1
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,051
- Leonard, I've got terrible news.
- What's going on?
2
00:00:08,927 --> 00:00:11,638
Before I tell you,
perhaps I should soften the blow.
3
00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:15,183
Your face is pleasingly symmetrical.
4
00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:18,478
Just tell me.
5
00:00:18,812 --> 00:00:20,522
A Swedish team of physicists
6
00:00:20,689 --> 00:00:23,608
is trying to scoop
our superfluid vortex experiment.
7
00:00:24,401 --> 00:00:25,652
That kinda stinks.
8
00:00:25,819 --> 00:00:27,278
"That kinda stinks"?
9
00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:30,699
Why aren't you more upset?
Did I soften the blow too much?
10
00:00:30,907 --> 00:00:34,285
Yeah, because this, here,
is more like a Picasso painting.
11
00:00:36,371 --> 00:00:38,915
- What are we gonna do?
- Perform the experiment, immediately.
12
00:00:39,124 --> 00:00:41,459
Well, I'd love to,
but we need liquid helium,
13
00:00:41,710 --> 00:00:43,420
and our shipment's on back order
for a month.
14
00:00:43,712 --> 00:00:45,672
A month? Are you kidding me?
15
00:00:45,922 --> 00:00:48,133
That would've been a good time for you
to soften the blow.
16
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:51,344
That shirt brings out
the blue in your eyes.
17
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,805
Thank you, aren't you sweet.
18
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,518
Let's go check to see if the university
has any helium in reserve.
19
00:00:58,810 --> 00:01:01,062
Did you know that
I almost didn't wear this shirt today?
20
00:01:03,732 --> 00:01:05,859
Hey, Barry, we're in trouble.
We need liquid helium.
21
00:01:06,025 --> 00:01:07,652
Does the department have any we can use?
22
00:01:07,819 --> 00:01:08,945
Sorry, there's a shortage.
23
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:11,740
And what we do have,
I need for my quantum excitation study.
24
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,783
But you won't need much for that.
25
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:17,078
True. But if it's successful,
I'm having a party with balloons.
26
00:01:18,288 --> 00:01:21,499
Come on, Barry, there's a Swedish team
trying to run our experiment before us.
27
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:22,792
Can you spare any?
28
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:24,502
Be honest.
29
00:01:24,711 --> 00:01:27,464
If the shoe was on the other foot,
would you do this for me?
30
00:01:27,839 --> 00:01:29,090
- Yes.
- Not a chance.
31
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:33,344
- What are you doing?
- He said, "Be honest," so I was honest.
32
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,597
Didn't your mother tell you?
It's the best policy.
33
00:01:36,848 --> 00:01:38,808
- So, what do you say?
- Hell, no.
34
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,062
He could have softened the blow.
35
00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:47,275
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
36
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,258
Why do you need Kripke?
37
00:02:12,425 --> 00:02:14,219
Can't you just go to
Party City for helium?
38
00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:17,347
We'd have to go to every Party City
in California.
39
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,349
Sounds like you on Cinco de Mayo.
40
00:02:21,768 --> 00:02:25,772
Hey, people were still talking about
that party on Siete de Mayo.
41
00:02:28,066 --> 00:02:29,692
Leonard, if that Swedish team beats us,
42
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:32,320
I will never be able to enjoy anything
from their country again.
43
00:02:33,238 --> 00:02:34,364
Which is a shame,
44
00:02:34,531 --> 00:02:38,201
because Swedish meatballs are my favorite
toothpick-delivered meatball.
45
00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:40,411
If you need liquid helium so bad,
46
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:44,249
I know a guy who can get you some
if you don't ask too many questions.
47
00:02:44,541 --> 00:02:45,583
- Who is he?
- Where does he work?
48
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,336
- How does he get the helium?
- How many questions is too many questions?
49
00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:52,257
- Maybe he's not for you.
- Four questions. The answer's four.
50
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,887
Hey, you know who went on a date
the other night? Stuart.
51
00:02:58,221 --> 00:02:59,931
- Oh, good for him.
- I thought so too.
52
00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:03,434
So is she, like, homeless
or framing him for a crime?
53
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,605
He's using some kinda dating app
on his phone.
54
00:03:07,897 --> 00:03:09,774
Oh, which one?
Maybe we can get Amy to try it.
55
00:03:10,108 --> 00:03:13,111
I don't know.
Stuart, can you come in here?
56
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,280
He tried to explain it to me.
57
00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:18,741
It shows you pictures of people nearby,
you swipe them around,
58
00:03:18,950 --> 00:03:20,243
it looks kinda like a game.
59
00:03:20,743 --> 00:03:23,288
Oh! And if you lose the game,
you have to go out with Stuart.
60
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:24,956
(CHUCKLES)
61
00:03:26,624 --> 00:03:29,127
- What's up?
- Can you show us that dating app?
62
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,753
Oh, yeah, sure.
63
00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:33,464
This thing has changed my life.
64
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,842
- Wow! So, how many girls have you met?
- Two.
65
00:03:38,136 --> 00:03:41,472
I probably don't need to mention there is
an entire number between that and zero.
66
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:43,683
Well, so, how does it work?
67
00:03:44,017 --> 00:03:47,520
Uh, well it shows me all the single women,
68
00:03:47,729 --> 00:03:50,148
in a five-mile radius,
who are using the app.
69
00:03:50,565 --> 00:03:52,567
If I like the way they look,
I hit thumbs up.
70
00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,027
If I don't, thumbs down.
71
00:03:54,485 --> 00:03:56,321
Oh! What would make you give a girl
a thumbs down?
72
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,823
First time it happens,
I will let you know.
73
00:04:03,453 --> 00:04:05,872
Oh, hey, I just heard back
from the liquid helium guy.
74
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:07,332
Oh! What's he say?
75
00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,876
He's got what we need,
and can meet us tonight.
76
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,544
Really?
77
00:04:12,587 --> 00:04:14,589
You know I don't like buying things
at night.
78
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:18,092
January 7th, 2009.
79
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,677
I went to the Ralphs at 11:30 p.m.
80
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:21,930
to pick up Cracklin' Oat Bran
for the morning, and what did I see?
81
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,933
- The man restocking the cereal shelves.
- That's right. And what did he do?
82
00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:27,769
He handed you the box directly
and called you "Stretch."
83
00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:32,565
(SHUDDERS)
It's like it was yesterday.
84
00:04:34,484 --> 00:04:36,903
- Do you want liquid helium or not?
- Of course, I do!
85
00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:38,863
I don't want that
Swedish team scooping us.
86
00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,657
Well, then, I'm gonna tell him we're in.
87
00:04:41,366 --> 00:04:43,034
Leonard, wait. This is highly unethical.
88
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,536
Oh! We're just bending the rules a little.
89
00:04:45,703 --> 00:04:48,122
We have grant money to do the experiment,
90
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,375
so we're gonna spend it
on the helium we need.
91
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:54,212
It's not like when Doctor Goldfarb claimed
he bought an electron microscope,
92
00:04:54,504 --> 00:04:57,548
but he was really just keeping a
Russian girl in an apartment in Van Nuys.
93
00:05:00,969 --> 00:05:02,804
Was she helping him with his research?
94
00:05:05,765 --> 00:05:06,766
Sure.
95
00:05:08,309 --> 00:05:09,602
So, we doing this?
96
00:05:10,061 --> 00:05:13,356
- But where does he get the helium?
- Remember? Don't ask too many questions.
97
00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:15,566
But this is violating university code.
98
00:05:15,984 --> 00:05:17,068
A little, but...
99
00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,404
(SIGHS) If I may quote Einstein,
100
00:05:19,779 --> 00:05:24,075
"The pursuit of science calls us
to ignore the rules set by man."
101
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,327
Huh.
102
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,913
All right, do it. Tell him we're in.
103
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:32,667
Done.
104
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,212
I can't find that quote on the Internet.
Did you make that up?
105
00:05:39,674 --> 00:05:42,677
Before I answer, may I just say,
your skin has never looked better.
106
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,141
Aren't you just made of sugar?
107
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,312
I'm not sure, how I feel about this.
108
00:05:53,646 --> 00:05:55,064
Oh, come on.
Just let him put the app on your phone.
109
00:05:55,231 --> 00:05:56,858
Yeah, Stuart got two dates with it.
110
00:05:57,275 --> 00:06:00,028
One of which would've ended in sex,
had she not said no.
111
00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,991
- Okay, all set.
- Okay, let me see. (CLEARS THROAT)
112
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:06,409
Nope.
113
00:06:06,576 --> 00:06:07,618
Nope.
114
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:08,786
Nope.
115
00:06:08,995 --> 00:06:10,204
Oh! He's cute.
116
00:06:10,747 --> 00:06:13,666
Doesn't a teardrop tattoo mean
he murdered someone?
117
00:06:16,002 --> 00:06:17,503
And he's sad about it.
118
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:20,131
- Hey.
- Hello.
119
00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:21,299
- Hey.
- Hey.
120
00:06:21,466 --> 00:06:24,177
- I thought you were gonna be out late.
- If you wanted me to stay out later,
121
00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,220
you should've given me
more spending money.
122
00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,222
What are you guys up to?
123
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,641
We put Amy on a dating app
and we're seeing what's out there.
124
00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:32,393
Oh, fun, let me see.
125
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,771
Uh, no.
126
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,982
No. Definitely not.
127
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:39,817
What was wrong with that guy?
128
00:06:40,026 --> 00:06:42,361
Uh, he's Indian.
We've already got one of those.
129
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:47,283
Ooh! We should find a nice Latino,
really round us out.
130
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:49,702
I wanna try.
131
00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:51,496
Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back?
132
00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:54,040
Yeah, hang on. I'm trying to find you
the next great love of your life.
133
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,708
The man who will father your children.
134
00:06:55,917 --> 00:06:58,127
Okay, yes or no
on white guy with dreadlocks.
135
00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,378
(ALL CLAMORING)
136
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,264
(SIGHS) That must be him.
137
00:07:10,807 --> 00:07:14,393
Of course, a nondescript white panel van.
138
00:07:14,769 --> 00:07:16,521
You may be familiar with it
from the sentence,
139
00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,857
"Their bodies were found
in a nondescript white panel van."
140
00:07:23,820 --> 00:07:24,987
(DOORS CLOSING)
141
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:28,991
- Hey.
- What's up?
142
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:32,870
- Uh, I'm Leonard. This is my friend--
- I'm Skippy. Skippy Cavanaugh.
143
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,750
- Great. You got the cash?
- Uh, yeah. Right here.
144
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,252
Wait, no, hold on, hold on.
145
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,713
How do we know that you're not gonna
take the money and drive away?
146
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,966
What are you doing, Skippy?
147
00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:49,178
Exactly what 1970s television crime dramas
have taught us.
148
00:07:49,971 --> 00:07:51,889
You give us the helium first.
149
00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:55,059
Oh, how do I know you're not gonna
drive away without paying me?
150
00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:58,938
Guess I'm not the only one who watched
'70s television crime dramas.
151
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:03,109
Look, you can trust us,
we're respected scientists.
152
00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:04,569
Well, he is.
153
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:08,239
I'm a wedding planner
who can't find love himself.
154
00:08:10,783 --> 00:08:12,535
It's ironic, but the point is...
155
00:08:13,578 --> 00:08:14,912
We can't trust you,
156
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:17,707
you're a sketchy character
in a parking garage.
157
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:20,585
Yeah, Well, from my perspective,
that's how you two appear to me.
158
00:08:21,794 --> 00:08:23,296
Well, I never thought of it like that.
159
00:08:24,297 --> 00:08:26,632
Boy, frame of reference
will just sneak up on you, won't it?
160
00:08:28,176 --> 00:08:30,511
My friend does make a decent point
about the money.
161
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,930
I don't feel comfortable
just handing it over up front.
162
00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:35,308
Uh-uh-uh, no money, no helium.
163
00:08:36,017 --> 00:08:38,227
Seems we're at a, uh, stalemate.
164
00:08:38,686 --> 00:08:39,937
Not technically.
165
00:08:40,438 --> 00:08:42,732
In chess,
a stalemate refers to a situation
166
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,358
in which there are no remaining moves.
167
00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:46,277
You have plenty of moves available.
168
00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:48,446
You could beat us up
and steal the money...
169
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:51,032
You could kill us...
170
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:55,286
Really, you're only limited
by your imagination.
171
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:58,706
Huh.
172
00:08:58,873 --> 00:08:59,874
All these years,
173
00:09:00,041 --> 00:09:02,376
I've been using "stalemate"
when I really mean "impasse."
174
00:09:03,211 --> 00:09:04,337
I feel foolish.
175
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,175
Eh, I don't think it matters
176
00:09:09,342 --> 00:09:11,969
if this is a stalemate or an impasse
or a Mexican standoff.
177
00:09:12,136 --> 00:09:13,471
What are we gonna do here?
178
00:09:13,638 --> 00:09:15,431
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
How could it be a Mexican standoff?
179
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,600
Everybody knows
you need three sides for that.
180
00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:19,101
Not necessarily.
181
00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:22,897
Uh, many argue,
the essence of a Mexican standoff is that
182
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:26,067
no one can walk away from the conflict
without incurring harm.
183
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:28,069
Hmm. I don't follow.
184
00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:30,655
Let me give you an example.
185
00:09:31,656 --> 00:09:34,992
Earlier today,
I decoded the headers on your email,
186
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,161
and I know that your name
is Kenneth Fitzgerald.
187
00:09:37,370 --> 00:09:39,997
Now, from that, I figured out
where you live and where you work.
188
00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:43,709
Now, to make this a Mexican standoff,
I would say something like,
189
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:47,296
"You give us the helium,
or I'll turn you in to the authorities."
190
00:09:48,089 --> 00:09:50,758
- Is that a threat?
- Yeah, exactly. See, you're getting it.
191
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:55,263
Yeah, well, I know where you work,
all right? And if you mess with me,
192
00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:58,057
I'll report you, then,
I'll pound your asses into the ground.
193
00:09:58,266 --> 00:10:00,643
Perfect! Now, we really are
in a Mexican standoff.
194
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:06,857
Is this one of those times where
I've won the battle but lost the war?
195
00:10:08,693 --> 00:10:10,111
Afraid so, Skippy.
196
00:10:11,821 --> 00:10:13,531
I told you,
we shouldn't go shopping at night.
197
00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:23,040
All right, let's all just calm down.
Nobody wants to report anybody.
198
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,375
Nah, I don't like this. I'm out.
199
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,711
No, no, no. Wait, don't go.
Just let me explain.
200
00:10:27,712 --> 00:10:30,131
We're physicists,
and we're trying to prove a hypothesis
201
00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:32,174
that we've been working on,
for over a year.
202
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,468
Really? What's the hypothesis?
203
00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:39,807
Space-time can be interpreted as the
surface of an N-dimensional superfluid.
204
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,226
Hmm. Could be. Could be, go on.
205
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:47,231
Okay, okay.
But now, there's this Swedish team,
206
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,192
that read our paper and they're trying to
beat us to our own discovery.
207
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,153
We really need this helium.
208
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:55,698
And I'm sorry I lied about being
a wedding planner who can't find love.
209
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:58,409
Although I am currently single,
if you know anybody.
210
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,163
Here's the money. Can we do this?
211
00:11:03,456 --> 00:11:04,498
Okay.
212
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:08,044
It's a shame about those scientists
ripping you off.
213
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:11,589
I expected a higher ethical standard
from our friends in Sweden.
214
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,094
It's actually pretty common in our field.
Not much you can do about it.
215
00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,181
Well, for the right amount of money,
if you know where they live,
216
00:11:20,348 --> 00:11:21,807
there's, uh, plenty we could do about it.
217
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:25,227
Do you hear that, Leonard?
There's plenty we could do about it.
218
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,314
Do you have a card?
219
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:34,653
Okay, here we go, now everyone can see.
220
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,448
All right. (CLEARS THROAT)
Where do we stand on cross-eyed Mike?
221
00:11:40,785 --> 00:11:42,787
You know
he won't be looking at other girls.
222
00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,121
(ALL CHUCKLING)
223
00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:48,250
Unless they are sitting on
the end of his nose.
224
00:11:48,459 --> 00:11:49,919
(ALL LAUGHING)
225
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,089
Okay, okay, okay, thumbs down. Next.
226
00:11:54,298 --> 00:11:57,593
Ooh! Check out his tiny teeth,
he looks like a man-dolphin.
227
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,347
Well, if he's good in bed,
she can throw him a fish.
228
00:12:01,639 --> 00:12:02,848
(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
229
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:06,477
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
I love you, Amy. (IMITATES DOLPHIN)
230
00:12:11,315 --> 00:12:14,652
Okay, I'm starting to feel guilty.
Aren't we being a little mean?
231
00:12:16,654 --> 00:12:17,905
That's a fair point.
232
00:12:18,531 --> 00:12:20,741
We wouldn't make fun of someone like this
to their face.
233
00:12:22,493 --> 00:12:23,619
Look, it's Stuart.
234
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,125
You may wanna leave the room.
235
00:12:34,255 --> 00:12:36,465
SHELDON: Right this way, Uncle Harvey.
236
00:12:42,096 --> 00:12:45,474
- Will you stop with that already?
- I am trying not to attract attention.
237
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,562
And tipping his hat to the cleaning lady
didn't do that?
238
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:52,523
She said buenas noches.
What was he supposed to do?
239
00:12:53,858 --> 00:12:55,317
Let's just start the experiment.
240
00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:58,237
Leonard, we should probably have our
stories straight in case we get caught.
241
00:12:58,404 --> 00:12:59,488
We're not getting caught.
242
00:12:59,697 --> 00:13:01,198
Well, you can't be sure of that.
243
00:13:01,449 --> 00:13:03,534
What if the helium dealer rats us out?
244
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:05,619
What if Kripke asks where we got it?
245
00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,038
What if the university checks
my family tree and finds out,
246
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:09,748
I don't have an Uncle Harvey?
247
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:14,003
The dealer doesn't care,
Kripke has no authority over us,
248
00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:17,298
and you being related to
a metal container, would explain a lot.
249
00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:20,009
Help me hook this up.
250
00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,053
- Uh-oh.
- What?
251
00:13:23,262 --> 00:13:25,055
- Well, did you see this sticker?
- What is it?
252
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,557
It's partially torn off,
253
00:13:26,724 --> 00:13:30,102
but the segment that remains reads,
"Property of" and the letter "U".
254
00:13:30,311 --> 00:13:32,354
It's probably USC or UCLA.
255
00:13:32,897 --> 00:13:34,815
Yeah, but what if it's
"Property of U.S. Government"?
256
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,651
There's a national helium reserve in
Amarillo, Texas.
257
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:41,030
If this was stolen from there,
we're accessories to a federal crime.
258
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:44,241
Let's not jump to conclusions.
A lot of things start with U.
259
00:13:44,658 --> 00:13:49,705
That's true. There's the U.S. Air Force,
U.S. Department of Defense, U.S. Navy.
260
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:51,373
U and I are going to jail.
261
00:13:52,416 --> 00:13:54,710
Listen, we can do the experiment
as planned
262
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,420
and beat the Swedish team to the punch,
263
00:13:56,587 --> 00:14:00,341
or we can kiss our dreams goodbye because
we were too afraid to break a few rules.
264
00:14:04,929 --> 00:14:06,013
Ma'am.
265
00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:11,101
Okay. Does everyone remember the rules?
266
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:15,147
If he's shirtless, one sip.
Posing with a pet, two sips.
267
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:18,442
Pet and shirtless,
chug like it's your job.
268
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,487
And pull.
269
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,952
I have that same underwear.
270
00:14:29,954 --> 00:14:31,038
Chug.
271
00:14:31,789 --> 00:14:32,790
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
272
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,708
Mm. Amy, you're getting a text.
273
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,252
Oh, um, give me that.
274
00:14:36,544 --> 00:14:37,753
(RAJ READING)
275
00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:39,797
No, no, no. Stop reading that.
276
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,131
- Who's Dave?
- I--
277
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,967
You went on a date last night?
Are you seeing someone?
278
00:14:43,175 --> 00:14:44,593
No, it-it's not like that.
279
00:14:44,802 --> 00:14:45,803
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
280
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,055
- "And I'd love to take you out again"?
- (AMY SIGHS)
281
00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:50,516
- Amy, that's crazy.
- Oh, my God.
282
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,518
Okay, it's like that.
283
00:14:55,604 --> 00:14:57,147
Thank you for coming back.
284
00:14:57,606 --> 00:14:58,816
Yeah, well, normally, I wouldn't.
285
00:14:58,983 --> 00:15:00,734
But my daughter's having a sleepover,
286
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,362
and there's only so much screaming
and Katy Perry a man can take.
287
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:07,825
Anyway, if you could
just give us our money back,
288
00:15:07,992 --> 00:15:09,994
you can have your helium
and we'll be on our way.
289
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:11,912
Yeah, well,
is there something wrong with it?
290
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,123
No, nothing. We just changed our mind.
291
00:15:14,665 --> 00:15:17,835
He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all,
we are not built for prison.
292
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:22,089
Yeah, I hear you.
Well, you're good guys, so I'll, uh...
293
00:15:22,339 --> 00:15:24,717
- I'll take the helium off your hands.
- Thank you.
294
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,886
But you ain't getting your money back.
295
00:15:28,304 --> 00:15:32,391
You're taking advantage of us?
We clarified nomenclature together.
296
00:15:34,518 --> 00:15:37,021
Look, I enjoy semantic digressions
as much as the next guy,
297
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,856
but, uh, this is business.
298
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:44,862
You know what? It's fine, keep the money.
We just wanna be done with this.
299
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,699
No problem, but I am gonna have to
charge you a small helium restocking fee.
300
00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,620
- Well, I don't understand.
- He wants more money.
301
00:15:54,038 --> 00:15:56,874
Well it better not be more than $1,000,
that's all I've got on me.
302
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,337
That's exactly how much it is.
303
00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:04,882
Finally, something breaks our way.
304
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,181
I can't believe you're seeing someone
and we don't even know about it.
305
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,891
Yeah, why wouldn't you tell us?
306
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:17,519
Because it's new and weird
and I'm just trying to figure it all out.
307
00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:20,773
And I knew if I told you guys
I had been out with a few people,
308
00:16:21,065 --> 00:16:23,233
- that you'd get way too excited about it--
- A few?
309
00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:24,735
- What?
- Amy.
310
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,114
So, are we allowed to ask how it's going?
311
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:32,493
It's going fine. It's mostly just been
meeting people for coffee.
312
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:33,911
Wha?
313
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,873
I thought we were all... Never mind.
314
00:16:40,209 --> 00:16:42,753
I-I thought you weren't ready
to start seeing people?
315
00:16:43,045 --> 00:16:45,005
Well, I don't have much experience dating,
316
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:48,133
so I decided it would be good for me to,
you know, get out there a little.
317
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,010
Well, good for you.
318
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:51,887
Thank you.
319
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,806
And how many guys have you gone out with?
320
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,683
- Please be less than two.
- Three.
321
00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:56,934
Damn it.
322
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:02,439
Well, the Swedes might beat us,
323
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:05,943
but at least we won't get
gang-noogied in prison.
324
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:11,365
Is Ernest Goes to Jail
the only prison movie you've seen?
325
00:17:12,991 --> 00:17:14,618
It scared me straight, Leonard.
326
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:16,704
(KNOCK ON THE DOOR)
327
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:21,834
Hey, I've been thinking,
I was being petty. You can have my helium.
328
00:17:23,627 --> 00:17:25,129
Thank you, Barry.
329
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,965
But you have to add my name to your paper.
330
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:30,384
That's preposterous.
331
00:17:30,926 --> 00:17:32,928
I don't know, seems fair,
you can't do it without me.
332
00:17:34,513 --> 00:17:36,473
- Can you give us a minute?
- Take your time.
333
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,143
I'll walk out backwards
for a dramatic effect.
334
00:17:46,984 --> 00:17:50,487
I don't like being extorted like this.
Especially by him of all people.
335
00:17:50,696 --> 00:17:52,906
Me neither,
but what other choice do we have?
336
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,993
I promise this is the last time.
337
00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:05,753
It says right here on Wikipedia.
338
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:09,339
"A Mexican standoff is a confrontation
between at least three parties."
339
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,800
(SCOFFS) How can you trust Wikipedia
340
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,636
if they use "between"
to refer to three parties?
341
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,515
They should've used "among," right?
342
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,646
Or "amongst,"
if they were feeling whimsically archaic.
343
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:28,734
Enough with the chitchat. Are we gonna
watch Ernest Goes To Jail or not?
344
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,111
Absolutely.
345
00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:34,323
But don't be surprised if this movie
sets you on the straight and narrow.
346
00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:37,159
I am open to change.
347
00:19:06,772 --> 00:19:07,773
English - SDH