT...

137
00:07:30,074 --> 00:07:31,992
MOM, I THOUGHT YOU SAID
WE HAD THE CHOICE.

138
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,536
UH-HUH.

139
00:07:36,247 --> 00:07:39,124
AND I CHOSE NO.

140
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:43,920
BUT, UH, YES WAS A CLOSE SECOND.

141
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:47,132
YOU KNOW, I DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS AT ALL.

142
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,343
YOU GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH.

143
00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:52,012
IT'S HOT. IT'S BORING.

144
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,540
THE MUSIC SUCKS.
THE PASTOR'S UGLY.

145
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:54,973
I HAVE TO WEAR A TIE.

146
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,351
I HAVE TO WEAR A BRA.

147
00:07:59,353 --> 00:08:01,771
ENOUGH.

148
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,525
WHAT ABOUT HYDE? I MEAN,
HE DOESN'T HAVE TO GO.

149
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:09,112
WHILE I RESPECT
THE JUDEO CHRISTIAN ETHIC,

150
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,947
AS WELL AS THE EASTERN
PHILOSOPHIES

151
00:08:11,115 --> 00:08:13,074
AND, OF COURSE,
THE TEACHINGS OF MOHAMMED,

152
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,911
I FIND THAT ORGANIZED RELIGIONS
HAVE CORRUPTED THOSE BELIEFS

153
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,622
TO JUSTIFY COUNTLESS ATROCITIES
THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

154
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:22,083
WERE I TO ATTEND CHURCH,
I'D BE A HYPOCRITE.

155
00:08:28,716 --> 00:08:30,383
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

156
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,719
I AM LEAVING IN 5 MINUTES.

157
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:36,306
AND I'M SURE YOU WILL MAKE
THE RIGHT DECISION.

158
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,602
NO. YOU'LL MAKE
THE RIGHT DECISION.

159
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:42,479
AND YOU DRAG HER WITH YOU.

160
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:48,777
SOMETHING TELLS ME I WILL NOT
BE SITTING IN THAT PEW ALONE.

161
00:08:58,746 --> 00:09:01,748
HEY, KITTY, THE PINCIOTTIS
ARE ALL HERE.

162
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,709
WHERE'S THE REST OF TEAM FORMAN?

163
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,254
OH, I'M ALL ALONE TODAY.

164
00:09:07,421 --> 00:09:09,130
ALL ALONE?

165
00:09:09,298 --> 00:09:12,175
ICK! THAT'S JUST EMBARRASSING.

166
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,843
WELL, THAT'S A SHAME.

167
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,211
BECAUSE IF THERE'S ANYONE WHO
HAS SOME CONFESSING TO DO,

168
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:19,432
IT'S THAT DIRTY,
DIRTY SON OF YOURS.

169
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,686
EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

170
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:25,564
IS THIS SEAT TAKEN, MA'AM?

171
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,191
DO YOU SEE ANYONE?

172
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,781
I LOVE IT HERE, MAN.

173
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,284
THE GUY UP THERE TELLS STORIES,

174
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:39,869
THAT GUY WAILS ON THE ORGAN,

175
00:09:40,037 --> 00:09:43,498
YOU CAN SING AS LOUD
AS YOU WANT.

176
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:47,419
IT'S ALMOST A RELIGIOUS
EXPERIENCE.

177
00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:50,380
I KIND OF THINK THIS
IS WHAT HEAVEN'S

178
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,257
GONNA BE LIKE, YOU KNOW.

179
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:56,595
PLUS THEY'LL HAVE AN OPEN BAR.

180
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,817
RIGHT THIS WAY.

181
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,361
WIPE YOUR FEET, PLEASE.

182
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:16,406
SORRY, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY.

183
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,782
NEXT.

184
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,034
OH, THAT'S US.

185
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:20,493
FORMAN, PARTY OF 4.

186
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,245
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T LET YOU IN.

187
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:24,914
WHAT?

188
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,375
ALL OF US OR...

189
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,086
JUST LAURIE?

190
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,630
ALL OF YOU.

191
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:34,299
HI, LAURIE.

192
00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:41,181
KITTY, IF YOU'D ONLY GONE
TO CHURCH WITH YOUR FAMILY,

193
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,682
BUT YOU DIDN'T.

194
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:46,394
SO, DOWN YOU GO.

195
00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,396
All: AAH!

196
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,274
HA HA HA HA! I LOVE THAT GAG.

197
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:55,236
STEP ASIDE, WOULD YOU PLEASE?

198
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:56,863
NEXT.

199
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,658
HEY THERE, HO THERE.
HI THERE, COMING THROUGH.

200
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,746
OH, YOU HAVE GOT
TO BE KIDDING ME.

201
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,331
WHAT CAN I DO?

202
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,126
THEY WENT TO CHURCH.

203
00:11:10,294 --> 00:11:13,505
HERE'S 20. CAN YOU
FIND US A PLACE UP FRONT?

204
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:17,759
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.

205
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:19,052
I'M KICKING BOB'S ASS.

206
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:20,387
RED!

207
00:11:20,554 --> 00:11:23,098
WELL, KITTY, WE'RE
GOING TO HELL ANYWAY.

208
00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:37,362
WELL, THAT'S JUST
NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

209
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,908
THANKS, MAN.

210
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,502
HOW WAS CHURCH?

211
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:53,753
GREAT!

212
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,965
I FIGURED OUT WHAT TO DO
WITH OUR SINNER CHILDREN.

213
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,343
KITTY, OUR KIDS ARE FINE.

214
00:12:00,511 --> 00:12:01,803
OH, REALLY?

215
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,179
SO, WHY IS LAURIE...

216
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:05,348
HEY, HEY.

217
00:12:05,516 --> 00:12:07,316
IF WE'RE GONNA START
TAKING SHOTS AT OUR KIDS,

218
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:10,311
LET'S FOCUS ON ERIC.

219
00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:12,147
OKAY, SEE, NOW,
THAT'S THE POINT.

220
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,733
HE NEEDS TO LEARN
RIGHT FROM WRONG.

221
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,193
I DON'T WANT HIM TURNING BAD.

222
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:20,363
OH, KITTY. I DON'T THINK
ERIC'S GONNA TURN BAD.

223
00:12:20,531 --> 00:12:24,659
HE'S TOO MUCH OF A PANTY-WAIST.

224
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,246
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE
DEFENDING THEM, RED.

225
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,207
YOU FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE
YOU SET A BAD EXAMPLE.

226
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:32,959
HEY, I GO TO CHURCH.

227
00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,130
JUST NOT DURING TELEVISED
SPORTING EVENTS.

228
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:42,218
YOU KNOW, KITTY, WHEN
MY DESTROYER WENT DOWN

229
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:43,678
IN THE SOUTH PACIF...

230
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:47,223
OH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

231
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:50,685
FINE. IF I THOUGHT THE KIDS
WEREN'T GOING BECAUSE OF ME,

232
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:52,896
I'D GO.

233
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:57,108
FORTUNATELY I DON'T THINK THAT,
SO I'M NOT GOING.

234
00:12:57,276 --> 00:13:00,445
WELL, THAT'S ALL
WELL AND GOOD, RED,

235
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,238
BUT SINCE THEY
WON'T GO TO CHURCH,

236
00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,282
I'M BRINGING THE CHURCH TO THEM.

237
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,409
I'VE ASKED DAVE, THE
CHURCH'S YOUTH MINISTER,

238
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:10,121
TO COME HERE FOR DINNER,
AND HE SAID, "GROOVY."

239
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,832
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

240
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,292
YOU REALLY THINK SO?

241
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:15,668
I DON'T HAVE TO BE THERE,
RIGHT? NO.

242
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,922
SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA.

243
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,217
YOU SHOULD REALLY GO
TO CHURCH, ERIC.

244
00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:25,386
'CAUSE GOD, HE SEES EVERYTHING.

245
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:29,015
IT'S WHY I LIVE MY LIFE
GOOD AND PURE.

246
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:32,811
KELSO, YOU WERE DATING
TWO GIRLS AT THE SAME TIME.

247
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,604
YEAH, BUT GOD DIDN'T SEE THAT.

248
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:38,483
I WAS IN MY VAN, AND HE
CAN'T SEE THROUGH LEAD.

249
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,533
I DON'T WANT TO GET INTO
A RELIGIOUS ARGUMENT,

250
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:51,412
BUT MY GOD CAN KICK
YOUR GOD'S ASS.

251
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:57,669
GOD IS DEAD, MAN.

252
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,963
IT SAID SO IN TIME MAGAZINE.

253
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,840
NO, MAN.

254
00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:05,885
I SAT NEXT TO GOD ONCE
ON THE BUS.

255
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,470
HE TOLD ME THE MEANING OF LIFE,

256
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:11,224
AND THEN HE GAVE ME A PRETZEL.

257
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,060
SO WHAT'S THE MEANING
OF LIFE, MAN?

258
00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:19,774
UH, YEAH. I GUESS I
SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT DOWN.

259
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:24,070
BUT IT WAS A GOOD PRETZEL, MAN.

260
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,574
MAYBE THIS LIFE DOESN'T
EVEN MATTER, YOU KNOW.

261
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:30,910
MAYBE WE'RE NOT EVEN HERE.

262
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:36,666
OR NO. MAYBE I'M HERE,
BUT YOU'RE NOT.

263
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,752
HELLO?

264
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:43,506
YOU KNOW WHAT THE BEST
THING GOD EVER DID WAS?

265
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:46,342
BOOBS!

266
00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:50,805
YES. AND GOD SAID,
LET THERE BE BOOBS.

267
00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,850
AND THEN THERE WERE BOOBS.

268
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:56,436
HEY, IF GOD IS ALL-POWERFUL,

269
00:14:56,604 --> 00:15:01,691
CAN HE MAKE A BOOB SO BIG
THAT EVEN HE CAN'T LIFT IT?

270
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:04,319
WELL, THAT'S
A GOOD QUESTION, MAN.

271
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,989
I'LL ASK HIM NEXT TIME
I'M ON THE BUS.

272
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:12,619
OH, MY GOD! HERE COMES MICHAEL.

273
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:15,538
ISN'T HE GORGEOUS?

274
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:20,877
JACKIE, HE'S THE DOG THAT LIED
AND CHEATED ON YOU, REMEMBER?

275
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:24,464
GOOD! GOOD! KEEP
SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT

276
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,592
SO THAT I DON'T THROW
MYSELF AT HIM.

277
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,887
GEE, I'LL TRY.

278
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,098
OH, HEY.

279
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,266
EXCUSE ME.

280
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:36,559
HEY, MICHAEL.

281
00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,437
YOU SUBMENTAL TWO-TIMING DOG.

282
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,649
HEY, JACKIE.

283
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,233
SO WHERE YOU OFF TO?

284
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:47,904
YOU LYING, CHEATING
DIRTBAG JERK.

285
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,739
WELL, I'M JUST GONNA
GO OVER TO THE HUB,

286
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,659
GROW MY BEARD, YOU KNOW.

287
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,828
WELL, THAT'S NEAT.

288
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,956
SO, THEY ALLOW SCUMWADS
IN THERE WHO LIE

289
00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,415
TO THEIR GIRLFRIENDS

290
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:03,127
AND CHEAT ON THEM
AND BREAK THEIR HEARTS?

291
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:09,759
UH... I GUESS SO. YEAH.

292
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,180
NOW, I KNOW SOME
OF THE KIDS TODAY

293
00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:15,932
THINK THAT GOD'S A REAL DOWNER,

294
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,644
BUT THE TRUTH IS, HE'S AN UPPER.

295
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:21,187
AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

296
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,023
THERE'S A MUCH BETTER DRUG
THAN LSD OR PCP.

297
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:28,069
I GET HIGH ON G-O-D.

298
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,448
[CLEAR THROAT] VIRGIN.

299
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,996
BLESS YOU.

300
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,457
OKAY, WHY AM I HERE?

301
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:45,962
BECAUSE YOU'RE A YOUNG SOUL
IN MY CARE. NOW SIT, DAMMIT.

302
00:16:46,588 --> 00:16:48,881
SORRY, DAVE.

303
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:55,304
I HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR VIRGINS.

304
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,478
'CAUSE THEY'RE SUCH A CHALLENGE.

305
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,774
[NERVOUSLY] RELIGION
CAN BE COOL.

306
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:10,278
IN FACT, JESUS WAS A LOT
LIKE ANOTHER FAMOUS REBEL.

307
00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:12,613
FONZIE.

308
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,991
BUT WHERE FONZIE SAYS, "AYYY".

309
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:19,662
JESUS SAYS, AYY-MEN.

310
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,334
BUT, DAVE, COULD JESUS
START A JUKEBOX

311
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,129
JUST BY HITTING IT?

312
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:32,133
HE COULD, BUT JESUS DOESN'T
LIKE TO HIT ANYTHING.

313
00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:36,262
DID HE EVER WATERSKI
OVER A SHARK?

314
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:40,975
OKAY, DOES ANYONE HAVE A
QUESTION ABOUT THE BIBLE?

315
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,144
I DO.

316
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,439
DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PLACE?

317
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,528
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

318
00:17:52,696 --> 00:17:57,116
HOW 'BOUT WE STOP TALKING
AND WE START SINGING SONGS?

319
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,786
♪ JESUS IS JUST
ALRIGHT WITH ME ♪

320
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:03,039
♪ JESUS IS JUST ALRIGHT
WITH ME ♪

321
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:04,415
EVERYONE!

322
00:18:04,583 --> 00:18:06,292
♪ JESUS IS JUST
ALRIGHT WITH ME ♪

323
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,877
♪ US ♪

324
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:10,379
♪ JESUS IS JUST ALRIGHT,
OH, YEAH ♪

325
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:17,929
♪ JESUS IS JUST
ALRIGHT WITH ME ♪

326
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,765
OKAY, LET'S TAKE A LOOK
AT YOUR PICTURES.

327
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:25,019
KITTY, WHAT DO YOU SEE
WHEN YOU THINK OF GOD?

328
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,896
OH, THAT'S NICE.

329
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,940
VERY LIFELIKE.

330
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,567
SEE, HE'S, UM, LOOKING
DOWN FONDLY ON

331
00:18:31,735 --> 00:18:34,737
ALL OF US GOING TO CHURCH.

332
00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,490
STEVEN?

333
00:18:39,201 --> 00:18:40,576
VERY GOOD.

334
00:18:40,744 --> 00:18:42,620
I SEE. WHEN YOU THINK OF GOD,
YOU SEE JESUS.

335
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:46,290
NO, MAN. IT'S CLAPTON.

336
00:18:46,875 --> 00:18:48,251
OH, MY GOD, MAN.

337
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:52,255
I DREW CLAPTON, TOO.

338
00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,217
OKAY... COOL.

339
00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:59,595
LAURIE?

340
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,932
I DREW A SPECIAL PICTURE
JUST FOR YOU.

341
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:05,977
LOOK AT IT LATER,
WHEN YOU'RE ALONE.

342
00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:08,729
UH, I GOT A PAIR OF 10s.

343
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,398
OR AS WE SAY IN RELIGIOUS RUMMY,

344
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:14,152
A PAIR OF APOSTLES.

345
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:20,116
OOH, UM, I HAVE A JACK,
A QUEEN, AND A KING.

346
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:24,537
YOU MEAN A JOSEPH,
A MARY, AND A JESUS.

347
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:29,333
WOW! THAT'S GONNA BE
HARD TO BEAT.

348
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,627
THAT'S SO TRUE, KITTY.

349
00:19:31,795 --> 00:19:34,255
LET'S SEE WHAT LAURIE'S GOT.

350
00:19:34,715 --> 00:19:38,759
6...

351
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,762
6.

352
00:19:50,731 --> 00:19:51,981
WELL, THANK YOU ALL
FOR THE LOVELY EVENING.

353
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:55,234
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE CHURCH.

354
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,873
[SEDUCTIVELY] OH, MICHAEL...

355
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:16,380
[ANGRILY] OH, MICHAEL!

356
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,230
MOM!

357
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,757
ERIC, LAURIE, GET READY
FOR CHURCH.

358
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,814
WAIT A SECOND. I THOUGHT
YOU SAID IT WAS OUR CHOICE.

359
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:40,238
WELL, WHEN YOU CHOOSE TO
GO, IT'LL BE YOUR CHOICE.

360
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,991
COMING ON TO THE YOUTH
MINISTER? YOU NEED CHURCH.

361
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,495
MOM, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

362
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,121
I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A REASON.

363
00:20:49,289 --> 00:20:52,041
IT'S RIGHT, I'M YOUR MOTHER,
NOW MOVE.

364
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,501
BUT IT'S NOT FAIR.

365
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,336
I MEAN, WHY DO WE
HAVE TO GO TO CHURCH?

366
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,588
I MEAN...

367
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,132
DAD DOESN'T GO.

368
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:01,717
AHA!

369
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:03,761
AHA, AHA, AHA, AHA!

370
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,888
HA HA HA HA HA!

371
00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:09,558
COME ON, EVERYBODY, THE
FORMANS ARE GOING TO CHURCH!

372
00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:20,611
YOU HAD TO THROW ME UNDER
THE BUS WITH YOU, DIDN'T YA?

373
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,448
WELL, NICE GOING, ERIC.

374
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:25,950
YEAH. NICE GOING.

375
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:30,121
NOW I HAVE TO PUT ON A BRA.

376
00:21:32,791 --> 00:21:35,793
GOD HATES ME.

377
00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:40,548
♪ OH, DEAR LORD ♪

378
00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:42,425
♪ 3 THINGS I PRAY ♪

379
00:21:42,592 --> 00:21:44,635
♪ PRAY ♪ A!

380
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:47,847
♪ TO SEE THEE MORE CLEARLY ♪

381
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:50,558
♪ TO SEE THEE MORE ♪ B!

382
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,310
♪ LOVE THEE MORE NEARLY ♪

383
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,061
C!

384
00:21:54,229 --> 00:21:55,813
♪ FOLLOW THEE MORE NEARLY ♪

385
00:21:55,981 --> 00:21:59,108
♪ DAY BY DAY ♪

386
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,526
♪ DAY BY ♪

387
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:01,986
♪ DAY BY DAY ♪ ♪ DAY ♪

388
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,446
♪ DAY BY DAY ♪

389
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:07,867
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY CARSEY-WERNER
PRODUCTIONS AND FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY