﻿1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:06,245
SHELDON: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:10,286
Welcome to
<i>Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.</i>

3
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:12,921
Before we get started...

4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,766
...I'd like to announce the winner of our
"design your own flag" competition...

5
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,604
...but I can't.

6
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:24,642
The only entry was from GameyGamer75,
I know that was a JPEG of your buttocks.

7
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,290
Now, this week,
we have a very special episode...

8
00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:32,968
...where we explore the flags of the popular
entertainment franchise <i>Star Trek.</i>

9
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,091
And to help me, I'm pleased to introduce
Internet personality...

10
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,005
...former star of
<i>Star Trek: The Next Generation...</i>

11
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:45,530
...and the only guy I know lucky enough
to be immortalized in one-sixteenth scale.

12
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,001
Set phasers to "fun"...

13
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,127
...for my friend Wil Wheaton.

14
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,726
- Hi, thanks for having me. Happy to be here.
AMY: Cut.

15
00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,967
- What's wrong?
- Sorry, you were brilliant as always.

16
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,401
Wil, that was a little wooden.

17
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,162
- Wooden?
- Don't worry, it wasn't terrible.

18
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:13,041
Just this time,
try to say it the way people sound.

19
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,524
And action.

20
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:19,004
My friend Wil Wheaton.

21
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:21,481
WIL: Hi, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to be here.

22
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:26,049
- So, Wil, what do you have for us first?
- Well, this is an exciting one.

23
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,680
This is the flag
of the United Federation of Planets.

24
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,650
- Now, what's interesting about this flag...
AMY: Cut.

25
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:36,565
- What was wrong with that?
- It's called <i>Fun With Flags.</i>

26
00:01:36,720 --> 00:01:40,441
They're not at half-mast. Nobody died.
Let's try and keep it upbeat.

27
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,968
Um, no offense,
but I've been acting since I was a kid.

28
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:47,561
I can handle a web show
without a lot of direction.

29
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:48,767
SHELDON:
It's true.

30
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:53,045
In 1982 Wil played the voice
of Martin the mouse in <i>The Secret of NIMH.</i>

31
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,971
You moved me.

32
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,405
You'll have to forgive me.

33
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,769
This is my first time directing.
I just want it to be good.

34
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,200
- So do I.
AMY: Great.

35
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,762
So this time, let's try more real boy,
less Pinocchio.

36
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,888
- And action.
- And cut.

37
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,242
You realize I'm doing this for free, right?

38
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,087
Yes, and so far,
we're still not getting our money's worth.

39
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,603
Let's try it again.

40
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,888
Everybody's having fun.

41
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,084
And action.

42
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,890
So, Wil...

43
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,371
...what do you have for us first?

44
00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,808
Well, this is an exciting one.

45
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,641
This is the flag
of the United Federation of Planets.

46
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:46,926
Cut.

47
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,682
Problem, first-time director?

48
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:51,721
None that I could see.

49
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,451
I saw a man who loved flags
almost as much as I do.

50
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,921
I got goose bumps.

51
00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,289
- He was overacting on purpose.
- Really?

52
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:03,250
Oh, he reminded me
of a young William Shatner.

53
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,164
I'm really happy to do this for you...

54
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,767
...but not if she's gonna be a huge
pain in the ass the whole time.

55
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,926
Are you gonna let him speak to me
like that?

56
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,730
Well...

57
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,364
...you're my girlfriend,
and I don't want you to be upset.

58
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,442
Then again, Wil Wheaton's my friend,
and I don't want him to be upset.

59
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,404
Hmm...

60
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,965
This is a sticky wicket.

61
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,051
What do you think?

62
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,008
Can I speak to you for a second?

63
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:34,924
I'll be right back.

64
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,969
Feel free to play with yourself.

65
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,930
I don't care for your friend,
and he's being rude to me.

66
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,451
You need to ask him to leave.

67
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,410
Amy, I can't just ask Wil Wheaton to leave.

68
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:53,244
He's a minor celebrity.

69
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,609
Once you explain who he is,
many people recognize him.

70
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,091
Fine, then maybe I should go.

71
00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:02,403
Could you? That would solve everything.

72
00:04:04,720 --> 00:04:08,122
You are the best.
I'll see you at dinner tonight?

73
00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,363
Sure you wouldn't rather have dinner
with your friend Wil Wheaton?

74
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,642
Come to think of it, I would.

75
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,006
You, little lady, are on fire.

76
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,122
Every time we eat here, your mom refuses
to let me help with the dishes.

77
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,486
Don't take it personally.

78
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,685
She likes doing them by herself so she can
lick the plates with no one looking.

79
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,606
You ready to go?

80
00:04:55,760 --> 00:05:00,004
Yeah, let me just grab a couple
of fresh turtlenecks.

81
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,767
I don't understand why you keep your stuff
here when there's room at home.

82
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,160
What are you talking about?

83
00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:09,570
All I have here is a few sweaters,
books, bank stuff...

84
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,122
...computers, mail, collectibles, medicine
and my electric body groomer.

85
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,645
Ooh! There's my plaid dickey.

86
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:22,647
Oh. Got this at the Goodwill store for 50 cents.
Can you believe it? Heh.

87
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,721
Fifty cents sounds right.

88
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,807
- Let's go.
- You know, it's kind of late.

89
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,964
- Why don't we spend the night here?
- Because we don't live here.

90
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,690
- I know.
- Do you?

91
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:37,729
You said when you got back from space...

92
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,248
...you were gonna move into my apartment,
but half the time we stay here.

93
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,885
That's not true.

94
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:47,409
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard, I'm doing laundry!
You want me to put anything in for you?!

95
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,643
There's some underwear in the hamper!

96
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,885
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Oh, good, I got that new stain stick to try out!

97
00:05:56,680 --> 00:06:00,287
Thank you.
I only put it on the list two weeks ago!

98
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,529
Okay, I see what you're getting at.

99
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:09,084
How about this weekend,
I'll box up all my things...

100
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,686
...and move them to our place?

101
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,171
Thank you.

102
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,846
The lightsabers will look great
in the living room.

103
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,890
Or in the closet. We can decide later.

104
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:23,925
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard, help!
My hand's stuck in the garbage disposal!

105
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:28,085
Just let go of whatever piece of food
you're holding!

106
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:33,049
MRS. WOLOWITZ: Are you kidding?!
It's a perfectly good chicken leg!

107
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:38,444
Hey, look who's out after dark
like a big boy.

108
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,325
I was out raising heck
with Mr. Wil Wheaton.

109
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:46,326
Four hours more and we would have
closed down the HomeTown Buffet.

110
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,287
- I thought you had plans with Amy.
- Yeah, I did.

111
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:52,808
But then Wil called Amy a pain in the A-S-S.

112
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:57,009
She got huffy and left,
and then Wil and I headed out to dinner.

113
00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:01,051
That place really did remind me
of my hometown.

114
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,726
Because there we also have
a HomeTown Buffet.

115
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,330
- Hold on. Wil and Amy had an argument?
- Yes, quite the kerfuffle.

116
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,280
- Then Amy got mad and left?
- Walked right out the door.

117
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:15,965
And you...?

118
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,811
Enjoyed a delightful dinner
at a reasonable price.

119
00:07:20,080 --> 00:07:24,642
The manager recognized Wil and let us sit
right next to the frozen-yogurt machine.

120
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,131
Right next to it.

121
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,649
I was closer to it than I am to you right now.

122
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:35,641
- Buddy, I think Amy might be upset.
- Why's that?

123
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,327
Because your friend was rude to her
and then you went to dinner with him.

124
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,531
You're just repeating what I said.

125
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,570
It's like living
with a lactose-intolerant parrot.

126
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,649
Trust me. Call her.

127
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,445
Fine.

128
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,807
It's a shame you didn't go
to dinner with us...

129
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,169
...because the buffet you're about to enjoy
only serves humble pie...

130
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,926
...a dessert much less tasty
than frozen yogurt.

131
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,360
I was this close.

132
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,689
<i>What?</i>

133
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,681
You'll appreciate this.

134
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,531
Leonard has some ridiculous notion
that you're mad at me.

135
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,729
Tell him you're not mad at me.
Go ahead, set him straight.

136
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,370
<i>I'm mad at you, Sheldon.</i>

137
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,810
Hmm...

138
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,644
Eat one of your Luna Bars.

139
00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:25,962
Very often, when women think
they're angry, they're really just hungry.

140
00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:29,005
<i>I'm not hungry.</i>

141
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,247
<i>Your friend insulted me
and you didn't do anything.</i>

142
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,041
Precisely. I didn't do anything.

143
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,004
Now, does someone feel like checking
her emotional math?

144
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,246
Keep going, buddy. You're doing great.

145
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,089
<i>Sheldon, I'm your girlfriend
and you should have taken my side.</i>

146
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,687
<i>That's it. End of story. Good night.</i>

147
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,921
Wow, Amy's mad and Leonard was right.

148
00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,082
What a weird day.

149
00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,086
Hey, sorry this took so long.
But you used to work here.

150
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,925
- You know how it is.
- Kitchen slammed again?

151
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,242
No, I'm a terrible waitress, remember?

152
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,367
So anything I can do
to help you move tomorrow?

153
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,764
Now that you mention it,
I was thinking tomorrow might not be great.

154
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,926
- What's your excuse this time?
- No excuse.

155
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,724
It's just, you know, I'm Jewish...

156
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:26,771
...and technically, we're not supposed
to drive or carry anything on the Sabbath...

157
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,769
...so this one's on God.

158
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:34,124
That might be more convincing if you didn't
have a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger.

159
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,566
My religion's kind of loosey-goosey,
you know.

160
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:42,004
As long as you got your <i>schmeckel</i>
clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

161
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,370
Howie, you promised you'd move.

162
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,927
- And I will.
- Yeah, right.

163
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:53,120
I'm not going to live in my mother's house
for the rest of my life. I'm not a child.

164
00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,807
I've seen her burp you.

165
00:09:58,800 --> 00:09:59,881
She did not burp me.

166
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:03,283
She was patting me on the back
and I happened to burp.

167
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,166
Don't you have other tables
you should be waiting on?

168
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,721
Yeah, but I told you, I'm not good at my job.

169
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:15,445
- Listen to me. He is never gonna leave.
- I'm starting to think you're right.

170
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:19,685
All right, I've had enough of this.
I'm a grown man. I have a successful career.

171
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,161
I mean, for the love of God,
I've been to space.

172
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,166
I will move out when I'm ready, and I don't
need anyone badgering me into it.

173
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,326
Wow. Excuse me.

174
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:34,691
That was just for her benefit. I'll move
tomorrow. I love you. Don't leave me.

175
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,685
Amy?

176
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:42,285
Amy.

177
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,569
Angry Amy?

178
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:47,601
What?

179
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:54,207
I've been thinking about what happened,
and I hope this gift will make things better.

180
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:59,206
<i>Star Trek</i> DVDs?

181
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,725
Why would I want this?

182
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,725
First of all, you're welcome.

183
00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,283
Furthermore, not being familiar
with Wil Wheaton's body of work...

184
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,525
...there was no way for you to know
you were being rude to a national treasure.

185
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,369
Get ready for 130 hours of "I told you so."

186
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,767
Fine, I'll just tell you what happens.

187
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,609
Episode one, "Encounter at Farpoint."

188
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:27,841
Fade in.

189
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:30,486
The new <i>Enterprise</i> heads out
on its maiden voyage...

190
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,120
...to contact the Bandi people of Deneb IV.

191
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,727
Enter Wesley Crusher,
played by my buddy...

192
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,764
She's hooked.

193
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,886
Wow, an end of an era.

194
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,087
Boy, if these walls could talk.

195
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:03,323
They'd say,
"Why does he touch himself so much?"

196
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:09,681
Yeah.

197
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,408
I can't believe
I'm not gonna live here anymore.

198
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,928
This has always been my bedroom.

199
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,641
Right here is where my mom
used to mark my height.

200
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,410
Oh, yeah.

201
00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:30,920
"Fifth grade, sixth grade,
seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade."

202
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,243
Yeah, I remember when I was 5...

203
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,762
...hiding under this desk
with all my Halloween candy.

204
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,567
Had some Peanut M&M's...

205
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,851
...went into my first anaphylactic shock,
had to be rushed to the hospital...

206
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,766
...came home, celebrated with a Snickers,
went into my second anaphylactic shock.

207
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,207
When did you figure out
you're allergic to nuts?

208
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,203
Sometime around the third Almond Joy.

209
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,886
Okay, wanna start loading this stuff
into the truck?

210
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,929
Yeah, I guess.

211
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,560
Hey, would you do me a favor?
Go on ahead.

212
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:11,641
I just want one last moment alone
in my old room.

213
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,725
We're not standing outside by the U-Haul
while you fondle yourself.

214
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,251
(SCOFFS)

215
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,681
Fine, let's go.

216
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,245
Hey, what brings you in?

217
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:34,566
Penny, if you wouldn't mind,
I'd like to have a conversation about girls.

218
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:39,641
Had a feeling we'd have a talk like this
sooner or later.

219
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,566
Are you finally getting fuzz in weird places?

220
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,725
Penny, please, I'm on the horns
of a relationship dilemma.

221
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,726
And for the record, I had a full pubis of hair
by the time I was 19.

222
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:54,887
And for the record:

223
00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:56,530
(MIMICS VOMITING)

224
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,804
- So, what are you drinking?
- Well, it's been a rough day.

225
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,169
I usually go chamomile tea,
but I don't think that's gonna cut it.

226
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,604
You could have a Long Island iced tea.

227
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,167
Will that calm my nerves?

228
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:17,242
It's calmed the pants off me a couple times.

229
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,766
- Sold.
- Oh.

230
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,211
So the heart you got from the wizard
giving you trouble?

231
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,489
The trouble isn't with me, Penny,
it's with your gender.

232
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:30,324
Someday scientists will discover...

233
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:34,769
...that second X chromosome contains
nothing but nonsense and twaddle.

234
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,043
Yeah, Amy told me what happened.

235
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,761
Look, just apologize. It'll warm her twaddle.

236
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:43,170
That's a Band-Aid at best.

237
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,807
The core problem is that Amy and Wil
do not like each other...

238
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,407
...which is baffling
because they're both crazy about me.

239
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:55,208
And I like them, which indicates
they're bright and interesting...

240
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,727
...and/or were on <i>Star Trek.</i>

241
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:00,768
Honey, you can't make people
like each other.

242
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,323
Not true. Leonard made me like you.

243
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,642
Let me tell you, that was a hard row to hoe.

244
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,123
Cheers, pal.

245
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,763
Ooh!

246
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,164
Boy, that is a treat that's hard to beat.

247
00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,843
Get the Mad Hatter on the horn.
I'm having a tea party.

248
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,050
You might wanna pace yourself.

249
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,243
I drink tea all the time.
I think I know what I'm doing.

250
00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:37,449
Far be it for me
to criticize a man with a full pubis.

251
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,529
Look, your problem is not Wil Wheaton.
Your problem is the way you treated Amy.

252
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,126
Problem is I'm out of tea.

253
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:51,723
Come on, someone insulted your girlfriend,
you just let him do it?

254
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,531
Thought you Texas guys stood up
for your womenfolk.

255
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,370
Oh, Penny, please.

256
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,649
Think I've evolved
beyond my simple rustic upbringing.

257
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:00,881
Sorry.

258
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:05,011
On the other hand, that low-down polecat
done wronged my woman.

259
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,885
Welcome to Long Island, Tex.

260
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:13,930
Amy deserves better.

261
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,481
You know,
when we buy the Planters Deluxe Mix...

262
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,928
...she eats all the Brazil nuts
so I don't have to look at them.

263
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:24,450
She's a unique blend of saint and squirrel.

264
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,846
Yup, that she is. Here you go.

265
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,527
I'm a callous egomaniac.
She's gonna leave me.

266
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,763
- No, she won't.
- No, she won't. I'm great.

267
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,650
Ah!

268
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:51,291
Okay, I have now officially moved out
of my mother's house.

269
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,001
You are now the only woman in my life
who I'll see naked in the bathroom.

270
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,651
I know this wasn't easy. You doing okay?

271
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:02,122
Well, I'm fine. It's just her I'm worried about.

272
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:05,803
- She'll be okay. She's a grown woman.
- I know.

273
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:11,086
It's just ever since my dad left,
I've felt responsible for her.

274
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,208
That's a lot for a kid to deal with.

275
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:16,125
She was just so sad all the time.

276
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,284
I was the only person
who could cheer her up.

277
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,727
Well, me and Ben and Jerry.

278
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,168
She's lucky you were there.

279
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,289
You know, she's why I first got into magic.

280
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,130
I would do little shows for her.

281
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:37,486
Hang up a bedsheet like it was a curtain,
put on a top hat and cape.

282
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:43,170
And partway through the act, I would say
I needed a volunteer from the audience...

283
00:17:43,320 --> 00:17:49,327
...to be my beautiful assistant
and invite her up on-stage.

284
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,007
I can still remember the way she'd smile.

285
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:58,202
For a few minutes,
she'd forget how lonely she was.

286
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,370
Aw, crap. Let's go.

287
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,846
Where are we going?

288
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,571
Grab a box.
We'll sleep at your mother's place tonight.

289
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,449
No, but I want to live here.

290
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,685
Well, you should've thought of that before
you told me the stupid magic-trick story.

291
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,244
Can't we talk about this?

292
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,485
No husband of mine
is gonna break his mother's heart.

293
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,121
Wil Wheaton.

294
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,042
Wait, how many was that?

295
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:42,084
- Hey, Sheldon, what's up?
- Wouldn't you like to know.

296
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:46,603
- Have you been drinking?
- Just tea.

297
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,285
It was the best tea I've ever had.

298
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,051
Why are you here?

299
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,165
I'll tell you.

300
00:18:55,360 --> 00:18:57,567
I'm from Texas.

301
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,520
Need I say more?

302
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,325
Yeah, actually,
a little more would be helpful.

303
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:09,088
You insulted my woman.
I'm here to defend her honor.

304
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,651
Two. It was two.

305
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,402
Wil Wheaton.

306
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,641
Now prepare yourself for what may come.

307
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,971
Oh, Sheldon,
do you really think we're gonna fight?

308
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:29,284
My fists are not up here
because I'm milking a giant invisible cow.

309
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,249
They're up to beat an apology out of you.

310
00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,491
Okay, I'm sorry.

311
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,126
Well, that was a long bus ride
for not very much.

312
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:42,721
Are you okay?

313
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,531
You're asking a lot of questions,
Wil Wheaton.

314
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,409
As a matter of idle curiosity...

315
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:52,282
...which of your shrubberies do you feel
would benefit from a thorough vomiting?

316
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,762
Never mind, I'll choose.

317
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:58,562
(VOMITING)

318
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,171
You were so good in <i>Stand by Me.</i>

319
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,322
(VOMITING)

320
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,610
Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

321
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,651
Welcome to
<i>Sheldon Cooper Presents Fun With Flags.</i>

322
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,883
Get ready for a very special episode...

323
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:24,965
...where we explore the flags of the popular
entertainment franchise <i>Star Trek.</i>

324
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,562
And to help us,
I'm pleased to introduce a special guest.

325
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:33,169
Surprisingly, it only took gas money and
the promise of free food to get him here.

326
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,482
Mr. LeVar Burton.

327
00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:38,963
Hey, Sheldon. It's a pleasure to be here.

328
00:20:39,120 --> 00:20:42,408
- Well, we've got some interesting flags...
- Cut.

329
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,530
Yikes, this guy is worse than Wil Wheaton.

330
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,602
I don't know what she's talking about,
but I'm obligated to agree with her.

331
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,923
- She's my girlfriend.
- Ah. I hear you, brother.

332
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,401
I still get lunch, right?

