1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:04,128
NARRATOR:
<i>Previously on</i> The Big Bang Theory:

2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:05,805
We were worried about you.

3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,083
Don't be melodramatic.

4
00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,449
I'm just getting on a train
and leaving forever.

5
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,927
A few things don't go your way...

6
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,801
...and your best decision is
to ride the rails like a hobo?

7
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:21,164
Leonard, I am overwhelmed.

8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,570
Everything is changing
and it's simply too much.

9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,449
I need to get away and think.

10
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,607
- Sheldon.
- Yes?

11
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:31,486
I'm gonna miss you.

12
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,163
Of course you are.

13
00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,962
- You just made that easier.
PENNY: Mm-hm.

14
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,688
Excuse me.

15
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,441
Is it at all possible
that you're knitting a pair of pants?

16
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,881
Oh, no. You're understandably terrified.

17
00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:57,883
You know, allow me to explain.

18
00:00:58,040 --> 00:00:59,690
Forty-five days ago...

19
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,730
...um, I embarked
on a railroad journey of healing...

20
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,963
...because my university
was making me do string theory...

21
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,202
...my favorite comic-book store
burned down...

22
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:12,365
...and when my roommate got engaged,
my girlfriend wanted to move in with me.

23
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,091
Which was no doubt a ploy just to see my...

24
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,687
...well, excuse my language,
but my bathing-suit parts.

25
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,443
Sir, may I use your phone?

26
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,483
I don't think so.

27
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:27,290
I understand that I'm half-naked...

28
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:31,724
...but there is a reasonable explanation.
While I slept in my sleeper car...

29
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,689
...all my possessions were stolen.

30
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,047
Now, typically, I wear pajamas...

31
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:40,006
...but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle...

32
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,602
...and pajamas are
the sleep-pants of the man.

33
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,566
I'll have you know
Mahatma Gandhi wore no pants...

34
00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:50,609
...and a nation rallied behind him!

35
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,520
My good man, now, before you walk away,
I know that I may appear deranged...

36
00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:58,411
...but I am, in fact,
a world-renowned physicist.

37
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:02,884
Ask me the difference between a boson
and a fermion. Go ahead, ask.

38
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,568
Bosons have integer spin.

39
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,722
Fermions have half-integer spin.

40
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:13,771
My legs are getting cold.
Why won't anybody help me?

41
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,606
- Morning.
- Hi. Want to do yoga with me?

42
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,489
Uh, let me just have some coffee first...

43
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,571
...and then I'll have the strength
to tell you how much I won't be doing that.

44
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,923
[PHONE RINGING]

45
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,731
- Hello?
- Hello, Leonard.

46
00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:57,928
Hey, buddy. Good to hear your voice.

47
00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,208
I'm in Kingman, Arizona...

48
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,603
...and, uh, I need you to come pick me up.

49
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,968
I'd love to, I'm just about
to do yoga with Penny.

50
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,925
Leonard, I'm at the police station.
I was robbed.

51
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,641
They took my phone,
my wallet, my iPad, everything.

52
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,605
- Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- No, I'm not okay.

53
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,451
I'm wearing borrowed pants...

54
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,806
...I don't have ID...

55
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,806
...and one of the officers here
won't stop calling me Chicken Legs.

56
00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,209
Okay, I'll come get you.

57
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,522
- What's the address?
- Hey, what's going on?

58
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:35,365
- He got all of his stuff stolen.
SHELDON: <i>2530 E. Andy Devine Ave.</i>

59
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,124
- Okay.
SHELDON: <i>Hurry.</i>

60
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,164
Sheldon, hang tight.
Hey, do you want me to bring anything?

61
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,328
Yes, please. A pair of pants.

62
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,970
And my toothbrush.

63
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:47,767
And my mail. And a really good comeback
for Chicken Legs...

64
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,403
...because, "I know you are, but what am I?"
was met with stony silence.

65
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,210
I'll be there as soon as I can.

66
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,250
- Is he okay?
- Yeah, he's fine. He's just a little rattled.

67
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,563
- Feel like driving to Arizona?
- I can't. I have that job interview.

68
00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:02,762
- Right.
- Besides, I don't need six hours of:

69
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:05,002
"Your hair is different.
Why did you change?

70
00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,481
I'm holding my breath
until your hair grows back."

71
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,444
All right, fine.

72
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,644
Can you think of a reason
I shouldn't invite Amy to come with me?

73
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,849
- No.
- Come on, you didn't even try.

74
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,606
- Thanks for the lift.
- What's wrong with your car?

75
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,764
I'm having my windows untinted.

76
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,647
Why?

77
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,849
I got a hot girlfriend now.
I want the haters to know.

78
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,045
What are you talking about?
No one's paying attention to you.

79
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:34,361
Wow.

80
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,682
How's that Haterade taste, bro?

81
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,690
Hey, this isn't the way to work.

82
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,884
I just want to pop in
and make sure Ma's okay.

83
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,327
- I thought Stuart was looking after her.
- He was.

84
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:47,881
But now that her cast is off, he moved out.

85
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,964
And, honestly, I'm kind of glad.
It was getting a little weird.

86
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,327
- How so?
- I don't know.

87
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,966
They're chummy.

88
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:57,600
Like us?

89
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,486
No, not like us. Creepy chummy.

90
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:02,768
Like you and your dog.

91
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:06,208
She feeds him out of her own mouth?

92
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,200
I mean, he calls her Debbie,
she calls him Stewie...

93
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,522
...and they're all giggly around each other.

94
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,241
And believe me, when food goes
in that mouth, it does not come out.

95
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:21,642
So are you worried
because he's replacing you as a son...

96
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,764
...or are you worried
because he's becoming her lover?

97
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,207
First of all, no one can replace me as a son.

98
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,930
I'm her little matzo ball.

99
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,530
And secondly, my mother is well past
having any kind of sex life.

100
00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:37,001
Okay, okay.

101
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,251
- Although, many older women lead vibrant...
- I said, well past it!

102
00:05:45,640 --> 00:05:47,608
Excuse me, Officer Hernandez.

103
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,604
Any leads on the person
who stole my belongings?

104
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,888
- Not yet.
- Perhaps I can help.

105
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:57,608
Sherlock Holmes always says,
"When you eliminate the impossible...

106
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,287
...whatever remains, however improbable,
must be the truth."

107
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,364
Now, have you tried doing that?

108
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,521
Nope.

109
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,920
Well, maybe you should.

110
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,647
There's lots of books
called <i>Sherlock Holmes...</i>

111
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,451
...and there's no books
called <i>Officer Hernandez.</i>

112
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,801
Thanks again for coming.

113
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,486
Six hours was gonna be
a long drive by myself.

114
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,849
My pleasure.

115
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,321
I'm not angry
that my boyfriend was in trouble...

116
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,563
...and called you instead of me. I love that.

117
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,809
Yeah, time's gonna fly by.

118
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,128
I haven't been on a job interview in years.

119
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:46,248
- I'm really nervous.
- Don't be.

120
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,289
You are built for pharmaceutical sales.

121
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,966
You're cute, you're flirty and...

122
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,124
Started that like there were
gonna be three things.

123
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,122
I don't have any experience in sales...

124
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,931
...unless you count
the bikini car wash I did in school...

125
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,686
...but you already made me
take that off my résumé.

126
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,322
This job is a lot like being a waitress.

127
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,484
Except, instead of pushing fish tacos
because they'll go bad...

128
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,529
...you're pushing our antidepressants...

129
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,002
...before the FDA finds out
they may cause rectal bleeding.

130
00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:18,524
They do?

131
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:19,727
Maybe.

132
00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:25,723
Like our lawyers say, "The world is full
of things that can cause a rectum to bleed."

133
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,246
I talked you up to Dan.
He'll be interviewing you.

134
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,324
Ugh, I really appreciate this.
I just hope I'm not in over my head.

135
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,927
- You'll be fine. Just be yourself.
- I wish I felt more confident.

136
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,731
I wouldn't put you up for this
if you couldn't handle it.

137
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,930
- Thank you, but maybe I should cancel.
- It's too late to cancel, you're going.

138
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,287
But I don't know anything
about pharmaceuticals.

139
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:49,609
Oh, I understand. You wanna
do something you're already good at.

140
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,489
I know, why don't I get you a job...

141
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:55,247
...at the sitting-around-all-day-
wearing-yoga-pants factory?

142
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,882
They're comfortable.

143
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:08,009
Ma, I hope you're decent. Raj is here.
You just started seeing naked women again...

144
00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:11,562
...and I don't want you to be confused
about where the boobs should be.

145
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,283
Oh. Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?

146
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,247
Uh, what are you doing here?
I thought you moved out.

147
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,004
Oh, yeah. I was going to.

148
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,164
And then Debbie and I got to talking
over dinner the other night.

149
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,130
I didn't have any place to go,
she likes having me around...

150
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,930
...so we both said, "Why leave?"

151
00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,764
At the same time. Ha-ha-ha.

152
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,287
Yeah, it was precious.

153
00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,927
It's not that precious, heh.

154
00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,209
I'd like to back you up,
but it sounds like it was pretty precious.

155
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,769
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Stewie, I can't find my glasses.

156
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,450
Be right there, Deb-Deb.

157
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,689
Oh, they're probably on her head.

158
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:53,927
[CHUCKLES]

159
00:08:54,080 --> 00:08:55,844
Or in her neck. Listen.

160
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:02,284
You staying here seems like something
she would've talked to me about.

161
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,649
Well, maybe if you called your mother
more often, you'd know.

162
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,526
[SCOFFS]

163
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,849
Wouldn't kill you to pick up the phone.

164
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,842
[CHEWING LOUDLY]

165
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,324
Any word on my stolen items?

166
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,244
We're doing everything we can.

167
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:36,287
You know, Sherlock Holmes liked
to use cocaine to sharpen his focus.

168
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:41,488
But I'm sure those
Cool Ranch Doritos are doing the trick.

169
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,766
Sheldon.

170
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:48,641
Leonard. Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

171
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,009
- Are you okay?
- Oh, I'm fine. Why did you come?

172
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,444
What do you mean, why did I come?

173
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,206
You're my boyfriend.
I haven't seen you in over a month.

174
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,249
I just drove six hours to help you out.

175
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,688
Don't you have anything to say besides,
"Why did you come?"

176
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:09,041
I do, but I feel uncomfortable saying it out loud
in front of these police officers.

177
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,689
Fine. Whisper it.

178
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,843
[WHISPERS]
Shotgun.

179
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:30,930
So, Sheldon, tell us about your trip.
Where'd you go?

180
00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:32,411
Where didn't I go?

181
00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,723
I went to New York, Chicago, Atlanta...

182
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,882
...Denver, Seattle.

183
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,326
How were they?

184
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,211
Oh, I have no idea.
I never left the train station.

185
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:48,125
Hang on. You traveled across the entire country
and never left a train station?

186
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,166
Why would I?
That's where all the cool trains are.

187
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:55,167
I'm sorry. So you never went outside?

188
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,687
Or had a single piece of fruit.

189
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:06,811
So why do you think you'd make
a good pharmaceuticals sales rep?

190
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,209
Well, I'm a people person.

191
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,966
People like me.
Some of my favorite people are people.

192
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,724
I feel like I'm saying "people" a lot.
People, people, people... Okay, I'm done.

193
00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,044
You sure?

194
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,368
People. Yes.

195
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,362
Good. Ahem. So how do you feel
your previous job experience...

196
00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,330
...has prepared you for a career like this?

197
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,564
Uh, well, as a waitress,
sales was a big part of my job.

198
00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,326
Believe me, I convinced a lot
of very large customers...

199
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,404
...who should not be eating cheesecake
to have more cheesecake.

200
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,530
I mean, one of those chubsters
even had an insulin pump.

201
00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,491
I have an insulin pump.

202
00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:53,689
People.

203
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,245
It's weird, right?

204
00:11:57,440 --> 00:12:00,603
A grown man in his 30s
living with my mother?

205
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,560
That is weird. I thought he was, like, 45.

206
00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,130
- Come on, you don't think it's a little odd?
- I don't know.

207
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,569
She's lonely, he needs a place to stay.
I doubt there's any funny business going on.

208
00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:15,371
And even if there was, who cares?
They're both adults.

209
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,763
Who cares? You wouldn't care
if I slept with your mom?

210
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,930
You know what? You're my best friend
and she's in a bad marriage.

211
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,809
I give you my blessing.

212
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:29,445
This is stupid. I'm just gonna call
my mother and be honest with her.

213
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,042
Because that's what little matzo balls do.

214
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,331
[LINE RINGS]

215
00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,887
STUART: <i>This is Debbie.</i>
MRS. WOLOWITZ: <i>And this is Stuart.</i>

216
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,451
[BOTH LAUGHING
ON ANSWERING MACHINE]

217
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,523
BOTH:
<i>Just kidding!</i>

218
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,450
STUART:
<i>Leave a message!</i>

219
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,602
[MACHINE BEEPS]

220
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,648
[WHISPERS]
This is the part where you talk.

221
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:58,889
All right, let's say a physician was
prescribing one of our competitor's drugs.

222
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,805
How would you convince them
to switch to ours?

223
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:07,963
Um...

224
00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,125
Any chance his car needs
to be washed by a girl in a bikini?

225
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,770
No.

226
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:18,082
Okay, I'm really sorry for wasting your time.

227
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,561
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for stopping by.

228
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:23,087
Okay, thanks.

229
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,086
Um, I'm sorry...
Listen, could you do me a favor...

230
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,965
...and not tell Bernadette
how badly I blew this interview?

231
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,169
She'll get upset and honestly,
I'm a little terrified of her.

232
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,169
- Wait, you're scared of Bernadette?
- Yeah, kind of.

233
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,491
I thought it was just me!

234
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:50,005
No, no. Everyone thinks she's so nice
with her squeaky little voice.

235
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,888
I know. But she's kind of a bully.

236
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,610
Well, she is.

237
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:59,482
I didn't even want to meet you,
but I was too scared to say no to her.

238
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,167
Me too.

239
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,762
One time, I had... Whoa, ha, ha.

240
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,366
I had to tell her
we were cutting research funding...

241
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:09,967
- ...for one of the drugs she was developing.
- What happened?

242
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:12,766
I couldn't do it. She's still working on it.

243
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,922
[BOTH LAUGHING]

244
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,161
Oh, we're not gonna tell her
about this, right?

245
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,288
- Oh, my God, no.
- No.

246
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,206
At the hot dog stand
in the Denver train station?

247
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:26,646
Heinz ketchup.

248
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,366
The hot dog stand
in the Salt Lake City train station?

249
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,965
Heinz ketchup.

250
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:35,170
The hot dog stand
in the Indianapolis train station...?

251
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,010
I don't care.

252
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:41,605
Wrong. Hunt's.

253
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,922
Hey, Amy. What do you say?
You ready to move on to the mustard round?

254
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,971
Have you not noticed
that I've been sitting back here...

255
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,408
...quietly stewing for the past two hours?

256
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,611
I just thought you were bad at the game.

257
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,482
I'm mad at you.

258
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,325
How could you go away
without even saying goodbye...

259
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,450
...and then call Leonard for help
instead of me?

260
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:12,766
Amy, may I please have a moment of privacy
to speak with my roommate?

261
00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:15,843
We're in a moving car.

262
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,568
What do you expect me to do,
stick my fingers in my ears?

263
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,566
I was thinking put your head out
the window like a dog, but that'll work.

264
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:27,445
Please. This'll be quick.

265
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,810
Leonard, as soon as we get home...

266
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,769
...I want to have coitus with Amy.

267
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:46,686
Okay, she can't hear.

268
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,369
The reason I called you is because...

269
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,888
...I didn't want Amy to know
I couldn't make it on my own.

270
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,006
What's the big deal?

271
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,761
Of course it's no big deal to you.

272
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:06,130
You idolize me and nothing could ever
knock me off that pedestal you put me on.

273
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,887
It's true. You are a god to me.

274
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,003
- Can I stop now?
- Just tell her.

275
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:21,129
I called Leonard because I failed...

276
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,250
...and I didn't want you to think less of me.

277
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,080
You were worried about that?

278
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,009
Yes.

279
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,322
Sheldon.

280
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,687
It's okay with me that you're not perfect.

281
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,321
Can I have one more moment with Leonard?

282
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,530
Sure.

283
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,889
Amy just hurt my feelings.
I want to break up with her.

284
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:07,526
I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm kind of excited to see Sheldon.

285
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,886
I never thought I'd say this,
but Penny got a job today.

286
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,884
- She did?
- Well, the only reason she got it...

287
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,089
...is because the guy
who interviewed her loves me.

288
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,490
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

289
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:22,805
[CLEARS THROAT]

290
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,764
What do you want?

291
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,608
I, uh, kind of got the feeling...

292
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,650
...you might not be okay
with me staying at your mom's.

293
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,565
You're right, I'm not. I think it's weird...

294
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,484
- Howie.
- It is. He's a grown man.

295
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,404
He's just gonna live there rent-free?

296
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,564
How is that gonna motivate him
to get off his butt and get a job?

297
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,530
I mean, do you even have a plan?

298
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,808
Hey, you're not my father, okay?

299
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,321
And besides,
your mother and I were talking...

300
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:53,007
- "Your mother and I"? You're not my father.
- I didn't say I was your father.

301
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:55,322
- I didn't say I was your father.
- Calm down.

302
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,724
You're not his father, he's not your father.
Nobody is anybody's father.

303
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:03,244
I'm sorry you don't like my life choices,
but it's my life.

304
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,402
Well, it's my house, it's my rules.

305
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,568
Oh, ho! Okay, Dad.

306
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,121
If I mow the lawn, can I have my allowance?

307
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,203
Don't take that sarcastic tone with him.

308
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,846
- I don't have to listen to you.
- Don't talk like that.

309
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,243
That is my mother...
Wife. My wife. I said my wife.

310
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,487
You know what?
This isn't getting us anywhere.

311
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,564
When you're ready to apologize,
you know where to find me.

312
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:26,245
Yeah, in my house!

313
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,971
STUART:
That's right, sucker!

314
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:34,161
I wish I'd never gone on that trip.

315
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,527
I feel no better now than when I left.

316
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:39,160
- But you still accomplished something.
- Yeah.

317
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,120
If you had told anyone you were going
on a train by yourself across the country...

318
00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,044
...do you know what they would've said?

319
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,850
- That I couldn't do it?
LEONARD: Exactly.

320
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,889
Right after they said, "Yeah!"

321
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,290
But you did do it.
So what if it didn't all go your way?

322
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,006
That's what makes it an adventure.

323
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,969
That's a good point.

324
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:02,329
You know, I'm a lot like Gandalf the Grey.

325
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:07,482
He fought the Balrog and emerged stronger
than ever as Gandalf the White.

326
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:12,407
I was robbed of my phone and pants
and I, too, came back stronger.

327
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:16,804
And whiter too, because I wasn't
in direct sunlight for six weeks.

328
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,244
See? This trip was good for you.

329
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,925
Indeed.

330
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,970
I was the world's smartest caterpillar.

331
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,761
And then after pupating
in our nation's railway system...

332
00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:33,289
...I have burst forth
as the world's smartest butterfly.

333
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:37,968
A butterfly could've gotten
himself home from Arizona.

334
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,011
Yeah, I feel renewed.

335
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,365
I'm ready to deal with any changes
that come my way.

336
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,446
- Hey. Look who's back.
- Hey.

337
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:52,286
Your hair is different. You changed your hair.
I can't take this. I'm out.

338
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,328
- Like to see pictures from my trip?
- I thought your phone got stolen.

339
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:04,361
It did, but luckily, all my photos
got backed up to the cloud.

340
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,171
And you thought they all had a silver lining.

341
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,364
Here, day one.

342
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,688
This was the seat I was going to sit in...

343
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:15,003
...but didn't because there were
cracker crumbs on it.

344
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:18,130
And as it was first class, I suspect Ritz.

345
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,844
This is the train bathroom.

346
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:27,210
This is the Imodium I took so I would
never have to use the train bathroom.

347
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,842
I can't believe you traveled the country
and never left the train station.

348
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:36,807
I know. You know, I almost died
in a fire in Des Moines, but I stayed put.

349
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:40,451
FYI, that's when the Imodium gave out.

350
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,322
[English - US - SDH]