1 00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:09,045 If they took all the money they spent trying to make a decent Hulk movie... 2 00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:11,984 they could probably just make an actual Hulk. 3 00:00:12,756 --> 00:00:14,383 That is apt and amusing. 4 00:00:15,392 --> 00:00:18,452 I think I shall share that with Amy Farrah Fowler. 5 00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:22,157 - She'll appreciate the witticism. - Thank you. 6 00:00:22,366 --> 00:00:25,563 It will also help improve her initial impression of you. 7 00:00:27,004 --> 00:00:31,236 - So, what's going on with you two? - Oh, the status is as it always was. 8 00:00:31,408 --> 00:00:32,841 She's a girl, she's a friend. 9 00:00:33,010 --> 00:00:37,140 She's not my, please forgive me for doing this, "girlfriend." 10 00:00:37,982 --> 00:00:39,074 Right, right. 11 00:00:39,650 --> 00:00:41,743 So you're still just texting and e-mailing? 12 00:00:41,919 --> 00:00:45,411 You don't feel any need to hang out with her, you know, be in the same room? 13 00:00:46,523 --> 00:00:48,491 Leonard, you are my best friend. 14 00:00:48,659 --> 00:00:50,320 I've known you for seven years... 15 00:00:50,494 --> 00:00:53,588 and I can barely tolerate sitting on the couch with you. 16 00:00:54,298 --> 00:00:55,526 Uh, imagine my attitude... 17 00:00:55,699 --> 00:00:59,135 regarding prolonged physical proximity to Amy Farrah Fowler. 18 00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,535 Got it. 19 00:01:01,705 --> 00:01:04,833 - Well, I sense judgment on your part. - No, no. 20 00:01:05,843 --> 00:01:07,606 Maybe a little. 21 00:01:08,479 --> 00:01:11,880 May I suggest that your criticism is based on jealousy? 22 00:01:12,049 --> 00:01:14,677 Heh, jealousy? What do I have to be jealous of? 23 00:01:14,852 --> 00:01:18,618 I have a functioning and satisfying relationship with a female. 24 00:01:20,557 --> 00:01:22,184 And you have none. 25 00:01:22,926 --> 00:01:24,951 Oh, right. That. Hmm. 26 00:01:25,129 --> 00:01:28,326 Jealousy is an ugly green-eyed monster, not unlike the Hulk. 27 00:01:28,499 --> 00:01:31,468 Who, by the way, also has a girlfriend. 28 00:01:31,635 --> 00:01:33,626 In this iteration, Jennifer Connelly. 29 00:01:33,804 --> 00:01:37,433 Whom you may recall as the girlfriend of Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. 30 00:01:37,608 --> 00:01:40,702 A feel-good romp if there ever was one. 31 00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:43,070 I'm not jealous. 32 00:01:45,049 --> 00:01:46,846 Leonard not jealous. 33 00:02:13,744 --> 00:02:15,735 You know, it just occurred to me. 34 00:02:15,913 --> 00:02:18,973 If there are an infinite number of parallel universes... 35 00:02:19,149 --> 00:02:21,811 in one of them, there's probably a Sheldon... 36 00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:25,318 who doesn't believe parallel universes exist. 37 00:02:26,190 --> 00:02:28,420 - Probably. What's your point? - No point. 38 00:02:28,592 --> 00:02:31,561 It's just one of the things that makes one of the me's chuckle. 39 00:02:34,465 --> 00:02:39,596 - What makes you chuckle, Leonard? - Um, recently? Not much. 40 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:41,795 Is it because of the conflict that arises... 41 00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:44,052 from your desperate need to pair bond with a woman... 42 00:02:44,108 --> 00:02:46,789 and the apparent collective decision on the part of all womankind... 43 00:02:46,810 --> 00:02:49,278 to deny you that opportunity? 44 00:02:50,814 --> 00:02:52,441 Um... 45 00:02:52,616 --> 00:02:54,277 Shut up. 46 00:02:54,952 --> 00:02:58,353 You know, when my grandfather died and Meemaw was alone... 47 00:02:58,522 --> 00:03:01,685 my Mom arranged for her to visit a center three times a week... 48 00:03:01,859 --> 00:03:05,226 where she could socialize with other lonely people. 49 00:03:05,396 --> 00:03:06,488 It's very nice. 50 00:03:06,663 --> 00:03:10,064 They discuss current events, play bridge, get a hot meal. 51 00:03:10,234 --> 00:03:14,295 - That sounds lovely. - Um, it is if you like bridge. 52 00:03:14,838 --> 00:03:17,102 Do you like bridge, Leonard? 53 00:03:17,274 --> 00:03:19,970 Sheldon, I'm just not dating someone right now. 54 00:03:20,144 --> 00:03:23,113 I don't need to go to a seniors' center. 55 00:03:24,014 --> 00:03:27,814 Meemaw resisted at first, but now she loves it. 56 00:03:27,985 --> 00:03:31,250 Fine. If I don't meet someone soon, you can put me in a home. 57 00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:35,324 It's not a home. It's a senior center. 58 00:03:35,492 --> 00:03:38,222 We'd never put Meemaw in a home. 59 00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:41,663 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 60 00:03:41,832 --> 00:03:45,029 All right, I'll bow to social pressure. Hey. 61 00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:49,335 Excuse me. That's my girlfriend Bernadette. 62 00:03:49,506 --> 00:03:52,771 I assigned her own ring tone. "Bernadette" by The Four Tops. 63 00:03:52,943 --> 00:03:55,002 Hello, Bernadette. 64 00:03:55,946 --> 00:03:58,881 When I call him, his phone plays "Brown Eyed Girl"... 65 00:04:00,684 --> 00:04:03,050 which now that I think about it is not so good. 66 00:04:03,687 --> 00:04:05,678 You realize he's just rubbing our noses... 67 00:04:05,856 --> 00:04:07,816 in the fact that he has a girlfriend and we don't. 68 00:04:07,891 --> 00:04:09,358 You mean you don't. 69 00:04:10,694 --> 00:04:12,321 You have a girlfriend? How could you have a girlfriend? 70 00:04:12,496 --> 00:04:16,592 - You can't even speak to women. - Deaf chick. 71 00:04:17,768 --> 00:04:21,033 It doesn't matter if I can't talk because she can't hear me. 72 00:04:21,972 --> 00:04:24,236 - What? - That's what she said. 73 00:04:26,276 --> 00:04:28,710 Great. You have a girlfriend, Howard has a girlfriend... 74 00:04:28,879 --> 00:04:30,079 - ...Sheldon's got a... - Ahem. 75 00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,580 - Girl who's a friend. - Thank you. 76 00:04:33,317 --> 00:04:35,717 What about you, Stuart? You have a girlfriend yet? 77 00:04:35,886 --> 00:04:38,377 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I met her at Comic-Con. 78 00:04:38,555 --> 00:04:41,422 The one place in the world where saying "I own a comic book store"... 79 00:04:41,592 --> 00:04:43,389 is an actual pick-up line. 80 00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:47,285 - Oh. Well, good for you. - Not really. She's horrible. 81 00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:51,898 When she wants to have sex, she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume... 82 00:04:52,069 --> 00:04:55,971 and shouts, "Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?" 83 00:04:57,608 --> 00:05:01,169 - Why don't you just break up with her? - Heh, no, I can't. 84 00:05:01,345 --> 00:05:04,746 - Why not? - Because then I'd be alone. Like you. 85 00:05:06,917 --> 00:05:10,353 Dude, why don't you just invoke your girlfriend pact with Wolowitz? 86 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:14,821 Uh, because I don't need his girlfriend to set me up with one of her girlfriends. 87 00:05:14,992 --> 00:05:18,291 I'm perfectly capable of finding a girl on my own. 88 00:05:18,462 --> 00:05:21,795 Oh, Leonard. You remind me of the funny old story about a man... 89 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:24,490 who walks into a women's correctional institution... 90 00:05:24,668 --> 00:05:26,135 with a stack of paperwork... 91 00:05:26,336 --> 00:05:28,998 that would allow the female convicts to go free. 92 00:05:29,172 --> 00:05:33,472 You're saying I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a handful of pardons. 93 00:05:34,011 --> 00:05:36,275 Are you gonna let me tell the story or not? 94 00:05:40,484 --> 00:05:44,318 - Leonard? Are you sleeping? - No. 95 00:05:44,488 --> 00:05:46,251 - Are you ill? - No. 96 00:05:46,790 --> 00:05:49,953 Are you depressed because you're alone and no one loves you? 97 00:05:51,028 --> 00:05:52,552 I don't know. Maybe. 98 00:05:52,763 --> 00:05:56,130 I want you to know that I'm genuinely concerned about your well-being. 99 00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:57,995 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 100 00:05:58,168 --> 00:06:01,160 But it's still no reason to have your feet in my spot. 101 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:06,338 May I offer an observation? 102 00:06:08,512 --> 00:06:10,192 What the hell? How long has she been there? 103 00:06:10,314 --> 00:06:12,145 Since we got home from the comic book store. 104 00:06:12,316 --> 00:06:13,977 That was two hours ago. 105 00:06:14,151 --> 00:06:16,642 As per your suggestion, we're hanging out. 106 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:19,516 Quite frankly, I don't see what all the hoopla is about. 107 00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:20,782 Go on, Amy. 108 00:06:20,958 --> 00:06:22,550 From a neurobiological standpoint... 109 00:06:22,726 --> 00:06:25,251 you may be alone because your psychological state... 110 00:06:25,429 --> 00:06:28,887 is causing an actual pheromone-based stink of desperation. 111 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,097 - Did you know that, Leonard? - No. 112 00:06:32,302 --> 00:06:33,894 I did. 113 00:06:34,805 --> 00:06:36,670 I understand that some people find mates... 114 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,172 in social gathering places such as bars or taverns. 115 00:06:39,343 --> 00:06:40,833 Have you tried a bar or tavern? 116 00:06:41,011 --> 00:06:43,104 No, I'm not gonna pick up a woman in a bar. 117 00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,338 Wise decision. You see, Amy... 118 00:06:45,515 --> 00:06:48,848 success at a bar is based on classic male attributes... 119 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,954 Height, strength, attractiveness... 120 00:06:52,122 --> 00:06:56,081 the ability to hold one's liquor and throw darts, separately or together. 121 00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:59,626 Leonard has none of these attributes, right, Leonard? 122 00:07:01,632 --> 00:07:03,327 Right. 123 00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,962 That's not true of all bars. Juice bars for example. 124 00:07:07,137 --> 00:07:09,037 Oh, good point, Amy. 125 00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:10,833 Yeah. Building on your premise... 126 00:07:11,008 --> 00:07:14,136 Leonard could frequent sushi bars, salad bars... 127 00:07:14,344 --> 00:07:16,539 oyster bars, the Apple Genius Bar. 128 00:07:16,713 --> 00:07:19,147 - What are you doing? - Keep going, I'm listening. 129 00:07:21,284 --> 00:07:22,410 That was rude. 130 00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:24,216 He does it all the time. 131 00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:28,051 He's a cornucopia of social awkwardness. 132 00:07:28,492 --> 00:07:30,756 Cornucopia, what a mellifluous word. 133 00:07:30,927 --> 00:07:33,589 - Let's make that our word of the day. - Agreed. 134 00:07:33,764 --> 00:07:35,664 And we'll use mellifluous tomorrow. 135 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,900 Well, I have to void my bladder. 136 00:07:39,069 --> 00:07:41,003 It was nice spending this time with you. 137 00:07:41,171 --> 00:07:44,607 - Wait. I have a request. - Yes? 138 00:07:44,775 --> 00:07:49,007 - I'd like you to meet my mother. - I see. Can I get back to you on that? 139 00:07:49,179 --> 00:07:52,580 - Certainly. Good night. - Good night. 140 00:07:57,654 --> 00:08:02,284 Leonard. Leonard... 141 00:08:02,459 --> 00:08:06,759 Leonard. Leonard... 142 00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,490 - Leonard. Leonard. - Yeah. What? 143 00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:12,396 Amy Farrah Fowler has asked me to meet her mother. 144 00:08:12,569 --> 00:08:16,266 - Yeah? So? - What does that mean? 145 00:08:16,807 --> 00:08:19,469 You know how you're always saying that Amy is a girl... 146 00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:22,510 who is a friend and not your girlfriend? Uhhuh. 147 00:08:22,679 --> 00:08:24,408 You can't say that anymore. 148 00:08:27,417 --> 00:08:28,475 What? 149 00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:31,416 Well, she obviously wants to take your relationship to the next level. 150 00:08:31,588 --> 00:08:35,684 Ugh, I don't want the next level. I like this level. 151 00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:38,320 Fix it for me. 152 00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:40,895 Me? How am I supposed to fix it? 153 00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:44,363 Simple. You want a girlfriend. Amy wants to be someone's girlfriend. 154 00:08:44,534 --> 00:08:47,435 Take her off my hands. I give you my blessing. 155 00:08:48,438 --> 00:08:49,530 That is insane. 156 00:08:49,706 --> 00:08:52,573 You're right. It would never work. Amy finds you tedious. 157 00:08:53,210 --> 00:08:55,178 - Okay, good luck. - W... Wait. 158 00:08:55,345 --> 00:08:56,642 What am I supposed to do? 159 00:08:56,813 --> 00:08:59,441 Have you considered telling her how you feel? 160 00:08:59,616 --> 00:09:02,710 Leonard, I'm a physicist, not a hippie. 161 00:09:04,821 --> 00:09:08,655 All right, well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. 162 00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:11,817 What would you be if you were attached to another object... 163 00:09:11,995 --> 00:09:16,022 by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis? 164 00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,593 Screwed. 165 00:09:20,704 --> 00:09:22,831 There you go. 166 00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:29,007 Amy's right, he is tedious. 167 00:09:33,583 --> 00:09:37,075 Howard, get the door! 168 00:09:38,355 --> 00:09:39,879 Why can't you get it? 169 00:09:40,056 --> 00:09:45,358 You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy. 170 00:09:46,396 --> 00:09:50,992 I'm like an upside-down volcano here. 171 00:09:53,069 --> 00:09:55,629 Oh, hey, heh, I hope you didn't hear that. 172 00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:57,706 The volcano thing? No. 173 00:09:58,708 --> 00:10:01,302 What's with the T-shirt? You're working at the Apple store now? 174 00:10:01,511 --> 00:10:03,911 Well, uh, no, it's just something I threw on. 175 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,947 I know all your shirts, that's not one of... 176 00:10:07,117 --> 00:10:10,712 You were pretending to work at the Genius Bar to pick up women, weren't you? 177 00:10:12,622 --> 00:10:13,714 Yeah. 178 00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:18,561 Turns out they guard the iPods, but they don't guard the shirts. 179 00:10:18,728 --> 00:10:21,561 - So how'd it go? - It was going well. 180 00:10:21,731 --> 00:10:24,393 I was showing this super hot girl how to boot up in safe mode... 181 00:10:24,568 --> 00:10:26,729 the manager got suspicious and... 182 00:10:26,903 --> 00:10:31,738 Well, long story short, they really do have a little jail in the mall. 183 00:10:32,409 --> 00:10:35,344 Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake mustache. 184 00:10:35,545 --> 00:10:39,606 I mean, they may not really be geniuses, but they see right through that. 185 00:10:40,617 --> 00:10:42,744 I wanna invoke the girlfriend pact, Howard. 186 00:10:42,919 --> 00:10:43,977 You that desperate? 187 00:10:44,154 --> 00:10:46,281 No, uh, I just... You know, I want what you have. 188 00:10:46,456 --> 00:10:48,117 You know, I want a woman in my life. 189 00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:53,194 Holy Moses, how much liquid can be in one tuchus? 190 00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,499 To be clear, I meant Bernadette, not your mother. 191 00:10:59,669 --> 00:11:01,728 No, I know what you meant. 192 00:11:05,308 --> 00:11:08,277 Well, I'm off to meet Bernadette's friend. How do I look? 193 00:11:09,813 --> 00:11:10,905 As if one of the plants... 194 00:11:11,081 --> 00:11:14,312 from Invasion of the Body Snatchers duplicated you in every way... 195 00:11:14,484 --> 00:11:16,850 only with an absurd amount of hair gel. 196 00:11:18,321 --> 00:11:19,481 What are you working on? 197 00:11:19,656 --> 00:11:22,625 I'm removing my digital footprint from the Internet... 198 00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:26,250 so Amy Farrah Fowler can't find me and compel me to meet her mother. 199 00:11:26,429 --> 00:11:29,489 - Oh. You're going off the grid. - Exactly. 200 00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:32,601 The old Unabomber approach. Kudos. 201 00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:37,496 Thank you. I've also sent Amy a relationship termination notice... 202 00:11:37,674 --> 00:11:41,440 and changed my cell phone number and e-mail address. 203 00:11:41,611 --> 00:11:43,169 What if she just comes over? 204 00:11:43,346 --> 00:11:46,838 She'll get lost. We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. 205 00:11:47,017 --> 00:11:51,113 We now live at 311 Los Robles. 206 00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:57,750 You changed the address on the building? What about mail? 207 00:11:57,928 --> 00:12:00,829 No worries, I explained my predicament to our letter carrier. 208 00:12:00,997 --> 00:12:04,398 He was sympathetic. His exact words were, "Got your back, Jack." 209 00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,797 Bitches be crazy." 210 00:12:13,543 --> 00:12:15,773 - Who is it? - Amy Farrah Fowler. 211 00:12:19,382 --> 00:12:22,783 - Darn! She found me. - She's been here before. 212 00:12:24,654 --> 00:12:27,214 The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan. 213 00:12:29,426 --> 00:12:31,656 - Now get my back, Jack. - What do you wanna do? 214 00:12:31,828 --> 00:12:33,429 - Tell her I'm not here. - Where are you? 215 00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:35,530 I don't know. You'll have to devise a scenario... 216 00:12:35,699 --> 00:12:37,326 that plausibly explains my absence... 217 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:42,096 keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details. 218 00:12:55,118 --> 00:12:58,884 - Hi, Amy. Sheldon's not here. - All right. 219 00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:06,056 Way to go on the details. 220 00:13:08,698 --> 00:13:12,600 - Thanks again for doing this, Bernadette. - Oh, I take pacts very seriously. 221 00:13:12,769 --> 00:13:13,861 One time at my lab... 222 00:13:14,037 --> 00:13:17,097 a Petri dish of genetically modified super-virus went missing. 223 00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:18,900 That day, we made a pinky swear... 224 00:13:19,075 --> 00:13:22,636 never to admit that we crossed Ebola with the common cold. 225 00:13:23,546 --> 00:13:27,448 Heh. Why the hell would you cross Ebola with the common cold? 226 00:13:28,151 --> 00:13:32,747 We never did. That would be a terrible, terrible thing. 227 00:13:34,391 --> 00:13:36,154 Hi, sorry I'm late. I was at the gym. 228 00:13:36,626 --> 00:13:40,392 Spin class, worked up quite a sweat. 229 00:13:43,299 --> 00:13:45,392 Joy, this is Leonard. Leonard, this is Joy. 230 00:13:45,568 --> 00:13:47,695 - Hi. - Hi. You don't look like a genius. 231 00:13:47,871 --> 00:13:48,895 - Go ahead, say something smart. - Um... 232 00:13:49,072 --> 00:13:50,096 Ehh, time's up. 233 00:13:52,642 --> 00:13:55,236 Just kidding. First thing you need to know about me... 234 00:13:55,412 --> 00:13:56,674 I'm hilarious. 235 00:13:58,782 --> 00:14:00,374 Yeah. 236 00:14:01,184 --> 00:14:04,176 So Bernadette tells me she knows you from, uh, self-defense classes. 237 00:14:04,387 --> 00:14:07,322 Yeah. Israeli Krav Maga. Lots of fun. 238 00:14:07,824 --> 00:14:11,157 Basically, a hundred different ways to rip a guy's nuts off. 239 00:14:12,429 --> 00:14:14,192 Wouldn't think there'd be that many. 240 00:14:14,397 --> 00:14:16,763 - Number 42. - Whoa! 241 00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:18,423 Isn't she a pip? 242 00:14:26,109 --> 00:14:28,873 Proxima Centauri's the nearest star. 243 00:14:29,045 --> 00:14:32,105 The celestial bodies that follow are: 244 00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,546 Alpha Centauri A, Toli... 245 00:14:35,051 --> 00:14:39,317 Barnard's Star, Wolf 359... 246 00:14:43,293 --> 00:14:47,821 Lalande 21185, Sirius A, Sirius B... 247 00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:53,162 BL-Ceti, UV-Ceti, Ross 154... 248 00:14:53,336 --> 00:14:55,463 Ross 248... 249 00:14:57,073 --> 00:15:02,477 Epsilon Eridani, Lac 9352, Ross-128... 250 00:15:02,645 --> 00:15:04,374 Procyon A. 251 00:15:04,547 --> 00:15:07,243 Oh, darn, that's wrong! 252 00:15:12,455 --> 00:15:16,414 EZ Aquarii A, EZ Aquarii B... 253 00:15:16,593 --> 00:15:18,857 EZ Aquarii C... 254 00:15:19,028 --> 00:15:22,361 Procyon A. 255 00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,958 Those are the stars that are nearest to me. 256 00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:27,569 Tra-la-la and fiddle-dee-dee. 257 00:15:32,475 --> 00:15:34,466 Oh, dear. 258 00:15:35,178 --> 00:15:37,612 They really do be crazy. 259 00:15:44,387 --> 00:15:47,686 This lobster's good on the way down and the way up. 260 00:15:49,192 --> 00:15:51,558 Should be. It's $30 a pound. 261 00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:55,731 Hey. This is a date, right? 262 00:15:57,500 --> 00:15:58,728 - Yep, it is. - Seventy-three! 263 00:15:58,902 --> 00:15:59,926 Oh! 264 00:16:01,371 --> 00:16:04,704 Ahem, excuse me, I have to go to the little girls' room... 265 00:16:04,874 --> 00:16:06,136 and take a wicked whiz. 266 00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:08,609 I'll go with you. 267 00:16:08,778 --> 00:16:10,712 Fair warning, I had the asparagus. 268 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:13,144 My pee is gonna stink up the place. 269 00:16:15,552 --> 00:16:16,644 I think she likes you. 270 00:16:21,291 --> 00:16:26,024 EZ Aquarii B, EZ Aquarii C... 271 00:16:26,663 --> 00:16:29,154 Procyon A. 272 00:16:33,903 --> 00:16:36,133 Excuse me, madam. 273 00:16:37,907 --> 00:16:39,602 Sheldon? 274 00:16:39,976 --> 00:16:41,341 Rats! 275 00:16:42,445 --> 00:16:44,572 I believe a misunderstanding may have occurred... 276 00:16:44,747 --> 00:16:46,738 when I asked you to meet my mother. 277 00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:48,042 No misunderstanding. 278 00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:50,743 I've learned what that request actually means... 279 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,411 and I don't want to be joined to another object... 280 00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:57,185 by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis. 281 00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,193 In what way are you screwed? 282 00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:03,965 All I wanna do is present you as my boyfriend to my mother... 283 00:17:04,133 --> 00:17:06,966 so she'll be satisfied that I'm in a relationship. 284 00:17:07,136 --> 00:17:10,537 - So we'd be perpetrating a ruse? - Precisely. 285 00:17:10,707 --> 00:17:14,143 And you haven't fallen hopelessly in love with me? 286 00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:15,777 Don't be absurd. 287 00:17:17,313 --> 00:17:20,544 I find the notion of romantic love to be an unnecessary cultural construct... 288 00:17:20,717 --> 00:17:22,844 that adds no value to human relationships. 289 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:28,723 Amy, that's the most pragmatic thing anyone has ever said to me. 290 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:31,457 I trust this clarification allows us to return... 291 00:17:31,628 --> 00:17:34,392 to boy-slash-friend- slash-girl-slash-friend status. 292 00:17:34,597 --> 00:17:35,996 Of course. 293 00:17:36,165 --> 00:17:38,395 Would you like to join me for Chinese food? 294 00:17:38,601 --> 00:17:40,728 Sheldon, please, you're suffocating me. 295 00:17:42,839 --> 00:17:44,670 My apologies. 296 00:17:44,841 --> 00:17:47,207 - Good night, Amy. - Good night, Sheldon. 297 00:17:48,611 --> 00:17:51,910 Come on, just give her a chance. Maybe she'll grow on you. 298 00:17:52,115 --> 00:17:55,744 Or maybe she'll finally succeed in ripping my nuts off. 299 00:17:57,387 --> 00:18:00,117 There's still 93 ways she hasn't tried yet. 300 00:18:01,057 --> 00:18:02,718 Uh, Howard, I appreciate the effort... 301 00:18:02,892 --> 00:18:05,326 but this is, like, the worst date of my life. 302 00:18:05,495 --> 00:18:06,985 Heh, seriously? 303 00:18:07,163 --> 00:18:10,189 I was once robbed by a pre-op transsexual I met on JDate... 304 00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:13,665 and that didn't even crack my top 10. 305 00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:17,196 Well, I guess the difference is I have some self-respect. 306 00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:19,671 Not that I've ever seen. 307 00:18:19,842 --> 00:18:21,275 It's relatively new. 308 00:18:22,412 --> 00:18:25,347 I just know I'm not gonna spend time with someone I don't like... 309 00:18:25,515 --> 00:18:26,948 simply to have a girlfriend. 310 00:18:27,150 --> 00:18:28,549 I'm okay on my own. 311 00:18:28,718 --> 00:18:32,210 Good news, I made lots of room for dessert. 312 00:18:33,856 --> 00:18:35,357 Uh, Joy, it was nice to meet you, but, uh... 313 00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:36,882 Yeah, you too. 314 00:18:37,060 --> 00:18:40,552 You got anything for next weekend? I need a date for my cousin's wedding. 315 00:18:40,730 --> 00:18:42,857 - You're asking me out? - Yeah. 316 00:18:43,032 --> 00:18:47,093 And it's an open bar, so I'll probably be giving it away. 317 00:18:49,472 --> 00:18:51,702 I'll look forward to it. 318 00:18:58,581 --> 00:19:00,981 It's nice to meet you too, Sheldon. 319 00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:05,416 I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend. 320 00:19:05,955 --> 00:19:08,150 I assure you I am quite real... 321 00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:12,124 and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter. 322 00:19:13,963 --> 00:19:15,954 - What? - Oh, yes. 323 00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:19,033 We are like wild animals in heat. 324 00:19:19,235 --> 00:19:22,261 It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt. 325 00:19:23,339 --> 00:19:26,331 Amy, what is he saying? 326 00:19:26,509 --> 00:19:30,445 You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother. Well, here he is. 327 00:19:33,149 --> 00:19:34,616 Have to sign off now. 328 00:19:34,784 --> 00:19:37,014 My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins. 329 00:19:38,821 --> 00:19:42,279 Oh, yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina. 330 00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:43,482 Oh! 331 00:19:47,897 --> 00:19:51,333 - Thank you. That went very well. - Agreed. 332 00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:53,264 Amy, I find myself wondering... 333 00:19:53,436 --> 00:19:58,203 if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship. 334 00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:01,300 Buzzinga. 335 00:20:02,979 --> 00:20:04,674 Bedtime, please show yourself out.