1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,087 - So what did you think? - It was good. 2 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,167 That's it? "Good"? 3 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:17,924 I enjoyed it. 4 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,361 When you told me I was going to be "losing my virginity," 5 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,760 I didn't think you meant showing me Raiders of the Lost Ark 6 00:00:22,784 --> 00:00:23,831 for the first time. 7 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,684 My apologies. I chose my words poorly. 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,120 I should have said 9 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,647 you were about to have your world rocked on my couch. 10 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,364 Anyway, thank you for watching it. 11 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,284 It's one of my all-time favorites. 12 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:40,488 It was very entertaining, 13 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,967 despite the glaring story problem. 14 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,003 Story problem? 15 00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,080 Oh. 16 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,281 Amy... 17 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,205 What a dewy-eyed moon-calf you are. 18 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:56,006 Raiders of the Lost Ark is the love child 19 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,168 of Steven Spielberg and George Lucas, 20 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,766 two of the most gifted filmmakers of our generation. 21 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,446 I've watched it 36 times, 22 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,444 except for the snake scene and the face-melting scene, 23 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,002 which I can only watch when it's still light out, but... 24 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,323 I defy you to find a story problem. 25 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,881 Here's my jaw... drop it. 26 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:18,720 All right. 27 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:22,208 Indiana Jones plays no role in the outcome of the story. 28 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:26,524 If he weren't in the film, it would turn out exactly the same. 29 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:30,127 Oh, I see your confusion. You don't understand. 30 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,966 Indiana Jones was the one in the hat with the whip. 31 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,969 No, I do, and if he weren't in the movie, 32 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,009 the Nazis would have still found the ark, 33 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,090 taken it to the island, opened it up and all died, 34 00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:45,368 just like they did. 35 00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:51,970 Let me close that for you. 36 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,210 - Hey! - Hi! 37 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,601 I thought you went to the comic book store on Wednesdays. 38 00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,727 Yeah, but Sheldon and Amy were having date night 39 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,770 and they don't need me there to make it awkward. 40 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,241 They have each other for that. 41 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,526 So, how was school? 42 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:37,091 Oh, good. Check it out. 43 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,086 The Disappointing Child by Beverly Hofstadter. Oh! 44 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,451 - You bought my mom's book? - Yeah! 45 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,805 It's on the recommended reading list for my psychology class. 46 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,810 Oh! 47 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,926 Come on. Not that book. 48 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:05,931 It's got, like, every horrible story from my childhood in it. 49 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,530 Oh, cool. Are there pictures? 50 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,286 Seriously, please find another book. 51 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,841 Oh, come on. Why? How bad could it be? 52 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,128 There's chapters about potty training, 53 00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,011 and bed-wetting and... 54 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,924 masturbation. 55 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,885 Basically, if something came out of me, she wrote about it! 56 00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:31,688 You know what? Do whatever you want, 57 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,211 just don't talk to me about it. 58 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,409 Not even the chapter on the breast-feeding crisis? 59 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,326 It was not a crisis. 60 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,646 Apparently, I favored the left one. She got a little lopsided. 61 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,091 Oh, my God, you still go left! 62 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,526 Which celebrity would you say I look like the most? 63 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,409 Halle Berry. 64 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:05,521 Why? 65 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:07,962 Stuart and I are putting dating profiles online, 66 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,570 and it's one of the questions. 67 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,651 And thank you. I'd kill for that woman's bone structure. 68 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,929 Why are you reading Pride and Prejudice? 69 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,161 I'll tell you why. 70 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,451 Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, 71 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,480 so now I'm trying to find something beloved to her and ruin that. 72 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,771 Because her life wasn't enough? 73 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:36,250 Wait. How can anyone ruin Raiders? It's perfect. 74 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,646 Yeah, except for the fact 75 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,371 that Indiana Jones is completely irrelevant to the story. 76 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,280 With or without him, the Nazis find the ark, open it, and die. 77 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,601 Hey, wait a minute. No, the Nazis were digging in the wrong place. 78 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,320 The only reason they got the ark was because Indy found it first. 79 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:00,970 Actually, they were only digging in the wrong place 80 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,360 because Indy had the medallion. 81 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:06,007 Without him, they would have had the medallion and dug in the right place. 82 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,000 Okay, I know you don't want to talk about it, 83 00:05:17,024 --> 00:05:19,570 but can I just ask you one question about your mom's book? 84 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,922 - No. - I just want to know 85 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:24,242 why a five-year-old boy puts on his mom's makeup 86 00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,368 and wears balloon boobies. 87 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,687 They weren't boobies. They were muscles. 88 00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:35,769 And the makeup was green. I was pretending to be the Hulk. 89 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,971 You were wearing her bra. 90 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,641 That was to keep my muscles from sagging! 91 00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:41,792 Can we please stop talking about this?! 92 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,450 Okay, okay. But you know, as a student of psychology 93 00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:48,644 who got a check-plus on her first homework assignment... 94 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:52,769 I think, sometimes, it's good to open up about these things. 95 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,129 Okay, fine. Do you want to know why I dressed like the Hulk? 96 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,890 Because I was always mad at my mom 97 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,963 and I wanted to smash my way out of that house. 98 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,290 - Well, why were you so angry? - Gee, I don't know. 99 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,604 Maybe it's because I was always the subject of her little experiments. 100 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,606 Did you get to the chapter where she staged the Easter egg hunt 101 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,650 with no eggs to see how long I'd keep looking? 102 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,964 June. 103 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,891 Sweetie, I'm so sorry. 104 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,480 I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. 105 00:06:22,504 --> 00:06:26,668 - I do, too, but there's not. - Really? Are you sure about that? 106 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,126 Of course, who am I to argue with a check-plus student? 107 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,605 Just warning you, I'm gonna go right. 108 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,524 Don't make a big deal out of it. 109 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,164 Is makeup really necessary? 110 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,167 Well, when someone looks at your dating profile, 111 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:52,881 the first thing they see is your picture. 112 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,441 I just want to make sure you look fun and full of life 113 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:58,530 and not like a body they just pulled out of the river. 114 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:04,089 All right, here we go, and... smile. 115 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,801 Okay. That one's in the bank. 116 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,247 How about this? Turn away, and then turn back into it. 117 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,604 But when you do, imagine the camera is the girl you want to meet. 118 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,445 You got it. 119 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,122 Okay... let's try it again. 120 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,567 But this time, pretend the girl you want to meet 121 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,848 doesn't want to hurt you. 122 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,128 I don't think I can give you that. 123 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,165 Come on. One more time. 124 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,761 Yeah, it's... it's a little blurry, 125 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:59,723 but I think that works in your favor. 126 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,802 - Do you want a beer? - Sure. 127 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,486 Hey, have you finished writing your profile yet? 128 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,561 Almost. 129 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,644 Oh, what did you put as the one-word description of yourself? 130 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,241 I put "unobjectionable." 131 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:17,371 But now that I hear it out loud, it just seems like I'm being cocky. 132 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,204 What did you put for your best feature? 133 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,402 My parents' money. 134 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,369 What did you put for your best feature? 135 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,529 I put "not applicable." 136 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,691 Come on, dude, you're being too hard on yourself. 137 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,321 You've got a lot of good stuff going on. 138 00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:33,691 Really? Like what? 139 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:38,169 Well, okay, you're a talented artist. You own your own business. 140 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,210 Neither of those things have ever helped me meet a woman. 141 00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:46,443 Okay, well, can we imply that you're well-endowed? 142 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,402 I do have one oddly long testicle. 143 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,564 Okay, now you're talking like a winner! 144 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,771 What you doing? 145 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,690 Oh, it turns out Amy's beloved Pride and Prejudice 146 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,882 is a flawless masterpiece. 147 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:09,490 He's got too much pride, 148 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,404 she's got too much prejudice... it just works. 149 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,603 So you're looking to ruin something for her in the funny pages? 150 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,730 Amy has a fondness for the comic strip Marmaduke. 151 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,845 - And...? - And I think I've got it. 152 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,721 A family possesses a dog that is so large 153 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,481 and poorly disciplined, he causes nothing but problems. 154 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,005 Why do they keep him?! 155 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,249 Maybe they fell in love with him as a PUPPY 156 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,004 and didn't know how big he was gonna be. 157 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,001 Of course. 158 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,924 You know, why couldn't she just like Ziggy? Yeah? 159 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,441 That thing's riddled with plot holes. 160 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,564 Sorry, buddy. 161 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,081 I think she's a fan of Garfield as well. 162 00:09:54,560 --> 00:09:56,847 Oh, darn it, now so am I. 163 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,723 I'll see you later. I got to go watch a stupid football game with Penny. 164 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,043 Wait, hang on. You've spent time with Amy. 165 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,606 Can you think of anything she's fond of 166 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,490 that has a bunch of flaws she hasn't noticed? 167 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,284 I got to go. 168 00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,166 - You ready to go? - Yep. Hey, and maybe this time, 169 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,124 you don't try and talk sports with the guys. 170 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,083 Some sports bar. 171 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,003 It's like they never even heard of Quidditch. 172 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,286 Do we really have to go? 173 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,408 Oh, come on. Every time we're about to hang out with my friends, 174 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,601 you don't want to. 175 00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,126 It's like, "it's too loud," or "The bathroom's too dirty," 176 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,931 or "They put a chicken wing in my ear." I mean... 177 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,810 Well, you're right. Let's just go. 178 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,406 - Hey, what's going on with you? - Nothing, I'm fine. 179 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:50,771 All right, hang on. Is this still about your mom's book? 180 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,286 No. Not everything is about my mom. 181 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,720 'Cause if you're still upset about that, we don't have to go. 182 00:10:55,744 --> 00:10:57,906 Except this is totally about my mom. 183 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:02,166 I'm so sorry. I never should have read that book. 184 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,881 You know what? You want to just get dinner and watch the game here? 185 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,123 - That sounds nice. - Okay. 186 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:09,409 Or, you know, we could get take-out 187 00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:11,040 and watch the Blu-ray extended version 188 00:11:11,064 --> 00:11:13,305 of The Hobbit movie with commentary track. 189 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,324 On account of how sad I am about my mom. 190 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:26,686 Leonard, you ready for lunch? 191 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:27,886 One sec! 192 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,327 Hey. Sorry. 193 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,248 - Hi, Penny. - Hi. 194 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,527 All right, sweetie. You hang in there today. 195 00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,568 I'll try, but I might be sad again tonight. 196 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:41,640 Okay. 197 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,811 Wow! Sex at work?! 198 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,928 Leave it alone. That's my girlfriend. 199 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,486 - Sorry. - Who just had sex with me at work! 200 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,969 Damn. How'd you swing that? 201 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,401 Whenever I talk about how awful my mom was, 202 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,408 Penny will do anything to make me feel better. 203 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:01,760 - Seriously? - Look, I mean... 204 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,923 I'm not proud of it, but it does work. 205 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:09,204 I got her to watch a six-part documentary on Monty Python. 206 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,365 Even I was bored, I just wanted to see if she'd make it to the end. 207 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,647 You sound kind of proud of it. 208 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,007 - I am. I'm really proud. - Yeah. 209 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,043 Hello, Sheldon. Ls everything okay? 210 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,082 Yes. Why? 211 00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,680 Well, the last time you made an unscheduled video chat, 212 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,762 there was a curly fry in your regular fries 213 00:12:28,840 --> 00:12:31,411 and you thought someone might be trying to slip you a mickey. 214 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,642 April 13... 215 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:37,563 a dark night, indeed. 216 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,167 So what can I do for you? 217 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,481 I'm calling to invite you 218 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:45,006 to a spontaneous date night tomorrow evening. 219 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,447 - Really? - Yes. 220 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,490 You were kind enough to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark with me. 221 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:54,804 So I'd like to return the favor by inviting you to watch an episode 222 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,929 of your favorite childhood television series, 223 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,082 Little House on the Prairie. 224 00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,648 That sounds lovely. 225 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,084 Why are you rubbing your hands together? 226 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,126 I'm putting on lotion. Are you in or not? 227 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:14,810 Of course I'm in. 228 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,690 Excellent. Then I shall see you tomorrow. 229 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,211 Good night, Dr. Fowler. 230 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,964 Good night, Dr. Cooper. 231 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,287 Good night, indeed. 232 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:26,884 What a rube. 233 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,611 Why would I put on lotion when I have such soft hands? 234 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,804 You were really quiet during dinner. Ls everything okay? 235 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,486 Yeah. I guess I was just thinking about my mom, 236 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,444 and how sad my childhood was. 237 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:43,567 Yeah, I bet it sucked. 238 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,244 I'm gonna take a bath. You do the dishes. 239 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:49,769 How about I take a bath with you and see what happens. 240 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,206 Here's what's gonna happen: 241 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,402 I'm gonna take a bath, and you're gonna do the dishes. 242 00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:57,489 That's it? No compassion? 243 00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:59,841 Aw, poor Howie. We good? I'm gonna take a bath. 244 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:01,723 Bernie... 245 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,888 God, what is going on with you? 246 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,571 I'm sharing my pain. 247 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,289 And I'm not buying it. Try again. 248 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,683 I'm learning to be a man in a culture 249 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:17,366 where it's increasingly difficult to know how. 250 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,090 Strike two. 251 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:22,207 I'm copying Leonard. 252 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,090 When he does this to Penny, they have sex and watch Monty Python. 253 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,529 - Howard! - I know. It was dumb. 254 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,683 I shouldn't have done it. And it's making me feel sad. 255 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,290 So sad. 256 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,127 You know, why don't you take a bath? I'll do the dishes. 257 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,770 Three, two, one... 258 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,766 That's it. 259 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,161 Our dating profiles are live on the Internet. 260 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,968 My business is open for business! 261 00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:57,443 That's right, ladies. 262 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:01,286 For all you know, I'm confident and fun to be around. 263 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,923 Oh, cool, it tells you when someone's reading your profile. 264 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,810 "Jenny309." 265 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:12,964 I hope that's not her weight. 266 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:16,643 If it is, I'll... I'll take her. 267 00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,240 Ooh! I got one, too. 268 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,527 The ladies are coming to us. 269 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,088 Oh, man, if I'd started this years ago, 270 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,731 I'd be divorced two or three times by now. 271 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:34,925 What...? Another one. 272 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:37,402 You know, it's weird. 273 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,364 When they're reading your profile, does it make you feel exposed? 274 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,283 Like they see you naked? 275 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,650 Well, they're not running away screaming, so, no. 276 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,210 I love Little House. 277 00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:53,208 It made me want to live on a farm so much 278 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:54,884 I tried to milk my cat. 279 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:01,131 That tangy bowl of Cheerios was not worth the stitches. 280 00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,806 Well, you sit back, relax, 281 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:08,685 and enjoy a beloved childhood memory. 282 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,407 You see that cabin there? 283 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,007 I read they were illegally squatting on Indian land. 284 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:25,329 Personally, I think what we did to the Native Americans was wrong, 285 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,971 but this is your favorite show, not mine. 286 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:33,522 Oh, look at little Laura Ingalls, eating that peanut butter sandwich. 287 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,005 Peanut butter? 288 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,446 Huh... 289 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:39,444 That's strange, 290 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,007 since peanut butter wasn't introduced until the early 1900s. 291 00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,767 If I knew this show was about time travel, 292 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,763 I would have watched it much sooner. 293 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,810 You're trying to get back at me 294 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,641 for what I said about Raiders of the Lost Ark. 295 00:16:56,664 --> 00:16:58,404 That's silly. 296 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,126 Almost as silly as Dr. Baker having a telephone, 297 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:04,283 since telephones only existed in large cities at that time. 298 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:07,491 This is more like Little House on the Preposterous. 299 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,566 Sheldon, we're in a relationship. 300 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,121 When you get angry, just tell me. 301 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:15,850 You don't need to seek revenge. 302 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:17,806 Are you sure? 303 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,404 Every time my dad stayed out all night, 304 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,091 my mom would put hamster poop in his chewing tobacco. 305 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,240 Well, that's not how we're going to do it. 306 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,245 Fine. 307 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,850 I'm mad at you. 308 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,321 Not only did you ruin Raiders for me, 309 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,203 you may have ruined the whole franchise. 310 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:38,089 Except for the fourth one, 311 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,288 which was bad before you got your mitts on it. 312 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:44,401 I shouldn't have said it. I'm sorry. 313 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:46,366 Thank you. 314 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:48,920 - Do you feel better? - Yes. 315 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,243 But not as good as I'm going to when I tell you 316 00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:54,210 that your precious Garfield has no reason to hate Mondays. 317 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,402 He's a cat. He doesn't have a job. 318 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,560 Hey, I was just... What is happening? 319 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,084 Oh, just a little treat. 320 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,925 I know you've been feeling really bad about your mom lately. 321 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,288 Oh, oh, I have. So bad. 322 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,641 And I wanted to make you feel better, 323 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,531 so I planned something very special for you. 324 00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:23,291 I can already feel it working. 325 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,922 Hello, Leonard. 326 00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,161 Mom?! 327 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,444 I understand you have been whining about my parenting 328 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:37,000 in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend. 329 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:38,880 I... uh... 330 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,530 Bernadette told me everything. 331 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,842 Now you don't get the left or the right. 332 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,610 Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life. 333 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,047 Oh, please, Mommy. No, Mommy. 334 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,645 When you were six years old, 335 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,485 you walked in on me and your father naked. 336 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,766 I was swatting his bottom with your brand-new Ping-Pong paddle. 337 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,162 I didn't dream that? 338 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,046 How did that make you feel? 339 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,971 Penny, come back! I'm sad for real now! 340 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:22,488 In the last two hours, 162 women have read our profiles. 341 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,080 How many of them have sent us messages? 342 00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:25,371 - Combined? - Yes. 343 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,164 Zero. 344 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:31,450 Dude, this is... this is brutal. 345 00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:34,723 I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. 346 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,691 And I had a rescue dog who ran back to the pound. 347 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,524 This is the worst. 348 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,880 If we're gonna get shot down, 349 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,361 we might as well just go to a bar and do it old-school. 350 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:50,001 - And make them look us in the eye. - Yeah, anything is better than this. 351 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,722 - Hello. - Not interested. 352 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,962 I was wrong. This is worse. 353 00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:09,407 Wait, wait. If it wasn't for Indiana Jones, 354 00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,480 the ark would never have ended up at the warehouse! 355 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,329 That's true! 356 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:17,525 He collected and delivered the ark to the proper authorities for filing. 357 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,244 - Like a hero! - Yes! 358 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,726 Although, technically, Indy was supposed to take the ark 359 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:27,280 to a museum to be studied. He couldn't even get that done.