1
00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:06,255
On the other hand, some physicists are
concerned that if this supercollider works...

2
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:10,342
...it'll create a black hole and swallow up
the Earth, ending life as we know it.

3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,553
What a bunch of crybabies.

4
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,972
No guts, no glory, man.

5
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,932
Hey, check it out.

6
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:20,102
The School of Pharmacology
is looking for volunteers.

7
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,771
"We are testing a new medication
for social anxiety...

8
00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:27,693
...panic attacks, agoraphobia
and obsessive-compulsive disorder."

9
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,821
Why would they be looking
for test subjects here?

10
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:33,449
I don't know, Raj.

11
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:36,952
Maybe the comic-book store
doesn't have a bulletin board.

12
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,291
- What's going on?
- Shh! Hot girl in Sheldon's office.

13
00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:44,668
Sheldon's office?

14
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,839
Is she lost?

15
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:52,634
I don't think so.
I followed her here from the parking lot.

16
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:58,432
- Maybe she's his lawyer.
- Well, she's free to examine my briefs.

17
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,142
- Howard...
- I know, I'm disgusting.

18
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,393
I should be punished.

19
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,438
By her. Oh, look, I did it again.

20
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:08,484
MISSY: Well, that should do it.
- Thank you for coming by.

21
00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,449
Hello.

22
00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:19,036
Oh, hey, buddy.

23
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,456
Buddy?

24
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,000
Sorry I'm late.
I'm working on a project...

25
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:28,337
...that may take me up
on the next space shuttle.

26
00:01:28,505 --> 00:01:31,381
Well, how can you be late?
I wasn't expecting you at all.

27
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,675
Nobody ever expects me.

28
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,845
Sometimes you just look,
and bam, Howard Wolowitz.

29
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:42,392
- Sheldon, are you gonna introduce us?
- Oh, all right. This is Missy.

30
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,230
Missy, this is Leonard and Rajesh,
and you've already met Howard.

31
00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:48,732
- It's nice to meet you.
- You too, as well also.

32
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,275
Yeah.

33
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,737
So how do you two know each other?

34
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:58,700
Oh, he once spent nine months
with my legs wrapped around his head.

35
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:03,247
Excuse me?

36
00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,665
She's my twin sister.

37
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:08,168
She thinks she's funny, but frankly,
I've never been able to see it.

38
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:11,130
That's because you have
no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.

39
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:13,799
How exactly would one measure
a sense of humor?

40
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,093
A humormometer?

41
00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:22,266
Well, I think you're delightfully droll.
Or as the French say:

42
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,143
[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

43
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:28,772
Okay, so let me see if I got this.
Leonard, Howard and...

44
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,233
I'm sorry, what was your name again?

45
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,678
Rajesh.

46
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,663
So, Missy, what brings you
all the way from Texas?

47
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,625
Was it perhaps destiny?
I think it was destiny.

48
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,877
My friend's getting married at Disneyland.

49
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,339
Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.

50
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:40,177
And I had to drop off some papers
for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate.

51
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,847
The papers could've been mailed. Mom
sent you here to spy on me, didn't she?

52
00:03:44,015 --> 00:03:46,308
I guess that's why
they call you a genius.

53
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:49,144
They call me a genius
because I'm a genius.

54
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,648
Tell Mom
that I currently weigh 165 pounds...

55
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,984
...and that I'm having
regular bowel movements.

56
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:57,861
Enjoy the wedding. Goodbye.

57
00:03:58,196 --> 00:03:59,988
- Whoa, whoa.
- Whoa, whoa.

58
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:04,076
If the wedding's not till tomorrow,
why don't you stay with us tonight?

59
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,204
Oh, I don't think so.
Shelly doesn't like company.

60
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:11,166
Even as a little boy, he'd send his imaginary
friends home at the end of the day.

61
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,753
They were not friends.
They were imaginary colleagues.

62
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,048
Look, you're here,
and we have plenty of room.

63
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,969
- No, we don't.
- Come on, Shelly, she's family.

64
00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:25,555
So what?
I don't issue invitations to your mother.

65
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:28,892
It would be nice not to have to drive
to Anaheim in rush hour.

66
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,103
And don't ever call me Shelly.

67
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,522
So it's settled. You'll stay with us.

68
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,150
I'll walk you to your car.
You're in Structure 3, Level C, right?

69
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,240
What just happened?

70
00:04:44,742 --> 00:04:46,368
So anyway, we're 8 years old...

71
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,914
...and Sheldon converts my Easy-Bake Oven
to some kind of high-powered furnace.

72
00:04:51,082 --> 00:04:53,917
That's just classic.

73
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:57,129
I needed a place to fire
ceramic semiconductor substrates...

74
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,339
...for homemade integrated circuits.

75
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:03,218
He was trying to build some sort of
armed robot to keep me out of his room.

76
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:07,055
Made necessary by her insistence
on going into my room.

77
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:10,517
Anyway, I make those little muffins
they give you. There's a big flash.

78
00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,353
Next thing you know,
my eyebrows are gone.

79
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,024
Not your eyebrows?

80
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,526
Yep, I had to go through
the entire second grade...

81
00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,279
...with crooked eyebrows
my mom drew on.

82
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,448
Is that what that was? I just assumed...

83
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,117
...that the second-grade curriculum
had rendered you quizzical.

84
00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,202
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

85
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:34,750
Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear
in the drier downstairs.

86
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,670
Pfft.

87
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,798
Those are not mine.

88
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:46,762
Really? They have
your little name label in them.

89
00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,098
Oh, yeah, no, I use those...

90
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:54,603
...just to polish up
my spearfishing equipment.

91
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,439
I spearfish.

92
00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,820
When I'm not crossbow hunting,
I spearfish.

93
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:09,951
Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister.
Missy, this is our neighbor Penny.

94
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,162
- Hi.
- Wow, you don't look that much alike.

95
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,873
Can I get a hallelujah?

96
00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,584
Fraternal twins
come from two separate eggs.

97
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,961
They are no more alike
than any other siblings.

98
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,005
Hallelujah.

99
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:23,757
Hey, guess what.

100
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:26,176
I've been accepted as a test subject
for a drug...

101
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,512
...to overcome pathological shyness.

102
00:06:28,679 --> 00:06:31,807
- Oh, good for you, Raj.
- Yes, I'm very hopeful.

103
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,600
Hello, Missy.

104
00:06:43,277 --> 00:06:45,695
They mentioned
there may be side effects.

105
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,324
So, Missy...

106
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:53,912
...have you ever met a man
from the exotic subcontinent of India?

107
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:58,875
- Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church.
- Yes, Patel. Good man.

108
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:02,129
Do you like motorcycles?
Because I ride a hog.

109
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:06,174
A hog? You have a two-cylinder scooter
with a basket in the front.

110
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:11,304
You still have to wear a helmet.

111
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,808
- Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra?
- The sex book.

112
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,935
The Indian sex book.

113
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,814
In other words, if you wonder, wonder
who wrote the book of love...

114
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,732
...it was us.

115
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:27,696
- So Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh?
- I wasn't staring.

116
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,325
I didn't say you were.
I just said she was cute.

117
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:33,952
Oh. Eh...

118
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:38,415
Maybe. If you like women who are tall.

119
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,209
And perfect.

120
00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,505
Sheldon,
why are you ignoring your sister?

121
00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:49,676
I'm not ignoring my sister.
I'm ignoring all of you.

122
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,344
I brought snacks.

123
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:55,015
Oh, my. Gherkins and...

124
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,684
Onion dip. It's onion dip.

125
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,731
We don't entertain much.

126
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:07,277
Missy. Do you enjoy pajamas?

127
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,655
- I guess.
- Yeah, we Indians invented them.

128
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,033
You're welcome.

129
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:16,995
Yeah, well,
my people invented circumcision.

130
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,001
You're welcome.

131
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,255
Missy, I'm gonna go get my nails done.
Do you wanna come?

132
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,716
God, yes. Thanks.

133
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,718
You're welcome.

134
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:33,887
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, Missy.

135
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,222
Bye, Missy, see you.

136
00:08:35,389 --> 00:08:38,600
- Goodbye, Leonard.
- Yeah, no, bye, Penny.

137
00:08:40,144 --> 00:08:43,104
- You two have to back off.
- Why should I back off? You back off.

138
00:08:43,272 --> 00:08:46,441
Excuse me, this is my apartment,
and she's my roommate's sister.

139
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:49,069
- So what? You've got Penny.
- How do I have Penny?

140
00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,279
In what universe do I have Penny?

141
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,950
- So I can have Penny?
- Hell, no.

142
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,079
Excuse me, can I interject something?

143
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:03,166
I'm ordering pizza online.
Is everyone okay with pepperoni?

144
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,505
- Sheldon, can I talk to you in private?
- I guess.

145
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,341
Don't worry,
I was going to order you cheese-less.

146
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:12,842
- Thank you.
SHELDON: It's okay.

147
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,971
Lactose intolerance
is nothing to be embarrassed about.

148
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,809
[IN INDIAN ACCENT] I'm a fancy
Indian man. We invented pajamas.

149
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:24,312
Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin.

150
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:33,113
Sheldon.

151
00:09:35,032 --> 00:09:38,326
Are you aware that your sister
is an incredibly attractive woman?

152
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,954
Hm.

153
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:45,500
She has the symmetry and low body fat
that Western culture deems desirable.

154
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,961
It's noteworthy that at other points
in history...

155
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:53,049
...heavier women were the standard for
beauty because girth suggested affluence.

156
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,552
- That's fascinating...
- I didn't say fascinating.

157
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,178
I said it was noteworthy.

158
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,724
All right. Noted.

159
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:04,519
But my point
is that Koothrappali and Wolowitz...

160
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,565
They're hitting on your sister.
Ugh. It's...

161
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:13,987
Oh. Okay. You know, I don't want
to criticize your rhetorical style...

162
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,531
...but we'd be further along
in this conversation...

163
00:10:16,699 --> 00:10:18,700
...if you'd begun with that thought.

164
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,452
That's great, but...

165
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,705
We took quite a detour
from what I understand to be your thesis.

166
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,457
Whatever.

167
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,294
- You have to do something about it.
- Why?

168
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,212
Because she's your sister.

169
00:10:32,423 --> 00:10:34,132
I don't understand.

170
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,718
Yes, we shared a uterus
for nine months.

171
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:40,096
But since then, we've pretty much gone
our own separate ways.

172
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,266
Okay, consider this.

173
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:47,020
With your father gone,
it is your responsibility...

174
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:50,482
...to make sure
that Missy chooses a suitable mate.

175
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,569
I hadn't considered that.

176
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,571
We do share DNA.

177
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:58,865
So there is the possibility,
however remote...

178
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:02,410
...that resting in her loins
is the potential for another individual...

179
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,372
...as remarkable as myself.

180
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:10,543
Exactly. And you owe it to yourself
and to posterity...

181
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,589
...to protect the genetic integrity
of your sister's future offspring.

182
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:20,261
You're right. If someone wants
to get at Missy's fallopian tubes...

183
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,764
...they'll have to go through me.

184
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:29,229
[LAUGH ING]

185
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:36,236
I am Shiva, the destroyer.
I will have the woman.

186
00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:41,074
I'm warning you.
I was judo champion at math camp.

187
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:43,493
All right.
That's enough juvenile squabbling.

188
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,745
You stop it. You stop it, I say.

189
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,124
I'm gonna settle this right now.

190
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,751
Neither of you are good enough
for my sister.

191
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:53,503
Who are you to decide that?

192
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,381
He's the man of his family.
You have to respect his wishes.

193
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,134
- You're out too, by the way.
- Say what?

194
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,636
Nothing personal.
I'd prefer my niece or nephew...

195
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,432
...didn't become flatulent
every time they ate an Eskimo Pie.

196
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,566
- What are you so happy about?
- I'm not happy.

197
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,736
It's the medication. I can't stop smiling.

198
00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:28,163
Now that Leonard's made me aware
of how high the genetic stakes are...

199
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,666
...we have to face the fact
that none of you are suitable for my sister.

200
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:35,420
Wait a minute,
Leonard made you aware of that?

201
00:12:36,338 --> 00:12:38,798
We all make mistakes. Let's move on.

202
00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,968
Excuse me, but I think you're missing
a big opportunity here.

203
00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,304
- How so?
- Everybody knows genetic diversity...

204
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:46,306
...produces the strongest offspring.

205
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:50,059
Why not put a little mocha
in the family latte?

206
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:54,230
In principle, you have a point.

207
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:58,359
But as a practical matter, need I remind you
it takes experimental pharmaceuticals...

208
00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:02,113
...to simply enable you
to speak to the opposite sex?

209
00:13:02,323 --> 00:13:06,034
I think you're focusing
entirely too much on the drugs.

210
00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,540
Is it because I'm Jewish?

211
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:16,211
Because I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop
to be with your sister.

212
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,511
This has nothing to do with religion.

213
00:13:24,678 --> 00:13:27,138
This has to do with the fact
that you're a tiny man...

214
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,349
...who still lives with his mother.

215
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,561
- Sheldon, you are really being unreasonable.
- Am I?

216
00:13:34,021 --> 00:13:37,816
Here. Eat this cheese without farting,
and you can sleep with my sister.

217
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,985
MISSY:
Oh, really?

218
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,574
Oops.

219
00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,578
Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute?
Alone.

220
00:13:51,789 --> 00:13:54,082
Why does everyone
suddenly wanna talk to me alone?

221
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:57,252
Usually nobody wants
to be alone with me.

222
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:05,468
We all make mistakes. Let's move on.

223
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:08,555
Okay.

224
00:14:08,722 --> 00:14:12,308
I'm not even gonna ask
why you're pimping me out for cheese...

225
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,396
...but since when do you care at all
about who I sleep with?

226
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,731
Truthfully,
I've never given it any thought...

227
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:22,443
...but it has been pointed out to me
that you carry DNA of great potential.

228
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:25,363
- What on earth are you talking about?
- Let me explain.

229
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,950
You see,
I'm a superior genetic mutation...

230
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:31,953
...an improvement
on the existing mediocre stock.

231
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,416
And what do you mean,
"mediocre stock"?

232
00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:37,667
That would be you.

233
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:42,505
But residing within you
is the potential for another me.

234
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:45,884
Perhaps even taller, smarter
and less prone to freckling.

235
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:49,554
A Sheldon 2.0, if you will.

236
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,891
- Sheldon 2.0?
- Exactly.

237
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,811
Now, I am not saying that I should be
the sole decider of who you mate with.

238
00:14:56,979 --> 00:15:00,523
If you're not attracted, then the likelihood
of conception will be reduced.

239
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,151
- You have got to be kidding me.
- Not at all.

240
00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:06,613
Frequent coitus dramatically increases
the odds of fertilization.

241
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,700
Okay, Shelly, sit down.

242
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:16,831
Now, I've lived my whole life dealing
with the fact that my twin brother is...

243
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:20,960
...as Mom puts it,
one of God's special little people.

244
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:24,172
I always thought
I was more like a cuckoo bird.

245
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:28,384
A superior creature whose egg is placed
in the nest of ordinary birds.

246
00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,637
The newly hatched cuckoo
eats all the food...

247
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,848
...leaving the ordinary siblings
to starve to death.

248
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,226
Luckily for you,
that's where the metaphor ended.

249
00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,064
I thought it ended at cuckoo.

250
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:44,734
Now, you listen to me.

251
00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:48,154
If you wanna start acting like a brother
who cares about me, terrific.

252
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,989
Bring it on.

253
00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:53,076
But you try one time to tell me
who I should be sleeping with...

254
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:58,039
...and you and I are gonna go round the way
we did when we were little. Remember?

255
00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,836
- I have an alternate proposal.
- Go on.

256
00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:07,548
You donate eggs.
We will place them in cryogenic storage.

257
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:10,635
I will find an appropriate sperm donor
for your eggs...

258
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:13,304
...have them fertilized
and implanted in you.

259
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,764
That way, everybody wins.

260
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:28,069
Correction.
Missy can date whoever she wants.

261
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,365
- Look, we have to settle this.
- I agree.

262
00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:36,160
Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's
because we've all been hitting on her.

263
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:40,623
She's not hiding. She needed to call her
grandmother, who's apparently very sick.

264
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:43,543
Oh, and then I believe
she has to wash her hair.

265
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,796
Oh, you poor deluded bastard.

266
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:49,173
- Don't start with me, dude.
- You wanna go again?

267
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,300
- Sit down.
- Okay.

268
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:54,846
If we're gonna fight over Missy,
let's do it the right way.

269
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,514
The honorable way.

270
00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:57,932
HOWARD:
Ow! Ow, ow, ow.

271
00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,851
LEONARD:
Take that.

272
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,728
You want some more?

273
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,940
And he's down.

274
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:09,736
MAN [ON TV]:
One, two, three, four...

275
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:12,447
- Come on, come on! Get up.
- Stay down, bitch.

276
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:16,200
Seven, eight, nine, 10.

277
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:17,785
[BELL DINGS ON TV]

278
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:20,329
Yeah! Natural selection at work.

279
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,790
I weep for humanity.

280
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,294
Excuse me
while I go tell Missy the good news.

281
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,302
- Hey.
- Hi, Penny, how's it going?

282
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,180
That guy Mike that you were dating,
is that still going on?

283
00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:39,015
- Pretty much, why?
- Just catching up.

284
00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,559
By the way,
may I speak to Missy, please?

285
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:44,896
Of course.

286
00:17:45,939 --> 00:17:47,148
Hi, Leonard, what's up?

287
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:51,402
Well, since you're leaving, I was wondering
if you'd like to go to dinner with me.

288
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,654
That's so sweet. But no, thanks.

289
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,783
Oh.

290
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,494
- Do you have other plans or...?
- No.

291
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,540
All right.

292
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:10,004
- Enjoy the rest of your evening.
- Thanks, I'll see you.

293
00:18:15,719 --> 00:18:19,514
Um, here's something
we didn't anticipate.

294
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:29,732
- What do you want, Howard?
- I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

295
00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,193
I've come to call on Missy.

296
00:18:33,153 --> 00:18:35,113
Missy.

297
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,909
- Hi, Howard.
- The Amazing Howard.

298
00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:43,371
- Do you like magic?
- Not really, no.

299
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,666
Then you are in for a treat.

300
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,879
Behold, an ordinary cane.

301
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:53,840
[HUMS]

302
00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,177
Ta-da.

303
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:01,222
No.

304
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,933
Okay.

305
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:06,769
[HUMMING]

306
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,827
Missy.

307
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,706
Thank you, I apprec...

308
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,084
Apprec...

309
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:32,795
Appre...

310
00:19:32,963 --> 00:19:34,088
Uh-oh.

311
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,924
Oh, honey,
is your medication wearing off?

312
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:44,557
Well, hi, cutie pie.
I was hoping you'd show up.

313
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,771
[SCREECHES]

314
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,444
[SCREECHING]

315
00:20:12,419 --> 00:20:14,712
We had a dog
who made a noise like that.

316
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,881
Had to put him down.

317
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,305
Any news you want me
to pass along to Mom?

318
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:27,808
Well, she might be interested to know
that I've refocused my research...

319
00:20:27,976 --> 00:20:31,020
...from bosonic string theory
to heterotic string theory.

320
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,315
Yeah, I'll just tell her you said, "Hey."

321
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,611
Okay. Well, it was pleasant seeing you.

322
00:20:38,779 --> 00:20:42,031
Other than that business
with my testicles.

323
00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:44,700
Come on, Shelly.

324
00:20:50,999 --> 00:20:53,084
I want you to know
I'm very proud of you.

325
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,502
- Really?
- Yep.

326
00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:58,673
I'm always bragging to my friends
about my brother, the rocket scientist.

327
00:20:59,174 --> 00:21:01,842
You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?

328
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:06,097
- Well, yeah.
- I'm a theoretical physicist.

329
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,976
- What's the difference?
- What's the difference?

330
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:14,480
- Goodbye, Shelly.
- My God.

331
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:18,693
Why don't you just tell them that
I'm a toll taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

332
00:21:21,071 --> 00:21:24,240
A rocket scientist, how humiliating.

333
00:21:50,517 --> 00:21:52,518
[English - US - SDH]