1
00:00:02,419 --> 00:00:04,086
[MUSIC PLAYS ON LAPTOPS]

2
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:15,556
All right, just a few more feet and...

3
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:18,934
Here we are, gentlemen,
the Gates of Elzebub.

4
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,602
SHELDON: Good Lord.
RAJESH: Oh.

5
00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:24,023
Don't panic. This is what the last
97 hours have been about.

6
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:26,316
Stay frosty. There's a horde of goblins...

7
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:29,945
...on the other side of that gate
guarding the Sword of Azeroth.

8
00:00:30,113 --> 00:00:33,198
Warriors, unsheathe your weapons.
Magic wielders, raise your wands.

9
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:34,450
Lock and load.

10
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,785
Raj, blow the gates.

11
00:00:36,953 --> 00:00:38,203
Blowing the gates.

12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,916
Control-shift-B.

13
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,918
[RUMBLING AND GOBLINS
SCREAMING ON LAPTOPS]

14
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,838
- Oh, my God, so many goblins.
HOWARD: Aah!

15
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,090
Don't just stand there. Slash and move.

16
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,425
Stay in formation.

17
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:55,179
- Leonard, you got one on your tail.
- That's all right, my tail's prehensile.

18
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,513
I got him, Leonard.

19
00:00:56,681 --> 00:01:00,392
Tonight, I spice my meat
with goblin blood.

20
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,394
Raj, it's a trap. They're flanking us.

21
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,146
Oh, he's got me.

22
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:06,815
Sheldon, he's got Raj.
Use your sleep spell.

23
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,734
Sheldon. Sheldon.

24
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:12,988
I've got the Sword of Azeroth.

25
00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:16,200
- Forget the sword, Sheldon, help Raj.
- There is no more Sheldon.

26
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,577
I am the sword master.

27
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,163
- Leonard, look out.
- Damn it, man, we're dying here.

28
00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:22,748
Goodbye, peasants.

29
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:23,957
[WHOOSHING ON LAPTOPS]

30
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,250
The bastard teleported.

31
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,339
He's selling the Sword of Azeroth
on eBay.

32
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,383
You betrayed us for money?
Who are you?

33
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:34,843
I'm a rogue knight elf.

34
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,513
Don't you people
read character descriptions?

35
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,140
Wait, wait, wait.
Somebody just clicked "Buy It Now."

36
00:01:40,308 --> 00:01:43,519
I am the sword master.

37
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:09,878
Whoo! I'm all sweaty.

38
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,131
Wanna log on to Second Life
and go swimming?

39
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,591
I just built a virtual pool.

40
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:18,178
No. I can't look at you
or your avatar right now.

41
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,098
[PENNY LAUGHS]

42
00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,434
Sounds like your neighbor's home.

43
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,396
Excuse me.

44
00:02:27,564 --> 00:02:30,941
Don't forget the mail you took
so you'd have an excuse to talk to her.

45
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,443
Oh, right, right, right.

46
00:02:33,611 --> 00:02:37,072
Stealing snail mail, very old school.
I like it.

47
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:41,743
Penny, the mailman did it again. He...
Oh, sorry.

48
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,745
Um, no, hi, Leonard. This is Doug.

49
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:47,082
- Doug, this is my neighbor, Leonard.
- What's up, bro?

50
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:50,752
Not much.

51
00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:53,797
Bro. Heh.

52
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,591
Is everything okay?

53
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:58,051
Yeah, no. I just...
I got your mail again, here.

54
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,762
Oh, thank you.
I've got to talk to that mailman.

55
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,140
Oh, no, that's probably
not such a good idea.

56
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:09,146
Civil servants have a documented
propensity to, you know, snap, so...

57
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:11,940
Okay. Well, thank you again.

58
00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:14,109
No problem. Bye.

59
00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:17,571
Oh, and bye, bro. Heh.

60
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:27,080
Penny for your thoughts.

61
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:31,126
- What's the matter?
- No, I'm fine.

62
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:34,129
Penny's fine,
the guy she's kissing is really fine.

63
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,592
Kissing? What kind of kissing?
Cheeks, lips, chase, French?

64
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,304
What is wrong with you?

65
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,932
I'm a romantic.

66
00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,894
Don't tell me
that your hopeless infatuation...

67
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,979
...is devolving into pointless jealousy.

68
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,982
No, I'm not jealous.
I'm just a little concerned for her.

69
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,235
Didn't like the look of the guy
she was with.

70
00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:58,195
Because he looks better than you?

71
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,906
Yeah.

72
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,450
He was kind of dreamy.

73
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,161
At least now
you can retrieve the black box...

74
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:09,831
...from the smoldering wreckage
that was once your fantasy of dating her...

75
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:13,835
...and analyze the data so that
you don't crash into geek mountain again.

76
00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:19,216
I disagree. Love is not a sprint.
It's a marathon.

77
00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:24,346
A relentless pursuit that only ends
when she falls into your arms...

78
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:27,474
...or hits you with the pepper spray.

79
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:29,351
No, I'm done with Penny.

80
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,854
I'm gonna be more realistic
and go after someone my own speed.

81
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,107
- Like who?
- I don't know.

82
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,316
Olivia Geiger?

83
00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:40,362
The dietitian at the cafeteria
with the limp and the lazy eye?

84
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:44,408
- Yeah.
- Well, I don't think you have a shot there.

85
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:49,037
I have noticed that Leslie Winkle
recently started shaving her legs.

86
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:52,291
Now, given that winter is coming,
one can assume she's signaling...

87
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,667
...sexual availability.

88
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,545
I don't know.
You guys work in the same lab.

89
00:04:56,921 --> 00:04:59,047
- So?
- There are pitfalls.

90
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:00,716
Trust me, I know.

91
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:04,011
When it comes
to sexual-harassment law...

92
00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:07,139
...I'm a bit of a self-taught expert.

93
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,019
Howard, if I were to ask Leslie Winkle out,
it would just be for dinner.

94
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:16,023
I'm not gonna walk into the lab,
ask her to strip naked and dance for me.

95
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,442
Oh, then you're probably okay.

96
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,114
- Hello, Leslie.
- Hi, Leonard.

97
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:26,408
- I'd like to propose an experiment...
- Goggles.

98
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,868
Right.

99
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,998
- I would like to propose an experiment.
- Hang on.

100
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,543
I'm trying to see how long it takes
a 500-kilowatt oxygen-iodine laser...

101
00:05:36,711 --> 00:05:38,837
...to heat up my cup of noodles.

102
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:42,758
I've done it.
About two seconds, 2.6 for minestrone.

103
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,970
[MACHINE WHIRRING]

104
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,726
Anyway, I was thinking more
of a biosocial exploration...

105
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,770
...with a neurochemical overlay.

106
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,774
Wait, are you asking me out?

107
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,110
I was going to characterize it
as the modification...

108
00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:06,406
...of our colleague/friendship paradigm
with the addition of a date-like component.

109
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:10,410
But we don't need to quibble
over terminology.

110
00:06:10,578 --> 00:06:12,454
What sort of experiment
would you propose?

111
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:15,165
There is a generally accepted
pattern in this area.

112
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:18,585
I pick you up, take you to a restaurant,
then we would see a movie.

113
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,088
Probably a romantic comedy
featuring the talents...

114
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,340
...of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.

115
00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:25,008
Interesting.

116
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,761
And would you agree
the primary way we would evaluate...

117
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:31,807
...the success or failure of the date would
be based on the biochemical reaction...

118
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:35,394
- ...during the good-night kiss?
- Heart rate, pheromones, et cetera, yes.

119
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,021
Why don't we stipulate
the date goes well...

120
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,981
...and move to the key variable?

121
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,858
- You mean kiss you now?
- Yes.

122
00:06:42,026 --> 00:06:45,112
- Define the parameters of the kiss.
- Closed mouth, but romantic.

123
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,030
- Mint?
- Thank you.

124
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,577
[MINTS CRACKING]

125
00:06:54,163 --> 00:06:57,999
- Shall I count down from three?
- No, I think it needs to be spontaneous.

126
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,384
- What do you think?
- You proposed the experiment.

127
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:09,970
I think you should present
your findings first.

128
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,680
Fair enough.

129
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,100
On the plus side, it was a good kiss,
reasonable technique...

130
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,852
...no extraneous spittle.

131
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,355
On the other hand, no arousal.

132
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:23,024
- None?
- None.

133
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,193
Ah.

134
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,697
Well, thank you for your time.

135
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,532
- Thank you.
- Hmm.

136
00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:36,163
None at all?

137
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:46,256
Sheldon, if you were a robot
and I knew and you didn't...

138
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:50,093
...would you want me to tell you?

139
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,054
That depends.

140
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:58,894
When I learn that I'm a robot,
will I be able to handle it?

141
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:04,191
Maybe, although the history
of science fiction is not on your side.

142
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,735
Okay. Uh, let me ask you this.

143
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,112
When I learn that I'm a robot...

144
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,033
...would I be bound by
Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?

145
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:17,454
You might be bound by them right now.

146
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:21,249
That's true.

147
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:25,879
- Have you ever harmed a human being?
- Of course not.

148
00:08:26,047 --> 00:08:29,257
Have you ever harmed yourself,
except in cases where a human being...

149
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,092
...would have been endangered?

150
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,762
- Well, no.
- I smell robot.

151
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:41,353
- Hey, what's going on?
- Internet's been down for half an hour.

152
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,232
Also, Sheldon may be a robot.

153
00:08:47,276 --> 00:08:49,861
So how did it go with Leslie?

154
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:54,366
Oh, we tried kissing,
but the Earth didn't move.

155
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:58,954
I mean, any more than the 383 miles
that it was gonna move anyway.

156
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,916
Oh, I've seen that look before.

157
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:06,461
This is just gonna be two weeks
of moping and tedious emo songs...

158
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:10,090
...and calling me to come down
to pet stores to look at cats.

159
00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:13,635
I don't know if I can take it.

160
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,471
You could power down.

161
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:22,519
Well, as usual,
Wolowitz has the solution.

162
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,356
I happen to know a place
where there are plenty of eligible women...

163
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,316
...and Leonard could have his pick.

164
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:30,819
[LATIN MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]

165
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,161
Remember the Latin hips.

166
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,373
Shoulders stay still and we sway.

167
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,922
One, two, three.

168
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,675
Five, six, seven.

169
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:57,304
I think Mrs. Tishman's
got her eye on you.

170
00:09:57,722 --> 00:10:00,056
I've been there. You're in for a treat.

171
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:09,274
[SINGING]
She said, "You don't know me

172
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,862
You don't even care"

173
00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:16,114
Oh, yeah

174
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,324
Oh, good Lord.

175
00:10:17,491 --> 00:10:20,827
She said, "You don't know me

176
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:25,248
You don't wear my chains"

177
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:27,917
Oh, yeah

178
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:30,086
God, that's a good song.

179
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,840
If you're compiling a mix CD
for a double suicide.

180
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:38,178
Oh, I hope that scratching post
is for you.

181
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:41,348
I know what you're thinking.
I've taken your asthma into account.

182
00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:43,516
There's a feline geneticist in San Diego...

183
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:46,728
...who's developed
the cutest little hypoallergenic calicos.

184
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,772
- Listen...
- I've been thinking about names.

185
00:10:48,939 --> 00:10:53,443
I'm kind of torn between Einstein,
Newton and Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.

186
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:56,738
Do you think you can satisfy
your need for a relationship...

187
00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:59,115
...with a genetically altered cat?

188
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:03,119
Maybe, if it's a cute little cuddly cat.

189
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,830
Oh, come on, Leonard...

190
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,292
This is obviously about Penny.

191
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:12,962
It doesn't matter.

192
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,049
The woman's not interested in me.
The woman rejected me.

193
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:18,593
Okay, look. Ahem.

194
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,764
You have as much of a chance of having
a sexual relationship with Penny...

195
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,516
...as the Hubble telescope does...

196
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,810
...of discovering
at the center of every black hole...

197
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:30,188
...is a little man with a flashlight
searching for a circuit breaker.

198
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:37,570
Nevertheless, I do feel obligated
to point out to you...

199
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,781
...that she did not reject you.

200
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,866
You did not ask her out.

201
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,828
You're right.

202
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,080
I didn't ask her. I should ask her out.

203
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,457
No, no. Now, that was not my point.

204
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,836
My point was, don't buy a cat.

205
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,963
No, but you're right.

206
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,340
I should march over there
and ask her out.

207
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:00,927
Oh, goody, we're getting a cat.

208
00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,806
Oh, yeah... No.

209
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,019
- Oh, hey, Leonard.
- Good afternoon, Penny.

210
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,564
So, hi, hey. Uh...

211
00:12:13,691 --> 00:12:15,692
I was wondering
if you had plans for dinner.

212
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,235
Uh, you mean, dinner tonight?

213
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:21,322
There is an inherent ambiguity
in the word "dinner."

214
00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:24,325
Technically,
it refers to the largest meal of the day.

215
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:27,036
So to clarify here,
by dinner, I mean supper.

216
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:29,205
- Supper?
- Or dinner, you know.

217
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:33,126
I was thinking 6:30 if you can go,
or a different time.

218
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,461
Uh, 6:30 is great.

219
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,087
Really?

220
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,216
- Great.
- Yeah, I like hanging out with you guys.

221
00:12:40,384 --> 00:12:41,426
Us guys?

222
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:44,471
Oh, you know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj.
Who all is coming?

223
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,931
They...

224
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,059
...might all be there.

225
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,897
Or a subset of them might be there.

226
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,357
Algebraically speaking,
there are too many unknowns.

227
00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:58,526
For example,
Sheldon had Quizno's for lunch.

228
00:12:58,694 --> 00:13:01,237
Sometimes he finds that filling,
other times he doesn't.

229
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:04,699
It's no fault of Quizno's.
They have a varied menu.

230
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:07,911
Okay, whatever, it sounds like fun.

231
00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:10,038
Great.

232
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,706
- Did we say a time?
- Six-thirty.

233
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:12,916
Still good?

234
00:13:13,083 --> 00:13:14,709
- It's fine.
- It's not carved in stone.

235
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,169
No. Six-thirty is great.

236
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:18,421
I'll get my chisel. Heh-heh.

237
00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:21,132
Why?

238
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:27,222
To carve the...
Okay, I'll see you at 6:30.

239
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,692
How do I look?

240
00:13:44,114 --> 00:13:45,949
Could you be more specific?

241
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,078
Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?

242
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:55,333
No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns
under your arms conceal it nicely.

243
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:59,379
- What time is your date?
- Six-thirty.

244
00:13:59,588 --> 00:14:01,923
Perfect, that gives you
two hours and 15 minutes...

245
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:05,301
...for that dense molecular cloud
of Aramis to dissipate.

246
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,639
- Is it too much?
- Not if you're a rugby team.

247
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:14,269
By the way, you didn't join us
because you stuffed yourself...

248
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:16,646
...with a chicken-carbonara sub
at Quizno's.

249
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,231
Why would I join you?

250
00:14:19,233 --> 00:14:20,733
No reason.

251
00:14:23,112 --> 00:14:25,572
Oh, you know what?
Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

252
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,116
Oh, no, well, now,
there's always the possibility...

253
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:30,493
...that alcohol and poor judgment
on her part...

254
00:14:30,661 --> 00:14:33,037
...might lead to a nice romantic evening.

255
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:37,834
You're right. Alcohol, poor judgment.
It could go well.

256
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:41,504
Of course, there's the other possibility
that this day kicks off...

257
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,757
...an unpleasant six months of you
passing awkwardly in the hall...

258
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,802
...until one of you breaks down
and moves to another zip code.

259
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,264
You could have stopped at,
"It could go well."

260
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,892
If I could have, I would have.

261
00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:56,895
I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy.
There's no reason...

262
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,856
...we couldn't go to the restaurant
and have a lovely dinner.

263
00:15:00,024 --> 00:15:04,652
Maybe take a walk afterwards,
talk about things we have in common.

264
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,655
"You love pottery? I love pottery."

265
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,700
You know, there's a pause.
We both know what's happening.

266
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,827
We kiss. It's a little tentative at first.

267
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,997
But I realize, she's kissing me back,
she's biting my lower lip.

268
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,333
She wants me.
This thing is going the distance.

269
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:20,501
We're gonna have sex.
Oh, God. Oh, my God.

270
00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,840
Is the sex starting now?

271
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:27,884
I'm having a panic attack.

272
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:31,387
Oh, okay. Well, then, calm down.

273
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,431
If I could,
I wouldn't be having an attack.

274
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,017
- That's why they call it a panic attack.
- All right.

275
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,727
Would you just sit down?

276
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,480
- Yeah, sit down. Now close your eyes.
- Why?

277
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:41,856
- Just do it.
- Okay.

278
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:45,026
Now, try to increase
your alpha-wave activity.

279
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,946
- What?
- It's a biofeedback technique.

280
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,239
It's relaxation
through brainwave manipulation.

281
00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:52,575
I read it
in the Journal of American Neuroscience.

282
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:55,453
It was sparsely sourced,
but I think the science is valid.

283
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:58,206
I probably have it here somewhere.

284
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,500
Who am I kidding?
I can't go through with this.

285
00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,377
- You need to call her and cancel.
- Me?

286
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,087
- Yes.
- What should I tell her?

287
00:16:04,254 --> 00:16:06,673
- I don't know. Tell her I'm sick.
- Okay.

288
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,384
Not the kind that would make her
wanna take care of me.

289
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:13,763
But nothing so critical that she'll feel
uncomfortable if I wanna try this again.

290
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,432
Got it. So I'm assuming nothing venereal.

291
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,690
I'll just tell her that you had
a routine colonoscopy...

292
00:16:23,857 --> 00:16:25,692
...and haven't quite bounced back.

293
00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:28,236
- Give me the phone.
- I thought you wanted to cancel.

294
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,239
I can't. If I don't show up,
she'll still be expecting you.

295
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,783
Why would she be expecting me?

296
00:16:34,785 --> 00:16:38,830
Stop asking me all these questions.
I need to take another shower.

297
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,752
- Are the rest of the guys meeting us here?
- Oh, yeah.

298
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,254
No.

299
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,840
Turns out that Raj and Howard
had to work...

300
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:54,470
...and Sheldon had a colonoscopy,
and he hasn't quite bounced back yet.

301
00:16:55,431 --> 00:16:57,724
Ooh, my uncle just had
a colonoscopy.

302
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:01,978
You're kidding. Well, then,
that's something we have in common.

303
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,230
How?

304
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:10,903
We both have people in our lives
who wanna nip intestinal polyps in the bud.

305
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,870
So, what's new in the world of physics?

306
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:21,539
Nothing.

307
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:23,958
Really? Nothing?

308
00:17:24,126 --> 00:17:29,630
Well, with the exception of string theory,
not much has happened since the 1930s...

309
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,507
...and you can't prove string theory.

310
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:37,138
At best you can say, "Hey, look, my idea
has an internal logical consistency."

311
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:41,934
Ah. Well, I'm sure things will pick up.

312
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,024
What's new at the Cheesecake Factory?

313
00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,651
Oh, uh, not much.

314
00:17:50,819 --> 00:17:55,198
Oh, we do have a chocolate key lime
that's moving pretty well.

315
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:58,826
Good.

316
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:05,917
Uh, what about
your, uh, hallway friend?

317
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:10,505
Doug? Oh, yeah. I don't know. I mean,
you know, he's nice and funny, but...

318
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,924
- Can I get you started with some drinks?
- No. Bzzz.

319
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,344
- You were saying, "But..."?
- I'd like a drink.

320
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:19,764
Just say the "but" thing about Doug,
and then I'll get her back.

321
00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:23,184
Okay, well, it...
I don't know. It's just me.

322
00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:25,520
I'm still getting over this break-up
with Kurt.

323
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:28,523
And this thing with Doug
would just be rebound sex.

324
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:33,277
Ugh. Don't get me started
on rebound sex.

325
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,113
It's just... It's my pattern.

326
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,490
I break up, then I find some cute guy...

327
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:41,369
...and then it's just
36 meaningless hours of...

328
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,787
Well, you know.

329
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,249
I'm not sure that I do. Um...

330
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:52,421
Is that one 36-hour experience
or is that 36 hours spread out over...

331
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:56,050
...say, one glorious summer?

332
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:57,718
No. It's usually over a weekend.

333
00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,638
And trust me,
you do not feel good after it.

334
00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:03,224
Well, chafing, right?

335
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,476
Emotionally.

336
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:08,563
Of course, yeah. Emotional chafing.

337
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,780
Hey, do you wanna see something cool?

338
00:19:19,199 --> 00:19:23,411
I can make this olive go into this glass
without touching it.

339
00:19:23,662 --> 00:19:26,289
- How?
- Physics.

340
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,796
Wow, centrifugal force.

341
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,258
Actually, it's centripetal force,
which is an inward force...

342
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,761
...generated by the glass
acting on the olive. Ooh.

343
00:19:41,597 --> 00:19:42,847
Excuse me.

344
00:19:43,015 --> 00:19:46,142
Now, if you were biting on the olive...

345
00:19:46,310 --> 00:19:49,854
...you'd be in a non-inertial
reference frame and would...

346
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:54,442
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

347
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,652
Did you spill ketchup?

348
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,155
- No.
- I'm not okay.

349
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,160
You don't wanna go
to the emergency room?

350
00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:05,369
No, no. I'm okay.

351
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,954
It stopped bleeding.

352
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:10,082
Anyway, you did throw up.
Isn't that a sign of a concussion?

353
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:13,502
Yes, but I get carsick too, so...

354
00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:14,712
Okay.

355
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,589
Sorry about your car, by the way.

356
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:20,384
Oh, no, it's fine.
You got most of it out the window.

357
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,887
The poor guy on the bike.

358
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:26,641
I had a nice time.

359
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,768
Yeah, me too.

360
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,145
Well, um, good night.

361
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:33,189
Good night.

362
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,816
- Leonard.
- Yeah?

363
00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,819
Was this supposed to be a date?

364
00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,322
This?

365
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,908
No.

366
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:46,160
No, of course not.

367
00:20:46,328 --> 00:20:49,580
This was just you and me hanging out
with guys who didn't show up...

368
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:52,875
...because of work and a colonoscopy.

369
00:20:54,169 --> 00:20:55,670
Okay. I was just checking.

370
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:01,300
When I take a girl on a date...
And I do, heh.

371
00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,637
...she knows she's been dated.

372
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,349
Capital D. Heh.

373
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:13,312
Bold face, underlined, like, dated.

374
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,108
I think I might have a concussion.
I'm gonna go lay down.

375
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:18,693
Good night.

376
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:25,658
- So how was your date?
- Awesome. Heh.

377
00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:32,873
Score one for liquor and poor judgment.

378
00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:02,570
[English - US - SDH]