1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:05,504
- Penny, hello.
- Hey, Sheldon.

2
00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,298
What is shaking?

3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,552
I'm sorry?

4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,013
It's colloquial. A conversation opener.

5
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,975
So do you find the weather satisfying?

6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:22,021
Are you currently sharing in the triumph
of some local sports team?

7
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:25,524
PENNY: What's wrong with you?
You're freaking me out.

8
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,694
I'm striking up a casual conversation
with you.

9
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,696
What's up?

10
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,202
Please don't do that.

11
00:00:37,454 --> 00:00:41,206
But I'm given to understand that when
you have something awkward to discuss...

12
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:44,126
...it's more palatable
to preface it with banal chitchat.

13
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,547
So this wasn't the awkward part?

14
00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:52,134
No.

15
00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:56,138
Oh. All right.

16
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,307
What's up?

17
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:02,061
SHELDON:
Oh, good, I used that right.

18
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:06,648
Anyway, you're aware that Leonard has
entered into a new romantic relationship...

19
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:09,610
...which includes a sexual component.

20
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,240
- Okay, feeling the awkward now.
- Wait.

21
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,493
Her name is Dr. Stephanie Barnett.

22
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:20,996
And she's a highly distinguished
surgical resident at Fremont Memorial.

23
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,331
- Yeah, Leonard told me.
- Good.

24
00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:27,336
What he may have left out
is how important this relationship is to me.

25
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,922
- To you?
- Yes.

26
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:33,008
See, of the handful of women
Leonard's been involved with...

27
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:36,178
...she's the only one
I have ever found tolerable.

28
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,518
Well, what about me?

29
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,562
The statement stands for itself.

30
00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:49,149
Well, aren't you sweet?

31
00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,652
Anyway, should you have
any interaction with her...

32
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:56,198
...it would be most helpful
that she not see you as a sexual rival.

33
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,785
PENNY:
Yeah, I think she's pretty safe.

34
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,913
You say that now,
but consider the following scenario.

35
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:06,041
You're sitting in your apartment.
It's late. You're alone.

36
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:09,753
Your hypothalamus is swimming in
a soup of estrogen and progesterone...

37
00:02:09,921 --> 00:02:15,217
...and, suddenly, even Leonard
seems like a viable sexual candidate.

38
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:21,390
Or a hookup,
as it's referred to by today's urban youth.

39
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:22,850
- Really?
- Yes.

40
00:02:23,017 --> 00:02:27,855
Now, should that happen, I would ask you
to find some way to suppress your libido.

41
00:02:30,733 --> 00:02:33,443
I could think about you.

42
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:37,823
Fine. Whatever works.

43
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,743
Always nice talking to you, Sheldon.

44
00:02:41,911 --> 00:02:43,662
Peace out.

45
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,107
SHELDON:
Mm.

46
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,866
Well, this is very pleasant.

47
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:23,702
I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

48
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,706
And you said there would never
be enough pasta for the three of us.

49
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,541
I stand corrected.

50
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,336
You know,
Italian housewives have a rule of thumb:

51
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,088
A handful of dry pasta
about an inch in diameter...

52
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:39,968
...is sufficient for each person,
as it doubles in volume when cooked.

53
00:03:40,511 --> 00:03:41,637
That's very interesting.

54
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:45,307
- Thank you.
- She doesn't mean it. She's just being nice.

55
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:50,938
Well, Stephanie, since Leonard seems
to be dropping the conversational ball...

56
00:03:51,105 --> 00:03:53,565
...I guess I'll just have to pick it up.
Ahem.

57
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,659
Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?

58
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,829
- No.
- Good.

59
00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,499
- What's your favorite fruit?
- It, uh...

60
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,209
Strawberries.

61
00:04:12,377 --> 00:04:14,461
Mm, technically not a fruit, but all right.

62
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,674
Where did you do
your medical internship?

63
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:21,009
Uh, Lawrence Memorial
in Galveston, Texas.

64
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,178
Really? That's where I was born.

65
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,182
- You're kidding.
SHELDON: No.

66
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,143
I spent so much of my childhood
at that hospital. It...

67
00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:33,355
When I was 12,
I got to ride there in a helicopter.

68
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:37,234
- What? What happened?
- Radiation burns.

69
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,362
A little mishap
while I was building my own CAT scanner.

70
00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,782
I'm sorry, you tried to build
your own CAT scanner?

71
00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:45,909
No, I didn't try, I succeeded.

72
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:49,705
I was briefly able to see the inside
of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball...

73
00:04:49,872 --> 00:04:51,873
...before he caught fire.

74
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,876
It led to an interesting expression
in our house:

75
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,796
Not a Snowball's chance
in a CAT scanner.

76
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,633
Uh, Sheldon.

77
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,385
Excuse me.

78
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:07,723
When I come back, just for fun,
the subject will be alternative history.

79
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,600
Specifically, how would the Civil War
have gone differently...

80
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:13,353
...if Lincoln had been
a robot sent from the future?

81
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:21,737
Look at that, there's even pasta left over.

82
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:24,823
Do you understand
that this was supposed to be a date?

83
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,533
I do. Do you?

84
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,828
Because, frankly, you've been
in a foul mood since I sat down.

85
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:35,250
Okay, here's my question:

86
00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:37,586
Why did you sit down?

87
00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:41,423
To help.
Look, if you fail at this relationship...

88
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,383
...and history suggests you will...

89
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:49,514
...then we risk losing the medical officer
that our landing party has always needed.

90
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,686
What landing party?

91
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:57,731
You're Kirk. I'm Spock.
Wolowitz is Scotty.

92
00:05:57,899 --> 00:06:00,817
Koothrappali is the guy
who always gets killed.

93
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,447
And now we've got McCoy.

94
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:16,083
So we're all standing around
looking at the post-op X-ray...

95
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,461
...and there it is, clear as day,
right in the guy's chest cavity:

96
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,797
One of my earrings.

97
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:25,342
Oh, my God, what did you do?

98
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:26,802
Ha, ha. What do you think I did?

99
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:28,845
I discreetly slipped off the other earring...

100
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,264
...put it in my pocket,
and then got the hell out of there.

101
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:32,891
[LAUGHS]

102
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,894
- I have a bone to pick with you, sir.
- Oh!

103
00:06:37,313 --> 00:06:38,980
- Hi, Sheldon.
- Hi, Stephanie.

104
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:43,777
I'm sorry I'm late, but your companion
left the most indecipherable invitation.

105
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,904
What invitation?

106
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:48,990
"We're going to the movies."

107
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:51,827
What movie? What theater? What time?

108
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:57,582
If you were trying to make it impossible to
locate you, you couldn't have done better.

109
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,502
Oh, clearly, I could have.

110
00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,754
It took 20 minutes to go through...

111
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:06,675
...the browser history on your computer
to see what movie times you looked up.

112
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,261
Wait here, I'll find us seats.

113
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,889
- Oh, no. We have seats.
- Not the right seats.

114
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,558
Ha!

115
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,979
Ha!

116
00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,189
Ha!

117
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,276
What is he doing?

118
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,696
He's finding the acoustic sweet spot.

119
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:29,573
Ha!

120
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:35,871
- Uh, does he always do this?
- Sometimes he brings a toy xylophone.

121
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,540
SHELDON:
Ho!

122
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,418
Ho!

123
00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,213
- I am really sorry about this.
- No...

124
00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:47,382
...it's fine, you know. He's sweet.

125
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,593
[SHELDON HUMS TONE]

126
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,097
[HUMS TONE]

127
00:07:55,349 --> 00:07:58,477
My apologies.
You've been sitting in it all along.

128
00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:03,064
- Leonard, you wanna slide over one?
- No. Just sit here.

129
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:09,154
[THX'S "DEEP NOTE"
PLAYING ON SCREEN]

130
00:08:17,788 --> 00:08:20,207
Oh, yeah. This is it.

131
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,629
Leonard. Leonard. Leonard.

132
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:30,008
What, Sheldon? What, Sheldon?
What, Sheldon?

133
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,093
Tell me what you see here.

134
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:36,056
The blunt instrument
that will be the focus of my murder trial?

135
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,350
This is Stephanie's Facebook page.

136
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,728
Now, where it should say
"in a relationship," what does it say?

137
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:44,397
- "Stephanie Barnett is single."
- Yeah, furthermore...

138
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:48,485
...earlier this evening, she threw
a digital sheep at some guy named Mike.

139
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:54,741
Who's Mike? Why does he
get a digital sheep and not you?

140
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:58,954
It's just her Facebook page, and we've
only been going out a couple of weeks.

141
00:08:59,121 --> 00:09:02,457
You don't see it, do you?
We're losing her.

142
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:07,379
Okay, I'm gonna make this very simple
for you.

143
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,632
You are not in this relationship.

144
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:13,718
I am.

145
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:17,222
Ergo, you have no say...

146
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:21,184
...in anything that happens
between me and Stephanie.

147
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:24,062
I'm afraid I can't allow that.

148
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:28,024
Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104,
Section A...

149
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:31,861
...you are deemed unfit,
and I hereby relieve you of your command.

150
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,784
General Order 104, Section A
does not apply in this situation.

151
00:09:37,952 --> 00:09:42,080
- Give me one good reason why not.
- Because this is not Star Trek.

152
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,837
Penny.

153
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,213
Penny.

154
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,965
Penny.

155
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,550
What?

156
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,011
This is banana bread.

157
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,931
This is a door knob.

158
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,394
It's my understanding
that an unsolicited gift of food...

159
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:09,399
...can be a precursor to an impromptu
invitation to come in and chat.

160
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:13,278
Sheldon, would you like to come in?

161
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,947
I suppose I could spare a few minutes.

162
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,784
[SHELDON GASPS]

163
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:22,037
Were you robbed?

164
00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,373
No.

165
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,876
How can you be sure?

166
00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:29,419
Sheldon, what do you want?

167
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,047
I'm certain this will come
as no surprise to you.

168
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,760
- Leonard is failing in another relationship.
- He's having problems with Stephanie?

169
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:40,263
She's sending virtual livestock
to random men on the Internet.

170
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,683
If I have any hope
of keeping them together, I need data.

171
00:10:43,851 --> 00:10:47,228
Specifically, I need to know exactly
what Leonard did that caused you...

172
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:50,440
...to pop an emotional cap
in his buttocks.

173
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,736
- What?
- Again, urban slang.

174
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,114
In which I believe
I'm gaining remarkable fluency.

175
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,326
So, what is the down and the low?

176
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,745
And don't worry,
this is all entirely confidential...

177
00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:07,290
...so you feel free to include any
and all shortcomings in the bedroom.

178
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,751
Heh. We never got to the bedroom.

179
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,962
Because?

180
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:15,256
[SCOFFS]

181
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,468
Okay. All right. You know what?
I'll tell you what happened.

182
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,680
Ah. We were young.

183
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:25,058
We were very much in love,
but we could only communicate...

184
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,812
...through a time-traveling mailbox
at my lake house.

185
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:36,861
It's not enough that you made me watch
that movie, but now you mock me with it?

186
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:44,869
Gentlemen, I have a question
about dating and relationships.

187
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,044
You told me
you were gonna have the talk with him.

188
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,298
I've been waiting for someone
to have the talk with me.

189
00:11:57,925 --> 00:12:01,553
More to the point, it's about finding a way
to keep Leonard and Stephanie together.

190
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,180
- Oh, I don't think you can.
- Why not?

191
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:07,517
Look at Leonard's record.
Twenty-seven days with Joyce Kim.

192
00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:10,228
During which she defected
to North Korea.

193
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:13,106
Two booty calls with Leslie Winkle.

194
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:16,151
For which she awarded him the nickname
Speed-of-Light Leonard.

195
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,612
And a three-hour dinner with Penny.

196
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:23,575
Which would've been two and a half if they
ordered the soufflé when they sat down.

197
00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:25,577
Based on the geometric progression...

198
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,205
...his relationship with Stephanie
should have ended after 20 minutes.

199
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,665
Yes, I'm aware of the math.

200
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,042
Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth.

201
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,794
The issue remains.

202
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,381
How do we circumvent
his inevitable rejection?

203
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:40,884
Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal
to Stephanie...

204
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:44,471
...your best bet would be
to kill all the other men on the planet.

205
00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:49,017
I'll tell you what you shouldn't do.
That body spray...

206
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,269
...where the women undress
when they smell it?

207
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,563
That doesn't work at all.

208
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:59,194
No matter how much you put on.

209
00:13:00,237 --> 00:13:04,491
So that's all you've got? Apocalyptic
genocide and "Go easy on the cologne"?

210
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:07,494
- Yes.
- Yeah.

211
00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:11,831
Penny.

212
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,041
Penny.

213
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:14,918
What?

214
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,341
Penny.

215
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:28,306
Zucchini bread.

216
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,183
Oh, thank you.

217
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,560
- May I come in?
- No.

218
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:35,563
I see. Apparently, my earlier inquiry...

219
00:13:35,731 --> 00:13:38,942
...regarding you and Leonard
crossed some sort of line.

220
00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:40,235
I apologize.

221
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,362
Oh, thank you.

222
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,781
So have you and I returned
to a social equilibrium?

223
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,282
- Yes.
- Great.

224
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:47,909
- New topic.
- Mm.

225
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,870
Where are you in your menstrual cycle?

226
00:13:53,874 --> 00:13:56,501
- What?
- I've been doing some research online...

227
00:13:56,669 --> 00:14:01,965
...and, apparently, female primates...
You know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you.

228
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:05,802
...they find their mate more desirable
when he's courted by another female.

229
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,721
Now, this effect is intensified
when the rival female...

230
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,516
...is secreting the pheromones
associated with ovulation.

231
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,727
Which brings me back to my question.
Where are you in...?

232
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:20,525
Clearly, I'm 14 days too early.

233
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:26,030
All I'm saying is,
if they can cure yellow fever and malaria...

234
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:29,742
...why can't they do something
about lactose intolerance?

235
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,121
Leonard, you're gonna have to let this go.

236
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:37,125
You had a little cheese dip, you farted.
I thought it was cute.

237
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,295
Oh, hi, Stephanie.

238
00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:41,546
Hi.

239
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,798
- Want some more wine?
- Yeah.

240
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,885
I mean,
I assume I'm not driving anywhere tonight.

241
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,428
[BOTH CHUCKLE]

242
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:50,680
[SHELDON GROANS]

243
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,641
[GRUNTS]

244
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,687
[GRUNTS]

245
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,607
What are you doing?

246
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:05,361
I have a craving for white asparagus that,
apparently, is destined to go unsatisfied.

247
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:07,530
[GRUNTS]

248
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:10,241
[GRUNTS]

249
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:12,994
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hm.

250
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,121
[GRUNTS]

251
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,749
- What is wrong with you?
- I'm helping you with Stephanie.

252
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,627
By making constipated moose sounds?

253
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:25,757
When I fail to open this and you succeed,
it will establish you as the alpha male.

254
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,761
You see, when a female witnesses
an exhibition of physical domination...

255
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,846
...she produces the hormone oxytocin.

256
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,975
If the two of you engage in intercourse,
this will create the biochemical reaction...

257
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:39,729
...which laypeople naively interpret
as falling in love.

258
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,232
Huh.

259
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:47,403
Would it work
if I just punched you in the face?

260
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,990
Yes, actually, it would,
but let's see how the lid goes.

261
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,827
I'm not strong enough, Leonard.
You'll have to do it.

262
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:59,082
- God's sakes.
- Go ahead, it's pre-loosened.

263
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,762
[GRUNTING]

264
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:17,684
- Do you want some help with that?
- No, no, no.

265
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,477
- I got it.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

266
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,479
He's got it, and that's not surprising.

267
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:26,234
This is something I long ago came
to peace with in my role as the beta male.

268
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:29,612
Open it.

269
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,077
Ow!

270
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:38,204
- Ow, ow!
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

271
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,081
Uh, no, I'm not... I'm bleeding.

272
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:41,624
Like a gladiator.

273
00:16:42,459 --> 00:16:44,752
- Oh, honey, you're gonna need stitches.
- Stitches?

274
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,337
- Mm-hm.
- With a needle?

275
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,631
Well, yeah. I mean, just a few.

276
00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:50,758
Oh, okay.

277
00:16:50,926 --> 00:16:52,135
Yeah, hang on a sec.

278
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,557
[VOMITING]

279
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,481
FYI, I was defrosting a steak in there.

280
00:17:09,611 --> 00:17:12,655
What a beautiful job Stephanie did.

281
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:15,158
I might have gone
with a mattress suture instead...

282
00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:17,618
...but you can't argue with her results.

283
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,370
It's a shame it won't scar.

284
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:24,083
The war wound
is a time-honored badge of masculinity.

285
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:28,504
I can't remember a time
when you weren't talking.

286
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:33,301
Just for the record, my efforts to establish
you as the alpha male were not aided...

287
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,429
- ...by you bursting into tears.
- I did not burst into tears.

288
00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,432
- My eyes just got a little watery.
- Watery?

289
00:17:39,975 --> 00:17:43,102
She stuck a needle into my hand.

290
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:46,606
Hey, how's my big crybaby?

291
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:48,733
I didn't cry.

292
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,569
Okay, I'm just teasing you.

293
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:52,987
But, yeah, you did.

294
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,200
It's all good. What do you say
we get you home, put you to bed?

295
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,118
Oh. Are you still gonna spend the night?

296
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:01,996
Uh, no. I think that you
probably need to rest.

297
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:06,459
She's right. As long as you're vomiting,
coitus is contraindicated.

298
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,087
Thank you, Dr. Cooper.

299
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:12,131
You're welcome, Dr. Hofstadter.

300
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:18,137
Okay, I'm gonna go
get your discharge papers.

301
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,181
[SHELDON CLICKS TONGUE]

302
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:22,266
What?

303
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,393
You seem like
a perfectly pleasant person.

304
00:18:24,561 --> 00:18:28,356
I can't understand why women
have such a hard time loving you.

305
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,823
Can you open this for me?

306
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,617
- Can I see your stitches?
- Sure.

307
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,869
[RETCHING]

308
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,502
Answering the question once and for all
why Wolowitz bailed out of medical school.

309
00:18:50,337 --> 00:18:51,754
Leonard, congratulations.

310
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:54,549
- What for?
- Your Facebook status update.

311
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:57,718
"Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship."

312
00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,221
What? No. No, that's not right.

313
00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:04,600
Oh, man, did you switch your status
before she did?

314
00:19:05,435 --> 00:19:09,230
Speaking as an expert,
way to look needy.

315
00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,483
Seriously?
You went first after only two weeks?

316
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,402
That's bold.

317
00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:16,445
It's not bold, it's a mistake.

318
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:18,406
I didn't change my status.

319
00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:20,575
Well, then who did?

320
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:28,374
I had no choice. He cried in front of her.

321
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:31,586
You hacked my Facebook account?

322
00:19:31,753 --> 00:19:37,008
Oh, it's hardly hacking when you use
the same password for everything, Kal-El.

323
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:41,012
Are you insane?
Now she's gonna think I'm desperate.

324
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,264
You've destroyed this relationship.

325
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,141
And you wanna know
the worst part?

326
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,560
You don't understand
what you did wrong...

327
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:52,023
...because you can't conceive of something
that you are not an expert in.

328
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,942
- In which I am not an expert.
- Don't even...

329
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,822
Don't wanna hear another word
out of you.

330
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:01,532
Ooh.

331
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,537
What's wrong, Lassie?
Timmy fall down the well?

332
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,083
Oh, wow.

333
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:13,419
She just updated her Facebook status.

334
00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:17,924
"Stephanie Barnett is in a relationship
with Leonard Hofstadter."

335
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:20,301
Really?

336
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,305
Oh, look at that.

337
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,515
I have a girlfriend. Ha, ha.

338
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,935
If I am permitted to speak again...

339
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:32,647
...Dr. Sheldon Cooper for the win.

340
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,636
[English - US - SDH]