1
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:08,049
- This is an easy one. You love this guy.
- Me.

2
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,762
Come on.
He's an underappreciated genius...

3
00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,288
Still think it's me.

4
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:19,560
It's not you. Now think.
There's a car named after him.

5
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,690
Of course there is.
The Mini Cooper, because it's me.

6
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,289
How about this?

7
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,170
He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.

8
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,560
Oh, Tesla.

9
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:33,604
- Hi.
- Hey, how'd it go?

10
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:37,407
Not fun. The doctor shoved
a camera up into my sinuses.

11
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,360
Yeah, I watched. It was like
the scary boat tunnel in <i>Willy Wonka.</i>

12
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:45,726
- They figure out what's wrong?
- It's a deviated septum.

13
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,247
The surgery is simple.
He's gonna do it next week.

14
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,165
Why would you have surgery?

15
00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,850
Because I can't breathe.

16
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,480
And I snore, I get sinus infections...

17
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,961
Back off, he's all mine.

18
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,085
You don't have a life-threatening condition.
Why would you take the risk of surgery?

19
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:05,040
Sheldon, it's a routine procedure.
I've heard you complain about his snoring.

20
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:08,886
Yes, for the first five or six years,
but I've gotten used to it.

21
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,890
It helps me sleep.

22
00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:13,520
He's like my mucus-powered
white-noise machine.

23
00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,090
Sheldon, I'm gonna get the surgery.
It's no big deal, end of story.

24
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,607
- Very well, I'm done talking about it.
- Thank you.

25
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,161
- I believe it was your turn in the game.
- Okay.

26
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,800
Let's see. Oh, this person is most famous...

27
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,124
...for never having gotten his nose
mutilated with elective surgery...

28
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,607
...and never living his life in the shadows...

29
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,730
...as a hideous disfigured freak.

30
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,968
I think you could give a better clue.

31
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,290
I don't. I'm not even sure
if that's a person or a typo.

32
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,967
[SNORING]

33
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,562
Okay, why?

34
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:30,681
I'm listening to you snore.

35
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,366
I'm wondering how I'll ever sleep without it.

36
00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,171
If it helps you sleep,
then why are you sitting here...

37
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,244
...staring at me like the albino boogeyman?

38
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:43,490
Really, Leonard, insults?

39
00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,571
After I spent two hours in your closet
waiting for you to fall asleep?

40
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:53,322
- What's your problem?
- If the surgery is successful...

41
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,170
...the snoring is gone.

42
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,567
And if you die during surgery...

43
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,928
...the snoring is gone.

44
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,603
Sounds like either way
I finally get some rest.

45
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,203
I have to be honest with you, Leonard.
I'm truly worried.

46
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,091
Okay, I told you,
there's nothing to worry about.

47
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,165
I've been doing some research,
and I've learned that 1 in 700,000 people...

48
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,402
...die from general anesthesia.

49
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:25,964
Buddy, do you realize that also means
699,999 people don't die?

50
00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,646
I suppose that's true.

51
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,809
You're such a glass half-full kind of guy.

52
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,207
I'm going to miss that.

53
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,329
Oh, so my parents' 40th anniversary
is coming up...

54
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,448
...and I can't think of a thing to get.

55
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:50,482
Damn. Can you imagine being married
to someone for 40 years?

56
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,289
Not anymore.

57
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,043
Anyway, any ideas on a gift?

58
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,209
What are some of the things they like?

59
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,683
They liked going to the Mumbai Symphony...

60
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,366
...but last year, my mom thought
they were phoning it in.

61
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,042
Then my dad said, based on their love life,
she should know about phoning it in.

62
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,689
- He said that?
- They weren't speaking...

63
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,604
...so he had a servant say it to her.

64
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,688
Oh, maybe I could make a gift for them.

65
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:26,323
I know how much you guys love
the coasters I made for you.

66
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,929
They're yours in the divorce.

67
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,325
Hey, what are you working on?

68
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:39,131
Remember when I said
if you went through with surgery...

69
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,681
...there was a 1 in 700,000 chance of dying?

70
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,927
[SIGHS]

71
00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,845
- Yeah.
- Well, I've been crunching the numbers...

72
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,970
...and so far, I've gotten
your probability of death...

73
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,045
...all the way to a sphincter-tightening
1 in 300.

74
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:59,001
Great timing.
My "check sphincter" light just went on.

75
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,287
Leonard, what if you have
an allergic reaction...

76
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,489
- ...to the surgeon's latex gloves?
- I'm not allergic to latex.

77
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,764
Then why don't you wear the gloves
I bought to do the dishes?

78
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,242
For the same reason
I don't wear the apron or the hairnet.

79
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,160
Fine. What about epilepsy?

80
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,004
I don't have epilepsy either.

81
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,401
No, you don't, but the surgeon might. Hm?

82
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,724
And your carotid artery
is just one shaky scalpel away...

83
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:26,447
...from becoming the dancing fountain
at Disneyland.

84
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,843
Sheldon, do you realize
that driving is riskier than surgery?

85
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,083
I do. I have the drive
to the hospital right here.

86
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:37,007
That is, if you make it to the car
without falling down the stairs.

87
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,004
And don't expect me to carry you,
I do that enough in life.

88
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,289
Buddy, I get that you're worried about me,
and I appreciate that...

89
00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,090
...but I'm not going to die.

90
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:47,725
You don't know that.

91
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,963
I do know that it won't be
from an asteroid strike.

92
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,811
You know who else said that?

93
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:57,806
Every cocky <i>T. Rex</i> currently swimming
around in the gas tank of your car.

94
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,010
If there was an asteroid strike,
wouldn't you die too?

95
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,801
I don't know. I'm smart and scrappy.
I think I'd find a way.

96
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,049
Tell you what, the surgery's not for a week.
I'll think about it.

97
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,680
Thank you.
And while you're thinking about it...

98
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:16,844
...if you have the surgery in Nicaragua
during monsoon season...

99
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,729
...I can guarantee your death.

100
00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,882
Yes. Okay.

101
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,929
I understand.

102
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,890
Of course, yes. I'll call you tomorrow.

103
00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:33,405
Bye.

104
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,890
So I found this fencing school in Burbank...

105
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,323
...that has a Jedi class.

106
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:45,127
If you're cool being the only adults there,
they said they are.

107
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:47,970
Dude, my parents just split up.

108
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,771
- What?
- Uh, that was my dad on the phone.

109
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,524
He moved out.

110
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:56,208
Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

111
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,601
If you're not up to it,
we don't have to go out.

112
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,127
- We can just hang here.
- No, it's fine.

113
00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:04,762
It's not that big a deal.
As long as they're happy, I'm happy.

114
00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:07,161
And when I get to see them
for the holidays...

115
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:10,682
...I get to celebrate Diwali twice,
one at each house.

116
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,607
That's double the Diwali.

117
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,643
- You sure you're okay?
- I'm okay.

118
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,689
- You don't look okay.
- How can I be okay?

119
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,251
I come from a broken home.

120
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,206
Doctor said I should be out of surgery by 10.

121
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:33,924
Okay. And Sheldon really believes
we're at a public swimming pool?

122
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,649
He was so busy figuring out
how many parts per million of urine...

123
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:41,009
...we'd be floating around in,
he didn't even question it.

124
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,290
Eighteen parts per million.

125
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,881
And he's still doing it.

126
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,527
Don't worry about it.
I'm happy to take you to work.

127
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:51,966
Well, thank you.

128
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,488
And Leonard never lets me
have French toast sticks in the car.

129
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,608
I can't have syrupy fingers...

130
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,242
...but he can do the backstroke
in a toilet bowl.

131
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,050
It's nice they're getting exercise.

132
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,761
Although, now that I think about it...

133
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:12,090
...Leonard would never go swimming
in public without his swim shirt.

134
00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,682
- I'm sure he brought it.
- No, but last year at Magic Mountain...

135
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,765
...he got such a bad sunburn,
we had to cut him out of it.

136
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,247
He probably got a new one.
Finish your breakfast.

137
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:28,684
There's an entire section of my dashboard
that doesn't have any syrup on it.

138
00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:31,728
You're acting odd. Why?

139
00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:34,768
I'm odd all the time, everyone knows that.

140
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:39,241
Just last night I tried to see how many
fava beans I could fit in my mouth.

141
00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,087
- Tell me the truth.
- Twenty-eight.

142
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,448
- Come on.
- Fifty-six.

143
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,161
Amy. What's going on?

144
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:52,765
All right.

145
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,601
Don't get upset...

146
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:58,326
...but an earlier appointment
opened up for Leonard...

147
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:01,006
...and he's getting the surgery right now.

148
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,604
I see.

149
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,606
Take me to Leonard.

150
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,322
- Just go to work. He'll be fine.
- Amy, he's my best friend.

151
00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,006
And if you don't take me,
I'm going there anyway.

152
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,803
Fine.

153
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:27,126
- It's sweet that you care about him so much.
- I do.

154
00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,931
I couldn't forgive myself
if something happened to him...

155
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,050
...and I wasn't at his bedside to say,
"I told you so."

156
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,050
[WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER PA]

157
00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,731
- Hello.
- We had a really nice swim.

158
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:50,961
Oh, stop it.

159
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,563
I assume this medical center's
treated the burns on your bottom...

160
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,041
...from the recent pants fire.

161
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:02,762
- Because I'm a liar, liar?
- That's for the fire marshal to determine.

162
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,771
- You had to tell him?
- He wore me down.

163
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:11,885
And I was distracted.
He has on extra baby powder today.

164
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,247
- Is he okay?
- He's still in surgery.

165
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,606
[SHELDON SIGHS]

166
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,691
- Very well.
- He's gonna be all right.

167
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,127
That is sticky.

168
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,885
Let's talk about something
other than the surgery.

169
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,203
That's a good idea.
Penny, did you and Leonard...

170
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,607
...ever discuss funeral arrangements?

171
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,806
I think she meant something a little happier.

172
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,248
I suppose we can try
to make it a celebration...

173
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,368
...but he died so young.

174
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,327
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

175
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:49,891
- Knock, knock.
- Hi.

176
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:55,211
- Hey, what brings you guys by?
- Oh, muffin much.

177
00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,041
Told you, not funny.

178
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:04,730
Well, he's just not laughing
because he's feeling blueberry.

179
00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:08,203
Tough crowd.

180
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,846
- I'm sorry. This is very sweet, thanks.
- So how you doing?

181
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,447
Better. I guess the news just hit me
a lot harder than I expected.

182
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,366
Well, of course. I would be devastated
if my parents split up.

183
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,683
Why? Your father barely speaks
to your mother. Heh.

184
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,969
Well, at least he stuck around.
Not like your dad, who just took off.

185
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,091
As you can see, we're here to cheer you up.

186
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,643
Sorry, Raj. Do you have any sense
of what happened with your folks?

187
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,643
I think over time,
they started to resent each other.

188
00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,844
Instead of talking about things,
they kept it bottled up...

189
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,162
...and the hate just grew.

190
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,369
It's a shame they spent
all that time unhappy...

191
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:53,487
...but sometimes,
there's muffin you can do about it.

192
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,485
You get it, right?

193
00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,649
Well, it's nice you got him that.

194
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,370
Oh, this isn't for Leonard. No.

195
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,727
Amy bought it for me.

196
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:12,204
He stubbed his toe on the revolving door
on the way in.

197
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,960
You know those confounded things
make me dizzy.

198
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,124
Who told you to keep going around?

199
00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,807
There was a large plant in the lobby.
It kept looking like the outside.

200
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:25,562
When Leonard comes out,
he's not gonna feel great...

201
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,728
...so please don't give him a hard time.

202
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,564
Penny has a good point.

203
00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:32,929
This is like the man in the supermarket
with the goiter on his neck.

204
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:36,163
Whatever you're thinking,
just keep it to yourself.

205
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,685
It was like a grapefruit.

206
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,371
And I'm sure he knew that...

207
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,569
...before you held a grapefruit up next to it.

208
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,650
Well, I'm not making any promises.

209
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,485
Not only did Leonard take
what I feel is an unnecessary risk...

210
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:51,881
- ...he deceived me.
- The reason he deceived you...

211
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,641
- ...is you were a pain in the ass.
- The reason I was being a pain in the B...

212
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,201
...is because I was worried
and no one else was.

213
00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,126
- Really? You won't even say A?
- You bet your sweet B I won't.

214
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:06,167
Obviously I care about Leonard.
I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him.

215
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,890
And I'm not?

216
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,803
[RUMBLING]

217
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:15,410
- It's an earthquake. I knew it.
- Sheldon, it was just a little tremor.

218
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,080
A little tremor that turns
routine sinus surgery...

219
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,766
...into a frontal lobotomy.

220
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,928
Oh, I don't care for this at all.

221
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,083
I need to see he's okay.

222
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,206
- Sheldon, you can't go back there.
SHELDON: Try and stop me.

223
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:32,691
[THUDS]

224
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,040
AMY: Are you okay?
SHELDON: Why didn't you stop me?

225
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,651
Can I tell you something?

226
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:44,929
This whole thing with Raj's parents...

227
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,560
...just got me a little worried about us.

228
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,081
What are you talking about? We're fine.

229
00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,131
And Raj's parents probably split up
because of Raj.

230
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:55,807
What?

231
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,691
They always say the children
aren't to blame, but...

232
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,968
Heh, come on.

233
00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:07,484
I'm not joking, Howie.
You heard what he said about his parents.

234
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:09,881
It was the little things they kept bottled up.

235
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,042
I don't want that to happen to us.

236
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,244
How can I convince you it won't?

237
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,802
Well, is there anything about me
you're keeping inside?

238
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,527
Heh. I'm not answering that. It's a trap.

239
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,284
So there are things you don't like.

240
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,043
And here I am in the trap.

241
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,847
You just keep talking,
I'm gonna chew my leg off.

242
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,963
Just tell me one thing that bothers you
and I promise I won't get mad.

243
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,927
Okay. The truth is...

244
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:46,642
...sometimes you're too beautiful.

245
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:50,285
Howie, be serious.

246
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,165
Okay, okay.

247
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:57,042
I really don't like how your wings
poke me when we sleep...

248
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,362
...because you're an angel.

249
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,285
Okay, fine. Maybe it was a bad idea.

250
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:08,650
I just don't think the secret to a happy marriage
is to criticize each other.

251
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,970
Although, there are ways
to improve our communication.

252
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,010
One thing I learned
when I was in couples therapy was...

253
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:19,243
- Who were you in couples therapy with?
- Not important.

254
00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:23,081
- Was it your mom?
- Not important.

255
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,729
It was your mom.

256
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,042
Anyway, the therapist
had us tell each other...

257
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,601
...what we loved about one another.

258
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,011
Oh, that's so sweet. I wanna do that.

259
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,009
Okay.

260
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:41,330
Okay. Um, I love that you make me laugh.

261
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:42,960
Thank you.

262
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:47,967
And I love that you're strong
and independent.

263
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,044
And yet, I still love
when you hold a door for me.

264
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,363
I love that I'm kind of a slob around here...

265
00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,729
...and, heh-heh, you're okay with that.

266
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,969
Uh-huh.

267
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:08,649
And I love that I work and do all the cleaning
and you're okay with that.

268
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,006
See, I am. Isn't this great?

269
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,370
Come on, smile.
This is gonna be my Christmas card.

270
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,200
[IN NASALLY VOICE]
You know, this is all your fault.

271
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,406
[IN NASALLY VOICE]
How is it my fault?

272
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,289
I told you not to get the surgery.

273
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,282
Okay, first of all, the surgery was a success.

274
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,169
Secondly, I didn't want you there.

275
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,804
Wow. I don't know which hurts worse,
my nose or my heart.

276
00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:47,810
I'm done speaking to you.

277
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,440
Don't be like that.
You two need to talk this out.

278
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,887
Yeah, because you sound really funny.

279
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:54,371
[PENNY LAUGHING]

280
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,126
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about the surgery...

281
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,169
...but you were worried about nothing.

282
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,049
Oh, you're hardly out of the woods.

283
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,409
You still run the risk of infection,
a blood clot...

284
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,248
...the possibility that an inattentive surgeon
let a barn spider lay eggs in your nose.

285
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,530
The minute you sneeze web,
I'm moving out.

286
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:20,448
I never thought I'd say these words,
but come on, nose spider!

287
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:24,166
You were so panicked
Leonard was gonna die...

288
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,449
- ...you'll never leave him.
- Sheldon will move out eventually.

289
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:29,682
Yeah, once he figures out
how to work a door.

290
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,002
I was not panicked.
And I am not overly attached to Leonard.

291
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:38,050
You were so worried that you smashed
your face trying to check on me.

292
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,846
You love me.

293
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,685
Tell me those aren't the words
of a man with a spider eating his brain.

294
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,450
Amy, you're a neuroscientist.

295
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,046
Crack his skull open,
spray some Raid in there.

296
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,128
I love that you take pride in your looks.

297
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,130
Even when I have to pee...

298
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,329
...and you're in there
spending an hour on your hair.

299
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,761
I love that you're too good to pee
in the kitchen sink.

300
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,889
I love that you have
the confidence to speak...

301
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,930
...even without giving it
an ounce of thought.

302
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,602
I love how your hair
is always on the soap.

303
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,525
It's like washing myself with a hamster.

304
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,161
[KNOCK ON DOOR]

305
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,722
Hey, guys. Sorry I am so late.

306
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,087
I was on the phone with my mother.

307
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:28,049
- How is she?
- Pretty good.

308
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,248
She bought the book <i>Eat, Pray, Love...</i>

309
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,449
...and used it to set
my father's Mercedes on fire.

310
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,809
So, what's up with you guys?

311
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,686
We're just saying all the things
we love about each other.

312
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,320
Oh, like you and I did at couples therapy.

313
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,043
- What'd you get?
- Oh, I ordered it before your surgery.

314
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,524
It's the urn I was going to put you in.

315
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,401
Okay, that's morbid. Send it back.

316
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,451
I can't send it back. I had it engraved.

317
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,170
"Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter.

318
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,405
He thought he was right,
but his roommate knew better."

319
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:18,561
[LEONARD CHUCKLES]

320
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,969
That's funny.
Boy, I'm gonna miss these painkillers.

321
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,484
Hey, why did you get two?

322
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,527
- "I'm with stupid."
- Oh, that one's mine.

323
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,922
[English - US - SDH]