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BERNADETTE: Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...
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My father thinks the reason
I can't make a relationship work
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is because I'm spoiled.
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All right, how much exactly
does he pay for?
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Okay, I'll tell you
but please don't judge me.
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He pays for my car,
my rent and my credit cards.
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I'm trying, but I'm judging.
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Maybe your dad's right.
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Yeah, women do like a man
that can support himself.
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I have come to an important decision.
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I will not be accepting
your money anymore.
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That's wonderful!
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Yes, that is wonderful,
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you will no longer be able
to accuse me of being spoiled.
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- L'm so proud of you.
- Dad, I'm trying to tell you off
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and you're ruining it
with your delight and relief.
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(CALCULATOR WHIRRING)
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Uh-huh.
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(CLICKS TONGUE) Interesting.
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Okay.
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How bad is it?
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Uh, let me put it this way,
do you own a barrel and suspenders?
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Are you serious?
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I'm not wearing this visor
to play women's golf.
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Hi.
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Oh, let me guess, you guys are drafting
your fantasy accounting firms.
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We're helping Raj figure out his finances.
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Aw, he has a job. How bad can it be?
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Well, his rent and car lease
are exceedingly high.
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You couple that with his penchant for
dining out and shopping--
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Wait, wait, not shopping for
clothes, right? Because look.
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He also has a remarkable amount
of credit card debt.
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L... I thought your dad paid your cards.
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I have a card for emergencies
that I pay for myself.
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What emergency happened at the LA Zoo?
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That's a penguin I sponsor.
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They're losing their homes
to global warming,
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and my car gets, like,
seven miles a gallon, so I felt bad.
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What is "Pink Cheeks"?
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It's intimate waxing.
Quit looking at that!
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Maybe you should find someone to
help you get your finances under control.
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Like a business manager?
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Oh, absolutely not.
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You can't afford to hire someone
who will forbid you
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from spending your money
on foolish expenses.
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That is a foolish expense,
and I forbid it.
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What if there's someone who just likes
controlling other people
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and stealing joy from their lives?
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He sounds like a sociopath.
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We don't know,
his mother never had him tested.
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You're talking about me. Very funny.
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Although, I would enjoy
drawing up a budget
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and forcing Raj to adhere to it
without an ounce of compassion.
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Wait, wait, who's gonna break it
to the penguin?
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Okay, Sheldon.
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Yeah, I'm putting you in charge
of my finances.
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I will not spend another penny
that you don't authorize.
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Very well.
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Hey, Comic-Con tickets go on sale
this Friday, you can't buy one.
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Better luck next time, pink cheeks.
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(THEME SONG PLAYING)
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You're actually going to Comic-Con?
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Well, Leonard wants me to do
more stuff like that with him,
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so I thought maybe this year
I'd tag along.
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Well, that's sweet. I bet you'll have fun.
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So, do you wanna come?
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No, thanks. I already live in a place
all the nerds come to.
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Please? I went to your boring thing
last month.
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My aunt's funeral?
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Come on, even you checked your email
during the eulogy.
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Well, I'm not going,
but I do think it's nice you want to.
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It's not that I want to go,
ljust think it'll make Leonard happy.
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And if I have to watch him squeeze into
an Ewok costume, so be it.
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Look at you, going to Comic-Con,
talking about Ewoks.
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I really have become the cool one
around here.
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You actually think Penny will have fun
at Comic-Con?
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No, which will make me miserable,
which is usually Sheldon's job.
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She's gonna hate waiting in line
for the panels.
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And hate all the crowds at the panels.
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She's gonna hate the panels.
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She's gonna hate how often
we say the word "panels."
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Why don't you just tell her not to come?
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Oh, she's so excited.
I can't do that to her.
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Well, what if you make it sound so bad,
she won't wanna go?
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That I would do to her.
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I can't believe Penny is gonna get to go
and I'm not.
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You can always watch the panels online.
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Oh, boy, we do say that a lot.
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Panels.
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Just wanted to be included.
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Come on, Sheldon, it's Comic-Con!
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Just let me have the money for this,
and I won't ask for anything else.
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You put me in charge of your finances.
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If you wanted someone weak and spineless
you could walk all over,
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you should have asked Leonard.
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See? Miserable.
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Okay, you're right,
I got myself into this.
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But I've never missed a Comic-Con
with you guys.
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Your father may have spoiled you,
but I won't.
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Now, if you want a ticket to Comic-Con,
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I suggest you figure out a way
to earn the money yourself.
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Yeah, you're a grown man
who's highly educated.
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Uh, you could charge people money
to punch you.
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Go ahead, make jokes.
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I don't know why you think you're going
to Comic-Con, you just had a baby.
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- So?
- What-- So?
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What, so you think Bernadette's
just gonna let you
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jet down to San Diego for five days
and leave her alone?
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(STAMMERING) Hang on.
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So, I have to bring Penny,
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you can't afford it,
Howard's gonna get in trouble,
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and this guy gets to have a great time.
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I'm gonna go as Dumbledore.
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- How's my favorite girl?
- Okay.
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- What you doing?
- Making lasagna.
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Mmm! She's sexy, she can cook.
Such a lucky guy. (LAUGHS)
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You want something stupid
or you did something stupid?
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No! ljust walked in here,
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saw how beautiful you are,
and had to tell you.
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Oh, dear God,
you're cheating on me with Raj.
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(HIGH-PITCHED LAUGHING) Never gets Old.
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Okay, there is something I want,
but it's not a big deal.
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What is it?
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Well, Comic-Con tickets go on sale
this Friday,
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and I was hoping I could go with the guys.
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But before you say anything,
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I'll make up for being gone
by doing everything around here.
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I mean, everything.
I'm even gonna answer for you.
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"Yes, Howie, you can go."
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It's so hard to say no to you.
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Thank you!
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So I'll say "maybe."
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What? Why?
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Well, you said tickets don't go on sale
till Friday, right?
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Yeah?
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You said you're gonna do
all this stuff for me, right?
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Yeah.
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See where I'm going with this?
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Yeah.
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If you don't know how to make lasagna,
Google does.
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Okay, so, this is the
main Comic-Con floor.
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It's where all the vendors
and exhibits are.
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Wow! That is a lot of people
jammed in there.
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I know!
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Sometimes, Howard wears a striped shirt
so we can play "Where's Wolowitz?"
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Okay, now, this is us camping out
in line for the Avengers panel.
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Oh, you really
sleep on the sidewalk, huh? (LAUGHS)
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Yeah. It can get chilly,
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but, uh, Raj figured out that
if you pee in a bottle
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and put it in your sleeping bag,
it helps keep you warm.
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Here's the hotel room we all share.
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Well, you and I would
get our own room, right? (LAUGHS)
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Every hotel is booked.
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But see this space here,
between Sheldon's feet and my head?
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That's where you go.
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Well, it's no different than
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when Sheldon used to climb in bed with us
during a thunderstorm.
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Don't worry, we won't be doing
much sleeping, anyway.
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It's like an all-night party.
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There's trivia contests
and Dungeons & Dragons.
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As we like to say,
"It's off the chain mail."
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I even said "off the chain mail!"
And she still wants to go.
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That's probably my fault.
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She may have heard about
my cool Dumbledore costume.
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Okay, I can give you 20 bucks
for the whole box.
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But you charged me hundreds
for this stuff!
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I know. And I did it with a straight face.
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(SIGHS) But I need to earn enough money
so I can go to Comic-Con.
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All right.
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I'll give you 25 bucks,
that's my best offer.
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I have no choice.
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You know, if you wanna make extra money,
I could throw some work your way.
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- Really? I'll do anything.
- Great, you're hired.
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First thing you can do
is put price tags on these.
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Start the little ones at $50.
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You know, it's no big deal.
I can put up with anything for three days.
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- Comic-Con's five days.
- Are you kidding me?
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(SIGHS)
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Why don't you just tell him
you don't wanna go?
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No, I can't, it'll break his heart.
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He's always making an effort
to do things with me he doesn't enjoy.
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Like going outside.
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He is an indoor cat.
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Maybe it won't be that bad.
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Leonard says it's really mainstream now.
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Comic books aren't just
for sad nerds anymore.
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I mean, it is still
a key part of their demographic.
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BERNADETTE". Howie, can you get that?
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HOWARD". Kinda busy!
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BERNADETTE: Busy like I'll be
with the baby if you go to San Diego?
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00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,496
(FOOTSTEPS RUSHING)
192
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:21,747
- Hey.
193
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,042
What's with the gloves?
194
00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:27,211
They complete my ensemble.
What do you want?
195
00:10:29,505 --> 00:10:30,589
I'm looking to make extra money,
196
00:10:30,756 --> 00:10:32,633
and was wondering if you had any chores
I could do.
197
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:34,635
Hang on.
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00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:39,014
Bernie, can I outsource my chores
to an Indian guy?
199
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,060
BERNADETTE'. No!
200
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I tried.
201
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:51,443
Hey, I was thinking,
if you wanna do a couples costume,
202
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:54,279
we could paint ourselves green
and be Hulk and She-Hulk.
203
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:58,408
Or we could paint ourselves blue
and go as Nightcrawler and Mystique.
204
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,746
Is there any scenario
where we're not in full-body paint?
205
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:06,500
Yeah, if you want us to look like losers.
206
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:09,837
So, hey, um, are you sure
the guys are okay with me coming?
207
00:11:10,379 --> 00:11:11,421
Yeah, of course. Why?
208
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,091
This is just something
you usually do together,
209
00:11:14,258 --> 00:11:15,801
and if I'm screwing it up,
I don't have to go.
210
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,429
Oh, why, do you... You not wanna go?
211
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,308
Why, do you not want me to go?
212
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:26,603
No, I want you to go.
213
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,357
Okay, good.
214
00:11:30,524 --> 00:11:32,442
Because that's what I want, too.
215
00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:39,908
Now we're going as Hulk and She-Hulk!
216
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,121
I don't wanna take my shirt off
at Comic-Con!
217
00:11:44,997 --> 00:11:47,708
If I may speak for Comic-Con,
"We don't want that, either."
218
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:50,669
ls that nice?
219
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,087
No, but it's honest,
220
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:54,923
and it sounds like you could use a
little more honesty in your relationship.
221
00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:57,134
Uh, it's more complicated than that.
222
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,136
I'm always honest with Amy.
223
00:11:59,303 --> 00:12:01,096
The other day, she said
she was self-conscious
224
00:12:01,263 --> 00:12:03,223
about the beauty mark on her shoulder.
225
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,601
And I said, "You can call that
a beauty mark all you want.
226
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,562
"When there's hair growing out of it,
that's a mole."
227
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,232
Do you think she's as honest with you?
228
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:13,817
Well, I should hope so.
229
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:17,738
When she called me an insensitive jerk,
I'd like to think she meant it.
230
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,452
There's gotta be other ways
you can make a quick buck.
231
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:24,661
Yeah, you'd think.
232
00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:27,623
Oh, maybe I could sell my blood and sperm!
233
00:12:31,376 --> 00:12:34,338
I really should wear a bell around my neck
so you guys can hear me coming.
234
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,799
- Here, let me help you.
- Thank you.
235
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,094
Oh, double-stuffed Oreos,
I remember when I could afford you.
236
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,682
- Ugh, there she goes.
- Wait, stay, I'll get her.
237
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:49,519
- I appreciate it.
- That's fine. She and I can cry together.
238
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:52,230
He's such a sweetie.
239
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:55,734
I know. I wish there was some way
we could help him.
240
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:59,071
If he could find a girl with a job,
all his problems would be over.
241
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:01,156
Yep, that's working out great for me.
242
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,162
Penny says they're ready to go.
243
00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:11,249
(SIGHS) Very well,
prepare for a long night of deceit.
244
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,921
(SIGHS) Sheldon, women can wear makeup,
it's not lying!
245
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,424
I was talking about Leonard.
246
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:22,886
And if makeup is so truthful,
why is it called "concealer"?
247
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,765
Wait, wait, wait,
what's Leonard lying about?
248
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,725
He doesn't really want Penny
to go to Comic-Con,
249
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:30,310
he's just doing it to make her happy.
250
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:32,521
Really?
251
00:13:32,688 --> 00:13:36,233
Because she doesn't actually want to go,
she's just doing it to make him happy.
252
00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:38,777
So, they're both trying to
make each other happy,
253
00:13:38,944 --> 00:13:41,613
and the end result is
they make each other sad?
254
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:44,074
That's hilarious.
255
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,036
I can't wait to tell them.
256
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,832
No, you're not gonna tell them anything.
You're gonna stay out of it.
257
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,543
- Why?
- Because it's between them.
258
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:59,131
Well, if you haven't noticed, I've been
between them for the last 10 years.
259
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:01,758
- Hey.
260
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:02,926
- Hello.
- Hi.
261
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,845
- Hey babe, you wanna drive?
- Sure. Or you can.
262
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:07,264
No, it's fine.
I know you don't like the way I drive.
263
00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:09,099
I don't have a problem with your driving.
264
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,436
Are you listening to this?
They deceive each other about everything.
265
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:13,603
AMY: Shh.
266
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,568
Just so you know,
that guy in the parking lot hit me.
267
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,154
He wasn't in a car, but okay.
268
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:25,866
PENNY: Just say you wanna drive.
269
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,451
LEONARD: I honestly don't.
270
00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,623
Amy, do us a favor, please drive.
271
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:34,958
Sure, happy to.
272
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,334
If you wanna drive, just drive!
273
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,211
I don't see why this has to be
so complicated.
274
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,380
It's not complicated!
Amy's driving, that's it!
275
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,299
That's not it,
because you're clearly upset.
276
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:44,009
You're the one who seems upset.
277
00:14:44,176 --> 00:14:45,177
Why would I be upset?
278
00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:47,220
Because you don't want her
to go to Comic-Con!
279
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,768
This is an interesting way
to stay out of it.
280
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,980
Wait, you don't want me to go?
281
00:14:57,147 --> 00:15:00,108
Well, (SIGHS) ljust don't think
you're gonna have a good time.
282
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,820
Yeah, well, get this! Neither does Penny,
that's why she doesn't want to go.
283
00:15:05,947 --> 00:15:07,699
You set 'em up, I knock 'em down.
Good job.
284
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:11,828
Why would you say you wanted to go
if you didn't?
285
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,497
I just thought it would make you happy.
286
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:17,042
(STAMMERING) Okay, hold on,
so if you don't want to go,
287
00:15:17,209 --> 00:15:18,919
and I don't need to bring you,
288
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:20,879
is everything good?
289
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,965
Hold on, I'm trying to decide
if I'm mad at you.
290
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,844
No, I'm happy, I don't have to go!
291
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,181
- Okay, problem solved. Yeah.
- Okay.
292
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,517
Not entirely. The fight over
who's going to drive is still going--
293
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,185
Oh, my God, stop talking!
294
00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:40,398
The place looks great.
Did you guys get a maid?
295
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:42,359
Kinda.
296
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,195
Dinner's almost ready.
297
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:49,741
If you like meatloaf, I'm sure you'll like
its cousin, bowl of meat.
298
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:55,789
If you're still looking to make money,
I will pay you to burn that jacket.
299
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:02,087
Thank you, but it doesn't look like
I'm going to Comic-Con this year.
300
00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:05,590
Well, with as much debt as you have,
probably not next year, either.
301
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,553
- Howie?
- Sure.
302
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,346
This is for you.
303
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,099
What's this?
304
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,644
It's back pay for all the babysitting
and taking care of Halley you've done.
305
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:20,897
There's more than enough in there
to cover Comic-Con.
306
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,733
Um, I also take care of Halley.
307
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,571
-(SIGHS)
- And you live here for free.
308
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,282
I do, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.
309
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,995
This is so generous of you.
(STAMMERING) I don't know what to say.
310
00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,371
Now you can come with us!
311
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,874
Yeah, there's room in the bed
by Sheldon's feet.
312
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,461
As much as I appreciate this,
I can't accept it.
313
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:46,798
Okay? Halley's my goddaughter,
I don't take care of her for money.
314
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,341
I would.
315
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,680
Keep it, consider it a gift.
316
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,600
(STAMMERING) Hold on!
ls it back pay or is it a gift?
317
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:57,934
What's the difference?
318
00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,853
When the IRS questions us
in separate rooms,
319
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:01,313
we need to have our stories straight.
320
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:04,649
It doesn't matter, I'm not keeping this.
321
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,735
I'm trying to pay my own way
and be responsible.
322
00:17:06,902 --> 00:17:08,570
Taking handouts won't help that.
323
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,530
So you're not going to Comic-Con?
324
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,908
(SIGHS) I've been plenty of times.
325
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,619
If I miss one, it's fine. I'm a big boy.
326
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:20,040
I'm a big boy, and if I missed one,
I'd throw a big boy tantrum.
327
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,961
You know what? I've gone 12 times.
328
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:26,671
Maybe I'll sit out this year, too.
329
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:27,839
- Really?
-(MUMBLES) Yeah.
330
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,050
Maybe you and I can do
something fun that weekend.
331
00:17:30,342 --> 00:17:32,052
Ooh! How about whitewater rafting?
332
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:33,470
(STAMMERING)
333
00:17:33,637 --> 00:17:36,806
How about we compromise and go
on the Small World ride at Disneyland?
334
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,312
You know what? I'm not gonna go, either.
335
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:46,441
I'm a father now.
I'd rather spend time with my family.
336
00:17:47,359 --> 00:17:48,610
You just don't wanna go alone
with Sheldon.
337
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,362
I'm gonna go check on dinner.
338
00:17:53,281 --> 00:17:56,159
Sounds like everyone's staying home.
What do you say?
339
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:59,079
Nuts to that! I'm going to Comic-Con!
340
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:01,665
BY Yourself?
341
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,124
Not necessarily.
342
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,543
I have four months to find
some new friends.
343
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,337
I'll go with you.
344
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,089
That's very kind of you, Stuart.
345
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,174
Check back in with me in July.
346
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:21,893
There's my pretty girlfriend.
347
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,023
I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
348
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,233
You... What?
349
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,652
Can't a man just be happy to see his woman
350
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:34,531
and pat her on her second-most
erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
351
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:40,537
He can,
but it's still not changing my mind.
352
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:45,041
Well, maybe what's in my pants
will change your mind.
353
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:52,215
It's a list of this year's panelists.
354
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,388
It's long, isn't it?
355
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,253
English - SDH