1 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,887 PENNY: You'll never believe what happened to me at work. 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:09,368 This old guy was choking on his food and I saved his life. 3 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,686 LEONARD: Did you Heimlich him? 4 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:13,281 No, I said, "I think that old guy's choking." 5 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,687 Then one of the busboys Heimlich'd him. 6 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:19,404 You're a hero. 7 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,531 Yeah, that was the point of the story. 8 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:26,246 Do you know if you have Thursday night off? 9 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:27,805 Uh, I think so, why? 10 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,764 Why? It's Valentine's Day. 11 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,446 Oh, right. Yeah, we can do something. 12 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,803 - You could be a little more into it. - I'm into it, I'm into it. 13 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,129 There's pressure to make the night special and it never works out. 14 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:45,326 Well, this time it's gonna be different because I'm like a romance ninja. Heh. 15 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,683 You don't see it coming and then... Bam! Romance! Watch out! Hearts, kisses, love! 16 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,120 Ooh! Ya! 17 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,525 Sometimes I think I've made you cooler than you used to be... 18 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:56,926 ...then you go and do that. 19 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:03,730 So in conclusion, I believe the painful sensation felt... 20 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:06,924 ...after passing a meal of spicy chilies is proof... 21 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,886 ...that the rectum does possess the sense of taste. 22 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,647 AMY: I concur, but you changed the subject. What are we doing for Valentine's Day? 23 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,367 SHELDON: Oh, you caught that, did you? 24 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,329 Okay. 25 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:55,330 Okay. 26 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,324 Okay. 27 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:02,682 Okay. Okay! 28 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,724 Okay. 29 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,525 Everything okay? 30 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,967 Bernie's a little cranky since she's been working, like, 17 hours a day. 31 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:23,205 I've got a lot on my plate too. I've been busting my tail playing "Assassin's Creed." 32 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,846 Stuart, you got anything going on for Valentine's Day? 33 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:30,527 Not really, other than hiding all the sharp objects around here... 34 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,087 ...and white-knuckling it till morning. 35 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,845 What do you got going on? 36 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,369 I was gonna spend the night with my special little lady... 37 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,370 ...but she got worms and then I had to take her to the vet. 38 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,725 There must be something we can do. 39 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,003 Uh, how about, uh, you keep the store open late... 40 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,771 ...and we throw a party for people who don't have dates? 41 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,049 That actually sounds kind of nice. 42 00:02:55,240 --> 00:03:00,406 The theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is love he has with himself. 43 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,201 That's good... 44 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:08,883 ...or maybe something a little less hand-in-the-pants. 45 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,401 Oh. Alex, excellent. 46 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,889 I have a research problem that I believe you can help with. 47 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,570 Oh, Dr. Cooper, thank you. 48 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,247 I've been waiting for an opportunity to contribute to your scientific work. 49 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,606 Oh, no, that's not gonna happen. No. 50 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:33,207 What I need you to do is find a Valentine's gift for my girlfriend. 51 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:38,448 I passed up an opportunity to work at Fermilab to take this job with you. 52 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:43,603 Well, I guess those chaps will have to have someone else buy their girlfriends presents. 53 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:49,648 Now, here is... Oh, let's see... This is... 54 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,448 This is about $2000. 55 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:00,804 Um, I think she likes monkeys and the color gray. 56 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,691 Contribute to my work. Heh. 57 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,329 Ah, kids say the darndest things. 58 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,968 - Hey, you coming to lunch? - Yeah, one second. 59 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,764 - I wanna show you something. - What? 60 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:26,682 I was trying to come up with something really romantic to give Bernadette... 61 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,970 ...for Valentine's Day since she's been such a pain in the ass. 62 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,680 You can't find a card that says that? 63 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:40,686 Check it out. I used the atomic-force microscope in the materials-science lab... 64 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:46,330 ...and wrote our initials in a heart one one-thousandth the size of a grain of sand. 65 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,688 Oh, that's cool. 66 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:53,169 A micro-Valentine for a microbiologist. Heh. 67 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,007 From her micro-husband. 68 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,526 That is amazing. How long did this take you? 69 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,769 Ah, about 12 hours. I pulled an all-nighter. Heh. 70 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,007 Oh, wow. 71 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,404 Yeah, I know, it really took a bite out of my video-game time. 72 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,205 What are you and Penny doing? 73 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,721 I'm gonna take her to a nice restaurant for dinner. 74 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:21,371 That's not bad, but as far as romance goes, I think my gift hits it right out of the... 75 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:22,607 (GLASS SHATTERS) 76 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,767 - Wanna come to dinner with us? - Yes, please. 77 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:37,207 Okay, uh, Amy will be here shortly expecting the perfect Valentine's gift. 78 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,887 So you're up, kid, dazzle me, go. 79 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:43,763 Okay, I think I have some great choices. 80 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,726 I went on Amy's Facebook page and read her interests... 81 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:49,890 See? I never would've thought to do that. 82 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,886 Clearly I made a good choice farming this out to you. 83 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,407 I'm telling you, Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot. 84 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,045 Anyway... 85 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:00,647 ...my socks are on. Let's knock them off. 86 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,967 Well, um, I know she loves playing the harp... 87 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:14,761 ...so I found this beautiful music box that plays one of her favorite songs. 88 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,808 Now, Amy already has a real harp... 89 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:23,402 ...and it can play any song. 90 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,284 What are you trying to pull here? 91 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,451 - No, it's just I thought... - Next. 92 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,089 Okay, um, I know she's a fan of The Canterbury Tales... 93 00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:36,327 Mm. 94 00:06:36,520 --> 00:06:42,448 ...so I found this cool map that illustrates the characters' journey through England. 95 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,961 We could put it in a really nice frame. 96 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,247 But she's got Google Maps on her phone. 97 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,329 I don't know how to respond to that. 98 00:06:55,840 --> 00:07:00,482 I hope it's with a third good option because these first two: Blah. 99 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:07,125 Okay, well, uh, luckily I saved the best for last. 100 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,485 Since Amy's a neuroscientist, I did some research... 101 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:14,765 ...found out that Santiago Ramón y Cajal, the father of modern neuroscience... 102 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,486 ...did lots of hand drawings of brain cells. 103 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:23,609 And I managed to find this signed print. 104 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,484 Wow. 105 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,648 Oh, this is truly remarkable. 106 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,881 - Thank you. - I think I'll keep it for myself. 107 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,005 - What about your girlfriend? - Too late, I called dibs. 108 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,087 (PEOPLE CHATTERING AND SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) 109 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,805 This place is really beautiful. 110 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,002 Wah. Romance ninja. 111 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,247 (PENNY LAUGHS) 112 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,327 PENNY: Hey. 113 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,806 - Sorry we're late. - Hey. 114 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,490 No problem. We just sat down. 115 00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,286 - Mm. Would you like some wine? - Fill her up. 116 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,565 I'll tell you when to stop. 117 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,326 Is everything okay? 118 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:07,090 Terrific. Couldn't be better. 119 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,521 Oh, bite me. 120 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,485 We can still have a nice night. Just tell me where it is. 121 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,963 If you did what you said you were gonna do, I'd tell you. 122 00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,721 - Uh, where what is? - She hid my Xbox like I'm a child. 123 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:26,606 My mom got me that for my birthday, so if you don't give it back, I'm telling. 124 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,001 I've been working late every night. All I asked was he clean the apartment... 125 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:34,083 ...and do one load of laundry. Did he? No. 126 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:35,930 He kept on playing that stupid game. 127 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,882 You like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine. 128 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,329 - I said I'm sorry. - Sorry doesn't clean my underpants, buddy. 129 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,689 I told you. Turn them inside out. 130 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,810 And I told you to bite me. 131 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,440 Trying to have a magical night here, guys. 132 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,205 - Oh, son of a bitch. - What? 133 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,607 - Nothing. Nothing. - No, tell me. 134 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,809 It's just this guy I used to date. 135 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:10,927 LEONARD: Oh. 136 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,488 Until he cheated on me with my friend Gretchen, who's here with him. 137 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,884 - You're kidding. - And it looks like she lost a lot of weight. 138 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,605 Damn it. 139 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,764 I know it's not ideal, but don't let them ruin our night. 140 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,243 No, you're totally right. She could be skinny because she's dying. 141 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,969 That's the spirit. 142 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,642 Screw them. Our night's gonna be way more special than theirs. 143 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,166 (PENNY CHUCKLES) 144 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,244 Uh-oh. 145 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:40,920 What? 146 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,608 Oh, you gotta be kidding me. 147 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,691 - Oh, my God! Yes! Of course I'll marry you! - Ha, ha. 148 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:49,207 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 149 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,283 Two can play this game. Penny... 150 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,329 - Get up. - All right. 151 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,651 Nice that the people who are lonely on Valentine's Day... 152 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:06,729 ...can come here tonight and be together. 153 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,241 Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. 154 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,011 In fact, there's no place I'd rather be than here. 155 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,363 - Except on a date with anybody. - Literally anybody. 156 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,327 You and I have so much fun hanging out. 157 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,364 If you were a girl, all of our problems would be solved. 158 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,287 What? 159 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,568 Think about it. We'd hang out, we'd read comic books, we'd see movies. 160 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,802 It'd be like the best relationship ever. 161 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,051 - It does sound nice. - Then I'd take you home... 162 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:42,803 ...slip off your little, black dress and pile-drive you into oblivion. 163 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,205 What? 164 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,247 I can't believe he's gonna marry the girl he cheated on me with. 165 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,487 Isn't it kind of nice? 166 00:10:54,680 --> 00:10:57,411 He was with the wrong person. Now he found the right person. 167 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:01,207 So I'm the wrong person? Maybe you wanna be with Gretchen too. 168 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:04,851 They do look happy. 169 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,121 Yeah, maybe tonight. 170 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,847 But a year from now, he'll be crawling under the sink looking for his Xbox. 171 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,526 Well, he will. 172 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:17,643 Why don't we just forget about them and enjoy our Valentine's Day? 173 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:19,410 Yes, absolutely. 174 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,647 (PENNY CLEARS THROAT) 175 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,884 Heh. Now they're doing that phony, link-arm-drink thingy. 176 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,521 I totally taught him that. 177 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,848 - I thought we were letting it go. - We were. It's just not fair, okay? 178 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,087 They're bad people. 179 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,523 Not supposed to end happy for them, it's supposed to end happy for me. 180 00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:45,089 Um, it did end happy for you. You're here with me. 181 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:47,044 Yeah, yeah, I know. 182 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,128 This is getting hard to not take personally. 183 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:53,290 - Come on. Don't make this about you. - I'm not. It's about you. 184 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:55,966 Yeah, whatever. I told you Valentine's Day sucks. 185 00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:59,369 - This one does, and you're the reason why. - What? 186 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,921 Compared to them, I'm feeling pretty good about us. 187 00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:08,367 Me too. How about we blow off dessert, go home early? I'll do that laundry. 188 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:09,727 Thank you. 189 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,691 - I love you. - Love you too. 190 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,724 - So where'd you hide it? - Where you'd never look. 191 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,887 Damn it, it's in the washing machine. 192 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,607 - Hello. - Hello. 193 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:33,203 - Happy Valentine's Day. - Okay. 194 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,401 - Shall we go to dinner? - Hang on. 195 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,080 As you know, I had planned a traditional evening... 196 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,810 ...of romance and gifts. 197 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,449 Yes, and as you know, I planned to pretend to enjoy it. 198 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,882 I've been working on this facial expression all day. 199 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,084 And I appreciate your effort... 200 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:59,887 ...but upon contemplation, I decided I was being selfish. 201 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,082 So I canceled our dinner reservations... 202 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,921 ...and came up with an even better way to celebrate Valentine's Day. 203 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,407 - What is that? - By doing none of it. 204 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,411 No dinner, no romance, no gifts. 205 00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,047 We stay here, order a pizza... 206 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:18,450 ...and watch one of your beloved Star War Trek things. 207 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,930 Really? 208 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:22,849 That's what you'd love, isn't it? 209 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,486 More than anything. 210 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,322 Well, then, that's what we're gonna do. 211 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,443 Well, I don't know what to say. 212 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,085 This is the most thoughtful gift that anyone's ever given me. 213 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:42,604 And that's including an amazing gift I gave myself earlier today. 214 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,488 I'm your girlfriend, that's my job. 215 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:53,171 I know gift-giving puts pressure on you so whatever you got me, you can return. 216 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,525 No. 217 00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,965 After everything you didn't do for me tonight, I want you to have it. 218 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,407 - What's this? - Read it. 219 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:08,442 "Sheldon Cooper, Caltech University employee information"? 220 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,721 At the bottom. 221 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:15,723 "In case of emergency, please contact Amy Farrah Fowler." 222 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,601 And there's my phone number. 223 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:27,087 This is the most beautiful gift you could've ever given me. 224 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:32,641 I thought if I have a stroke or a kidney stone... 225 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,366 ...who would I want to share that with? 226 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,007 And you picked me. 227 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:46,004 - It's like you said, you're my girlfriend. - Oh, Sheldon. 228 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:56,369 Okay, stop ruining Valentine's Day and order my pizza. 229 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,202 - Night. - Yep. 230 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,207 (DOOR CLOSES) 231 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,207 You know what? 232 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:15,125 That was pretty crappy of you. 233 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,482 All I wanted to do was give you a great night... 234 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,291 ...and it's like you went out of your way to destroy it. 235 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,848 - Yep. I know. I'm a total bitch. - I'm not saying that. 236 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,566 - Well, I am. - Fine, you win, you're a bitch. 237 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,247 Why couldn't we just have a nice time? 238 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,643 I don't know. 239 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:38,243 Maybe because things are going so well between us lately and I've been happy. 240 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:48,004 Okay, you're gonna have to make a lot more sense than that. 241 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:51,809 Obviously, I have some commitment issues. 242 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,686 - Glaringly obvious. Go on. - As long as things keep going great... 243 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,282 ...you'll keep asking me to marry you. Eventually, I'll end up saying yes. 244 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:03,525 Then we're gonna be married forever and the whole thing just freaks me out. 245 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,090 Okay. 246 00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,491 I know I propose a lot. 247 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,920 So how about this? 248 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,047 I promise I will never ask you to marry me again. 249 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,445 What do you mean? Are you breaking up with me? 250 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:26,051 No. No, no, no. 251 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,369 But if someday, you decide you wanna get married... 252 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,443 ...you have to propose to me. 253 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,531 - Really? - Yes. 254 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,849 It's all on you. 255 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,771 But when the time comes, I want the whole nine yards. 256 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,442 I want you down on one knee, flowers. I wanna be swept off my feet. 257 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,086 Yeah, you got it. 258 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,489 And I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on a Jumbotron. 259 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,001 I don't wanna cry on a big screen like that. 260 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:56,929 Okay. 261 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,484 You know what? 262 00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:05,527 This might be the wine talking, but I have an important question to ask you. 263 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:07,881 You do? 264 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:10,565 Leonard Hofstadter? 265 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,329 Yes? 266 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,527 Will you be my Valentine? 267 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,170 Sorry, maybe next year. 268 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,163 I'm just kidding! Romance ninja! Let's have sex! Wah! 269 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,650 Thank you, guys, for doing this. 270 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:35,410 We're glad you could make it. 271 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:40,641 Usually, I spend Valentine's Day sad and alone. This year, I'm just sad. 272 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,205 (POP MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) 273 00:17:43,120 --> 00:17:45,805 What is it about this holiday that makes people so unhappy? 274 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,442 I know. I hate myself most of the time, but tonight's the night I know... 275 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,762 ...everyone else does too. 276 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,881 I think you're cool. 277 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:57,045 Great. 278 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:03,763 I gotta tell you. We've gotta stop beating ourselves up like this. 279 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:09,364 Excuse me, everybody. Can I have your attention, please? 280 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,043 We're all here tonight because we have no one to be with. 281 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:22,968 But that doesn't make us mutants. 282 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:25,891 The only mutants here are in these comic books. 283 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:33,570 We gotta stop defining our self-worth by whether or not we're in a relationship. 284 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,481 You know what I see when I look around? 285 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:39,964 I see a room full of great people. 286 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:46,721 So let's give ourselves a break. We are a community. 287 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:51,448 And as long as we have each other, we're never truly alone. 288 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,931 That was cool, what you said. 289 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:05,726 - You really think so? - Yeah, I do. 290 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,365 Thank you. 291 00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:15,489 Uh, would you like to, uh, get a cup of coffee? 292 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,805 Okay. 293 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,689 Later, losers! 294 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:35,647 (PHONE RINGING) 295 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,125 Hello? 296 00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:44,886 Another medical emergency? What's wrong with him now? 297 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:50,164 I seriously doubt he was bitten by a Chinese bird spider. 298 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:54,483 How exactly does a bump feel Asian? 299 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,322 Put him on the phone. 300 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,444 Sheldon, I'm not driving over there again. 301 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,291 Because I drove over there yesterday for a brain tumor... 302 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,767 ...that turned out to be an ice-cream headache. 303 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,321 Yes, I still want to be your emergency contact. 304 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:17,686 Yes, you can eat your ice cream too fast and also have a brain tumor. 305 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,444 I'm on my way. 306 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,201 Brain tumor would explain a lot.