1
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,673
Hey, can you help me
put some of the food out?
2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:07,592
Yeah, let me finish packing this stuff up.
3
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,844
You know how Sheldon is
if he sees Christmas stuff
4
00:00:10,011 --> 00:00:11,137
lying around after New Year's.
5
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,097
Yeah, but he doesn't live here anymore.
6
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:15,933
He doesn't live at Walmart.
But he still threw a tantrum
7
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,269
when he saw
Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.
8
00:00:19,896 --> 00:00:21,564
And that's the same man who complains
9
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,816
you can't find
Marshmallow Peeps after Easter.
10
00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:26,277
(CELLPHONE CHIMES)
11
00:00:26,611 --> 00:00:28,613
Oh, it's Bernadette.
She says they're running late.
12
00:00:28,946 --> 00:00:31,908
"The baby threw up on Howard
and then Howard threw up on Howard."
13
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,953
Well, he didn't throw up on the baby.
That's a win.
14
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,372
- Hello.
- Hi.
15
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,499
Hi! Welcome back! How was Texas?
16
00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:44,712
Oh, you know, the Lone Star State.
That should be its Yelp rating.
17
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:47,673
It was not a great trip.
18
00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,551
- Well, you're home now.
- Yeah, it is good to be home.
19
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,387
Good Lord! ls that mistletoe?
20
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,681
Don't you maniacs own a calendar?
21
00:00:56,641 --> 00:00:58,851
I told him to take it down.
He would not listen to me.
22
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:03,231
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
23
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,590
Did you at least have
a good flight down there?
24
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:33,177
It was fine. And other than the
weird-tasting juice Amy gave me,
25
00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,512
I slept the whole way.
26
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,599
So, what happened in Texas
that was so bad?
27
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,686
And before our next drive to Comic-Con,
I need the name of that juice.
28
00:01:43,688 --> 00:01:45,898
Well, we were on our way
to my mother's house...
29
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:51,070
(GASPS) How did we get in the car?
30
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,532
Hold on.
31
00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,200
How did you get him in the car?
32
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,453
I rented one of those carts,
pushed him toward the open door
33
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,414
and, just let inertia
take care of the rest.
34
00:02:06,294 --> 00:02:07,628
So, while we're at your mother's house,
35
00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:10,381
it might be a good time to tell her
that we're living together.
36
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,050
Do we have to?
37
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:15,720
I really don't want to hear
the religious lecture.
38
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:17,763
Maybe there won't be one.
39
00:02:18,681 --> 00:02:20,141
There's always one.
40
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,852
She gave it to my sister
about her boyfriend.
41
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,854
My brother about his girlfriend.
42
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,897
My father about his girlfriend.
43
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,235
That one had some
un-Christian words in it.
44
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:34,488
Well, she likes me.
45
00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,699
There's a chance
she might be okay with it.
46
00:02:37,533 --> 00:02:38,743
I don't know.
47
00:02:39,035 --> 00:02:40,745
I am her precious little boy,
48
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:42,621
and you did take my flower.
49
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,586
Do boys have flowers?
50
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,507
Who knows what he has down there.
51
00:02:54,884 --> 00:02:55,968
Anyway...
52
00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,721
Thank you, God, for the food
that we are about to receive
53
00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,723
and for the nourishment of our bodies
54
00:03:00,890 --> 00:03:03,476
and bless the hands
that prepared it. Amen.
55
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:09,065
Given that your hands prepared it,
isn't that a little self-serving?
56
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,443
You start changing
the words to the prayers,
57
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,321
next thing you know,
you're in a church with a guitar.
58
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,284
Thank you for cooking, it looks delicious.
59
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:21,702
Oh, it's my pleasure.
60
00:03:22,787 --> 00:03:25,456
I'm so glad y'all could make it.
So, tell me what's going on back home.
61
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,876
Well, Howard and Bernadette
had their baby.
62
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,545
Oh, that's wonderful!
63
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:35,341
Now, have they decided to raise it
Jewish or regular?
64
00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:42,056
Welcome to Texas.
65
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,643
They haven't said.
66
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:50,189
Anyway, we also have
some exciting news to share.
67
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:53,150
(STAMMERING) Wait now.
Shouldn't we just eat?
68
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,653
You know, I mean, God did take time
out of his busy schedule
69
00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,321
to bless these Sloppy Joes.
70
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,824
Come on, Shelly. Tell me your news.
71
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,660
- Right.
- This is on you. (CLEARS THROAT)
72
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:08,582
Amy and I are living together in sin,
like a couple of New Yorkers.
73
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:14,004
Now, while you scold us,
I'm going to get a knife and a fork.
74
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,840
Joe may be sloppy but Sheldon's not.
75
00:04:18,551 --> 00:04:23,347
Well, thank you for letting me know.
And I, for one, am thrilled.
76
00:04:25,808 --> 00:04:26,851
What?
77
00:04:28,352 --> 00:04:29,520
Where's the judgment?
78
00:04:29,854 --> 00:04:32,148
Where's the fire and brimstone?
79
00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,191
Where's the part where you tell us
we're going to hell,
80
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,695
and I say, "Have you seen the size
of the bugs outside? We're already there!"
81
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:41,490
Obviously I would prefer
if you weren't living out of wedlock,
82
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:45,786
but given your special circumstances,
I'm very happy for you.
83
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:51,917
And what special circumstances are those?
84
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:55,504
Oh, boy. I think it's about to get bad.
85
00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:59,216
Shelly, how do I put this?
86
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:04,805
By your third birthday, you had memorized
over a thousand different kinds of trains.
87
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:10,561
And I never imagined a woman
getting aboard any of them.
88
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:19,069
What? So... You thought I was
going to be alone for the rest of my life?
89
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:21,447
No. Just for the middle part.
90
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:25,075
'Cause at the end,
I assumed there'd be nurses.
91
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:29,371
Well, this is highly insulting.
92
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,040
Sheldon, don't overreact.
93
00:05:31,207 --> 00:05:32,958
I'm the child she was worried about?
94
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:36,086
I have a brother and sister
whose combined intellectual wattage
95
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,671
couldn't power a potato clock.
96
00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:39,965
If I spotted them the potato.
97
00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:46,972
(INDISTINCT BLABBERING)
98
00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:49,433
What?
99
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,852
I was in my room.
I couldn't hear what they were saying.
100
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,607
I'll take over from here.
101
00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,902
He's been in there a long time.
102
00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,780
Should I go talk to him?
103
00:06:02,947 --> 00:06:05,407
He's upset with me.
I should be the one who talks to him.
104
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:11,956
- Are you going to?
- Oh, heck, no.
105
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,807
Sheldon, what are you doing?
106
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:35,229
Just being the un-socialized eccentric
my mother always thought I was.
107
00:06:37,231 --> 00:06:39,483
You startin' to see
why I didn't go in there?
108
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,861
Sheldon, if you're trying
to prove me wrong,
109
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:46,031
the tighty-whities on your head
ain't changing my mind.
110
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:49,118
We're ignoring the fins. Okay.
111
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:52,830
And I don't understand
why you're taking her side.
112
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,708
By being my girlfriend
she's saying, you're a weirdo, too.
113
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,002
I don't think that's what she's saying.
114
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,211
And...
115
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,006
That's exactly what she was saying.
116
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,759
Can you believe
my mother thinks we're both strange?
117
00:07:06,010 --> 00:07:07,636
Absolutely not.
118
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:08,846
Yes. Too loud.
119
00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,431
(SOFTLY) Absolutely not.
120
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,102
Well, after that Sheldon and I
got out of the house for a while.
121
00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,854
Well, first we buttered my feet
122
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:18,647
to get the swim fins off,
and then we went out.
123
00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:24,153
I'm sorry your mother
made you feel bad, but...
124
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:29,033
You know, at the end of the day
she was wrong, because you're not alone.
125
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,367
You're right.
126
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,704
I have Leonard and Howard and Raj,
127
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:38,208
Stuart, Penny, Leonard's mom,
Bernadette, Wil Wheaton--
128
00:07:38,375 --> 00:07:40,127
What about the woman
who just buttered your big flat feet?
129
00:07:43,339 --> 00:07:44,965
I was going chronologically.
130
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:49,720
You're right between Koothrappali's father
and Omar, the one-eyed Sparkletts guy.
131
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:53,641
Well, let's try to not let it ruin
the rest of our trip.
132
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:57,394
I knew we should've never mentioned
us living together in the first place.
133
00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,147
- She was going to find out eventually.
- Disagree.
134
00:08:00,314 --> 00:08:02,941
We've known about evolution since 1859.
135
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,694
She still believes in Noah
and his amazing zoo boat.
136
00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:10,407
This could have all been avoided
if you had only listened to me.
137
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:15,829
Sheldon, I knew your mother was fine
with us living together
138
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,123
because I already told her we were.
139
00:08:20,084 --> 00:08:21,251
Why would you do that?
140
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,253
This was a potential issue,
141
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:27,508
so I got out ahead of it
and I managed the situation for you.
142
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,095
You managed the situation?
143
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:32,346
That's right.
144
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:35,432
So, my mother thought
I was incapable of finding a mate,
145
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,477
and my mate thinks
I'm incapable of running my own life.
146
00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:42,231
Not your whole life.
I mean, science, you got that.
147
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,900
Organizing your sock drawer,
you're the king.
148
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:49,196
But understanding
how other people are feeling,
149
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:50,698
that's a weak spot for you.
150
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,616
I have gotten much better at that.
151
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,786
Have you? How am I feeling right now?
152
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,287
How should I know?
153
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,251
Excited, itchy? Give me the first letter.
154
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,796
You and I are in a relationship.
155
00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,174
I help you with your shortcomings,
and you help me with mine.
156
00:09:10,134 --> 00:09:13,011
How would you feel if I contacted
your mother behind your back?
157
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:16,515
Delighted that you showed
any interest in my family at all.
158
00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:18,183
Delighted?
159
00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,519
Not if I guessed for 100 years.
160
00:09:24,273 --> 00:09:25,315
- Hi.
- Hey, guys.
161
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,568
- Hi.
- There's the little family.
162
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,153
Hello.
163
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,823
And their Sherpas.
164
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,201
The baby's asleep.
Can we put her in your room?
165
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,745
- Yeah, go ahead.
- Do you need help?
166
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:38,996
No, I got it.
167
00:09:40,122 --> 00:09:41,832
Doubtfire, Poppins, follow me.
168
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:47,087
- Sorry we're late.
- Oh, it's no problem.
169
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,673
Amy and Sheldon were just telling us
about their trip to Texas.
170
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,884
Yeah, here, I'll catch you up.
171
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:55,012
- How did we get in the car?
- Stop.
172
00:09:57,639 --> 00:10:00,184
Okay, they told Mary they were
living together, there was a fight.
173
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,478
He got his feelings hurt,
then he put underwear on his head--
174
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:05,481
On purpose. Not the way it
used to happen in high school.
175
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:10,319
I was acting odd intentionally.
176
00:10:10,736 --> 00:10:12,529
Really? So you can control it?
177
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:17,034
Okay, then what happened?
178
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,994
There's really not much left to tell.
179
00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,830
No, I decided that
my mother views me as a child
180
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:25,876
because I never went through
a rebellious phase so, I got an earring...
181
00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:27,878
-(CLICKS)
-(SCREAMS)
182
00:10:30,214 --> 00:10:31,715
My mother made me take it out...
183
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,550
(SCREAMS)
184
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:36,970
Amy put alcohol on it...
185
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,056
(SCREAMS)
186
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,768
And here we are.
187
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:47,022
- What did we miss?
- I couldn't explain it if I tried.
188
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:56,240
So, tell me,
how did Sheldon look with an earring?
189
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,868
Like the pirate who helps
the other pirates connect to the Internet.
190
00:11:02,538 --> 00:11:03,747
So, what did you and Leonard do?
191
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:06,250
Actually, we got in a pretty nasty fight.
192
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,918
It might've been
the worst one we ever had.
193
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,169
Oh, my God. What happened?
194
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,881
Well, we had started binge watching
Luke Cage together,
195
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,466
and it was kind of our thing,
196
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:18,262
and then, I find out that she watched
two episodes without me.
197
00:11:20,097 --> 00:11:23,141
It's like I was excited for a present
and got socks.
198
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,188
I don't understand how that turns
into the worst fight of your life.
199
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,940
I don't understand
what's wrong with socks.
200
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:34,444
To be fair, we may have been on edge
because of the Christmas tree.
201
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,363
What happened with the tree?
202
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,121
You do make a cute elf.
203
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:48,000
Yeah? And you thought Spock ears
were only good for Comic-Con.
204
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,671
Hey, hey. ljust found a farm where they
let you chop down your own tree.
205
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:56,508
Oh, cool. I'll be like
a pointy-eared Paul Bunyan.
206
00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:06,768
Stupid idea.
207
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,315
No. What's stupid is
a physicist who doesn't understand
208
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:14,151
when you swing an ax, you don't let go.
209
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,156
For the tenth time,
my mittens were slippery!
210
00:12:19,323 --> 00:12:23,118
Oh! It's 70 degrees.
You didn't need mittens.
211
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,662
You know how easily I blister.
212
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,582
Yes, yes. You bruise, you peel...
213
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,417
It's like I'm married
to an old piece of fruit.
214
00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:35,130
Look, we could keep fighting
and let it ruin our night,
215
00:12:35,297 --> 00:12:37,716
or we can stop
and try to salvage the evening.
216
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:39,468
- Fine.
- Thank you.
217
00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,053
(THUDS)
218
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,061
PENNY: Leonard?
LEONARD: Yeah.
219
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:51,647
There's something on the windshield.
220
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,067
(GRUNTING)
221
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,823
PENNY: You need a break?
222
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,617
LEONARD: I do not need a break.
223
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,286
PENNY: There's no shame
in asking for a break.
224
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,163
LEONARD: If I need a break,
I'll ask for a break!
225
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,708
- Leonard?
- Yeah?
226
00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,048
There's a tree on you.
227
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,017
You wanna decorate it tonight?
228
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,561
Yeah. With gasoline and a match, sure.
229
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,234
(BOTH GRUNTING AND PANTING)
230
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,070
(ANIMAL CHITTERING)
231
00:13:46,410 --> 00:13:48,370
I hope it kills us both.
232
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,498
By the way, if anyone asks,
233
00:13:51,665 --> 00:13:54,084
the elevator shaft
always had a tree in it.
234
00:13:56,378 --> 00:14:00,257
So, Bernadette,
if I express interest in your baby,
235
00:14:00,424 --> 00:14:02,175
will you promise not to make me touch it?
236
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,596
- Sure.
- Hey, how's life with your baby?
237
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,308
Really? You're never going to
touch their baby?
238
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,769
To this day, I've never touched Stuart.
239
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,861
It's been wonderful, Sheldon.
Thanks for asking.
240
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:22,821
(BABY CRYING)
241
00:14:22,988 --> 00:14:27,409
BERNADETTE: Stop crying. I'm begging you.
I don't know what else to do.
242
00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:30,328
My boobs are empty. Do you want lasagna?
243
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,622
(BABY CONTINUES CRYING)
244
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:37,753
(SHUSHING) It's okay. It's okay.
245
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,629
(CRYING STOPS)
246
00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,803
What have we done?
247
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,851
Hey, I found superhero baby wipes.
248
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:56,605
The perfect way to clean up crime,
and tushies.
249
00:14:58,690 --> 00:14:59,691
(BABY CRYING)
250
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,652
It took me two hours to get her down.
251
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,739
You relax. I'll take this shift.
252
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,993
You know, in India,
when my baby brother cried like that,
253
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,829
the servants would just take him
far away so we couldn't hear it.
254
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:18,293
Not always. Sometimes, we'd leave.
255
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,172
(CRYING STOPS)
256
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,007
Hey, he got her to stop.
257
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,468
That was so fast.
258
00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:27,844
He's really good with her.
259
00:15:29,012 --> 00:15:30,806
Yeah, he has a gift.
260
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:34,351
What's the matter?
261
00:15:34,684 --> 00:15:37,020
Nothing, these are happy tears.
262
00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:41,191
- Oh, good.
- No, they're not, you bozo!
263
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:47,864
How come Stuart
can get her to stop crying, but I can't?
264
00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:49,991
It's Stuart.
265
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:53,495
Maybe she's playing possum
until he goes away.
266
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:57,165
Not funny.
267
00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,626
She's tired. That was funny.
268
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,673
Everyone's a better mom than me.
269
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:09,136
Oh, don't take it so personally.
Maybe your baby's just a jerk.
270
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,641
(WAILING)
271
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,352
So, how does the story end?
272
00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:20,272
Is the baby a jerk
or is Bernadette a bad mother?
273
00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:23,900
Sheldon!
274
00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:27,070
What? ls there another twist coming?
ls the baby not theirs at all?
275
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,325
Ignore him.
How did you get the baby to stop crying?
276
00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,162
Oh, ljust talked to her.
277
00:16:35,871 --> 00:16:39,708
I've been told the sound of my voice
puts people to sleep.
278
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,381
You poor things, you must be exhausted.
279
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,093
It has been hard to sleep
with all the crying.
280
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,971
(WAILING)
281
00:16:56,558 --> 00:17:00,979
How can she hate me?
I make her food in my chest!
282
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:06,484
It's like hating a frozen yogurt machine.
283
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,947
She doesn't hate you. Stop saying that.
284
00:17:11,615 --> 00:17:13,491
Now you hate me, too!
285
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,120
(SHUSHING) I don't hate you.
286
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,788
(BABY CRYING)
287
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,668
(CONTINUES WAILING)
288
00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:28,465
(CRYING)
289
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:35,513
It says here that "up to 80%
of new mothers experience baby blues,"
290
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,974
and that "the best thing to do
is reassure them
291
00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,935
"that they're doing a good job."
292
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,771
Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
293
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:48,401
Thank you, Sheldon.
I'm feeling better now.
294
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:50,278
Thank you, Internet.
295
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,030
I'm telling you,
with the right YouTube video,
296
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:53,531
I could give Howard a vasectomy.
297
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,995
So, things started to turn around?
298
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,249
Yeah, eventually I figured out
how to get the baby to sleep.
299
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,502
Please tell me
you didn't use Amy's magic juice.
300
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,680
HOWARD: (WHISPERING) Bernie?
BERNADETTE: Shh. She's asleep.
301
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,223
Great.
302
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,017
And where are you?
303
00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:24,813
BERNADETTE: Down here.
304
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,616
HOWARD: Oh.
305
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:38,702
This is new.
306
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:41,663
I didn't know what else to do. It worked.
307
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:47,752
I'd say that's thinking outside the box,
but... Come on.
308
00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,007
Don't make me laugh.
309
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,387
Do you need help getting out?
310
00:18:57,721 --> 00:18:59,097
I think I live here now.
311
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,727
It's fine.
312
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,603
Is it okay if I get some sleep?
313
00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,314
Yeah, go ahead.
314
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,611
Good job, Mommy.
315
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,072
I'm proud of you.
316
00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,701
Don't make me cry, either.
317
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:21,995
Good night.
318
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,622
I love both my girls.
319
00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:26,916
We love you, too.
320
00:19:33,214 --> 00:19:34,799
I can't believe you fit in the crib.
321
00:19:35,550 --> 00:19:37,302
I could take a bath in the sink.
322
00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,097
I don't, but I can.
323
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:45,310
- So, how were your holidays?
- Oh.
324
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:46,644
Thank you for asking.
325
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:49,606
I went to visit my grandmother.
326
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:51,316
She's in Bakersfield.
327
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:54,277
Usually my brother and sister go--
328
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:56,613
(ALL SNORING)
329
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:58,990
Oh, come on!
330
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,916
- That was fun. Thank you.
- Yeah, thanks.
331
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,501
- Our pleasure.
- See you guys at work.
332
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:12,420
- RAJ: Be there bright and early.
- Not me, paternity leave.
333
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:14,381
A small human wreaks havoc
334
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,925
on his wife's genitals
and he gets time off.
335
00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,220
With pay, sucker!
336
00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:27,727
Forgot the baby. Still new to this.
337
00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,259
English - SDH