1 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,921 BERNADETTE: Previously on The Big Bang Theory... 2 00:00:04,130 --> 00:00:05,756 Hey, Stuart. What are you doing here? 3 00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:08,801 - Oh, I'm living here again. - Do Howard and Bernadette know? 4 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,181 Or is it like a possum in the walls kind of thing? 5 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,102 No, I needed a place to stay and, 6 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,605 with the baby coming, I figured they could use some extra help. 7 00:00:21,564 --> 00:00:23,316 Hey, tomorrow, who wants to paint the nursery? 8 00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:24,483 I'll do it. 9 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,360 Why do you get to do it? I'm the artist. 10 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,946 Just because you're starving, doesn't make you an artist. 11 00:00:30,323 --> 00:00:32,533 Just because I look sickly, doesn't mean I'm starving. 12 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:36,913 Howard! I think I'm in labor. 13 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:41,834 Whoa, whoa, okay. Okay, uh, I can do this. We have a plan. 14 00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,295 Somebody please tell me the plan. 15 00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,464 - I'll get the hospital bag. - I'll pull the van up. 16 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,799 - Meet you outside in two minutes. - Team Baby, go! 17 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:57,475 Oh, man. This is really happening. You doing okay? 18 00:00:57,642 --> 00:00:59,352 Here comes another contraction. 19 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:00,686 Let's pick it up. 20 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:03,898 All right. Hold on, I'm going to drive like we do in India. 21 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:08,527 -(HORN HONKS) - Get out of the way, you syphilitic dogs! 22 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,906 Stop that, this isn't India. 23 00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:13,491 (SCOFFS) Fine. 24 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:16,577 What do 1.3 billion people know about having babies? 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,373 Sorry, I know you're just trying to help. 26 00:01:20,998 --> 00:01:23,376 - I love you. - I love you, too. We're good. 27 00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,004 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 28 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,032 Amy? Wake up. 29 00:01:57,535 --> 00:01:58,703 What's wrong? 30 00:01:58,869 --> 00:01:59,954 It's midnight. 31 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:01,914 Happy birthday. 32 00:02:02,957 --> 00:02:05,793 (SIGHS) Sheldon. 33 00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:08,713 (BLOWS) 34 00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:12,591 Okay, you can have this back in the morning. 35 00:02:13,718 --> 00:02:16,929 All right. This is for you. 36 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:18,681 I was going to wrap it 37 00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,183 but touching Scotch tape gives me the heebie-jeebies. 38 00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:24,520 I'll put it on the list with peaches and felt. 39 00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:28,733 What is this? 40 00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,193 A functional MRI of my brain. 41 00:02:32,737 --> 00:02:35,031 I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped. 42 00:02:37,616 --> 00:02:39,160 I love it, thank you. 43 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,578 And it's not just an MRI, 44 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:43,914 the orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you. 45 00:02:45,124 --> 00:02:46,125 Sheldon. 46 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,007 We seem to be moving on to the annual 47 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,009 coitus portion of your birthday festivities. 48 00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,553 Is that okay? 49 00:02:57,803 --> 00:03:00,222 I didn't put on my come-hither plaid pj's for nothing. 50 00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,935 You hate Scotch tape, but you love Scotch plaid. 51 00:03:05,102 --> 00:03:06,103 You are a mystery. 52 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,112 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 53 00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:17,948 PENNY: Guys, wake up. Bernadette's having her baby. 54 00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,825 LEONARD: Come on, we're going to the hospital. 55 00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:21,869 I guess we should stop. 56 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,913 I'm afraid so. 57 00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,750 Childbirth, looming coitus? 58 00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:29,752 It's a banner night for female genitals. 59 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,007 Now, I see three of you. 60 00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:38,469 Do we know the father or is this some Mamma Mia! nonsense? 61 00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:41,555 I'm the father. 62 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,141 Okay, Dad, how far apart are the contractions? 63 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,143 No idea, ask him. 64 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:48,813 Twelve minutes. 65 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,856 Twelve minutes? Why are you here? 66 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,317 Aren't we supposed to get here an hour and a half early? 67 00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:56,153 This is a hospital, not the airport. 68 00:03:57,947 --> 00:03:59,490 I'm sorry, it's our first time. 69 00:03:59,824 --> 00:04:00,908 On, it's okay. 70 00:04:01,117 --> 00:04:03,077 This little one will be here before you know it. 71 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:06,414 - Do we know what we're having? - No, we're keeping it a surprise. 72 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:08,666 Old school, nice. 73 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,836 Eh. Not that old school, he knows. 74 00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:15,840 (IN SLOW TONE) You see, I was at the doctor's office, 75 00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:19,260 the folder was right there, so I took a peek. 76 00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:22,555 (IMITATES RAJ'S TONE) And talking like this doesn't make it less creepy. 77 00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:25,641 Sweetheart, go home. 78 00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:28,727 Come back when the contractions are five minutes apart for an hour. 79 00:04:29,061 --> 00:04:31,772 I'm sorry, that's ambiguous. ls it five minutes apart 80 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,357 starting at the top of the hour 81 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,568 or five minutes apart starting with the first contraction, 82 00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,820 so essentially, like, 65 minutes? 83 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:42,032 I'm just throwing this out there, 84 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:45,035 but home births are very popular these days. 85 00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:50,458 Sheldon, what took you so long? 86 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:52,334 Wolowitz might hand out cigars. 87 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:55,838 I had to find my bubble gum cigar so I could join in without looking foolish. 88 00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:59,008 Damn, I need my inhaler. 89 00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:01,510 - Just don't smoke. - No, I went down the stairs too fast. 90 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,512 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 91 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,181 Hey. 92 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,932 Don't come to the hospital, we're headed home. 93 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,560 That was fast, did she sneeze the baby out? 94 00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,272 We showed up too early. We'll keep you posted. 95 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:15,733 Okay. Well, we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. 96 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,319 She said not to come, it's going to be a while. 97 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,946 (SIGHS) Well, first deliveries can be slow. 98 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,241 I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid. 99 00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,620 I found it, but it's empty. 100 00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,622 Well, it doesn't matter, we're not going to the hospital now. 101 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,874 (WHEEZING) Are you sure? I'd really like to. 102 00:05:34,293 --> 00:05:35,836 Well, should we, uh, 103 00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,796 head back up? 104 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:40,841 Come on, guys. We're all awake. Why don't we go to a diner or something? 105 00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,426 Oh, uh, 106 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,429 I don't know. Sheldon, you don't want to do that, do you? 107 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:49,183 It doesn't matter what I want. It's your birthday, you decide. 108 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,228 Oh, my God. It's your birthday. Let's do something fun. 109 00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,729 - Uh ___ - Oh, we can go to a bar... 110 00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,105 Well... 111 00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,150 Okay, I can breathe again. Babe, they want to have sex. 112 00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:04,031 Oh, of course. The annual birthday booty spectacular. 113 00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,784 That's a bit Childish, isn't it? 114 00:06:06,951 --> 00:06:09,745 I'm sorry, and what flavor is your bubble gum cigar? 115 00:06:11,789 --> 00:06:13,582 Grape. I find it the most mild. 116 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,461 All right. Well, you two go have fun. 117 00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:24,051 If we find my backup inhaler maybe we can get frisky. 118 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:27,930 PENNY: Oh, you sexy, wheezy, little man. 119 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,643 Do you really need to record this? 120 00:06:32,935 --> 00:06:34,979 RAJ". You'll be happy I did. 121 00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:38,315 Okay, little one, here we are 122 00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:41,360 back at home because you weren't quite ready to come out yet. 123 00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,822 You wanted to make an entrance, I get it. (CHUCKLES) 124 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,660 And here's your daddy. 125 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,371 When he tries to tell you he used to be cool, 126 00:06:52,538 --> 00:06:54,206 you can see he wasn't. 127 00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:58,836 All right, enough with the camera. 128 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,380 What? This is not for me, this is for the baby. 129 00:07:01,547 --> 00:07:03,257 Someday she's going to want to see this. 130 00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:05,509 I'm sorry. 131 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,428 Who's going to want to see this? 132 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,767 (STAMMERS) I said "she" but lots of things are she. 133 00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:18,522 Boats, cars, whales. "Thar she blows!" 134 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,776 You're doing great. 135 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:24,820 Raj. 136 00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,947 Okay. Uh, I'm going to sign off now, 137 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,366 this next part may contain some adult language. 138 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,118 How could you? 139 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,121 We made it this far without knowing and you ruined it. 140 00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:35,873 Well, you guys have no idea how hard it is 141 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,875 to know something like this and not say it. 142 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:40,794 You told me it was a girl and I didn't say it. 143 00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,171 Raj. 144 00:07:42,338 --> 00:07:44,048 You were supposed to keep that to yourself. 145 00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,384 Oh, yeah. I guess it is hard. 146 00:07:52,556 --> 00:07:54,808 (CHUCKLES) So, where were we? 147 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,563 I believe we were kissing like randy teenagers, 148 00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:03,651 and your nose was whistling ever so slightly. 149 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,071 - L'm sorry. - Oh, don't be. 150 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:09,531 You were like a foxy teakettle. 151 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:10,991 (CHUCKLES) 152 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,495 Well, shall we start over? 153 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:16,747 Very well. 154 00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:24,213 What's wrong? 155 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,090 I'm not sure. 156 00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:30,511 Earlier tonight things began organically and now it's feeling forced. 157 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,389 Like all the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. 158 00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:40,270 Okay, that makes sense. I mean, the mood's a little different now. 159 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,189 We don't have to rush. 160 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,526 Oh, I know, but Leonard and Penny think we're doing it. 161 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,069 And I don't want to disappoint them. 162 00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:52,241 And the mood continues to change. 163 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,244 No, and also I don't want to disappoint you. 164 00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:58,831 You know, come on, it's your birthday, I can soldier through this. 165 00:09:01,125 --> 00:09:02,418 Hold on. 166 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:06,380 I think I might have a little surprise that might help 167 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,507 get things back on track. 168 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,343 Intriguing. 169 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:15,472 Is "back on track" a hint that it has something to do with trains? 170 00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,309 No. 171 00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,229 Because if it did have to do with trains-- 172 00:09:22,396 --> 00:09:23,439 ANN". It's not about trains. 173 00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:28,444 - Not even a cozy sleeper car-- - Stop talking about trains! 174 00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,322 Who's killing the mood now? 175 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,494 Found the backup inhaler. Want to have sex? 176 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,999 - Well, I didn't until I heard that. -(INHALES) 177 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,293 Hang on, I'm counting. 178 00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:47,254 (EXHALES) It's okay. 179 00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,926 -(KNOCK ON DOOR) - RAJ: (awe-some) Hello, 180 00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:57,014 Howard and Bernadette kicked me out because I told them they're having a girl. 181 00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,017 Oopsie, I did it again. 182 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,311 (SIGHS) 183 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,021 Maybe, if we're quiet, he'll go away. 184 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,691 RAJ: (SING-SONG) You're going to have to be quieter than that. 185 00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,153 Can I look yet? 186 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,571 ANN: One second. 187 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,156 -(DOOR OPENS) -(AMY CHUCKLES LIGHTLY) 188 00:10:14,364 --> 00:10:16,033 All right, you can open your eyes. 189 00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,542 I thought I'd let Harry Potter make things hotter. 190 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,211 (GIGGLES) 191 00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,089 Wowza. 192 00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,677 I got a Gryffindor robe for you. 193 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,054 (GASPS) 194 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,890 A Gryffindor sleeping with a Hufflepuff? 195 00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:42,851 How scandalous. 196 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,564 You naughty girl. 197 00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:51,401 You went to the Wizarding World theme park without me. 198 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,614 I did, am I in trouble? 199 00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,324 (GIGGLES) 200 00:10:57,616 --> 00:11:00,619 Yes, you're in trouble. You went to Wizarding World without me. 201 00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,330 Wait, wait, wait. What just happened? 202 00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,582 You know I've been wanting to go. 203 00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:09,294 (SIGHS) Sheldon, do you really want to argue with me on my birthday? 204 00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,423 Um, you're right. I'm sorry. 205 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,554 Ooh, happy birthday to me. (CHUCKLES) 206 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:25,394 -(KNOCK ON DOOR) - RAJ: (awe-some) Hello. 207 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:29,982 Is this about the baby? 208 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,277 No, people just keep kicking me out everywhere I go. 209 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,695 Good, then you're used to this. 210 00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,950 - Hey, Bernadette's water broke! - Come on, everyone to the hospital! 211 00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:41,952 AMY". You have got to be kidding me! 212 00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:50,544 Just try to relax, we'll be there any minute. 213 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:53,964 Stuart, stop driving like an old man, speed it up a little. 214 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,549 I'm not an old man. 215 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,467 I just can't see at night. 216 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,637 (GRUNTS) Here comes another one. 217 00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:03,515 Hey, squinty, the gas pedal's on the right! 218 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:05,684 All right, hang on. 219 00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,978 If you see any pedestrians just call 'em out. 220 00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:14,651 Howard and Bernadette's kid might be born on your birthday. 221 00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:15,986 How cool is that? 222 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:19,990 Yeah. But I thought this baby was supposed to ruin their sex life, not mine. 223 00:12:21,617 --> 00:12:24,953 This is not how I imagined this day going. I should be with them right now. 224 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,830 Well, it is their Child. 225 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,665 I know that. But, to be fair, 226 00:12:28,832 --> 00:12:32,085 I've spent nine months helping Bernadette get ready for this baby. 227 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,504 Howard spent five minutes conceiving it, 228 00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,840 and I'm being generous. 229 00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:39,968 Five minutes? 230 00:12:40,636 --> 00:12:43,013 Oh, we must be doing it wrong. Took us hours. 231 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:52,022 And the worst part is that they kicked me out and let Stuart stay. 232 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:55,567 I understand, but this is a special day for them. 233 00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:56,902 Can you just try and let it go? 234 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,528 She's right. 235 00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,573 Now, ljust learned Amy went to a theme park without me, 236 00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:03,492 but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. 237 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:07,913 I'll wait and ruin 24 individual hours sprinkled throughout the year. 238 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:12,334 Boop. 239 00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,129 (GRUNTS) 240 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,548 Deep breaths, slow breaths. 241 00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,677 I'm so thirsty. Give me more ice chips. 242 00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:23,804 (CRUNCHING) 243 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,267 Sorry. 244 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:31,228 I thought these were room ice chips. 245 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,439 I'll go get some more. 246 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,234 Uh, Stuart, while you're out there, don't come back. 247 00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,572 -(HOWARD CHUCKLES) -(DOOR CLOSES) 248 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,492 So, what are we going to name this kid? 249 00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,412 Now that we know she's a girl, 250 00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:51,456 it kind of ruins my plan for Wally Wolowitz. 251 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,127 We could name her after your mom. 252 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:56,920 Debbie? (CHUCKLES) 253 00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:59,381 No, she hated that name. 254 00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:01,133 Did she have a middle name? 255 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:02,467 Melvina. 256 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,929 Let's keep thinking. 257 00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:09,933 (SIGHS) 258 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,352 It sucks that she's not here. 259 00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:14,771 - I know. -(CHUCKLES) 260 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,524 She would've been the best grandma. 261 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,819 She did always have candy in her pocket. 262 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,363 (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah. I was 263 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:28,035 twenty years old before I figured out Tootsie Rolls weren't naturally warm. 264 00:14:30,454 --> 00:14:32,456 I didn't know her five minutes and she asked 265 00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:35,917 (IMITATES MRS. WOLOWITZ) "Are you a Milky Way or a Snickers girl?" 266 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:40,130 Thank God you answered right, we wouldn't be here today. 267 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,968 It's hard to believe Howard's having a kid. 268 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:46,136 Yeah. 269 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,096 Penny, you're the one who introduced him to Bernie. 270 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,140 How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? 271 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,977 And it's not just Howard and Bernadette. 272 00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:55,979 Look how far we've all come. 273 00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:58,648 - You two got married. -(PENNY CHUCKLES) 274 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:00,317 Sheldon and I are living together. 275 00:15:00,776 --> 00:15:02,819 But if my mom asks, we have bunk beds. 276 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:08,325 Penny was a struggling actress when we met and now she's 277 00:15:08,533 --> 00:15:10,452 a successful pharmaceutical rep. 278 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:13,497 You don't have to say struggling every time, you can just say actress. 279 00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:16,666 Howard went to space. 280 00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,335 Bernadette got her doctorate. 281 00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:22,506 Sheldon, Howard, and I are working with the government on our quantum gyroscope. 282 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,883 We have all come a long way. 283 00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,468 There's a lot to be proud of. 284 00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:31,473 For God's sake, just drive in the knife, why don't you? 285 00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:35,977 - What's your problem? - You're all thinking it. 286 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:38,688 I'm the only one who hasn't done anything worthwhile. 287 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:40,398 I was not thinking it. 288 00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,984 Although, now that you've point it out, it is undeniable. 289 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,655 Raj, if it's any consolation, 290 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:49,074 I'm no better off than I was 10 years ago. 291 00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:51,660 Oh, YaY- 292 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,872 I have a doctorate in astrophysics and I'm every bit as awesome 293 00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,208 as the pasty-faced owner of a comic book store. 294 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:01,211 Raj, show some compassion. 295 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,880 Those are things that we think but don't say. 296 00:16:08,552 --> 00:16:09,886 Excuse me. 297 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,222 Sorry, Stuart. 298 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,641 Hey, I'm in a hospital and I'm not the patient, 299 00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,101 I'm fine. 300 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,729 - Come on, Bernie. Breathe. -(PANTING) 301 00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,565 Remember what you learned in birthing class. 302 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,609 I remember thinking "This is stupid," and I was right. 303 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,946 Do you want me to get the nurse? 304 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,949 No. If one more person puts their fingers near my uterus 305 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,201 I'm going to cross my legs and snap 'em off. 306 00:16:38,582 --> 00:16:40,959 I've come to peace with my relationship with my parents. 307 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,003 That was a big milestone for me. 308 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,213 Oh, speaking of personal growth. 309 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,883 I recently tried eating Swiss chard. 310 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,180 Now, I didn't swallow it, but Amy said it counted. 311 00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,310 - Hey. - Hey. 312 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,605 (CLEARS THROAT) 313 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:05,442 You still a loser or did you turn things around while you were gone? 314 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,572 You know, Raj, honey, you're being too hard on yourself. 315 00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:12,657 When I first met you, you couldn't even talk to women. 316 00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:14,993 You couldn't even talk if one was in the room. 317 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,703 Great, now I can say things like, 318 00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:18,622 "I can't believe you're breaking up with me. 319 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,832 "Why are you breaking up with me? 320 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,418 "Yes, I'll still help you move." 321 00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,339 Anyone else want to try? 322 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,633 Uh, yeah. I got something. 323 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,261 Raj, not everybody can be a dog owner. 324 00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,725 Oh, what, did your doggie break up with you, too? 325 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:44,773 Hey, I bought M&M's at the vending machine and two bags came out. 326 00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,234 I bought the first one, it didn't fall. 327 00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:49,986 Here. 328 00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,451 She's here, the baby's here. 329 00:17:56,660 --> 00:17:58,370 -(PENNY SQUEALS) - RAJ: Congratulations. 330 00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,873 - How's Bernadette? - Tired, but great. They're both great. 331 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,416 Does the baby have a name yet? 332 00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:06,711 - We have named her Halley. - Aw. 333 00:18:07,045 --> 00:18:08,880 - Like Halley's comet. - Exactly. 334 00:18:09,047 --> 00:18:10,674 Also like the comet, Bernadette said 335 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:13,093 she's not going to have sex with me for another 75 years. 336 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,554 That's not a real thing. He's just joking. 337 00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,183 I'm going to get back. Thank you for staying up. 338 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:23,186 I can't wait for Halley to meet her new aunts and uncles 339 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:24,896 and godfather. 340 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,066 - Really? - Of course. 341 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:33,363 You hear that, Stuart? I've got a dog and a godchild, you have nothing! 342 00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,580 Oh, look at all the babies. 343 00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,500 Some will be successful. 344 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,085 Some may be homeless. 345 00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:51,589 It's fun to think about. 346 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,177 I wonder which one's Halley. 347 00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:57,887 It's kind of hard to see the names. 348 00:18:58,346 --> 00:19:00,056 Mmm. That one kind of looks like Bernadette. 349 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,891 They all look the same to me. 350 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:06,896 Guys, she's my goddaughter. I think I'll know when I see her. 351 00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:10,066 (BABY BAWLING IN HOARSE VOICE) 352 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,616 That one. 353 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,285 (CONTINUES BAWLING) 354 00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:28,251 - Well, that was quite a day. - It was. 355 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:32,714 Bernadette had her baby, I made it to Wizarding World, 356 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,259 and now it is time to complete your birthday celebration. 357 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,678 Hankius-Pankius. 358 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:43,767 I was afraid you'd be too tired. 359 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:47,270 Amy, ljust saw a magic train 360 00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:49,898 and reported somebody for cutting the line. 361 00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,486 If that's not foreplay, I don't know what is. 362 00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:57,864 (AMY CHUCKLES) 363 00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,269 English - SDH