1 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:05,927 Should you really be sitting in Sheldon's spot? 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:07,889 He's in Texas. He'll never know. 3 00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:09,361 I wouldn't be so sure about that. 4 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,369 Yeah, he has a very sensitive butt. 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:15,281 Well, it's true. 6 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,046 Once I saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it up. 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,681 Have you heard from Howard? 8 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,285 I did. His talk at NASA went great. 9 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,646 Sheldon didn't heckle him? 10 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,245 No, in fact, he was so well-behaved, 11 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,449 Howie bought him a Buzz Aldrin bobble head and astronaut ice cream. 12 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,443 - Hey, guys. - Hi, Stewart. 13 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,965 - How's it going? - Good. 14 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:37,805 Sheldon's out of town, so we can do whatever we want. 15 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,000 We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like. 16 00:00:40,024 --> 00:00:41,024 How is it? 17 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:42,730 Disgusting. Do not tell him. 18 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,720 What do you guys want to do tonight? 19 00:00:45,744 --> 00:00:46,801 I don't know. 20 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:49,611 I told Howie if I wasn't busy, I'd spend the night at his mom's. 21 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,649 So for God's sake, think of something. 22 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,005 Stuart? Are you okay? 23 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,804 No, I don't feel so... 24 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,206 - Oh, Stuart? - Stuart? 25 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,169 Oh, my God, you guys need to do something! 26 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,651 Calling 911. 27 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,485 - It's too late. - What do you mean it's too late? 28 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,484 He's been murdered by someone in this room. 29 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,168 - Oh, my God. - Come on! 30 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,167 Welcome to another classic Koothrappali murder mystery dinner. 31 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:21,171 I'm leaving. 32 00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:22,961 You can't leave. 33 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,011 You're a suspect in the mysterious murder of Stuart Bloom. 34 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:31,720 I didn't know his last name was Bloom. 35 00:01:31,744 --> 00:01:32,870 Yeah, it's Bloom. 36 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,161 Are you really gonna lie on the floor 37 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:36,681 and pretend to be dead all night? 38 00:01:36,704 --> 00:01:38,513 What do you think I was gonna do at home? 39 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,560 Are you gonna make us pretend to be a bunch of lame characters 40 00:02:08,584 --> 00:02:10,109 with silly accents? 41 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:14,087 "Lame characters with silly ac..." What kind of actress are you? 42 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,247 You're right, I'm sorry. It sounds like fun. 43 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,687 - Thank you. - That kind of actress. This sucks! 44 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,082 Come on, guys. Raj put a lot of effort into this. 45 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,891 And that's great. It's not sad, it's great. 46 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,360 I think it might be fun to be someone else tonight. 47 00:02:33,511 --> 00:02:35,312 Actually, you're all just gonna be yourselves. 48 00:02:35,335 --> 00:02:36,714 Oh. Ecch! 49 00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,321 All right, if I'm doing this, I'm playing to win. So just to be clear, 50 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,681 If we're ourselves, that means one of us killed Stuart? 51 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:47,686 Very good, Bernadette. You are a regular Byomkesh Bakshi. 52 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,648 What is that, like, the Indian Sherlock Holmes? 53 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,963 Or is Sherlock Holmes the English Byomkesh Bakshi? 54 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,887 According to Wikipedia, Sherlock Holmes came first. 55 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,963 Great, everyone's a Byomkesh Bakshi. 56 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:06,484 Now, here are some secret facts about each of you, 57 00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:09,564 including whether you are the murderer. 58 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,051 Throughout the game, feel free 59 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,248 to ask each other questions to uncover clues. 60 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:14,401 Got it. 61 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,244 Hey, who's the murderer? 62 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,242 Any question but that. 63 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,081 Sorry. 64 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,924 Hey, who's not the murderer? 65 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,566 Bernadette, can you not stand so close to me? 66 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:31,960 What do you care? You're dead. 67 00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,488 Suit yourself. But I can kind of see up your skirt. 68 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,244 Thank you for my bobble head. 69 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,451 Thank you for not making fun of me during my speech. 70 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,728 It wasn't easy. Was it Buzz? 71 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,126 We can't show up to your mom's empty-handed. 72 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,691 We should bring something. 73 00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,645 I already am. I'm bringing the gift of knowledge. 74 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:04,330 Oh, boy. 75 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,846 Despite what her Bible says, recent archeological studies indicate 76 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,731 that although camels are referenced in the Old Testament, 77 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:15,168 they didn't exist in the Middle East until hundreds of years later. 78 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,765 I was gonna say we pick up a cake or a pie. 79 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:21,161 But an insult to her faith is always thoughtful. 80 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,130 So, what happens next? 81 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,362 I can't tell you that. But perhaps the killer dropped 82 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,364 a fun and imaginative clue somewhere in the apartment. 83 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,085 Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge, 84 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,208 and see if there are any clues inside a beer. 85 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:38,931 Hey, I found something. 86 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,367 It looks like a little man with a briefcase. 87 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,363 Oh, no. That's Clarence Darrow. 88 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,364 It's from a game Sheldon made up called Chutes and Lawyers. 89 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,768 You slide down a chute and then work your way back up 90 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,649 through the appellate system. 91 00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:57,682 Well, unlike that, my games are much more fun. 92 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,400 Can I ask you something? Why do you like making us do this stuff? 93 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,531 Well, I guess it goes back to 94 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,000 when I was a fat kid in India, and didn't have any friends. 95 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,405 I didn't know you were fat. 96 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,804 Yeah, I was 200 pounds by the time I was in middle school. 97 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,406 Kids were mean. Cows may be sacred there, 98 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,562 but it doesn't help if you look like one. 99 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,291 Anyway, I was pretty lonely, 100 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,522 so I had to make up my own stories and games, 101 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,842 and I promised myself if I ever made any friends 102 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,810 that I would play those games with them. 103 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,884 That is so sweet. 104 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,210 I've seen old pictures of you. 105 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,646 You were never a fat kid. 106 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,723 No, I was svelte as a gazelle. 107 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,529 A gazelle blessed with a flair for storytelling. 108 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,728 Hey, what about this? It looks like a receipt. 109 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,530 - What's it for? - For a cup of coffee. 110 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,523 But it's dated 20 years from now. 111 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,401 From the future? How fun and imaginative. 112 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,250 So one of us came back from the future to murder Stuart? 113 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,401 Correct. 114 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,449 Does the gazelle with a flair for storytelling 115 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,284 know he's ripping off Terminator? 116 00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:05,444 Does the smart-ass know that Terminator was actually 117 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,360 ripped off from an Outer Limits script called. 118 00:06:07,384 --> 00:06:09,123 Demon With a Glass Hand, by Harlan Ellison? 119 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,204 Oh, does the gazelle know that according to Harlan Ellison, 120 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,761 it was not ripped off from Demon With a Glass Hand, 121 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:17,207 but was ripped off from another Outer Limits script 122 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,885 he wrote called The Soldier? 123 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,804 I'm gonna need another clue. 124 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,683 Okay, give me the flowers and pie. 125 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,480 But if we show up and you're holding them, 126 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,125 she'll think they're only from you. 127 00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:33,486 They are only from me. 128 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,041 You said the gift of you was enough. 129 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,485 Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me 130 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,484 with flowers and pie looks like, there's no going back. 131 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,364 Boy, I can't wait to see the look on her face... 132 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,446 We're leaving right now. 133 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,840 - What's wrong? - Nothing. 134 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,490 Sheldon, tell me what's going on! 135 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,045 I saw my mommy with a naked man 136 00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:57,043 and she was trying to be a mommy again. 137 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,444 You ready to talk about it? 138 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,523 I'm not nearly drunk enough. 139 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,531 Okay. 140 00:07:17,280 --> 00:07:18,920 Do you have any idea what it's like to see 141 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,809 your mother ravaging someone? 142 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,605 Does a brisket count? 143 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,521 I'm sorry, buddy, that's rough. 144 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,080 But didn't she know we were coming? 145 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,931 No. I wanted to surprise her. 146 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,050 What am I supposed to say to her after something like this? 147 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:39,089 Well, did she see you in the window? 148 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,844 - No. - Then don't say anything. 149 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,924 I have to. 150 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,128 How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship 151 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,964 if I don't tell her how disappointed I am, 152 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,690 and that I'll never forgive her? 153 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,483 Well, don't do it on the phone. 154 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,085 I'm just going to tell her I'm coming 155 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,851 so she can give that "Good Time Charlie" the heave-ho. 156 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,802 That's some tough talk. I may need to cut you off. 157 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,401 Yeah, maybe you better. I took a pretty big sip. 158 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,686 Look, she's a grown woman. 159 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,771 And... and your dad's been gone a long time. 160 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,082 Maybe this is none of your business. 161 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,004 I beg to differ. 162 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,844 I used to live in those genitals. 163 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,081 And if someone wants to move into my old room, 164 00:08:26,104 --> 00:08:27,788 I should at least get a vote. 165 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,524 Okay, murder suspects, 166 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,570 Leonard has found the time machine the killer must've used. 167 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,611 You're all inside it, and we hurtle through the very fabric of time. 168 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,683 And welcome to 20 years in the future. 169 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:57,807 Hey, you guys just time-traveled. Stop looking so bored. 170 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,327 Well, my beer isn't flat and my rack's not saggy. 171 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,562 So far, the future's great. 172 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:07,771 Hey, can I go to the bathroom? 173 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,888 Fine, just try not to look too alive. 174 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,041 That's my jam. 175 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,128 So one of us went back in time to kill Stuart? 176 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,130 - But why? - Perhaps this will help. 177 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,524 Here are some facts about yourselves in the future 178 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,160 that might contain a clue. 179 00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,646 Hey, I won the Nobel Prize in physiology. 180 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,446 Then I used the money to buy Stuart's comic book store, 181 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,251 and close it down so Sheldon would pay attention to me. 182 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,684 Not the worst idea. 183 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:45,886 Hey, I'm a famous actress living in London. 184 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,804 I'm a professor at Stanford. 185 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:50,042 So I guess you two are making it work long distance. 186 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,965 Oh, no. In this game, as your careers both took off, 187 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,771 you drifted apart. Kind of like how future me 188 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,761 lost touch with you guys after I became boy toy 189 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,491 for the wrinkled, but still flexible, Madonna. 190 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,480 What does your card say, Bernadette? 191 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,171 Hang on. Do you think we'd really drift apart 192 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:09,924 if we both became successful? 193 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:11,366 Of course not. 194 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,280 If I became a famous actress and had to move, 195 00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:14,874 you would just come with me. 196 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,200 But if I get a chance to be a tenured professor, 197 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,720 I might not have that much choice in where I end up. 198 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,609 Yeah, but if I become a successful actress, 199 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,250 we wouldn't need the money. 200 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,601 Well, you don't go into science for the money. 201 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:27,960 Speak for yourself. 202 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,205 Last month, my company both invented and cured Restless Eye Syndrome. 203 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:37,402 Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps. 204 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,001 So, wait, if my career took me somewhere else, 205 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,206 You might not go? 206 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:49,725 He started it. 207 00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,681 Okay, guys, new back stories. 208 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,201 Penny and Leonard, you two lovebirds 209 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,250 are super successful and living in New York. 210 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,768 You're an actress, you're a professor and you have three beautiful kids. 211 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:02,921 - Great. - Really? 212 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,080 You think I'm putting this body through three kids? 213 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:09,930 Okay, let's do this. 214 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,081 Good luck. 215 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,561 You... Aren't you gonna come with me? 216 00:11:13,720 --> 00:11:15,882 While you confront your mother about her sex life? 217 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:19,408 I'd rather go back to that bar in ass-less chaps. 218 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,888 Mother? Mother? 219 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,931 Mother. 220 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,841 Shelly! I'm so glad you're here! 221 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,769 I saw you having naked sex. 222 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:39,210 What are you talking about? 223 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,522 Earlier, I came here to surprise you. 224 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,405 I looked in the window and I saw you with a man. 225 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:48,884 Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry. Come in. 226 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,000 Um... 227 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,891 Maybe we should sit down and talk about this. 228 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,771 Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on? 229 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,244 That's not funny. 230 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,329 Maybe we should sit at the table. 231 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:24,370 Well, I'm sure that you have a lot of questions. 232 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:26,841 Who was he? 233 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,243 His name is Ron. I met him at my prayer group. 234 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,241 How long have you been involved with him? 235 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,850 A few months. 236 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,650 And of those few months, 237 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,770 how long have you been a demented sex pervert? 238 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,442 That is no way to speak to your mother. 239 00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,011 Perhaps not. 240 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,521 But it is a way to speak to a woman who quoted the Bible 241 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,682 to me my whole life, and then desecrates 242 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,683 one of Ethan Allen's finest sofas. 243 00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:58,482 I will give you one opportunity, young man, to apologize. 244 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,603 - Or what? - Or I will send you to your room. 245 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,531 That's ridiculous. I am a grown man. 246 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,529 I am a professional scientist. 247 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,848 And I currently occupy the moral high ground. 248 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,570 Go to your room. 249 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,568 But I occupy the moral high ground. 250 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:17,646 Go to your room. 251 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:20,530 But I'm a professional scientist. 252 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,445 Go to your room! 253 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,003 I'm a grown man. 254 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,605 Can we please get back to the game? 255 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:37,240 In a minute. I don't understand why any success 256 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,927 you have in acting is more important than any I have in science. 257 00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,889 Okay, if you do something cool in science, 258 00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,246 you might change the world. 259 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,882 If I become a famous actress... 260 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,681 I'm not gonna tell you why movie stars are the best. They just are. 261 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,887 I'm surprised you guys never talked about this stuff. 262 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:57,088 Like you and Sheldon have everything figured out? 263 00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:00,642 Actually, our relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios, 264 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,485 including career changes, financial instability, 265 00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:05,608 intelligent dog uprising. 266 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,443 FYI, we plan on selling out the human race hard. 267 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,526 In 20 years, who knows what'll happen with any of us? 268 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,160 I think you and Leonard will be together. 269 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:20,765 - You do? - Yeah. 270 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,689 I think you're the best couple I know. 271 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,041 That's so sweet. 272 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,565 - What the hell? - Excuse me? 273 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,442 Duh, duh, duh... Let the dead man talk. 274 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:32,126 So, why do you think that? 275 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:36,888 Well, I feel like you guys make each other better. 276 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,247 Penny brought Leonard out of his shell. 277 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,280 And it seems like Leonard makes Penny think more deeply about the world. 278 00:14:42,304 --> 00:14:46,707 I don't know. Together, you two kind of make one awesome person. 279 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,330 AW, Stuart. 280 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:51,050 Now I feel bad for murdering you. 281 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,242 Oh, come on! 282 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:57,449 Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses! 283 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,650 Hey, can I come in? 284 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,880 Apparently any man is welcome in this house. 285 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,570 Why not you? 286 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,329 I thought you were waiting in the car. 287 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,970 That was an hour ago, Sheldon. 288 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,327 A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas that long, 289 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,170 "For Sale" signs start to go up. 290 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,008 I take it things didn't go smoothly with your mom. 291 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:29,046 No. 292 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,683 I'm not sure how we're going to get past this. 293 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:38,482 You know, I sort of went through something like this myself. 294 00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:40,847 Howard, we've all seen your mother naked. 295 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,362 That woman needs to learn how to tie a robe. 296 00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,247 I'm talking about when my mom started seeing someone 297 00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,482 a couple years after my dad left. 298 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,006 I didn't know she did. 299 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,846 Yeah, she was dating this guy, 300 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:01,607 and I was kind of a jerk to her about it. 301 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,326 What did you do? 302 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:06,405 Let's just say it was the most vicious 303 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,688 bar mitzvah speech in the history of Temple Beth El. 304 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,327 Anyway, she broke up with him. 305 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,646 And she's basically been alone ever since. 306 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:24,048 She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why. 307 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,005 I'm sorry. 308 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:28,730 Although, based on your story, 309 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:30,809 you absolutely were the reason why. 310 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,124 All I'm saying is you might not want 311 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,329 to get in the way of your mom's happiness. 312 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,525 You may have a point. 313 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:44,285 I love my mother. 314 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:47,921 Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel. 315 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,324 And the healing begins. 316 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:02,525 - Hello. - Hello. 317 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:05,524 Are you ready to discuss this calmly, like adults? 318 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,405 I am. 319 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,771 Shelly, I'm sorry that you saw what you saw. 320 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,127 I know that this is hard for you. 321 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,282 I think what most upsets me about it, Mother, is the hypocrisy. 322 00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:32,206 Doesn't this contradict 323 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,840 all the religious rules you've been espousing your whole life? 324 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:36,724 You're right, it does, and it's something 325 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,962 that I'm struggling with these days. 326 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,650 Then why are you doing it? 327 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,644 Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. 328 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:46,531 And that man's booty is. 329 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,009 Well, this is confusing for me. 330 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:58,321 But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. 331 00:17:58,520 --> 00:17:59,520 So... 332 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,806 I'll condemn you internally while maintaining 333 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,689 an outward appearance of acceptance. 334 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,440 That is very Christian of you. 335 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,600 Mother, if you're going to conduct your life in this fashion, 336 00:18:15,624 --> 00:18:18,364 then I should let you know that the world has changed 337 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,045 since you were a young woman. 338 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:24,206 You know, it's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation anymore. 339 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,769 How old do you think I am? 340 00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,443 My point is that you're going to need to be careful. 341 00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:37,124 You used to be protected by your pre-Enlightenment mythology, 342 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,726 but now you're going to need a stronger friend 343 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,325 named latex. 344 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,646 Are you having the sex talk with me? 345 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:48,851 Well, someone has to. 346 00:18:49,000 --> 00:18:51,002 Oh, dear Lord! 347 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,811 No, don't look to Him. He's mad at you right now. 348 00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,370 Come on, don't pout. I'm sorry I ruined your game. 349 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,409 I'm not pouting, I'm brooding. 350 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,844 Which is how sexy men pout. 351 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,050 It actually was kind of fun. 352 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:13,611 You're just saying that. 353 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,090 Yeah. 354 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,965 I liked the time travel element. 355 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,690 Thank you. I thought it was inspired. 356 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,683 It was. By Terminator. 357 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,760 Well, I hope 20 years from now, we really are all still together 358 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:28,926 and still friends. 359 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,241 - Definitely. - Of course. 360 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,731 Hey, how about this? 361 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,882 Whether we're friends, not friends, 362 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,929 scattered around the world, no matter what, 363 00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:38,080 let's all promise to meet in front of this building 364 00:19:38,104 --> 00:19:40,241 exactly 20 years from tonight at 8:00 p.m. 365 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,925 and have dinner like we always do. 366 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,684 Aw, I love it. 367 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,641 Putting it in my phone right now. 368 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:47,154 Yeah, me, too. 369 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,004 My phone doesn't have a calendar. 370 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,442 It's all right, I'll just write it on my hand. 371 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:00,805 And it's done. 372 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,121 Yup, we're all in. 373 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,760 All right, I'll see you guys in 20 years. 374 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:13,931 I knew it.