1 00:00:03,689 --> 00:00:05,350 Here's what I wonder about zombies. 2 00:00:07,860 --> 00:00:10,522 What happens if they can't get any human flesh to eat? 3 00:00:10,696 --> 00:00:13,824 They can't starve to death, they're already dead. 4 00:00:13,999 --> 00:00:16,297 You take this one. I spent an hour last night... 5 00:00:16,469 --> 00:00:20,371 on how do vampires shave when they can't see themselves in the mirror? 6 00:00:21,707 --> 00:00:25,302 Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs and shave each other. Case closed. 7 00:00:26,545 --> 00:00:30,709 - Yeah, okay, so, zombies? - I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj. 8 00:00:30,883 --> 00:00:32,874 Are we talking slow zombies, fast zombies? 9 00:00:33,052 --> 00:00:36,180 Like in 28 Days, if those zombies didn't eat, they starved. 10 00:00:36,355 --> 00:00:39,688 That's 28 Days Later. 28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab... 11 00:00:39,859 --> 00:00:42,555 and puts the audience into an undead state. 12 00:00:43,028 --> 00:00:44,996 Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock. 13 00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:48,827 You think it makes you look cultured, but you just come off as bitter. 14 00:00:50,002 --> 00:00:52,436 Dr. Siebert, 12 o'clock. 15 00:00:52,738 --> 00:00:56,196 Why's the president of the university slumming in the cafeteria? Ha, ha. 16 00:00:56,375 --> 00:00:58,741 Perhaps he's emulating Shakespeare's Henry V... 17 00:00:58,911 --> 00:01:01,004 who dressed as a commoner and mingled... 18 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:03,671 to find out how he was perceived by his subjects. 19 00:01:03,849 --> 00:01:06,716 If he'd have read any of the 1300 e-mails I've sent him... 20 00:01:06,886 --> 00:01:10,845 on the subject of his administration he could have saved himself the trouble. 21 00:01:11,323 --> 00:01:13,518 Or maybe he heard it's Tater Tot Tuesday. 22 00:01:14,093 --> 00:01:16,254 That's why I'm here. 23 00:01:16,595 --> 00:01:18,426 Hey, there's my favorite geniuses. 24 00:01:19,265 --> 00:01:21,358 - How are we doing today? - That depends. 25 00:01:21,534 --> 00:01:24,765 How much longer do you plan on fondling my shoulder? 26 00:01:24,937 --> 00:01:27,633 Sorry, Dr. Cooper. I forgot you have a touch phobia. 27 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:30,604 It's not a touch phobia, it's a germ phobia. 28 00:01:30,776 --> 00:01:34,712 If you'd like to go put on latex gloves, I'll let you check me for a hernia. 29 00:01:35,781 --> 00:01:39,308 Yeah. So listen, fellas, who's up for a little party this Saturday night? 30 00:01:39,485 --> 00:01:42,545 Open bar, good eats, might even be a few pretty girls. 31 00:01:42,721 --> 00:01:43,961 - Sounds good. - I'm in. Ha, ha. 32 00:01:44,156 --> 00:01:47,125 Hold on. Just because the nice man is offering you candy... 33 00:01:47,293 --> 00:01:50,729 doesn't mean you should jump into his windowless van. 34 00:01:52,431 --> 00:01:55,628 - What's the occasion? - Just a fundraiser for the university. 35 00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:59,362 Aha. The tear-stained air mattress in the back of the van. 36 00:01:59,905 --> 00:02:01,964 I understand your reticence, Dr. Cooper. 37 00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:03,438 And I sympathize. 38 00:02:03,609 --> 00:02:06,009 But the facts are, we have to shake a few hands... 39 00:02:06,178 --> 00:02:08,612 and kiss butts to raise money for our research. 40 00:02:08,781 --> 00:02:11,841 I don't care, it's demeaning and I refuse to be trotted out... 41 00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,986 and shown off like a prize hog at the Texas State Fair... 42 00:02:15,154 --> 00:02:17,486 which is something you don't want to attend... 43 00:02:17,656 --> 00:02:20,124 wearing a Star Trek ensign's uniform. 44 00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:22,256 All right, let me put it this way. 45 00:02:22,428 --> 00:02:25,454 You're gonna put on a suit, you're gonna come to this party... 46 00:02:25,631 --> 00:02:28,429 and you're gonna explain your research to old people... 47 00:02:28,601 --> 00:02:31,263 or I swear to God, I'll blind you with a hot spoon... 48 00:02:31,437 --> 00:02:34,600 like they did to that little boy in Slumdog Millionaire. 49 00:02:35,174 --> 00:02:36,937 Oh. You don't want that. 50 00:02:38,511 --> 00:02:40,502 So Saturday night. It's gonna be off the hook. 51 00:02:40,679 --> 00:02:43,307 - Unh. - Get over it. 52 00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:47,786 Oh, boy, Tater Tots and a party invitation? 53 00:02:47,953 --> 00:02:49,648 What a great day. 54 00:03:17,683 --> 00:03:19,310 There you go. 55 00:03:23,155 --> 00:03:25,020 Are you sure this is right? 56 00:03:25,190 --> 00:03:27,988 Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants, you'll be fine. 57 00:03:28,894 --> 00:03:33,593 Okay, let's go smooch some rich, wrinkled tuchis. 58 00:03:33,766 --> 00:03:37,634 Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey. 59 00:03:37,803 --> 00:03:41,034 Ha, ha. Excuse me, my girlfriend doesn't pick out my clothes. 60 00:03:41,206 --> 00:03:43,106 My mother does. 61 00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:45,670 Oh, we should get going. 62 00:03:45,844 --> 00:03:49,007 - What about Sheldon? - Sheldon is not going. 63 00:03:49,181 --> 00:03:50,705 Really? What do we tell Siebert? 64 00:03:51,216 --> 00:03:54,344 Tell him Dr. Cooper feels that the best use of his time... 65 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,546 is to employ his rare and precious mental faculties... 66 00:03:57,723 --> 00:04:00,658 to tear the mask off nature and stare at the face of God. 67 00:04:02,428 --> 00:04:06,057 Sheldon, it's Saturday night. You'll be doing laundry. 68 00:04:06,231 --> 00:04:08,563 Don't tell him that. Tell him the mask thing. 69 00:04:15,140 --> 00:04:18,303 - Hey, put your tie back in your pants. - Thanks. 70 00:04:18,744 --> 00:04:19,802 Nice place. 71 00:04:19,979 --> 00:04:22,539 Reminds me of my parents' house back in New Delhi. 72 00:04:22,715 --> 00:04:24,706 - You're kidding. - No, we are very wealthy. 73 00:04:24,883 --> 00:04:27,909 But the only difference is we have more servants. 74 00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:30,180 - More than this? - More than we can use. 75 00:04:30,356 --> 00:04:34,349 See, in India we don't make the mistake of letting our poor people have dreams. 76 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:38,953 Ah. There's my band of brainiacs. Where's Dr. Cooper? 77 00:04:40,699 --> 00:04:44,760 He's tearing the mask off nature to look at the face of God. 78 00:04:45,504 --> 00:04:49,838 The board of directors insists he has a beautiful mind, I think he's just bananas. 79 00:04:50,009 --> 00:04:53,001 Let me introduce you to one of the university's leading donors. 80 00:04:56,081 --> 00:04:59,073 I think we were misled about the cute girls. 81 00:04:59,585 --> 00:05:02,611 Mrs. Latham, I'd like you to meet our outstanding researchers. 82 00:05:02,788 --> 00:05:06,383 This is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter, Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali... 83 00:05:06,558 --> 00:05:07,684 and Howard Wolowitz. 84 00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,384 What happened to you, Wolowitz? 85 00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:13,122 Couldn't stick with it long enough to get your Ph. D? 86 00:05:13,298 --> 00:05:16,461 I'm an engineer. Most engineers don't bother with a Ph.D. 87 00:05:16,635 --> 00:05:20,969 You may be interested to know I designed the zero-gravity waste system for NASA. 88 00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:23,631 Got it. You're a space plumber. 89 00:05:26,278 --> 00:05:28,303 I'm gonna go hit the bar. 90 00:05:30,416 --> 00:05:31,610 Tell me about these two. 91 00:05:31,784 --> 00:05:33,877 Do him first. 92 00:05:34,253 --> 00:05:37,381 Dr. Hofstadter is representing our experimental physics program. 93 00:05:37,556 --> 00:05:39,581 You'll hear about his fascinating work. 94 00:05:39,758 --> 00:05:41,953 Right. Fascinate me. 95 00:05:45,297 --> 00:05:48,425 They're cute when they're about to wet themselves, aren't they? 96 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:49,760 I'll make it easy. 97 00:05:49,935 --> 00:05:53,564 When you arrive at the lab in the morning, what machine do you turn on? 98 00:05:54,973 --> 00:05:56,838 Coffee maker? 99 00:05:57,443 --> 00:06:00,640 All right, Dr. Kooth... Whatever it is. You're up. 100 00:06:01,246 --> 00:06:04,443 It's Koothrappali. I have to tinkle. 101 00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:12,485 And so, instead of bowing to pressure and going to that pointless soiree... 102 00:06:12,658 --> 00:06:15,923 I stayed right here and did a load of whites. 103 00:06:16,962 --> 00:06:21,422 Well, normally I respect your macho rebellious attitude toward the man... 104 00:06:22,434 --> 00:06:25,198 but in this case I think you've made a foolish mistake. 105 00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:26,933 Unlikely... 106 00:06:28,173 --> 00:06:29,640 but make your case. 107 00:06:29,808 --> 00:06:31,969 Keeping in mind that your critical attitude... 108 00:06:32,144 --> 00:06:33,873 is ruining our night together... 109 00:06:34,079 --> 00:06:36,604 and I'm not above minimizing your window. 110 00:06:37,716 --> 00:06:39,377 Sheldon, like it or not... 111 00:06:39,585 --> 00:06:43,453 until you upload your intelligence to a self-sustaining orbiting satellite... 112 00:06:43,622 --> 00:06:46,648 equipped with high-speed Internet and a cloaking device... 113 00:06:46,825 --> 00:06:50,192 you will be dependent on other members of the human race. 114 00:06:50,362 --> 00:06:52,557 That's it, prepare to be minimized. 115 00:06:52,731 --> 00:06:56,189 I'm not finished. All scientists have to fundraise, Sheldon. 116 00:06:56,368 --> 00:06:58,029 How do you think I paid for my lab? 117 00:06:58,203 --> 00:07:01,969 I went to Saudi Arabia, met with a prince who had an interest in neurobiology. 118 00:07:02,474 --> 00:07:05,807 Your lab is funded by some Middle Eastern dilettante? 119 00:07:05,978 --> 00:07:08,538 Technically, Faisal is my fiancé... 120 00:07:11,350 --> 00:07:13,545 but I do have a two-photon microscope... 121 00:07:13,719 --> 00:07:16,119 and a place to stay in Riyadh for the winter. 122 00:07:17,256 --> 00:07:22,091 That explains those puzzling camel race photos on your Facebook page. 123 00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:25,992 Without you to make the case for the Physics Department... 124 00:07:26,165 --> 00:07:28,565 the task falls to people like Leonard and Raj. 125 00:07:28,734 --> 00:07:30,861 Are you trying to scare me? 126 00:07:31,036 --> 00:07:33,027 Because you're succeeding. 127 00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:34,934 Well, then prepare to be terrified. 128 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:36,767 If your friends are unconvincing... 129 00:07:36,942 --> 00:07:39,911 this year's donations might go to the Geology Department. 130 00:07:40,078 --> 00:07:43,445 Oh, dear, no, not the dirt people. 131 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:49,747 Or worse, it could go to the Liberal Arts. 132 00:07:51,557 --> 00:07:53,047 No. 133 00:07:53,959 --> 00:07:57,122 Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists... 134 00:07:57,296 --> 00:07:59,730 and students of gender studies. 135 00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:03,800 Oh, the humanities. 136 00:08:05,671 --> 00:08:07,468 I don't think President Siebert... 137 00:08:07,673 --> 00:08:10,767 will be making us go to any more fundraisers. 138 00:08:10,943 --> 00:08:12,808 It was so much easier at my bar mitzvah. 139 00:08:12,978 --> 00:08:17,540 The old people came up to you, pinched your cheek, handed you a savings bond. 140 00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:19,883 Oh, don't be such gloomy Gusses. 141 00:08:20,052 --> 00:08:22,748 Look at the size of these shrimp. 142 00:08:23,222 --> 00:08:26,214 At what point do we start calling them lobsters? 143 00:08:26,825 --> 00:08:29,623 Face it, Raj, we crashed and burned tonight. 144 00:08:29,795 --> 00:08:31,763 Oh, you didn't do that badly. 145 00:08:33,398 --> 00:08:37,732 The first machine I turn on is the helium- neon laser, because it needs to warm up. 146 00:08:37,903 --> 00:08:40,599 I no longer care, dear. 147 00:08:40,772 --> 00:08:43,832 But don't worry, I really enjoyed meeting you this evening. 148 00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:45,840 You're kidding? That was good for you? 149 00:08:46,011 --> 00:08:48,002 Because I was sweating through my T-shirt. 150 00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:50,805 Excellent. There's nothing I like better... 151 00:08:50,983 --> 00:08:54,180 than making smart people feel ill at ease. 152 00:08:54,353 --> 00:08:55,541 Why? 153 00:08:55,554 --> 00:08:56,753 I don't know, it's one of the fun things... 154 00:08:56,922 --> 00:08:59,720 you get to do when you have lots of money. 155 00:09:00,492 --> 00:09:04,019 Watch. Hey! Who said you could eat that shrimp? 156 00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:10,030 See? Fun. 157 00:09:10,235 --> 00:09:11,862 No, no, no. I'm just... 158 00:09:12,037 --> 00:09:16,474 here for your money. I don't wanna shake anyone's germy hands. 159 00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:19,243 Explain it to them, Siebert. 160 00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:27,376 I must confess, I don't understand you, President Siebert. 161 00:09:27,552 --> 00:09:30,248 First you say you want me to appear at your fundraisers. 162 00:09:30,422 --> 00:09:33,914 But now you say you never want me to go anywhere near your fundraisers. 163 00:09:34,092 --> 00:09:36,560 Forgive me, but that sounds like a mixed message. 164 00:09:37,663 --> 00:09:42,726 Here we go again. If there's simply no talking to me, then why did you call? 165 00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:45,934 I'm sorry, someone's on the other line. 166 00:09:46,104 --> 00:09:50,336 Uh, why don't you see if you can organize your thoughts and we'll try again later. 167 00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:54,072 Cooper-Hofstadter residence. Go for Cooper. 168 00:09:54,246 --> 00:09:55,713 Good morning, Mrs. Latham. 169 00:09:56,248 --> 00:09:57,875 Yes, of course I remember you. 170 00:09:58,050 --> 00:10:01,349 A woman well past her prime seeking to augment her social status... 171 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,387 by doling out her late husband's ill-gotten gains. 172 00:10:05,958 --> 00:10:08,586 So how much money are you going to give me? 173 00:10:09,695 --> 00:10:12,596 I'm not crazy, my mother had me tested. 174 00:10:13,732 --> 00:10:16,895 If you're not going to give me money, then why are you calling? 175 00:10:18,036 --> 00:10:20,095 She wants to talk to you. 176 00:10:20,605 --> 00:10:22,596 Who's crazy now? 177 00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:25,769 Hello, Mrs. Latham. 178 00:10:25,944 --> 00:10:28,139 Yes, I live with him. 179 00:10:28,847 --> 00:10:30,781 I don't... I really don't know why. 180 00:10:36,955 --> 00:10:39,617 Tonight? Sure. That'd be great. 181 00:10:40,359 --> 00:10:43,954 Okay, I'll see you then. Bye. 182 00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:47,489 Uh, she wants to have dinner and talk about my research. 183 00:10:47,666 --> 00:10:50,260 An entire dinner to talk about your research? 184 00:10:51,870 --> 00:10:54,634 Where are you going, the drive-through at Jack in the Box? 185 00:10:58,243 --> 00:11:02,179 Well, wherever we're going, she's sending a car to pick me up. 186 00:11:02,647 --> 00:11:05,741 - Okay, I see what's happening. - What? 187 00:11:05,917 --> 00:11:07,817 My stature intimidates her... 188 00:11:07,986 --> 00:11:11,149 so she's using you to get to me. 189 00:11:13,325 --> 00:11:15,418 Crafty old gal. 190 00:11:15,594 --> 00:11:16,618 Excuse me... 191 00:11:16,795 --> 00:11:19,593 but you are not the only scientist in this apartment. 192 00:11:19,765 --> 00:11:21,528 I've been published in journals... 193 00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:26,194 I received a dissertation-of-the-year award for experimental particle physics. 194 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:27,963 No, that can't be it. 195 00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:30,468 Since you seem to have forgotten... 196 00:11:30,642 --> 00:11:33,167 the reason we live together is we're best friends. 197 00:11:33,345 --> 00:11:35,404 And I got your back, Jack. 198 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:40,315 That was a great meal. 199 00:11:40,485 --> 00:11:41,850 I'm glad you enjoyed it. 200 00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:43,885 I eat this well when my mom's in town... 201 00:11:44,056 --> 00:11:46,718 and she takes me out to dinner. Is that so? 202 00:11:46,925 --> 00:11:48,517 You kind of remind me of her. 203 00:11:49,161 --> 00:11:52,187 She enjoys making people uncomfortable too. 204 00:11:52,931 --> 00:11:55,365 Well, you remind me of a boy I dated in college. 205 00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:58,094 - No kidding. - Sweet boy, very smart. 206 00:11:58,270 --> 00:12:01,034 - Huh. - If only he'd had money. 207 00:12:03,842 --> 00:12:06,072 Yeah, um, so hey... 208 00:12:06,244 --> 00:12:10,180 speaking of money, how are you feeling about helping the Physics Department... 209 00:12:10,348 --> 00:12:13,181 get a cryogenic centrifugal pump and molecular sieve? 210 00:12:13,385 --> 00:12:16,684 Well, I must say you make a very persuasive case for it. 211 00:12:17,022 --> 00:12:18,353 Oh, good, good. 212 00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:21,583 And I'm seriously considering taking it to the next level. 213 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,058 Terrific. Great. 214 00:12:24,229 --> 00:12:25,992 What level is that? 215 00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:35,563 Okay, now you don't remind me of my mom. 216 00:12:41,246 --> 00:12:44,181 I'm sorry, so eventually zombies... 217 00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:48,080 are going to attack the rehab facility where Sandra Bullock is? 218 00:12:51,189 --> 00:12:52,884 Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching. 219 00:12:54,626 --> 00:12:57,254 It's a shame, all that work she's doing to get sober... 220 00:12:57,429 --> 00:12:59,590 only to be torn apart and eaten alive. 221 00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:06,232 - Hey, how was dinner? - Swell. I need a drink. 222 00:13:06,404 --> 00:13:08,031 Do we have any alcohol? 223 00:13:08,206 --> 00:13:09,798 No. But we have potatoes. 224 00:13:10,008 --> 00:13:12,135 I could make you vodka. 225 00:13:12,310 --> 00:13:13,538 It'll take two weeks. 226 00:13:15,013 --> 00:13:16,446 Leonard, are you okay? 227 00:13:16,615 --> 00:13:18,378 Uh, I'm not sure. 228 00:13:18,783 --> 00:13:20,444 - What's going on? - Well... 229 00:13:20,619 --> 00:13:23,884 Mrs. Latham said she was seriously considering donating money... 230 00:13:24,055 --> 00:13:26,319 so we could get a cryogenic centrifugal pump. 231 00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:27,651 - Oh, wow. - Yes! 232 00:13:27,826 --> 00:13:30,294 Then she stuck her tongue down my throat. 233 00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:32,562 Why? 234 00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:37,757 We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we got you. 235 00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:40,165 She hit on me. 236 00:13:40,338 --> 00:13:44,104 Wait. Are you telling us that old lady wanted to have sex with you... 237 00:13:44,276 --> 00:13:47,768 in exchange for giving your department millions of dollars? 238 00:13:47,946 --> 00:13:51,040 - I think so. - You lucky duck. 239 00:13:52,150 --> 00:13:54,482 You're really a broken toy, aren't you? 240 00:13:55,854 --> 00:13:59,847 I was able to get out of there, but she wants to see me again tomorrow night. 241 00:14:00,058 --> 00:14:02,583 Excellent. What are you planning to wear? 242 00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:04,960 - What? - Penny. 243 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:07,655 You're an expert on trading sexual favors for gain. 244 00:14:07,832 --> 00:14:10,130 Walk him through this. 245 00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:14,300 Whoa, uh, hold on a second. I'm not going to sleep with her. 246 00:14:14,806 --> 00:14:17,673 But we need a cryogenic centrifugal pump. 247 00:14:18,677 --> 00:14:20,440 Forget it. It's not gonna happen. 248 00:14:20,612 --> 00:14:22,102 Well, come now, Leonard... 249 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,875 this may be your only chance to make a real contribution to science. 250 00:14:27,018 --> 00:14:29,145 I repeat, not gonna happen. 251 00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:36,792 What was all that about me trading sexual favors for material gain? 252 00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:39,021 It was a compliment. 253 00:14:39,864 --> 00:14:42,128 I believe in giving credit where credit is due. 254 00:14:45,503 --> 00:14:47,368 Fine, I'll tell him. Ahem. 255 00:14:47,539 --> 00:14:50,167 Leonard. Mrs. Latham's car is here for you. 256 00:14:50,342 --> 00:14:53,971 I won't be late. I'm gonna make a pitch for the funding and say good night. 257 00:14:54,145 --> 00:14:56,204 Hold on. I have something for you. 258 00:14:57,882 --> 00:15:00,180 - What's this? - Few things you may need tonight. 259 00:15:00,352 --> 00:15:02,183 There's baby oil, condoms... 260 00:15:02,354 --> 00:15:06,222 and, uh, a little something I procured from the School of Pharmacology. 261 00:15:06,391 --> 00:15:10,327 They say it is to Viagra as Viagra is to a green M&M. 262 00:15:14,666 --> 00:15:17,032 I am not going to have sex with her. 263 00:15:17,202 --> 00:15:19,193 Maybe this will overcome your reluctance. 264 00:15:19,371 --> 00:15:21,669 I went on the Internet and found a photograph... 265 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,401 of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham to get your libido humming. 266 00:15:27,512 --> 00:15:28,945 Check out those saddle shoes. 267 00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:37,919 Are you insane? 268 00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:41,616 I'm not going to prostitute myself just so we can get some new equipment. 269 00:15:41,793 --> 00:15:43,192 - Oh, come on, why not? - Oh... 270 00:15:44,529 --> 00:15:45,894 Good night, Sheldon. 271 00:15:46,064 --> 00:15:49,431 Given how much time you spend engaging in pointless self-abuse... 272 00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:51,762 you might consider just this once... 273 00:15:51,936 --> 00:15:55,235 using your genitalia to actually accomplish something. 274 00:15:57,742 --> 00:16:02,611 - Still won't shag the old lady, huh? - No. But thank you for asking. 275 00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:08,451 - Hey, hi. - Hello, Leonard. 276 00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,144 I hope you're hungry. 277 00:16:10,322 --> 00:16:11,653 I'm very hungry. 278 00:16:11,823 --> 00:16:13,984 For food, right? 279 00:16:14,693 --> 00:16:18,652 Oh, I made you uncomfortable last night. I'm so sorry. 280 00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:19,990 No, that's okay. 281 00:16:20,198 --> 00:16:21,790 No, it most certainly is not. 282 00:16:21,966 --> 00:16:24,127 I'm making the donation to your department... 283 00:16:24,302 --> 00:16:26,463 regardless of what happens between us. 284 00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,599 - Really? - Of course. 285 00:16:28,773 --> 00:16:30,434 There's no quid pro quo here. 286 00:16:30,608 --> 00:16:34,135 You and your colleagues do remarkable research and you deserve the money. 287 00:16:34,946 --> 00:16:36,436 Oh... 288 00:16:36,614 --> 00:16:38,343 Then what was last night about? 289 00:16:38,516 --> 00:16:41,417 I took a shot. Sue me. 290 00:16:43,054 --> 00:16:45,852 - Oh. - You're a very handsome man, Leonard. 291 00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,353 Thank you. 292 00:16:51,129 --> 00:16:55,190 It was foolish of me to think someone your age might ever be interested in me. 293 00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:58,427 Oh, don't say that. You're a very attractive woman. 294 00:16:58,603 --> 00:16:59,627 - Please. - It's true. 295 00:16:59,804 --> 00:17:00,828 Well, aren't you sweet. 296 00:17:02,207 --> 00:17:04,141 Just for the record... 297 00:17:04,309 --> 00:17:07,176 you'd remember a night with me for the rest of your life. 298 00:17:10,248 --> 00:17:12,182 I'm sure I would. 299 00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:14,841 But why exactly? 300 00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:20,147 You're a very smart man. How do you think I landed such a rich husband? 301 00:17:20,859 --> 00:17:25,319 - I hadn't really given it much thought. - Well, think about it. 302 00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:32,568 - You mean? - Yep, I'm that good. 303 00:17:36,007 --> 00:17:37,907 Oh, what the hell. 304 00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:55,386 Good morning, slut. 305 00:17:58,229 --> 00:17:59,924 What? 306 00:18:00,098 --> 00:18:03,727 Oh, please. I recognize the walk of shame when I see it. 307 00:18:03,902 --> 00:18:05,836 All you're missing is smeared mascara... 308 00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:09,235 and a purse with panties wadded up in it. 309 00:18:09,407 --> 00:18:12,035 - What's going on? - Oh, nothing's going on. Excuse me. 310 00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,110 - Are you just getting home? - Yeah. 311 00:18:14,312 --> 00:18:16,712 That's a good sign, right? 312 00:18:17,415 --> 00:18:20,714 - Oh, yeah. - I'm so proud of you! 313 00:18:21,352 --> 00:18:24,048 You sold yourself out like a common streetwalker. 314 00:18:26,024 --> 00:18:27,958 No, I didn't do it for the money. 315 00:18:28,126 --> 00:18:30,424 She stiffed you? 316 00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:32,859 I believe that's what your roommate did to her. 317 00:18:34,365 --> 00:18:37,459 - What? - Again, read the book we gave you. 318 00:18:38,903 --> 00:18:41,201 No, I got the money first. 319 00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:42,737 Smart. Get paid up front. 320 00:18:42,907 --> 00:18:45,933 Yeah, I think you have a real knack for gigolo work, Leonard. 321 00:18:47,579 --> 00:18:48,671 I'm... 322 00:18:48,847 --> 00:18:51,748 - I'm gonna go lie down. - That's a good idea, get your rest. 323 00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:56,478 There are more rich old ladies out there and daddy needs a new linear accelerator. 324 00:18:59,657 --> 00:19:03,923 And I thought he didn't learn anything from his relationship with you. 325 00:19:04,229 --> 00:19:05,958 - Hey! - Another compliment. 326 00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,392 Learn to recognize them. 327 00:19:14,772 --> 00:19:17,297 Oh, there he is! The man of the hour! 328 00:19:17,509 --> 00:19:18,908 He took one for the team. 329 00:19:22,914 --> 00:19:25,382 I didn't do it for the money. 330 00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:28,747 Keep telling yourself that. It makes it easier. 331 00:19:29,153 --> 00:19:31,280 Trust me, I know. 332 00:19:31,456 --> 00:19:34,584 Cool, buddy. That's awesome. 333 00:19:35,126 --> 00:19:36,957 How was she?