1
00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:04,755
This was a good idea.
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,715
It's been a long time
since we've had girls' night.
3
00:00:06,882 --> 00:00:08,600
Yeah. It's so nice to
have a relaxing evening
4
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:10,052
at home doing nothing.
5
00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:12,396
Yeah, really breaks up
the other 30 days
6
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,690
I've spent on bed rest
doing nothing.
7
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:18,360
Well, tonight we're gonna
make you forget all that.
8
00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:20,403
You're gonna make me forget
I've been stuck in bed
9
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,948
while a baby uses my bladder
as a kickball?
10
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,571
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
11
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,903
Hey, you had unprotected sex
with Howard.
12
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,828
You deserve to be miserable.
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,874
Hey, I need some fashion advice.
14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,076
Really? From me?
15
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,160
- I would love to-
- Actually, Leonard told me
16
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,871
Penny was over here?
17
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:38,959
Hey, what's going on?
You got a date?
18
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,292
I do have a date, with science.
19
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,753
Oh, what's science wearing?
20
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:49,262
The Griffith Observatory is
looking for an astrophysicist to consult
21
00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:50,638
And I have an interview tomorrow.
22
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,344
Oh, I love the observatory.
23
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:54,771
They tell you your weight
on all the different planets.
24
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,395
Yeah. It's always
bikini season on Venus.
25
00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,227
I think you'd be great at that.
26
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,732
Don't you agree, Bernadette?
27
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,027
Huh? I'm listening. I'm listening.
28
00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:06,108
I'm not watching The Crown.
29
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,735
I just want to make
a good first impression,
30
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,821
and thought maybe you could
help me pick out an outfit.
31
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,656
Of course. Let's see what you got.
32
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,203
Yeah, you just need
to pick something
33
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,705
that you feel confident in.
34
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:18,207
I'm sorry.
I left my magic clothes at home.
35
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:21,043
I'm sure these two options will be...
36
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,212
So you have other clothes at home?
37
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,801
It doesn't matter.
They're talking to a bunch of people.
38
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,052
I probably won't get it anyway.
39
00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:31,179
Well, don't say that.
40
00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:33,351
Yeah, you have to believe in yourself.
41
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,849
You know,
before I came to America,
42
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,350
I was filled with confidence.
43
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,477
What happened to me?
44
00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:39,934
Hey, is that Raj there
at girls' night?
45
00:01:40,058 --> 00:01:41,731
Oh, hey. Hey, Howard.
46
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,812
Just remember,
if you fall asleep first,
47
00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:45,897
they're gonna freeze your bra.
48
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,484
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
49
00:02:14,092 --> 00:02:16,094
You and Amy having fun
planning your wedding?
50
00:02:16,511 --> 00:02:20,732
We're employing a mathematical approach
called decision theory,
51
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,434
so, heck, yeah.
52
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,358
"Heck, yeah"?
53
00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:28,611
Looks like someone needs to put a dollar
in the almost-swear jar.
54
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:32,449
We've assigned all wedding
decisions randomly,
55
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,245
and each of us makes half of them.
56
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,540
From venue to officiant
57
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:40,620
to numbering system for the tables,
Roman or Dewey Decimal.
58
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,414
Why not hexadecimal?
59
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,468
'Cause this is our wedding, not a joke.
60
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,420
Hell, guys.
61
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,801
- Hello.
- Hey.
62
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,927
Oh, good. Raj is here
63
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,429
to tell us today's specials.
64
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,513
Very funny.
I have my interview this afternoon.
65
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,314
Aw, if it doesn't work out, you're ready
to go on your Mormon mission.
66
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,356
I don't understand what's going on here.
67
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:08,321
Uh... What's going on here is
I'm up for a job at the planetarium,
68
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,070
and Howard is making fun of me.
69
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,448
Oh, it's great.
You're both doing what you love.
70
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,362
Well, I'm excited for you.
71
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,539
Oh. Thanks, yeah.
I'd be in charge of developing
72
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,787
and narrating all
the planetarium shows.
73
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,335
And I really want this, so it wouldn't
kill you to be more supportive.
74
00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:25,711
But if it did, you could bury me
at the funeral home you direct.
75
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,756
Wait. The premise is that
he is dressed differently?
76
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,504
Yeah.
77
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,092
(CHUCKLING) That's true.
He is not dressed the same.
78
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,971
(PHONE RINGING)
79
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,223
- Hey, Dad.
- Hello, Rajesh.
80
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,432
How was the interview?
81
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,859
Not so great.
82
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,436
They asked me
what my biggest weakness was,
83
00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:50,523
and 45 minutes later,
they thanked me for coming.
84
00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:55,115
Son, don't take this the wrong way,
but what's your problem?
85
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,119
I would tell you, but apparently
it takes 45 minutes.
86
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:00,995
You know what?
87
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,414
I bet it's those friends
you surround yourself with.
88
00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,996
Like that Howard,
always making fun of you.
89
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,423
Howard doesn't mean anything by it.
90
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,875
I think it's cultural.
91
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:11,881
His people come
from a very sarcastic village
92
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,837
called Brooklyn.
93
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,673
Don't make excuses.
94
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,805
What kind of friend acts that way?
95
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:21,720
- Well, I guess...
- It was a rhetorical question.
96
00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,680
A bad friend!
97
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:26,558
Come on, Dad!
That's just our relationship, okay?
98
00:04:26,641 --> 00:04:28,609
He makes Indian jokes,
and I laugh,
99
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:32,155
but, you know, with angry eyes,
so he knows it's not okay.
100
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,650
L, too, was in a relationship
101
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,737
with someone who made me
feel bad about myself.
102
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,034
If you're talking about Mom,
I don't want to hear it.
103
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,829
I'm just saying,
if you replace Howard
104
00:04:42,908 --> 00:04:45,582
with a nice 22-year-old
grad student,
105
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:48,459
your self-confidence will soar.
106
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,177
All right, Amy, you're up.
107
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:55,967
Next decision.
108
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,595
Come on, first dance!
109
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,224
- Oh!
-Invitations!
110
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:04,475
That's a good one.
111
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,806
Just a suggestion,
112
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,608
hologram projected out of R2-D2.
113
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,063
Thanks for your input,
but this is my decision,
114
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,114
and I'm gonna go with...
115
00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:18,489
Old English calligraphy
on Egyptian papyrus.
116
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,533
(GASPS) What a fun mashup.
117
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:23,741
It's like the chicken
and waffles of orthography.
118
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,410
Your turn.
119
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:34,510
Ring bearer! Boy, I'm so glad
that R2-D2 is still available.
120
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:38,092
You know,
this is really fun.
121
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,931
I can't believe that people say
that planning a wedding
122
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,849
is one of the most
stressful things in life.
123
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,641
I know. Not a day goes by
that I don't marvel
124
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,938
how much better we are
than other people.
125
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:51,643
I'm so sorry the interview
didn't go well.
126
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,399
Yeah, you would've been perfect for it.
127
00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:54,939
ljust get so nervous,
128
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,444
and then I start apologizing
for being nervous, and...
129
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,360
You guys don't want
to hear about this. I'm sorry.
130
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:00,785
Stop apologizing!
131
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,740
Oh, my God! You sound just like
the woman at the interview!
132
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,575
Have you ever thought about talking
133
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,501
to some kind of therapist
about all this?
134
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,086
(SIGHS) Maybe.
135
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:12,293
Hey, Leonard, do you think
your mom would be available?
136
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,214
Yeah, you don't want to do that.
137
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,880
Talking to my mom to get more confidence
138
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:23,388
is like talking to a lion
to get more alive.
139
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:25,894
Well, my dad thinks
140
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,313
it's because Howard's always
making fun of me.
141
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,019
That makes sense.
142
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:31,850
What do you mean,
that makes sense?
143
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,068
Howard does make fun of him a lot.
144
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,987
(SCOFFS)
That's not all Howard's fault.
145
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,781
I mean, if Raj doesn't want
to be made fun of, then I...
146
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:42,611
I don't know a nice way
to finish this sentence.
147
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,071
So you're on his side?
148
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,907
I'm just saying,
that's what friends do.
149
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,287
You know, they bust on each other.
150
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,538
It doesn't mean anything.
151
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:51,291
Well, I'm not surprised
you think so.
152
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,461
Why is that?
153
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,460
You can be kind of mean to me.
154
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,633
Well, that's because you're...
155
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:01,346
Wow. I don't know how
to finish that sentence, either.
156
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:02,680
You know what?
157
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:05,259
I think we're both clone
being disrespected.
158
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,059
I got a few rounds left in me.
159
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:12,482
Attaboy, champ.
160
00:07:14,809 --> 00:07:18,063
Okay, let's see what
we've got so far.
161
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:22,034
I arrive in a
Little House on the Prairie- style
162
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,985
horse-drawn buggy.
163
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:28,370
Where you are met with
an honor guard of stormtroopers.
164
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,160
Do you think that might be jarring,
165
00:07:32,243 --> 00:07:35,588
going from wholesome pioneers
to space Nazis?
166
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,587
I see what you're saying.
167
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,798
You're thinking
that you should arrive
168
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:44,097
in a replica
of Luke Skywalker's landspeeder.
169
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,934
It's not what I'm thinking.
170
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:51,104
And to save you
the trouble for the future,
171
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,398
it will never be what I'm thinking.
172
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,568
Well, if the ushers are
so important to you,
173
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,941
what if I propose a trade?
174
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:03,571
You may pick that, and I will decide,
say, first dance.
175
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:08,075
Great. Then the ushers
will be my cousins
176
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,782
dressed in frontier frock coats.
177
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:15,204
And the first dance will be
that we won't have one.
178
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:21,843
All right. Then our second dance
will be the first dance.
179
00:08:23,378 --> 00:08:25,221
Unless we have no dance at all. Ha-ha.
180
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:30,352
Well, if we're changing things,
181
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,772
then instead of throwing confetti,
182
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,394
we'll release butterflies.
183
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,272
Airborne worms?
Have you lost your mind?
184
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,612
Well, if you're going to do that,
185
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,031
then I am changing the officiant
186
00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:44,949
to that husky Spider-Man
187
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,902
that hangs out at the Chinese Theater.
188
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:51,365
Fine. Wedding toasts in Latin.
189
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,247
Great. Vows in Klingon.
190
00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:59,043
Then I'm changing the
flower girl to a dog.
191
00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:03,001
And guess what he'll be
scattering instead of petals!
192
00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:06,838
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
193
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:08,840
Want to grab some lunch?
194
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:11,719
You know what?
I don't think so.
195
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:13,887
Well, let me guess.
You're not eating
196
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:17,565
because the mean girls circled
your chubby bits in marker?
197
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:20,978
No. That. That right there.
That's the reason.
198
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,278
You're always making fun of me.
199
00:09:23,104 --> 00:09:24,947
(CHUCKLES) Those are just jokes.
200
00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:27,446
It's my way of saying
that we're friends,
201
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:30,574
and it wouldn't hurt
you to drop a few.
202
00:09:31,821 --> 00:09:34,745
See? No wonder
I don't have any confidence.
203
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:36,951
Come on. You can't blame that on me.
204
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:40,665
Why not? 15 years of constant ridicule.
205
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,500
I think our relationship
has become toxic.
206
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,260
What are you saying?
207
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,886
I think you and I need to spend
some time away from each other.
208
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:55,558
Look, I can see you're upset, but...
209
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,357
I'm gonna need some ground rules.
210
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,436
While we're apart,
can I see other needy Indian men?
211
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,312
Get out!
212
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,497
What do you think will make
the wedding worse for Amy,
213
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,498
a cake made with salt
instead of sugar
214
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:24,713
or a cake iced
with congealed gravy?
215
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,336
Well, that is a trick question.
216
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,796
The answer is,
you as the groom.
217
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:34,809
Neither of them
will be the actual cake.
218
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,727
I'm just using it
as a bargaining chip
219
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,023
to get Amy to agree to the whole
wedding party getting rings
220
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:44,520
and us getting one ring
to rule them all.
221
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:49,908
I forget, which mental hospital
are you guys registered at?
222
00:10:50,859 --> 00:10:52,987
- Hello.
- Hello.
223
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,871
Really? You're not gonna sit here?
224
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:01,661
I'll sit there as soon as you leave.
225
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,956
You're still on this?
I said sorry.
226
00:11:05,039 --> 00:11:08,543
Well, "sorry" doesn't make up
for years of emotional abuse.
227
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,221
Well, what's it gonna take?
228
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,469
You want half my sandwich?
229
00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,719
What is going on?
230
00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:21,477
Raj is trying to blame me
for his pathetic life.
231
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,141
His life isn't pathetic.
232
00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:25,352
He's got that whole table
to himself.
233
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,198
Well, one of us should go sit with Raj
so he's not alone.
234
00:11:30,273 --> 00:11:32,822
But I'm not done telling you
about my wedding revenge plans.
235
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,198
You're right. Go on.
236
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,620
Okay, well, first, I'm going to try
237
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,164
to get Amy to trade with me
for hors d'oeuvres...
238
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,457
Oh, good, you're here.
239
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,085
I've decided on our centerpieces.
240
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,338
ljust hope your family
isn't allergic to asbestos.
241
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:51,928
Sheldon, please stop.
242
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,340
If we keep doing this,
we're gonna end up with a wedding
243
00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:56,766
that neither one of us will enjoy.
244
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,390
Are you saying
you don't want to get married?
245
00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,312
No, of course I do.
246
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,561
But that seems to be
the one thing we can agree on.
247
00:12:05,099 --> 00:12:07,978
Maybe we should just
get married at City Hall
248
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,189
and forget about everything else.
249
00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,279
City Hall. Hmm.
250
00:12:14,442 --> 00:12:16,865
I do like metal detectors
251
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,289
and the sound of permits being denied.
252
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:22,666
Right.
253
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,710
And if we're not enjoying
planning this wedding,
254
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:26,288
then what's the point?
255
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,170
Well, historically, a wedding
was to let other potential suitors know
256
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,717
that we're unavailable.
257
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,843
But I think matching T-shirts that say
258
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,217
"Hands off the merchandise"
accomplish the same thing.
259
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:41,057
So let's pick a day
and just go do it.
260
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,269
How about tomorrow?
261
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:47,775
Really?
262
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,227
That soon?
263
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:50,520
Why wait?
264
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,693
I mean, it's not that I think
we're living in sin,
265
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,275
but I do like the idea
that our next act of intimacy
266
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:57,406
will be a legal requirement.
267
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,624
Tomorrow, we'll go downtown
and get married.
268
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:06,078
Or we could go to
Beverly Hills City Hall
269
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,629
if you want a destination wedding.
270
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,799
Hey. You look good today.
271
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,005
What happened? What's wrong?
272
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,221
Just tell me. I can take it.
273
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,015
Nothing. I felt bad
about being mean to you,
274
00:13:23,094 --> 00:13:24,516
so I'm being nice.
275
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,598
Oh, okay. Sorry. I wasn't ready for it.
276
00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:27,773
Try again?
277
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,100
You look handsome.
278
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,360
Nope, still freaking me out.
279
00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,151
- Hello, friends!
- Hey.
280
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,649
Hey, what's going on with your hair?
281
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:38,401
Nothing. ljust decided
to stop straightening it.
282
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,530
Wait, so you were making your hair
look like that on purpose?
283
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:46,289
When I first moved to America,
I wanted to fit in.
284
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:47,710
And Howard's hair was straight,
285
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,957
and he was the coolest person I knew.
286
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,381
Then you never saw any other people?
287
00:13:52,582 --> 00:13:54,334
You know what, I don't want
to talk about Howard.
288
00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,920
I came here to celebrate!
289
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:59,305
Yeah. I went back
to the planetarium and told them
290
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,179
they were making a huge mistake,
that I'd be perfect for the job.
291
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:04,306
I was charming, I was confident.
292
00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,602
And they gave it to me.
293
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,521
- That's amazing!
- Yeah, plus,
294
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:08,598
it turns out the guy they hired
295
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,104
got busted
at a sketchy massage parlor.
296
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:14,400
So, happy ending for you!
297
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,397
Oh, and for him.
298
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,408
Yeah, I was on my way
to tell Howard,
299
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,111
and then I remembered
I wasn't speaking to him,
300
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,537
so I came over here.
301
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,747
Don't you think it's time
you two made up?
302
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:25,823
No.
303
00:14:25,907 --> 00:14:28,126
No, actually.
I don't need his negative energy
304
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,669
in my life right now.
305
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:31,587
Standing up to him was hard,
306
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,256
but it made me realize
that I can do anything.
307
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:37,552
And, yeah, it's a little sad,
but, you know,
308
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,050
-life is all about-
-(CORK POPS OPEN)
309
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:44,266
Sorry.
I thought you were wrapping things up.
310
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,106
- Hey, Howard.
- Hey.
311
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,478
Where is everybody?
312
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,442
I could ask you
the same question.
313
00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:58,072
Wow, this conversation got mean fast.
314
00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:01,492
Sorry. I'm just in a bad mood.
315
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:02,986
Yeah? What's going on?
316
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:05,538
I had a falling out with Raj.
317
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,206
He said I make fun of him too much
318
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:09,204
and that it's wrecked his confidence.
319
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:11,790
Please.
Confidence is like red blood cells.
320
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,497
Nice if you got some,
but you don't need 'em.
321
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:18,050
Yeah. I mean, your life's a mess.
322
00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:20,800
I don't see you blaming
other people for it.
323
00:15:20,878 --> 00:15:24,428
That's right. I grew up in a
loving, supportive household.
324
00:15:25,842 --> 00:15:27,435
This is all on me.
325
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,682
Maybe I'll just hang out here
for a while.
326
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:34,893
Great. And you can make fun of me
all you want.
327
00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,193
No, that's okay.
328
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:37,979
No, no, no. Go on. I can take it.
329
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,611
My feelings,
like my extremities,
330
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,567
are basically numb.
331
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,204
Here's your license.
332
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,406
Now, if you wait over there,
333
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,162
we'll call you
when the officiant's ready.
334
00:15:50,324 --> 00:15:51,576
Do we need a blood test?
335
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,078
No.
336
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,876
Well, then how will you know
whether or not we have syphilis?
337
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,004
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and say you don't have that.
338
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,425
Okay, Sheldon, you officially
exceeded the number of times
339
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,478
I hoped to hear the word
"syphilis" on my wedding day.
340
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:13,689
I can't believe we're doing this.
341
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,983
I know. I'm getting married.
342
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,277
The new Star Wars movie's coming out.
343
00:16:19,353 --> 00:16:21,981
We are really
finishing this year strong.
344
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,113
Okay, but of the two of those...
345
00:16:25,193 --> 00:16:27,571
You know, I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not gonna ask.
346
00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,752
Are you sad we're not
having a big party?
347
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,130
I'm really not.
348
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:41,296
I'm here with you. It's perfect.
349
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,889
Cooper-Fowler?
350
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,223
You're up.
351
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:49,425
(SIGHS)
352
00:16:50,092 --> 00:16:51,389
Can you believe it?
353
00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:55,519
We're about to walk in that door,
Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler,
354
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,942
and walk out
as a married couple,
355
00:16:58,059 --> 00:17:00,733
Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler.
356
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,283
Wait.
357
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,911
I want to have a first dance with you.
358
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,372
Right here?
359
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:12,703
At our wedding.
360
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:15,038
But this is our wedding.
361
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,334
No.
362
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,542
I want a real wedding.
363
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:24,218
Sheldon, it was just making us fight.
364
00:17:24,293 --> 00:17:26,637
I know. But, Amy,
365
00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,349
I never thought
I'd want to marry anyone.
366
00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:33,637
So the fact that I found you
is astonishing.
367
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,730
It's like finding dark matter,
368
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:38,475
except they're looking
for dark matter.
369
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,435
I wasn't even looking for you.
370
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,938
So you're even better
than dark matter.
371
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,022
(CHUCKLES)
372
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,198
Sheldon.
373
00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:49,778
Plus, plus, you interact with light,
so I can see you.
374
00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:50,861
(AMY GASPS)
375
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:53,494
And, also, you don't account
for the missing mass
376
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,746
-in the universe. And-
- Okay, I think
377
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,453
you're getting caught up on the
ways I'm not like dark matter.
378
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,212
Right. Sorry.
379
00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,959
But when you make
a discovery like this,
380
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,426
you don't just take it down
to City Hall,
381
00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:08,004
you tell the whole world.
382
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:11,512
And, so I'll say it in Latin or Klingon
383
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:12,763
or smoke signals,
384
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,015
if that's not cultural appropriation.
385
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,347
- It is.
- Okay, so not smoke signals.
386
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:21,316
But I want to do this right.
387
00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,695
Me too.
388
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,782
Let's go plan a wedding.
389
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,289
You know, we did get dressed up
390
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,746
and come all the way
to City Hall.
391
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:43,714
What are you thinking?
392
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:47,965
I have always wanted a permit
to dispose of hazardous waste.
393
00:18:50,338 --> 00:18:51,931
Let's do it.
394
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:02,233
Do we know if there's life in
the methane plumes of Enceladus
395
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,402
or under the icy surface
of Europa?
396
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:09,066
Come back on Tuesday
for my next show to find out.
397
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,364
Spoiler alert, we don't.
398
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,118
I'm Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali,
399
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,416
and thank you for taking
a walk with me
400
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,083
through the stars.
401
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,536
(APPLAUSE)
402
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,377
Wow. I never knew science
could be so interesting.
403
00:19:25,456 --> 00:19:27,333
Hey, I talk to you
about science all the time.
404
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:29,635
Oh, you sure do, sweetie.
405
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,051
Should we go congratulate him?
406
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:36,350
I'll do better than that.
I'll give him constructive criticism.
407
00:19:36,592 --> 00:19:40,017
Here's some constructive criticism,
don't.
408
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:45,776
- I'll catch up with you guys.
- Yeah.
409
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:48,191
Raj, you were terrific!
410
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,773
Thank you. I was so nervous,
my armpits are like a swamp.
411
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,735
Oh. Your hug just got
downgraded to a high five.
412
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,825
(PENNY LAUGHING)
Your palms are sweaty, too.
413
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,449
Hey. What are you doing
all the way in the back?
414
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:01,076
Hiding out.
415
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,293
I wasn't sure if I was welcome.
416
00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:05,747
This is ridiculous.
You guys are best friends.
417
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,252
Of course he wants you here.
418
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:10,718
You sure? He seems to be doing
pretty well without me.
419
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,883
Look, he was just stressed out.
420
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,763
His life is not better
without you.
421
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,307
Come on. Come say hi.
422
00:20:17,591 --> 00:20:19,093
Okay.
423
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:23,807
Dr. Koothrappali, ljust wanted
to tell you that was amazing.
424
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,354
- Counterpoint-
- To the car.
425
00:20:27,768 --> 00:20:29,065
Can I ask you a question?
426
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,398
Of course, you can. That went well.
427
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,073
Ask me another.
428
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,323
I think I'm just gonna go.
429
00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:40,915
If there is life beneath
the surface of these planets,
430
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,658
how would we even detect it?
431
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:45,085
That's a complicated question.
432
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,833
Let me start with a simpler one.
433
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,498
Can I buy you a coffee?
434
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,710
Also, a complicated question. (GIGGLES)
435
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:54,174
Because I want to say yes,
but if I drink coffee this late,
436
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:55,379
then I'll be up all night.
437
00:20:55,504 --> 00:20:57,131
Decaf, genius.
438
00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,592
I would love to.
439
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:08,017
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
440
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,411
English - SDH