1 00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,837 Okay, in Avatar when they have sex on Pandora... 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,530 ...they hook up their ponytails. 3 00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:11,166 So we know their ponytails are like their junk. 4 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:12,835 Yeah. So? 5 00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,981 When they ride horses and fly on birds... 6 00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:17,639 - ...they also use their ponytails. - Your point? 7 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:22,016 My point is if I were a horse or a bird I'd be very nervous around James Cameron. 8 00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:27,483 It amazes me how you constantly obsess over fictional details... 9 00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:30,653 ...when there are important things in the world to worry about. 10 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:34,323 For example, why wasn't William Shatner in the new Star Trek movie? 11 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:37,529 Hey, Sheldon, I was up in the administration office... 12 00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:40,332 ...and I happened to overhear the name of the winner... 13 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,441 ...of the Chancellor's Award for Science. 14 00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:46,375 You wanna rub my nose in the fact my contributions are being overlooked again? 15 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,913 I am the William Shatner of theoretical physics. 16 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,041 All right, I'll play. 17 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:54,710 What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year? 18 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,049 Oh, I'm so glad you asked it like that. You. 19 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,216 - I won? - You won. 20 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,924 I won. 21 00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:05,359 This is astonishing. 22 00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:08,057 Not that I won the award. No one deserves it more. 23 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,703 Actually, I guess I misspoke. It's not astonishing. 24 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,634 It's more like inevitable. 25 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,265 Not sure what to do. Maybe call my mother. 26 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,967 Wait. I'm gonna conduct an interview with myself... 27 00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:19,203 ...and post it online. 28 00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:24,714 Well, good for him. 29 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,876 Yeah, the one thing the William Shatner... 30 00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:30,046 ...of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost. 31 00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:17,497 Did it look like that spear was gonna go right through your skull? 32 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:18,763 No. 33 00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:24,507 Hey, you didn't want a Slurpee at 7-Eleven, you don't get glasses. 34 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,772 Oh. That will be another congratulatory call for me. 35 00:02:30,717 --> 00:02:33,845 - Mute, please. - Wait. Hang on. Flaming arrow. 36 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,551 Hello? 37 00:02:38,725 --> 00:02:41,216 Oh, Chancellor Morton, how are you, sir? 38 00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:46,728 Yes, I was expecting your call. Three years ago. 39 00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:49,734 I see. 40 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:52,064 What happens if I choose not to give a speech? 41 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,407 Uh-huh. And if I don't want to forfeit the award? 42 00:02:57,744 --> 00:03:00,235 Well, you've got that tied up in a neat little bow. 43 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,247 All right, thank you. 44 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,977 - Problem. - What? 45 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,985 They expect me to give a speech at the banquet. 46 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,417 I can't give a speech. 47 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:15,084 Well, no, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. 48 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:20,427 What you can't do is shut up. 49 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,494 Yeah, before the movie, you did 20 minutes... 50 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,104 ...on why guacamole turns brown. 51 00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,940 Turned brown while you were talking. 52 00:03:29,576 --> 00:03:32,101 I'm perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups. 53 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,406 I cannot speak to large crowds. 54 00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,946 What to you is a large crowd? 55 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,277 Any group big enough to trample me to death. 56 00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:43,753 General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children. 57 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,926 Sheldon. Congratulations. 58 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,755 Brought you cheesecake from work. 59 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,956 You know, because of your award, not because that busboy sneezed on it. 60 00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,760 - I'm not accepting the award. - Why not? 61 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,964 Turns out the great Sheldon Cooper has stage fright. 62 00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,631 That's no reason to back out. 63 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,970 I once got a pretty big honor in high school. 64 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,943 I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd... 65 00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:10,106 ...but I went through with it. You know? 66 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:13,116 The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack... 67 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:17,552 ...in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the corn queen's court. 68 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,724 Thank you. I'll bear that in mind... 69 00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:24,625 ...if I'm ever nominated for the Hillbilly Peace Prize. 70 00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:30,064 - Sheldon, you're being ridiculous. - Am I? 71 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,828 Let me tell you a story. 72 00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:35,168 Where's 70 children when you need them? 73 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:40,507 I was 14 and graduating summa cum laude from college. 74 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:43,672 "Summa cum laude" is Latin for "with highest honors." 75 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,843 I just love how you always skip over the part where no one asks. 76 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:51,013 I was valedictorian and expected to give an address. 77 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:53,022 Even now I can remember that moment... 78 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,185 ...when I walked up to the podium and looked out at the crowd. 79 00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:58,331 There must have been thousands of people. 80 00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,591 My heart started pounding in my chest. 81 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,098 I began to hyperventilate. 82 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,669 My vision became blurry, and before I knew it... 83 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,704 Oh, dear. 84 00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:10,369 - Oh, my God. - Sheldon? 85 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:13,843 - Sheldon, are you okay? - Don't trample me. 86 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:20,351 Come on, Mother, you know why I can't accept the award. 87 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:24,217 With all due respect, I don't think praying will help. 88 00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:29,061 No, I have not heard the song "Jesus, Take the Wheel." 89 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,721 No, no, no. You don't need to start singing it. 90 00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:36,232 Yes, I'll buy it on "the iTunes," Mother. 91 00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:37,461 Goodbye, Mother. 92 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,341 Hello. 93 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:48,870 - Sit down. We wanna talk to you. - Am I in trouble? 94 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,983 Did my mother call you? 95 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,413 Just sit. 96 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,745 We think we can help you with your stage fright. 97 00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:57,719 Oh, I doubt that. 98 00:05:57,891 --> 00:06:01,418 I haven't figured out a way and I'm much smarter than all of you. 99 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:06,757 Yes, but you're not smarter than all of us put together. 100 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:09,094 Oh, I'm sorry. That is what I meant. 101 00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:13,662 Okay. Your problem is you're trying to do this all by yourself. 102 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,774 We could help you. We can be your team. 103 00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,376 Like Professor Xavier and his X-Men. 104 00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,875 I do like the X-Men. 105 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,111 Did I see X-Men? 106 00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,778 Yeah, we watched it last week. You said you liked it. 107 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,947 Oh, I say a lot of things, sweetie. 108 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:35,423 So how about it, Sheldon? 109 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:40,430 I don't know. If you're my X-Men, what are your powers? 110 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,865 Okay, well, I'm gonna take you shopping, get you a nice suit. 111 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:47,029 - Might give you more confidence. - It's not exactly a mutation... 112 00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:50,438 ...that would get you into Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters... 113 00:06:50,610 --> 00:06:52,100 ...but go on. Leonard? 114 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:56,215 I thought I could try to analyze you and get to the root of your anxiety. 115 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,544 What qualifies you to attempt to understand my mind? 116 00:06:59,719 --> 00:07:02,153 My mother is a highly regarded psychiatrist... 117 00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,313 ...and I've been in therapy ever since... 118 00:07:04,491 --> 00:07:07,654 ...she accused me of breast feeding co-dependently. 119 00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:13,960 And Raj says he can teach you... What did you call it? 120 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,331 I don't know, some Indian meditation crap. 121 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:23,334 I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low... 122 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,343 ...you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. 123 00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,505 Go ahead, Howard. Dazzle me. 124 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:35,415 My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn... 125 00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:39,183 ...about your piddly-ass problems. 126 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,658 And that's 24/7, buddy. 127 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,767 And I appreciate the pretense. 128 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:54,037 So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men? 129 00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:58,439 No. The X-Men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. 130 00:07:58,611 --> 00:08:02,877 Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men. 131 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,052 Oh, that's not a good name. 132 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,862 Okay, Sheldon... 133 00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:20,522 ...I'm going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises. 134 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:23,533 These methods come from the ancient gurus of India... 135 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,866 ...and have helped me overcome my own fears. 136 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,075 And yet you can't speak to women. 137 00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,543 But thanks to meditation... 138 00:08:33,713 --> 00:08:37,376 ...I'm able to stay in the same room with them without urinating. 139 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,551 Now, ahem, close your eyes. 140 00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:45,384 Okay, but don't punch me. 141 00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,826 - What? - When I was little my sister would say: 142 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,929 "Close your eyes, you'll get a surprise." 143 00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,758 And then she'd punch me. 144 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:56,427 - I'm not going to punch you. - That's what my sister used to say. 145 00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,934 - Look, do you wanna do this or not? - I'm sorry. Proceed. 146 00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,768 All right, ahem... 147 00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:06,844 ...imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home. 148 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:10,608 - Where is that? - SimCity. 149 00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:17,584 More specifically, the SimCity I designed, Sheldonopolis. 150 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,121 Okay, you're in Sheldonopolis. 151 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,761 Where exactly? Sheldon Square? 152 00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:27,559 Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the fighting Sheldons? 153 00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,123 Whatever you like. 154 00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,862 I thought this was supposed to be guided meditation. 155 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,700 Fine, you're in Sheldon Square. 156 00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:37,206 Really? This time of the year? It's a bit nippy. 157 00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,308 Then put on a sweater. 158 00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:43,975 Suppose I could run downtown and pick up something at Shel-Mart. 159 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,615 Yeah. Whatever. Just go buy a sweater. 160 00:09:46,786 --> 00:09:51,280 The nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15 percent discount. 161 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,123 You own the damn thing, just take a freaking sweater. 162 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,126 I didn't turn a profit last quarter... 163 00:09:57,297 --> 00:10:00,164 ...by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly. 164 00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,597 All right. 165 00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:06,995 You've paid for a sweater and you're in Sheldon Square. 166 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,740 Ahem. Hang on. 167 00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:13,140 It's a cardigan, I have to button it. 168 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,750 - Oh, no. - What now? 169 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:21,751 A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. 170 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,152 I have to get my people to safety. 171 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,691 People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. 172 00:10:27,861 --> 00:10:28,850 Follow me. 173 00:10:29,028 --> 00:10:32,862 If the children can't run, leave them behind. 174 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,830 Oh, the simulated horror. 175 00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,272 Raj? 176 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,707 Just as I suspected. 177 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,012 Meditation is nothing but hokum. 178 00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,158 I question your premise. 179 00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,229 How is a new suit going to prevent me from passing out... 180 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,366 ...in front of a ballroom full of people? 181 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,728 It'll give you confidence. 182 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,893 Sometimes when I'm feeling stressed out... 183 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:13,732 ...I go out and buy a cute top or a fun skirt... 184 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,034 ...and I have a whole new outlook on life. 185 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:19,739 Don't you eventually realize you're the same stressed-out person... 186 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,904 ...in a cute top or a fun skirt? 187 00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,509 Yeah, that's when I buy shoes. 188 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,648 Now, let's see what we got. 189 00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,914 Oh. This is nice. 190 00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:33,752 It's only one color. 191 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,224 Yes, so? 192 00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:38,356 That's a lot of money for only one color. 193 00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,825 Fine. Why don't you pick out what you like? 194 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,597 Hmm. 195 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,600 This is pretty sharp. 196 00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,043 No. You're wrong. 197 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,411 This is great. 198 00:11:58,585 --> 00:12:01,452 I had a suit like this when I was six. 199 00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,757 Okay, I think we have a winner. 200 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:14,559 - Where the hell did you find that? - In the prom department. 201 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:15,962 It's ridiculous. 202 00:12:16,636 --> 00:12:19,730 Says the former member of the corn queen's court. 203 00:12:20,974 --> 00:12:24,410 - Please just try this one on? - Okay. 204 00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:28,104 But anything I put on now is only gonna suffer in comparison. 205 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,449 This is absurd. I look like a clown. 206 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,095 So, Sheldon... 207 00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,962 ...how you doing? 208 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:51,596 That's how you start a psychotherapy session? 209 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,636 How am I doing? 210 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:57,264 I was promised a riverboat journey into the jungles of my subconscious. 211 00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,172 Instead I get the same question... 212 00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:02,644 ...I hear from the lady who slices my bologna at Ralph's. 213 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,348 I'm sorry. I'll start again. 214 00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:10,012 Would it be helpful to you if I told you about my dreams? 215 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,017 Um... I don't know, maybe. 216 00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:17,026 I recently had a dream that I was a giant. 217 00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:22,156 But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal. 218 00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,872 Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale? 219 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:32,307 I was wearing size a million pants. 220 00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,484 - Why don't we just talk? - Ah. The talking cure. 221 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,210 Classical Freudian. Good choice. 222 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:43,378 If it will help speed things along... 223 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,719 ...my answers to the standard Rorschach inkblot test are: 224 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:51,557 A, a bat, B, a bat, C, a bat... 225 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:56,464 ...and D, my father killing my mother with a hypodermic needle. 226 00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,365 Why don't I just start? 227 00:14:01,708 --> 00:14:04,905 Sometimes people have trouble accepting accolades... 228 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:08,912 ...if on a subconscious level, they don't feel they deserve them. 229 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,550 Do you think maybe that's what's happening here? 230 00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,583 Really, Leonard? 231 00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:19,021 You just going to try to recycle Adler's doctrine of the inferiority complex? 232 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,922 I could probably get that from the woman at Ralph's. 233 00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,587 And she'd let me taste some pieces of cheese for free. 234 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:28,928 But it could be part of your problem. Let me give you an example. 235 00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:33,732 When I was 8, I won a ribbon at the science fair for my project... 236 00:14:33,906 --> 00:14:36,932 ...Do Lima Beans Grow Better to Classical Music. 237 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,079 But my mother pointed out that it was just a rehash... 238 00:14:40,246 --> 00:14:41,611 ...of my brother's earlier... 239 00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:44,511 ...Do Lima Beans Grow Worse to Rock 'n ' Roll. 240 00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,913 I felt so guilty I gave the ribbon back. 241 00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,421 And how did that make you feel? 242 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,754 Terrible. 243 00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:57,395 I worked really hard on that project. 244 00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,623 I stayed up all night singing the clown's aria from Pagliacci... 245 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,462 ...to a lima bean sprout. 246 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,568 Go on. 247 00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,465 It wasn't my fault. 248 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,610 I had never seen my brother's project. 249 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,803 And my mother could've told me before... 250 00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:17,743 ...instead of at the ceremony in front of everyone. 251 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:22,085 So I hear you saying you're angry with your mother. 252 00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:26,316 Damn right, I'm angry with my mother. 253 00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:34,432 For God's sake, I was 8 years old. 254 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,624 She humiliated me. 255 00:15:35,802 --> 00:15:38,566 That's when the bed-wetting started again. 256 00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,941 - Thank you, Leonard. - For what? 257 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,340 If someone as damaged as you can find his way... 258 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:48,342 ...to crawl out of bed each morning... 259 00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,812 ...I think I can face a simple awards ceremony. 260 00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:56,012 Wait, that's it? I thought we had a whole hour. 261 00:15:57,990 --> 00:16:01,323 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. 262 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,689 It is my great honor to introduce the winner... 263 00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:07,321 ...of this year's Chancellor's Award for Science, and my good friend... 264 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,865 ...Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 265 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,031 But before I do, I'd like to share with you a letter... 266 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:17,370 ...from Sheldon's mother, who couldn't be here tonight. 267 00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,479 Isn't that nice? His mother sent him a letter. 268 00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:23,512 She's proud of him. 269 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,981 Wonder what that feels like. 270 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,712 "Dear Shelly." 271 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:33,882 That's what she calls him. Shelly. It's a pet name. 272 00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,893 You know what my mother's pet name for me is? Leonard. 273 00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:41,997 But I digress. 274 00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:45,731 - "Dear Shelly, I am so proud..." - Oh, dear. 275 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,736 - What's the matter? - I'm getting dizzy. 276 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:51,707 Don't worry. You're surrounded by your C-Men. 277 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,843 I can't do this. I'm going to faint. 278 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,880 All right, drink this. It'll relax you. 279 00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:01,713 - Alcohol? I don't drink alcohol. - Fine, faint. 280 00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:09,857 I don't feel different. This alcohol's defective. 281 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,224 Here. See if this one works. 282 00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:19,531 First of all, the projects were totally different. 283 00:17:20,439 --> 00:17:23,101 I was showing that classical music nurtures lima beans... 284 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,904 ...and makes them grow. But my mother didn't hear me. 285 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:29,206 If you look at the relationship between nurturing and growth... 286 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:33,443 ...I'd like to point out that my brother is 8 inches taller than me. 287 00:17:33,619 --> 00:17:36,918 I'm ready! 288 00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:38,946 Right. 289 00:17:39,191 --> 00:17:41,216 Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honor... 290 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,793 ...Dr. Sheldon Cooper. 291 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,566 Thanks, shorty. I'll take it from here. 292 00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:51,793 All right, you people ready to have some fun? 293 00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,462 You have an understanding of differential calculus... 294 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,801 ...and at least one year of algebraic topology? 295 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:58,443 Well, here come the jokes. 296 00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:03,613 Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? 297 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,616 To get to the same side? Buzzinga. 298 00:18:08,154 --> 00:18:10,987 A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" 299 00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:14,590 The bartender says, "For you, no charge." 300 00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,995 Hello? I know you're out there. 301 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:26,468 I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide. 302 00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:30,468 It looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience. 303 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:33,510 Dr. Randall from the geology department... 304 00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:36,170 ...only man who's happy when they take his work for granite. 305 00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:38,146 Bada-cha. 306 00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:42,150 I kid the geologists, of course... 307 00:18:42,321 --> 00:18:45,154 ...but it's only because I have no respect for the field. 308 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,021 Let's get serious for a moment. 309 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,698 Why are we all here? 310 00:18:54,867 --> 00:18:56,528 Because we're scientists. 311 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,627 And what do scientists study? 312 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,363 The universe. 313 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,371 And what's the universe made of? 314 00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,806 I am so glad you asked. 315 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:10,142 There's antimony, arsenic Aluminum, selenium 316 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,375 Hydrogen and oxygen And nitrogen and rhenium 317 00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:14,849 And nickel, neodymium Neptunium, germanium 318 00:19:15,021 --> 00:19:16,045 Everybody! 319 00:19:16,222 --> 00:19:19,055 And Iron, americium Ruthenium, uranium 320 00:19:19,225 --> 00:19:22,217 Europium, zirconium Lutetium, vanadium 321 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,487 Just the Asians! 322 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,030 And lanthanum and osmium And astatine and radium 323 00:19:43,382 --> 00:19:45,373 Penny, Leonard. 324 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:48,513 Would you be able to answer some questions I'm having... 325 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,248 ...about the events of last night? 326 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,859 - Sure. - Question one. 327 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,018 Where are my pants? 328 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,488 You might wanna check YouTube. 329 00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:05,537 - What do I search? - It's already loaded. Just hit play. 330 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:11,567 All right, people, let's get down to the math. 331 00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:16,010 It Is only three-dimensional thinking that limits our imagination. 332 00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:18,548 Can I take my pants off over my head? 333 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:22,787 Of course not, my body's In the way. 334 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:28,552 But If we had access to higher dimensions... 335 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:32,255 ...we could move our pants around our bodies... 336 00:20:32,431 --> 00:20:35,594 ...through the fourth dimension... 337 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:39,629 ...and our days of dropping trousers would be over. 338 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:47,542 Oh, Lord, this couldn't be any more humiliating. 339 00:20:47,713 --> 00:20:49,647 Oh. Give it a minute. 340 00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:51,806 Now for the astronomers In the audience... 341 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,282 ...get ready to see the dark side of the moon. 342 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,384 And here's Uranus.